The Perfect Run

As it turned out, Wardrobe had an entire floor of Il Migliore’s tower dedicated to her.

Ryan and the Panda waited inside an elevator, as it slowly climbed towards their destination. The duo could see the sun illuminate New Rome through a glass window, Ryan glancing at Rust Town while his sidekick sang a Spider-man cartoon tune to himself.

It was May 10th, and Psyshock would soon attack the orphanage.

Ryan’s cell phone buzzed to the tune of I Got You, Babe, drawing him out of his reverie. “Quicksave Deliveries, yes?” he said while answering the unknown caller. “We will deliver your mail, no matter how many corpses it takes!”

“There is a logic in this world,” Fortuna’s furious voice said on the other end of the line. “Everything that can go well for me in this universe, does. You violated the natural order!”

“Wait, how did you get this number?” Ryan asked, curious but not surprised.

“I typed it at random.” Goddamnit, her ability was overpowered. She could probably stumble onto the Dynamis conspiracy by sheer luck if she wanted to. “Nobody talks to me like that, Quicksave! I have men throwing themselves at my feet, millionaires, celebrities—”

Ryan hung up on her. “Who was it, Sifu?” his panda disciple asked him.

“A loony fan,” the courier replied dismissively, even as Lucky Girl kept trying to call him.

“Oh, I had one of those too! She tried to kidnap the Panda because she loved his smooth fur. The Panda… the Panda had to run.”

“Couldn’t you... you know…” Ryan looked into his eyes. “Eat her?”

“I-I can only eat bamboo in panda form, Sifu! Meat makes me want to vomit!”

The Danish warlord Nidhogg had drunk a Green Elixir and became a kilometers-long, near-invulnerable serpent. While Timmy drank the same kind of potion, only to become… that.

There was no fairness in this world.

“Sifu, why are you looking at me like that?” the Panda asked, a little anxious.

Ryan sighed and put a hand on the poor animal’s shoulder. “I will always support you, young disciple. No matter what.”

“I…” Ryan thought the Panda might start crying. “Thank you, Sifu.”

The elevator finally reached Wardrobe’s floor and the duo stepped inside.

After the ascent, Ryan had expected something luxurious, but nothing like this. The rugs in the welcoming hall had probably cost a fortune, all the chairs were made of refined leather, and the walls had been covered with artistic designs like an art gallery. Fashion and girlie mags were piled up on fancy wooden tables.

“Come in!” Wardrobe called them from another room. The new hero team followed her voice and passed in front of shooting studios, including darkrooms, props, and various photography equipment.

Eventually, they made their way to a lobby whose walls were covered with thousands of model pictures and cloth designs. Wardrobe was facing a tough customer around a table, a paper sheet and pencil in hand.

“No!” Felix the Atom Cat said, sinking in his chair in front of the hero fashion designer. “I’m not wearing a cat latex suit!”

“Felix, don’t be a child,” Wardrobe protested, “it would be form-fitting, and won’t restrict your movements in a fight.”

The young hero crossed his arms and pouted. “My outfit is good enough.”

“What? How can you say something that stupid! You take that back!”

“Personally, I suggest a Valentino suit with a cat-themed tie, but I think the outfit is already taken,” Ryan mused out loud, waving a hand at the heroes. “Hi, I’m Quicksave, and this is my trusty Panda sidekick.”

“Oh, hello, I’m Atom Cat,” Felix replied, a bit gruffer than usual. Ryan had missed him.

“Hi, I’m Wardrobe! But you can call me Yukiko, or ‘Yuki’ for short!” She was Japanese, huh? Ryan would have said Korean. She smiled brightly at the two, making her unbearably adorable. “Nice to meet you! Please have a seat!”

“She’s so cute…” the Panda muttered under his breath, before trying to sound dignified. “The Panda greets you too!”

“You’re the new guys, right?” Felix asked as they joined the fashion debate. “Shouldn’t you be at the newbie seminar or something?”

kitten?”

to waste time watching corporate videos instead

rebel’s white gymnast clothes. “Wearing this is a crime against humanity, Felix. Follow Quicksave’s example! Look at that perfect color nuance and this fancy noir trench coat. His

“I am so glad to

Cat wasn’t convinced though. “I will take

Ryan replied, Wardrobe chuckling while Atom Cat rolled his eyes. “Anyway, I am told you will be my goddess as

costume covered,” she said while drawing on a blank paper sheet with her pencil. “I thought about a Valentino-style suit with artificial fibers, but the more I

“Cashmere?” Ryan asked, hopeful.

in a

before she went too far. “That’s too

same, but

before the group, Ryan, the Panda, and even Atom Cat observing her sketch. “Instead of a corporate tie, we’re going to

wonderful. The perfect blend of modern fashion and Victorian-style

was a stroke of genius! Why didn’t Ryan

wonderful,” the courier whispered as if facing a

your duty to the law, or will you stay true to your wild, single-minded pursuit of justice? That’s your

my bipolarity?” Ryan asked, now giddy. “What do you do

silver and black,

have been converted! Yours is

them now,”

me?” The Panda asked, hopeful. “Can you make a costume worthy

Wardrobe replied with enthusiasm. “I thought about leaving you shirtless,

face deflated. “But I don’t know how

it or not,” Ryan enlightened him. “It's about looking

chest, a green beret, black shorts that will adjust to your transformation, and maybe a pair of sunglasses. You’re no longer just a panda. You’re Rambo Panda, the last of your kind, fighting an eternal

and even Ryan had to admit, it looked like one manly Chinese bear. When he glanced at Wardrobe and remembered how Mortimer had

be protected,” Ryan told Wardrobe. “And

said with a bright smile. “It’s okay, I get that all

girls in this.” The Panda looked at the costume, utterly mesmerized.

promised, grinning at the two. “So, you’re okay with the costumes? Of course you are. Once you validate them, I can make the designs a

Ryan said enthusiastically. “And afterward we go patrol in

and Atom Cat asked at

in the field,” Ryan argued. “It’s like baptizing a ship, except you use the blood of your enemies instead

want to do what exactly?” Atom Cat asked, a little skeptical. “Go to Rust Town and

“Uh, yes?”

The Panda asked, worried. He must have thought not attending would hurt his

young disciple!” Ryan told his sidekick. “One must confront evil, instead of waiting

on his chest.

on the back, before glancing at a confused Felix. “Do you want to come too? I don’t have cat litter

Cat asked,

moment in the life of a man, where he must take charge of his own future! Where he must break the chains of

stop invading my personal space, please?” Felix asked, leaning back in

into cash, until you stand for nothing but a brand! They will destroy you with one hour and a half long corporate videos, addict you to coffee and catering, and brainwash

me at the video part,” Felix interrupted Ryan and pushed him back. “You know what, even if you’re clearly off your meds, you’ve got a point.

with her usual enthusiasm. “Team trips are

you can leave your

new Wyvern movie,” Wardrobe said happily. “I already have a field license. It will be

finger at the ceiling,

streets of Rust Town in a brand new costume. Wardrobe sat at his side, while Atom Cat, that fashion disaster, had taken over the backseat with the new and improved

Atom Cat said, looking through the window. No matter the loop, nobody ever got used to Rust Town. Even the Panda—the Panda—seemed intimidated by the overwhelming atmosphere of ruin

a bad place,” Wardrobe admitted, her fingers twitching. “I

said, a lighthearted

said, moving

right? Fictional or not? Does that