Jane

My heart sinks when I hear Paisley’s question, and I realize that Ethan was right about telling them together – not only for the sake of setting a good example for them, but because I didn’t anticipate this particular question. It will be easier to break the bad news with him beside me, so that all the blame doesn’t fall on my shoulders this time.

It breaks my heart that they’re still asking this, though it’s not surprising. They might be growing up fast, but they’re still so little. It’s going to take a very long time and lots of repetition for them to understand – as much as any child can understand being separated from their parents.

“No sweetheart.” Ethan murmurs gently. “In the new year you’re going to go home with your Mommy, just like we planned.”

I watch their faces as they absorb this news, hating inflicting pain on them but knowing there’s no other way around it. Riley, Ryder and Parker drop their gazes to their laps, hiding their disappointment from us. Paisley, on the other hand, is staring at Ethan with utter determination.

She stands up, slow and deliberate, her young face very serious as she turns her attention to me. “I wanna stay with Daddy.” She says firmly. “I wanna go back to the way things were afore.”

I feel my knees begin to buckle, and catch myself on the back of the couch. Ive forgotten how to breathe, and even as the room begins spinning I’m fighting to controI my expression, not to show her how deeply her words cut me. That hurt. That really hurt. Ethan’s strong hands catch me just above the elbows, and he eases me down onto the couch, “Easy now.” He murmurs, “Are you okay?”

I nod, choking back my emotions. The room is still spinning, and I’m afraid I’m going to be sick. “

Mommy, wha’s wrong!” The pups gather around me anxiously, their faces scrunched up in concern. I try to draw in a few breaths of air, but it isn’t easy at all. I clench my eyes shut against the room whirling around me in a sickening blur, trying to gauge whether or not I’m going to be sick and whether I’m steady enough to reach a restroom if that is the case.

I’d been afraid that the pups would never stop asking for Ethan- that I’d never be enough for them again – but the reality is worse. Paisley doesn’t want me at all. And what if Ethan says yes?

back, could I possibly let him? Is it truly in her best interest to stay with me, or is that my own selfish desire to have my

as she cuddles close to

your fault cuddlbug,” Ethan explains, kneeling down beside her. “Growing babies takes a lot of energy.” Ethan explains, “It makes Mommies very sleepy and upsets their tummies. You’ve got to be very gentle with your Mommy

wide, and they nod, looking at me with worried expressions. “I’m okay angels, just

we talked about this.” Ethan answers in an incredibly gentle voice. Wait, he knew? She’s already requested this?He knew and he didn’t tell me. “You belong with your Mommy and

I prompt, wanting to reach for her but still uncertain

her cheeks. “But I didn’ know keeping you

my life is in the Dark Moon

now, her lips quivering as if she wants to make an

behind.” The other children encourage, and I’m amazed to see our conversation last night and the prospect of a new sibling has allowed them to accept this change. I have a feeling it’s only temporary, and also suspicious that

the other pups, looking suddenly uncertain. “Besides your Mommy’s going to need

have to take on more responsibilities

Ethan for not letting her stay. I’m beginning to wonder if she knows that he’s the reason none of us can stay. Before this trip she was equally upset with me, but now she throws another furious look at her father and climbs up onto the couch next to me, crawling halfway into my lap. She

k!sses to her hair. “There now, no more

weight against my side relieves some of my dizziness, I continue cuddling her, catching Ethan turn away out of the corner of my eye. HIs head is bowed, his shoulders and stiff, and

I wonder. Is he angry at me?

When Parker brings Ethan a gift box covered in too many bows to have been wrapped by anyone but a four-year-old, He turns back with a smile, looking completely unbothered. He accepts the

out the first one, lifting the Riley jar to his nose and blinking in astonishment. “Goddess, it smells exactly like you.” He says to the pup in question. It only takes a moment before he looks up

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