The Perfect Run

As it turned out, Wardrobe had an entire floor of Il Migliore’s tower dedicated to her.

Ryan and the Panda waited inside an elevator, as it slowly climbed towards their destination. The duo could see the sun illuminate New Rome through a glass window, Ryan glancing at Rust Town while his sidekick sang a Spider-man cartoon tune to himself.

It was May 10th, and Psyshock would soon attack the orphanage.

Ryan’s cell phone buzzed to the tune of I Got You, Babe, drawing him out of his reverie. “Quicksave Deliveries, yes?” he said while answering the unknown caller. “We will deliver your mail, no matter how many corpses it takes!”

“There is a logic in this world,” Fortuna’s furious voice said on the other end of the line. “Everything that can go well for me in this universe, does. You violated the natural order!”

“Wait, how did you get this number?” Ryan asked, curious but not surprised.

“I typed it at random.” Goddamnit, her ability was overpowered. She could probably stumble onto the Dynamis conspiracy by sheer luck if she wanted to. “Nobody talks to me like that, Quicksave! I have men throwing themselves at my feet, millionaires, celebrities—”

Ryan hung up on her. “Who was it, Sifu?” his panda disciple asked him.

“A loony fan,” the courier replied dismissively, even as Lucky Girl kept trying to call him.

“Oh, I had one of those too! She tried to kidnap the Panda because she loved his smooth fur. The Panda… the Panda had to run.”

“Couldn’t you... you know…” Ryan looked into his eyes. “Eat her?”

“I-I can only eat bamboo in panda form, Sifu! Meat makes me want to vomit!”

The Danish warlord Nidhogg had drunk a Green Elixir and became a kilometers-long, near-invulnerable serpent. While Timmy drank the same kind of potion, only to become… that.

There was no fairness in this world.

“Sifu, why are you looking at me like that?” the Panda asked, a little anxious.

Ryan sighed and put a hand on the poor animal’s shoulder. “I will always support you, young disciple. No matter what.”

“I…” Ryan thought the Panda might start crying. “Thank you, Sifu.”

The elevator finally reached Wardrobe’s floor and the duo stepped inside.

After the ascent, Ryan had expected something luxurious, but nothing like this. The rugs in the welcoming hall had probably cost a fortune, all the chairs were made of refined leather, and the walls had been covered with artistic designs like an art gallery. Fashion and girlie mags were piled up on fancy wooden tables.

“Come in!” Wardrobe called them from another room. The new hero team followed her voice and passed in front of shooting studios, including darkrooms, props, and various photography equipment.

Eventually, they made their way to a lobby whose walls were covered with thousands of model pictures and cloth designs. Wardrobe was facing a tough customer around a table, a paper sheet and pencil in hand.

“No!” Felix the Atom Cat said, sinking in his chair in front of the hero fashion designer. “I’m not wearing a cat latex suit!”

“Felix, don’t be a child,” Wardrobe protested, “it would be form-fitting, and won’t restrict your movements in a fight.”

The young hero crossed his arms and pouted. “My outfit is good enough.”

“What? How can you say something that stupid! You take that back!”

“Personally, I suggest a Valentino suit with a cat-themed tie, but I think the outfit is already taken,” Ryan mused out loud, waving a hand at the heroes. “Hi, I’m Quicksave, and this is my trusty Panda sidekick.”

“Oh, hello, I’m Atom Cat,” Felix replied, a bit gruffer than usual. Ryan had missed him.

“Hi, I’m Wardrobe! But you can call me Yukiko, or ‘Yuki’ for short!” She was Japanese, huh? Ryan would have said Korean. She smiled brightly at the two, making her unbearably adorable. “Nice to meet you! Please have a seat!”

“She’s so cute…” the Panda muttered under his breath, before trying to sound dignified. “The Panda greets you too!”

“You’re the new guys, right?” Felix asked as they joined the fashion debate. “Shouldn’t you be at the newbie seminar or something?”

you, kitten?”

he sighed. “I’m supposed to waste time watching

looking at the Augusti rebel’s white gymnast clothes. “Wearing this is a crime against humanity, Felix. Follow Quicksave’s example! Look at

said. “I am so glad to finally meet

though. “I will take practical

rolled his eyes. “Anyway, I am told you will be my goddess as far as fashion goes, but I’m not yet ready to

that, Quicksave, I got your costume covered,” she said while drawing on a blank paper sheet with her pencil. “I thought about a Valentino-style suit with artificial fibers, but the more I thought of it, the more

“Cashmere?” Ryan asked, hopeful.

an island of sanity in a world gone mad. “Dark purple, with a fancy black turtleneck underneath. And a

the courier suddenly hit the brakes, before she went too far.

but

of a corporate tie, we’re going to add a wool scarf,” Wardrobe pointed her pencil at the neck. “Light violet, almost pinkish, with tiny

it was wonderful. The perfect blend of modern fashion and

of a tie? That was a stroke of genius! Why didn’t Ryan ever think

courier whispered as

your violent spirit and society’s rules! Can you truly live up to your duty to the law, or will you stay true to your wild, single-minded pursuit of justice? That’s your message. That’s your conflict.” Wardrobe

now giddy. “What do

black, light

been converted! Yours is the one

of them

“Can you make a

“I thought about leaving you shirtless, with two bullet

Timmy’s face deflated. “But I don’t know how

about whether you can use it or not,” Ryan enlightened him. “It's about

“So I say, two bandoliers around your chest, a green beret, black shorts that will adjust to your transformation, and maybe a pair of sunglasses. You’re no longer just a panda. You’re Rambo Panda, the last of your kind, fighting an eternal war for the

glanced at Wardrobe and remembered how Mortimer had dared kill this gift to mankind from the heavens, the courier couldn’t help but feel

national treasure that must be protected,” Ryan told Wardrobe. “And you will be!

with a bright smile. “It’s okay, I get that all

girls in this.” The Panda looked at the costume, utterly mesmerized. “What about the car? Can we get a

the costumes? Of course you are. Once you validate them, I can make the designs

“And afterward

Atom Cat asked

in the field,” Ryan argued. “It’s like baptizing a ship, except you

asked, a little skeptical. “Go to

“Uh, yes?”

The Panda asked, worried. He must have thought not attending would hurt his chances at becoming an Il Migliore

“One must confront evil, instead

on his chest. “The Panda shall support

the back, before glancing at a confused Felix. “Do you want

Cat asked,

good,” Ryan pleaded, rising from his chair and putting his hands on the boy’s shoulders. “There is a moment in the life of a man, where he must take charge of his own future! Where he must break the chains of corporate hierarchy and stand for

you stop invading my personal space, please?”

turn it into cash, until you stand for nothing

pushed him back. “You know what, even if you’re clearly off your meds, you’ve got a point. About time someone

Wardrobe asked with

your atelier without authorization?” Atom

movie,” Wardrobe said happily.

raised a finger at the ceiling, “to the

costume. Wardrobe sat at his

said, looking through the window. No matter the loop, nobody ever got used to Rust

admitted, her fingers twitching. “I see why they don’t let juniors

Ryan said, a lighthearted idea crossing

moving closer to his

right? Fictional or