The Perfect Run

As it turned out, Wardrobe had an entire floor of Il Migliore’s tower dedicated to her.

Ryan and the Panda waited inside an elevator, as it slowly climbed towards their destination. The duo could see the sun illuminate New Rome through a glass window, Ryan glancing at Rust Town while his sidekick sang a Spider-man cartoon tune to himself.

It was May 10th, and Psyshock would soon attack the orphanage.

Ryan’s cell phone buzzed to the tune of I Got You, Babe, drawing him out of his reverie. “Quicksave Deliveries, yes?” he said while answering the unknown caller. “We will deliver your mail, no matter how many corpses it takes!”

“There is a logic in this world,” Fortuna’s furious voice said on the other end of the line. “Everything that can go well for me in this universe, does. You violated the natural order!”

“Wait, how did you get this number?” Ryan asked, curious but not surprised.

“I typed it at random.” Goddamnit, her ability was overpowered. She could probably stumble onto the Dynamis conspiracy by sheer luck if she wanted to. “Nobody talks to me like that, Quicksave! I have men throwing themselves at my feet, millionaires, celebrities—”

Ryan hung up on her. “Who was it, Sifu?” his panda disciple asked him.

“A loony fan,” the courier replied dismissively, even as Lucky Girl kept trying to call him.

“Oh, I had one of those too! She tried to kidnap the Panda because she loved his smooth fur. The Panda… the Panda had to run.”

“Couldn’t you... you know…” Ryan looked into his eyes. “Eat her?”

“I-I can only eat bamboo in panda form, Sifu! Meat makes me want to vomit!”

The Danish warlord Nidhogg had drunk a Green Elixir and became a kilometers-long, near-invulnerable serpent. While Timmy drank the same kind of potion, only to become… that.

There was no fairness in this world.

“Sifu, why are you looking at me like that?” the Panda asked, a little anxious.

Ryan sighed and put a hand on the poor animal’s shoulder. “I will always support you, young disciple. No matter what.”

“I…” Ryan thought the Panda might start crying. “Thank you, Sifu.”

The elevator finally reached Wardrobe’s floor and the duo stepped inside.

After the ascent, Ryan had expected something luxurious, but nothing like this. The rugs in the welcoming hall had probably cost a fortune, all the chairs were made of refined leather, and the walls had been covered with artistic designs like an art gallery. Fashion and girlie mags were piled up on fancy wooden tables.

“Come in!” Wardrobe called them from another room. The new hero team followed her voice and passed in front of shooting studios, including darkrooms, props, and various photography equipment.

Eventually, they made their way to a lobby whose walls were covered with thousands of model pictures and cloth designs. Wardrobe was facing a tough customer around a table, a paper sheet and pencil in hand.

“No!” Felix the Atom Cat said, sinking in his chair in front of the hero fashion designer. “I’m not wearing a cat latex suit!”

“Felix, don’t be a child,” Wardrobe protested, “it would be form-fitting, and won’t restrict your movements in a fight.”

The young hero crossed his arms and pouted. “My outfit is good enough.”

“What? How can you say something that stupid! You take that back!”

“Personally, I suggest a Valentino suit with a cat-themed tie, but I think the outfit is already taken,” Ryan mused out loud, waving a hand at the heroes. “Hi, I’m Quicksave, and this is my trusty Panda sidekick.”

“Oh, hello, I’m Atom Cat,” Felix replied, a bit gruffer than usual. Ryan had missed him.

“Hi, I’m Wardrobe! But you can call me Yukiko, or ‘Yuki’ for short!” She was Japanese, huh? Ryan would have said Korean. She smiled brightly at the two, making her unbearably adorable. “Nice to meet you! Please have a seat!”

“She’s so cute…” the Panda muttered under his breath, before trying to sound dignified. “The Panda greets you too!”

“You’re the new guys, right?” Felix asked as they joined the fashion debate. “Shouldn’t you be at the newbie seminar or something?”

kitten?” Ryan asked

tell me,” he sighed. “I’m supposed to waste time watching corporate videos

clothes. “Wearing this is a crime against humanity, Felix. Follow Quicksave’s example! Look at that perfect color nuance and this fancy noir trench coat. His costume stands for

you,” Ryan said. “I am so glad to finally meet someone civilized in this savage

will take

while Atom Cat rolled his eyes. “Anyway, I am told you will be my goddess as far

sheet with her pencil. “I thought about a Valentino-style suit with artificial fibers, but the more I thought of it, the more I realized I should use a

“Cashmere?” Ryan asked, hopeful.

island of sanity in

the brakes, before she went too

the same, but I found

a corporate tie, we’re going to add

wonderful. The perfect blend of modern fashion and

tie? That was a

courier whispered as if facing a divine

live up to your duty to the law, or will you stay true to your wild, single-minded pursuit of justice? That’s your message. That’s your conflict.” Wardrobe pointed at

asked, now giddy. “What do you

mask silver and black, light and darkness coexisting without

been converted! Yours is the one

there’s two of them now,” Felix complained.

asked, hopeful. “Can you make a costume worthy of

can!” Wardrobe replied with enthusiasm. “I thought about leaving you shirtless, with two bullet

face deflated. “But I don’t know how to

about whether you can use it or not,”

beret, black shorts that will adjust to your transformation, and maybe a pair of sunglasses. You’re no longer just a panda. You’re Rambo Panda, the last of your kind, fighting

the sketch, and even Ryan had to admit, it looked like one manly Chinese bear. When he glanced at Wardrobe and remembered how Mortimer had dared

national treasure that must be protected,” Ryan told Wardrobe. “And you will be! I swear you

a bright smile. “It’s

this.” The Panda looked at the costume, utterly mesmerized. “What about the car? Can we

the

yes, yes!” Ryan said enthusiastically. “And afterward we go patrol in Rust

and Atom Cat asked at

we have to test these costumes in the field,” Ryan argued. “It’s like baptizing a ship, except

want to do what exactly?” Atom Cat asked, a little skeptical. “Go to Rust Town

“Uh, yes?”

Sifu, what about the seminar?” The Panda asked, worried. He must have thought not attending would hurt his chances at becoming

his sidekick. “One must confront evil,

on his chest. “The

on the back, before glancing at a confused Felix. “Do you want to come too? I

Cat asked, a bit

moment in the life of a man, where he must take charge of his own future! Where he must break the chains of corporate

you stop invading my personal space, please?” Felix asked, leaning back in his

cow! They’ll harvest your happiness and turn it into cash, until you stand for nothing but a brand! They will destroy

video part,” Felix interrupted Ryan and pushed him back. “You know what, even if you’re clearly off your meds,

too?” Wardrobe asked with her usual enthusiasm. “Team trips are

leave your atelier without authorization?”

officially join the Pro League next week, after we finish filming the new Wyvern movie,” Wardrobe said happily.

then,” Ryan raised a finger at

Ryan drove through the streets of Rust Town in a brand new costume. Wardrobe sat at his side, while Atom Cat, that fashion disaster, had taken over the backseat with the

to Rust Town. Even the Panda—the Panda—seemed intimidated by the overwhelming

Wardrobe admitted, her fingers twitching. “I see why they don’t let juniors

Ryan said, a lighthearted

moving closer to his

into any persona that isn’t copyrighted right? Fictional or not? Does that mean you