The Perfect Run

As it turned out, Wardrobe had an entire floor of Il Migliore’s tower dedicated to her.

Ryan and the Panda waited inside an elevator, as it slowly climbed towards their destination. The duo could see the sun illuminate New Rome through a glass window, Ryan glancing at Rust Town while his sidekick sang a Spider-man cartoon tune to himself.

It was May 10th, and Psyshock would soon attack the orphanage.

Ryan’s cell phone buzzed to the tune of I Got You, Babe, drawing him out of his reverie. “Quicksave Deliveries, yes?” he said while answering the unknown caller. “We will deliver your mail, no matter how many corpses it takes!”

“There is a logic in this world,” Fortuna’s furious voice said on the other end of the line. “Everything that can go well for me in this universe, does. You violated the natural order!”

“Wait, how did you get this number?” Ryan asked, curious but not surprised.

“I typed it at random.” Goddamnit, her ability was overpowered. She could probably stumble onto the Dynamis conspiracy by sheer luck if she wanted to. “Nobody talks to me like that, Quicksave! I have men throwing themselves at my feet, millionaires, celebrities—”

Ryan hung up on her. “Who was it, Sifu?” his panda disciple asked him.

“A loony fan,” the courier replied dismissively, even as Lucky Girl kept trying to call him.

“Oh, I had one of those too! She tried to kidnap the Panda because she loved his smooth fur. The Panda… the Panda had to run.”

“Couldn’t you... you know…” Ryan looked into his eyes. “Eat her?”

“I-I can only eat bamboo in panda form, Sifu! Meat makes me want to vomit!”

The Danish warlord Nidhogg had drunk a Green Elixir and became a kilometers-long, near-invulnerable serpent. While Timmy drank the same kind of potion, only to become… that.

There was no fairness in this world.

“Sifu, why are you looking at me like that?” the Panda asked, a little anxious.

Ryan sighed and put a hand on the poor animal’s shoulder. “I will always support you, young disciple. No matter what.”

“I…” Ryan thought the Panda might start crying. “Thank you, Sifu.”

The elevator finally reached Wardrobe’s floor and the duo stepped inside.

After the ascent, Ryan had expected something luxurious, but nothing like this. The rugs in the welcoming hall had probably cost a fortune, all the chairs were made of refined leather, and the walls had been covered with artistic designs like an art gallery. Fashion and girlie mags were piled up on fancy wooden tables.

“Come in!” Wardrobe called them from another room. The new hero team followed her voice and passed in front of shooting studios, including darkrooms, props, and various photography equipment.

Eventually, they made their way to a lobby whose walls were covered with thousands of model pictures and cloth designs. Wardrobe was facing a tough customer around a table, a paper sheet and pencil in hand.

“No!” Felix the Atom Cat said, sinking in his chair in front of the hero fashion designer. “I’m not wearing a cat latex suit!”

“Felix, don’t be a child,” Wardrobe protested, “it would be form-fitting, and won’t restrict your movements in a fight.”

The young hero crossed his arms and pouted. “My outfit is good enough.”

“What? How can you say something that stupid! You take that back!”

“Personally, I suggest a Valentino suit with a cat-themed tie, but I think the outfit is already taken,” Ryan mused out loud, waving a hand at the heroes. “Hi, I’m Quicksave, and this is my trusty Panda sidekick.”

“Oh, hello, I’m Atom Cat,” Felix replied, a bit gruffer than usual. Ryan had missed him.

“Hi, I’m Wardrobe! But you can call me Yukiko, or ‘Yuki’ for short!” She was Japanese, huh? Ryan would have said Korean. She smiled brightly at the two, making her unbearably adorable. “Nice to meet you! Please have a seat!”

“She’s so cute…” the Panda muttered under his breath, before trying to sound dignified. “The Panda greets you too!”

“You’re the new guys, right?” Felix asked as they joined the fashion debate. “Shouldn’t you be at the newbie seminar or something?”

kitten?” Ryan

waste time watching corporate videos instead of actually

now,” Wardrobe said, looking at the Augusti rebel’s white gymnast clothes. “Wearing this is a crime against humanity, Felix. Follow Quicksave’s example! Look

to

will take practical over

chuckling while Atom Cat rolled his eyes. “Anyway, I am told you will

drawing on a blank paper sheet with her pencil. “I thought about a Valentino-style suit with artificial fibers, but the more I thought of

“Cashmere?” Ryan asked, hopeful.

nod, revealing herself as an island of sanity in a world gone mad. “Dark purple, with a fancy black

before she went too far. “That’s too extreme and

same, but I

sheet before the group, Ryan, the Panda, and even Atom Cat observing her sketch. “Instead of a corporate tie, we’re going to add a wool scarf,” Wardrobe pointed her pencil at the

it was wonderful. The perfect blend of modern fashion and

bright scarf instead of a tie? That was a stroke

the courier whispered as if facing a

truly live up to your duty to the law, or will you stay true to your wild, single-minded pursuit of justice? That’s your message. That’s your conflict.” Wardrobe pointed at the drawing.

bipolarity?” Ryan asked, now giddy. “What

metal mask silver and black, light

converted! Yours is the

two of them now,” Felix complained. “We’re

me?” The Panda asked, hopeful. “Can you make a costume worthy

Wardrobe replied with enthusiasm. “I thought about leaving

“But I

it or not,” Ryan enlightened him. “It's about

transformation, and maybe a pair of sunglasses. You’re no longer just a panda. You’re Rambo Panda, the

it looked like one manly Chinese bear. When he glanced at

must be protected,” Ryan told Wardrobe. “And you will

said with a bright smile. “It’s okay,

at the costume, utterly mesmerized. “What about

Wardrobe promised, grinning at the two. “So, you’re okay with the costumes? Of course you are. Once you validate them, I can make the designs

yes, yes!” Ryan said enthusiastically. “And afterward

The Panda and Atom Cat asked at

yes, we have to test these costumes in the field,” Ryan argued. “It’s like baptizing a ship, except you use the blood of your enemies instead of

to do what exactly?” Atom Cat asked, a little skeptical. “Go

“Uh, yes?”

the seminar?” The Panda asked, worried. He must have thought not attending would

arrogant young disciple!” Ryan told his sidekick. “One must confront evil, instead of waiting for it

his hand on his chest. “The Panda shall support you, as you supported

confused Felix. “Do you want to

the Cat asked, a

good,” Ryan pleaded, rising from his chair and putting his hands on the boy’s shoulders. “There is a moment in the life of a

personal space, please?” Felix

you, Felix!” Ryan continued, completely ignoring the hero’s resistance. “They’ll milk you like a cow! They’ll harvest your happiness and turn it into cash, until you stand for nothing but a

you’re clearly off your meds, you’ve got a point.

can I join too?” Wardrobe asked with her usual enthusiasm. “Team trips are so

can leave your atelier without authorization?” Atom Cat

movie,” Wardrobe said happily.

at

costume. Wardrobe sat at

looking through the window. No matter the loop, nobody ever got used to Rust Town. Even the Panda—the Panda—seemed intimidated by the overwhelming atmosphere of ruin and decay. “It’s even worse than

it’s a bad place,” Wardrobe admitted, her fingers twitching. “I see why they

a lighthearted idea crossing his

Quicksave?” she said, moving closer to

any persona that isn’t copyrighted right?