The Perfect Run

As it turned out, Wardrobe had an entire floor of Il Migliore’s tower dedicated to her.

Ryan and the Panda waited inside an elevator, as it slowly climbed towards their destination. The duo could see the sun illuminate New Rome through a glass window, Ryan glancing at Rust Town while his sidekick sang a Spider-man cartoon tune to himself.

It was May 10th, and Psyshock would soon attack the orphanage.

Ryan’s cell phone buzzed to the tune of I Got You, Babe, drawing him out of his reverie. “Quicksave Deliveries, yes?” he said while answering the unknown caller. “We will deliver your mail, no matter how many corpses it takes!”

“There is a logic in this world,” Fortuna’s furious voice said on the other end of the line. “Everything that can go well for me in this universe, does. You violated the natural order!”

“Wait, how did you get this number?” Ryan asked, curious but not surprised.

“I typed it at random.” Goddamnit, her ability was overpowered. She could probably stumble onto the Dynamis conspiracy by sheer luck if she wanted to. “Nobody talks to me like that, Quicksave! I have men throwing themselves at my feet, millionaires, celebrities—”

Ryan hung up on her. “Who was it, Sifu?” his panda disciple asked him.

“A loony fan,” the courier replied dismissively, even as Lucky Girl kept trying to call him.

“Oh, I had one of those too! She tried to kidnap the Panda because she loved his smooth fur. The Panda… the Panda had to run.”

“Couldn’t you... you know…” Ryan looked into his eyes. “Eat her?”

“I-I can only eat bamboo in panda form, Sifu! Meat makes me want to vomit!”

The Danish warlord Nidhogg had drunk a Green Elixir and became a kilometers-long, near-invulnerable serpent. While Timmy drank the same kind of potion, only to become… that.

There was no fairness in this world.

“Sifu, why are you looking at me like that?” the Panda asked, a little anxious.

Ryan sighed and put a hand on the poor animal’s shoulder. “I will always support you, young disciple. No matter what.”

“I…” Ryan thought the Panda might start crying. “Thank you, Sifu.”

The elevator finally reached Wardrobe’s floor and the duo stepped inside.

After the ascent, Ryan had expected something luxurious, but nothing like this. The rugs in the welcoming hall had probably cost a fortune, all the chairs were made of refined leather, and the walls had been covered with artistic designs like an art gallery. Fashion and girlie mags were piled up on fancy wooden tables.

“Come in!” Wardrobe called them from another room. The new hero team followed her voice and passed in front of shooting studios, including darkrooms, props, and various photography equipment.

Eventually, they made their way to a lobby whose walls were covered with thousands of model pictures and cloth designs. Wardrobe was facing a tough customer around a table, a paper sheet and pencil in hand.

“No!” Felix the Atom Cat said, sinking in his chair in front of the hero fashion designer. “I’m not wearing a cat latex suit!”

“Felix, don’t be a child,” Wardrobe protested, “it would be form-fitting, and won’t restrict your movements in a fight.”

The young hero crossed his arms and pouted. “My outfit is good enough.”

“What? How can you say something that stupid! You take that back!”

“Personally, I suggest a Valentino suit with a cat-themed tie, but I think the outfit is already taken,” Ryan mused out loud, waving a hand at the heroes. “Hi, I’m Quicksave, and this is my trusty Panda sidekick.”

“Oh, hello, I’m Atom Cat,” Felix replied, a bit gruffer than usual. Ryan had missed him.

“Hi, I’m Wardrobe! But you can call me Yukiko, or ‘Yuki’ for short!” She was Japanese, huh? Ryan would have said Korean. She smiled brightly at the two, making her unbearably adorable. “Nice to meet you! Please have a seat!”

“She’s so cute…” the Panda muttered under his breath, before trying to sound dignified. “The Panda greets you too!”

“You’re the new guys, right?” Felix asked as they joined the fashion debate. “Shouldn’t you be at the newbie seminar or something?”

kitten?” Ryan asked

tell me,” he sighed. “I’m supposed to waste time watching corporate

against humanity, Felix. Follow Quicksave’s example! Look at that perfect color nuance and

am so glad to finally meet someone civilized

wasn’t convinced though. “I will take practical over fancy

am told you will be my goddess as far as fashion goes, but I’m not yet ready to believe in

costume covered,” she said while drawing on a blank paper sheet with her pencil. “I thought about a Valentino-style suit with artificial fibers, but the more I thought of it, the more I realized I should use a

“Cashmere?” Ryan asked, hopeful.

island of sanity in a world gone mad. “Dark purple, with

brakes, before

same, but I found

corporate tie, we’re going to add a wool scarf,” Wardrobe pointed her pencil at the neck. “Light violet, almost pinkish, with tiny clock symbols

it was wonderful. The perfect blend

pinkish bright scarf instead of a tie? That was a stroke

courier whispered as

rules! Can you truly live up to your duty to the

about my bipolarity?” Ryan asked, now giddy. “What do you

silver and black, light and darkness coexisting

have been converted! Yours is the one true

two of them now,” Felix complained.

asked, hopeful. “Can you

can!” Wardrobe replied with enthusiasm. “I thought about leaving you shirtless, with two bullet

face deflated. “But I don’t know how to

about whether you can use it or not,” Ryan enlightened

while writing down a new sketch. “So I say, two bandoliers around your chest, a green beret, black shorts that will adjust to your transformation, and maybe a pair of sunglasses. You’re no longer just a panda.

the sketch, and even Ryan had to admit, it looked like one manly Chinese bear. When he glanced at Wardrobe and remembered how Mortimer had dared kill this gift to mankind

are a national treasure that must be protected,” Ryan told Wardrobe. “And you will be! I swear you

she said with a bright smile. “It’s okay,

I will finally impress the girls in this.” The Panda looked at the

already on the case,” Wardrobe promised, grinning at the two. “So, you’re okay with the costumes? Of

yes, yes!” Ryan said enthusiastically. “And afterward we go patrol

and Atom Cat

field,” Ryan argued. “It’s like

little skeptical. “Go to

“Uh, yes?”

must have thought not attending would hurt his chances at becoming an Il Migliore member.

must confront evil, instead of

Sifu!” The Panda put his hand on

patted the Green Genome on the back, before glancing at a confused Felix. “Do you want to come too?

the Cat asked,

and putting his hands on the boy’s shoulders. “There is a moment in the life of a man, where he must take charge of his own future! Where he must break the chains of

my personal space, please?” Felix asked, leaning back in his

it into cash, until you stand for nothing but a brand! They will destroy you with one hour and a half long corporate videos, addict

Felix interrupted Ryan and pushed him back. “You know what, even if you’re clearly off your meds, you’ve got a point. About time someone

join too?” Wardrobe asked with her usual enthusiasm. “Team

sure you can leave your atelier without authorization?” Atom

movie,” Wardrobe said happily. “I

finger at the ceiling, “to the

Rust Town in a brand new costume. Wardrobe sat at his side, while Atom Cat,

looking through the window. No matter the loop, nobody ever got used to Rust Town. Even the Panda—the Panda—seemed intimidated by the overwhelming atmosphere of ruin and decay. “It’s even

fingers twitching. “I see

Ryan said, a lighthearted idea crossing

Quicksave?” she said, moving closer

that isn’t copyrighted right? Fictional or not? Does