The Perfect Run

After attacking Ghoul with his car in all his previous restarts, Ryan thought it had grown a little stale.

So this time, he hit the Psycho with a truck instead.

Ryan couldn’t find a Japanese one, but the one he ‘borrowed’ did the job, crashing through the walls and tossing Ghoul against the counter. The courier climbed down from the vehicle, carrying a black cane he had purchased at a shop down the street.

“Ghoul, there are a few things I can’t tolerate. The mass-murder? Eh, I’ve seen worse. The child-abductions? Now it gets my blood boiling. Trashing my car, thrice?” Ryan shook his head. “I can’t let that slide, Ghoul.”

“Who the…” As it turned out, a truck did a lot more damage than a Plymouth Fury. Some of Ghoul’s bones had broken upon impact, and he struggled to get back up. “Who the hell are you?!”

“You see this?” Ryan pointed at his hat. “This is my normal magician’s hat. The happy hat.”

He tossed it away and showed Ghoul a new, black bowler hat.

“This is the war hat.”

Ryan put it on and suddenly looked far more intimidating.

“You know me, Ghoul. I’m a model of mental stability and composure. I’m well-adjusted. But now that I’m wearing my war hat? Oh boy! Oh boy, no more Mr. Nice Guy! I will do great and terrible things today! It’s going to be terrific!”

“What are you—”

Ryan hit Ghoul’s knee with his cane, causing the broken Psycho to fall helplessly on the ground.

“Bartender, a Moloko Plus!” The courier ordered the frightened Renesco, before kicking Ghoul while he was down. “It’s going to sharpen me up for a wild night of mindless property damage!”

Because this restart was going to be an espresso.

Short, but intense.

After paying off the Private Security, Ryan moved to Rust Town and stopped his car in front of Paulie’s place. Ghoul’s head and torso were on the backseat, the courier having tossed the rest in a dumpster. As it turned out, the Psycho had great difficulties channeling his ice power without his arms and lower parts.

Or maybe it was learned helplessness at work.

“I have something to confess,” Ryan said, looking at his captive in the rear-view mirror. “I’ve been feeling down lately. The stuff with Len really weighed on my mind, and I still have a lot of work ahead to make up with her. I was aimless, with no main quest or distraction, nor any clear path ahead. I had no distraction to fend off the boredom and existential dread.”

The helpless skeleton looked at him with a mix of abject terror and confusion.

“But now I’m rested!” Ryan said, turning his head to look at the skeleton dead in the eyes. “I’m pumped! I’m on top of my game again, and I’ve got a new main quest! To give your whole gang a wedgie they will never forget!”

“What are you going to do to me?” the Psycho asked, more and more frightened the longer he listened.

“We’re going on a trip to Happyland, my droog!” Ryan grabbed Ghoul’s skull, bringing him close to his own face. “Happyland!”

“Somebody help!” Ghoul shouted, as loud as he could. “Somebody save me!”

But nobody came.

cane, and waltzed into Paulie’s place. Since it was the loop’s first day, the Meta-Gang hadn’t pressed the shopkeeper into service yet. He raised his eyes at Quicksave, his gaze turning into a

old friend!” Ryan announced his unforgettable presence. “It’s

launcher at his future client’s

ooh boys, Paulie,

slammed the ground with

much for

turned out, when Paulie learned what Ryan had

courier to prepare. It wasn’t the first time he did a suicide run, so it was a well-oiled routine, but he only tried that kind of stunt when he didn't risk facing a Genome capable of permanently killing him. While Psyshock was dangerous, the courier was confident he could take the maniac out, or kill

far as Ryan knew, the circumstances were right, especially if he could take out Acid Rain early. Since the Meta had struggled to organize a

who would be mad enough to attack them head-on

Junkyard with his trench coat closed to hide the surprise underneath. The rocket launcher waited on the seat next to him, alongside two submachine guns, and the courier had put the Fisty Brothers gauntlets on

to the car hood, Ghoul let out a shriek of horror, as the

out. They kidnapped children, including orphans under Len’s distant care, enslaved civilians, murdered people without provocation, and just

say the

These Psychos were simply too dangerous to be left alone, and Ryan needed to check on that famous bunker for himself. Stealth was a lost cause, from what Shroud had told him, and the Meta-Gang

approached the junkyard, Ryan briefly raised his mask to consume red pills. They were doses of Rampage, a Genius-designed, combat-enhancing drug. It boosted pain tolerance, reaction time, accelerated the production of adrenaline, and hastened the metabolism for four hours. It

which was why Ryan never took it during normal runs. Thankfully, that wouldn’t

the Junkyard. Stacks of cars, piles of trash, and cranes overshadowed a three meters-tall fence topped with barbed wires. The metallic items seemed organized into hills of various sizes, with the biggest one at

woman, whose whole body, from her long hair to her creased face, were as white as milk; her shadow, however, was that of a monstrous, demonic creature. Ryan identified the

Lizard-boy shouted upon seeing the car approach, his

Ryan screamed like

in a flash of light, but lizard-boy wasn’t so quick. Ryan ran him over, the body letting out a ‘thump’ as it went flying against the fence nearby, his body jolting

He quickly crossed paths with a few Psychos scavenging the area, Mongrel among them. The mutant raised his

opened the car’s window, grabbed a submachine gun, and fired at anyone in his path. The fastest Meta members dived to the ground to

I was wrong!” Ryan shouted to Ghoul. “It’s your suffering!

search of the bunker’s entrance, Ryan heard the

effect as during

The Land.

that settled it. The Meta used their new recruit as a sensor, but as Ryan had guessed, it wasn’t a perfect spying method. He

had interrupted the courier today. This implied that since Ghoul was nearby, the sensor didn’t pay much mind to the Plymouth Fury. She must have mistaken the situation for a return trip,

Plymouth Fury, though Ryan dodged them with driving skills honed over countless loops. The courier guessed the Land couldn’t cause an earthquake

to appear in the skies. Ryan had expected something like this. Considering her power, Acid Rain was only effective in an open space, and thus would be assigned to defend

piles to fall and condemn the roads behind him. Eventually, after a wild ride, the courier finally reached a twenty-meter tall tower made of rusted cars, debris, and domestic items like washing machines. As he had thought,

drawing two knives. Instead of paying attention to her, Ryan focused on Mosquito. Having emptied the submachine gun, he tossed it through

of a genuine bloodsucker, he couldn’t move faster than a car racing at two-hundred forty

final scream, as the Plymouth Fury

SQUASH!

way of his

himself had managed to roll over the ground, but the collision with the ground had torn some of his trench coat. A normal human would have had their skin torn off, but for

his car as he rose back to his feet, the Plymouth Fury

Rain shrieked, charging at him with astonishing dexterity, knives raised. Toxic raindrops already fell on the ground, eating at Ryan’s hat. “I’ll tear