The Luna and her Quadruplet Pups by Jane Above Story

Jane

Watching Ethan drive away with Paisley just about destroyed me. When she answered my question, informing us all that she did indeed want to stay with her father, I tried to hide how badly it hurt me. I think I did an admirable job covering my emotions, until of course Parker, Ryder and Riley threw a collective fit. We’d only just gotten them calmed down when Ethan announced it was time to go, and then Paisley was sobbing and clinging to me and the other pups. It seems that however certain she felt about her decision, actually saying goodbye was another matter entirely.

Finally Ethan scooped her up and carried her away, apparently deciding that if he waited until we were all done crying – they would never be able to leave. So I watched my youngest, precious daughter disappear into the distance, until Ethan’s car finally passed over the horizon and vanished from sight. Getting my remaining pups back into the car to complete our own journey had been easy after that, and their dramatic protests had drained energy so well that they quickly fell asleep.

“What do I do now?” I ask Devon, glancing into the back seat of the car to ensure the other pups are still out cold.

“You put one foot in front of the other.” He answers, reaching over to squeeze my hand. “And you keep doing that until you no longer have to think about it. One day soon you’ll be running at top speed, and this will all be a bad memory.”

“I did that once before” I remind him. “But in my experience bad memories don’t always stay in the past.”

“That’s true.” He acknowledges, glancing at me meaningfully, at the small hand still cradled in his.

“But things that were negative at one time of your life can be positive in another. And if you live in constant fear of your past then you’ll always be a slave to it. You don’t want to live that way, Jane.

And you don’t want that for your pups either.”

“Can I ask you something?” I press, my curiosity about the years we spent apart growing.

“Of course.” He agrees easily.

move on when you left the Nightfang pack?” I inquire, trying to picture what it had been like for him. Granted, I left too, but I’d never been able to move on because of Paisley. I left a piece of my heart behind, and now… well now I’m doing it again.

move on from you?” Devon clarifies, watching me out of the corner of his eye

not to feel too guilty. I still can’t believe

life was difficult, but I took it one day at a time, and eventually enough time passed and I found enough happiness in my new pack that I stopped missing my old life. I think I’ll always be nostalgic for the nightfang pack, but I left when I was so young that I didn’t really figure out who I

all that stuff you were saying about not being a slave to your past?” I question, the corner of my mouth twitching

can’t take my own advice, doesn’t mean

I laugh, dragging my fingers through

gradually replaced by snow banks and evergreens, and I wonder if I’m doomed to be like Devon. I can leave the NightFang pack behind, I can come to terms with being away from Paisley, but can I ever get over Ethan? Can I ever truly move on, or am I doomed to pine for him for the rest of my life? Is he the last man I’ll ever love, the last man who will ever touch me? Is the r0mantic part of my life already

see the girl I once was, the teenager who fell in love with a man well above her station and somehow found the bravery to marry him. She would be ashamed of me for thinking this way, for letting a man steal her strength and break her spirit. I think of my daughters too, of the example I want to set for them not as a woman who

my pain control me for too long, I’ve let

at me, a look of pride

things are good for a while, or bad for a while – it doesn’t mean they’re going to stay that way. Nothing lasts forever. You have to work for the life you want, every single day. And I don’t know how to do that yet, I don’t know where to find

not only understands what I mean, but feels

this is from the last time we returned from the Nightfang pack. Now instead of tantrums and tears, my children are thrilled to see our familiar apartment. They tear through the front door, immediately letting Mr. Fluff out of his travel carrier and giving him a tour of his new home. That’s one detail that slipped my mind when we said goodbye to Paisley, I didn’t even consider the bunny until they were long gone. I have to call Ethan about getting Paisley another pet. I wonder if it’s even occurred to her yet that choosing Ethan meant

long as my children are happy, I can make our lives here as full and bright as they were before Ethan came along and ruined everything again. I deposit a huge pile of mail on the table recalling the exasperated look our doorman gave me when we entered the building. He’d shoved the stack into my hands before I had a chance to look

the papers within, expecting some dull notifications about policy changes or account maintenance. Instead, my jaw drops to

my god.” I exclaim, scanning the

Devon inquires

full.” I share, showing him the documents. “It has to be a mistake, I had fifteen years left on the payment plan.” It’s true that I could have paid

I’d never felt secure enough to take such a risk. It was more important to me to have money in the bank in case