The Perfect Run

Bianca farted all the way back to the Mechron submarine.

Proverbially of course, but Ryan couldn’t help but laugh at the sound she made each time she switched between gaseous and human form. Now, she was doing a live demonstration to the courier and the Carnival members deep in the submarine’s mess. Most of the group sat around white tables, while Mr. Wave prepared cocktails behind a short counter.

Bianca’s body, clothes included, turned into an orange cloud with a snap of her fingers. Unlike her time as a Psycho, the substance reminded Ryan more of faint colored mist than thick, toxic chemicals. Though she touched the thrumming metal walls of the submarine, they didn’t corrode into dust.

Ryan looked at his traveling circus. Leo Hargraves had taken back his sexy, handsome human form, and didn’t hide his joy. Stitch scribbled notes on a journal. Matty kept his arms crossed with skepticism, and their new recruit, the acclaimed Bianca with his paws.

“So?” Bianca asked as she returned to her human form, her cloud coalescing into flesh, hair, and clothes. Terrible clothes, by the way. How could she live with herself wearing only shaggy jeans and a tank top the courier would never understand.

“So I will introduce you to your lord and savior, Wardrobe,” Ryan replied. “I can’t, in good conscience, let you run around dressed like that.”

“Still better than a hazmat suit,” the young woman snickered, searching her pockets for a cigarette and a lighter.

“The corrosive aspect of the gas was probably the result of synergy,” Dr. Stitch said. “Now your powers act independently. You can switch back and forth between solid and gaseous, yes, and your chemical compound no longer degrades metallic material.”

“I ain’t going to rust any metal tool I get my hands on?” Bianca asked with a scoff, causing her cigarette to vibrate. Unlike her Orange power, the Red one worked shockingly the same. “Yeah, I won’t miss that part. Might need to change my name though.”

“May I suggest Lady Flatulence?” Ryan asked mirthfully.

Instead of pinching him, his former Vice-President answered with a joke of her own. “Only if you change your name to Butthole,” she said. “Wouldn’t we make quite the pair then?”

“How about Ass and Fart? You intoxicate them, I smother them. We will call our new superhero team ‘The Cheeks.’”

“Better than ‘The Buttkissers.’”

“Sifu, could I join?” the asked enthusiastically.

“Of course,” Ryan replied. “I shall grant you the honorable name of Ass-Kicker!”

Shroudy Matty kept his arms crossed. Though he had championed the treatment for the Psycho condition, seeing it in action filled him with doubt now. “I hope you all understand what this discovery means,” he said. “While it is preferable to having a psychopath with two powers, this means anyone can technically receive two powers now. The number of would-be Augustus wannabes will increase.”

“I doubt so,” Sunshine replied with optimism. “With Eva Fabre dead and her facility destroyed, nobody can make true Elixirs. Once the Mechron bases are destroyed and Dynamis is dealt with, Knockoffs will become a thing of the past.”

“Never say never, Sunshine,” Ryan replied, knowing that someone could always develop the right power to make more of them. “But I agree. The Elixir well will eventually dry up, and the problem with Lightning Butt isn’t the fact he has two powers. It’s what those two powers can do combined.”

Sunshine nodded in agreement. “Invulnerability and his destructive lightning make Augustus a danger to human civilization, but among the thousands of Psychos we encountered, only Bloodstream possesses a truly cataclysmic power combination. There will always be the likes of Mechron and Adam the Ogre, Psycho condition or not.”

“Point taken,” Shroud conceded.

“Considering the data we gathered and the projections on the Elixir distribution,” Stitch said, “Elixirs will more or less vanish from circulation within ten years. New Genomes afterward will be born, rather than made.”

The Elixirs that remained would be like buried treasures lost to time. The Alchemist had planned for Genomes to overcome Homo Sapiens, and they would do so. With a stable genetic code, former Psychos will also be able to reproduce, bolstering the new breed’s numbers further.

“I won’t speak for all Psychos out there.” Bianca lit her cigarette and enjoyed the taste of incoming lung cancer. “But I ain’t starting any more trouble, unless the nerd asks me too.”

“Moi?” Ryan asked, switching between his native tongue and French.

“You gave me my life back, jackass,” she replied. “I owe you a debt I can’t ever repay. Whatever you want from me, you’ll get it. But I’ll still punch you in the arm if you push your luck.”

“Would you submit to a trial?” Leo Hargraves asked.

“Yeah... yeah, I guess I would.” Bianca let out a cloud of smoke from her nostrils. “Will I?”

“Your crimes are nowhere near as severe as Adam or Psyshock, and you helped us a great deal,” Sunshine replied with wisdom. “I believe in second chances. Your captured teammates will be treated the same.”

“Only Geniuses with our resources and combined expertise can make this cure work though, sir,” Stitch pointed out. “We will need support to expand it across Europe.”

“Nidhogg’s?” Shroud asked.

“Dynamis’?” Ryan replied jokingly. “Get the best privatized healthcare in the world? Which isn’t saying much.”

His transparent teammate grumbled, as if a pigeon had assaulted his windshield. “They already have the infrastructure, Ryan, but none of the ethics required.”

“We could work with Enrique Manada, but not the rest of his family,” Leo Hargraves replied. “There is still time to think about the future. Let us first cure the Meta-Gang members in captivity, and see if the treatment sticks.”

Ryan left his allies to debate how to mass-produce the cure to sit behind the mess’ bar counter. Mr. Wave gave him a purple cocktail, with a tasteful blue drinking straw. “What is this?” the courier asked.

“This is the Virgin Wavemojito,” Mr. Wave pitched the cocktail. “Mr. Wave can make people drunk on non-alcoholic beverages.”

Ryan took a sip, closing his eyes in pleasure as the taste washed over his mouth. Such a perfect mix of grape juice, honey, and so many secret things! His idol’s exquisite tastes didn’t stop at fashion. “Delicious.”

“Mr. Wave only accepts the best,” the Genome replied, a hand on the counter. “The sun told Mr. Wave that you wanted to talk to him?”

“Yes, I did.” The noise of their allies’ debate drowned Ryan’s voice, as he dropped the bomb without warning. “I’m a time-traveler.”

The courier expected questions, but Mr. Wave was too good for that. “One cannot travel through time. Time waits for Mr. Wave, but only after he counts to infinity. And when Mr. Wave kills time, it stays dead.”

“Obviously,” Ryan replied. “Do you remember the day we met? You saved me from an explosion.”

The superhero joined his hands. “Mr. Wave has had that pleasure, yes.”

dived down. You couldn’t save me all the time, but you always at least tried. When I die,

silence, his wavelength head lacking anything like facial

his tale. “Sitting at my bedside, as if you had a

the man replied. “If Mr. Wave had seen you earlier, you wouldn’t have ended up in the hospital

you had, you would all be dead.” And Ryan himself too. “Whenever I woke up, you always tried to help me in any way you

pace.” The colorful Genome’s voice turned from amused

stages of grief? I think I was stuck at the depression part for… thirty years?

saved a great

tried to think of one, you

“Mr. Wave can imagine.”

said, letting the truth off his chest. “I want to

Ryan,” Mr. Wave replied, his tone almost paternal. “I am proud of you. I’ve been keeping up with your adventures when

made the courier’s head

you crashed a plane while making a delivery,” Mr. Wave replied with a shrug. “Even I didn’t go

drinking straw. He didn't fully remember that particular run, truth be told. “I thought the

newbies, one out of four usually dies before the mission is done. Leo still feels guilty about not being there to save

sighed. “When everything goes to shit, the only way to go on is

the show when everyone else feels down.” The living wavelength glanced at the Carnival, and most specifically at Bianca. “The challenges are different when you move from one-man shows to a troupe, but I think you’re doing very well

fill of one-man shows.

you hate solitude more?” Mr. Wave

nodded. “You knew

stuff secret, because nobody would believe them. I’ve seen way crazier things than time travel. Have you

Canada when I get elected president of the free world

you do, Ryan, don’t go

through the mess’ loudspeaker. “We’re approaching Italy’s coasts,” she

happily, leaping from his seat and leaving an empty glass behind. “Sorry, I need to call my

Wave understands. He has his fangirls too.” Mr. Wave raised an index at Ryan, like one of those ‘Uncle

He wouldn’t.

and through the submarine’s metal corridors, making its way to the exit. No sooner did he open his phone, than he received a message

Ryan, are

reached the

Hi princess.

a relief, my knight. Is

My mission was a

one of

PlushieTamer: What happened?

will understand when you

tried to stop it, Ryan. I tried, but I

down Ryan’s spine, as he realized

PlushieTamer: Where are you?

with Narcinia and

miss you

you so much too :(

I want you, Ryan. I

PlushieTamer: I’m coming.

with Alchemo in the

“How did you—”

your vile thought process, you hormonal hominid,” the Genius replied with annoyance. “I

“Go ahead, Father Brain.”

in mind,

on. “You could send

“Yes.”

his excitement in check. “How

say… five? Maybe six, but I don’t guarantee it.” Ryan didn’t hide his disappointment at the answer, causing Alchemo to shrug. “The more mindmaps are sent back, the harder the computations. Even my boundless intellect can only do so much

for more,

transferring Livia’s mind back in time, recreating the brain-scanning machine, and then using her stored brainmaps to help their allies remember. This, however, significantly delayed the assault on Mechron’s bunker. Big Fat Adam sent captured denizens of Rust Town to their demise in his

Ryan could bring more people, then a team could confront the Meta-Gang

received his future self’s memories, the Living Sun would be hours away from New Rome, and each minute lost

bet. It would also end

get a time-travel ticket, which left two to three spots available. Having Bianca onboard would make taking down the bunker easier, but if Ryan could secure someone in Dynamis

this,” the

I can,” Alchemo replied arrogantly. “Brain matter is no longer mandatory, though I would

a small

“Your funeral.”

tower, taking a breath of fresh air. The Milky Way’s stars shone brightly

the observatory spot, sitting at the tower’s edge. He glanced in the coast’s direction, noticing

afraid of water, Atom Kitten?” Ryan said, sitting next to

the ocean before,” he admitted. “I never even left Italy,

episode, we will go to Australia. Then you can call

that nickname,” the young man replied, his beautiful blue eyes examining Ryan carefully. “Who are you,

the future. Or the past, if

considered his fellow Genomes’ words, and then reacted with denial. “I don’t

loop, but this current iteration hadn’t bonded much with Ryan. “Then how else