The Perfect Run

Bianca farted all the way back to the Mechron submarine.

Proverbially of course, but Ryan couldn’t help but laugh at the sound she made each time she switched between gaseous and human form. Now, she was doing a live demonstration to the courier and the Carnival members deep in the submarine’s mess. Most of the group sat around white tables, while Mr. Wave prepared cocktails behind a short counter.

Bianca’s body, clothes included, turned into an orange cloud with a snap of her fingers. Unlike her time as a Psycho, the substance reminded Ryan more of faint colored mist than thick, toxic chemicals. Though she touched the thrumming metal walls of the submarine, they didn’t corrode into dust.

Ryan looked at his traveling circus. Leo Hargraves had taken back his sexy, handsome human form, and didn’t hide his joy. Stitch scribbled notes on a journal. Matty kept his arms crossed with skepticism, and their new recruit, the acclaimed Bianca with his paws.

“So?” Bianca asked as she returned to her human form, her cloud coalescing into flesh, hair, and clothes. Terrible clothes, by the way. How could she live with herself wearing only shaggy jeans and a tank top the courier would never understand.

“So I will introduce you to your lord and savior, Wardrobe,” Ryan replied. “I can’t, in good conscience, let you run around dressed like that.”

“Still better than a hazmat suit,” the young woman snickered, searching her pockets for a cigarette and a lighter.

“The corrosive aspect of the gas was probably the result of synergy,” Dr. Stitch said. “Now your powers act independently. You can switch back and forth between solid and gaseous, yes, and your chemical compound no longer degrades metallic material.”

“I ain’t going to rust any metal tool I get my hands on?” Bianca asked with a scoff, causing her cigarette to vibrate. Unlike her Orange power, the Red one worked shockingly the same. “Yeah, I won’t miss that part. Might need to change my name though.”

“May I suggest Lady Flatulence?” Ryan asked mirthfully.

Instead of pinching him, his former Vice-President answered with a joke of her own. “Only if you change your name to Butthole,” she said. “Wouldn’t we make quite the pair then?”

“How about Ass and Fart? You intoxicate them, I smother them. We will call our new superhero team ‘The Cheeks.’”

“Better than ‘The Buttkissers.’”

“Sifu, could I join?” the asked enthusiastically.

“Of course,” Ryan replied. “I shall grant you the honorable name of Ass-Kicker!”

Shroudy Matty kept his arms crossed. Though he had championed the treatment for the Psycho condition, seeing it in action filled him with doubt now. “I hope you all understand what this discovery means,” he said. “While it is preferable to having a psychopath with two powers, this means anyone can technically receive two powers now. The number of would-be Augustus wannabes will increase.”

“I doubt so,” Sunshine replied with optimism. “With Eva Fabre dead and her facility destroyed, nobody can make true Elixirs. Once the Mechron bases are destroyed and Dynamis is dealt with, Knockoffs will become a thing of the past.”

“Never say never, Sunshine,” Ryan replied, knowing that someone could always develop the right power to make more of them. “But I agree. The Elixir well will eventually dry up, and the problem with Lightning Butt isn’t the fact he has two powers. It’s what those two powers can do combined.”

Sunshine nodded in agreement. “Invulnerability and his destructive lightning make Augustus a danger to human civilization, but among the thousands of Psychos we encountered, only Bloodstream possesses a truly cataclysmic power combination. There will always be the likes of Mechron and Adam the Ogre, Psycho condition or not.”

“Point taken,” Shroud conceded.

“Considering the data we gathered and the projections on the Elixir distribution,” Stitch said, “Elixirs will more or less vanish from circulation within ten years. New Genomes afterward will be born, rather than made.”

The Elixirs that remained would be like buried treasures lost to time. The Alchemist had planned for Genomes to overcome Homo Sapiens, and they would do so. With a stable genetic code, former Psychos will also be able to reproduce, bolstering the new breed’s numbers further.

“I won’t speak for all Psychos out there.” Bianca lit her cigarette and enjoyed the taste of incoming lung cancer. “But I ain’t starting any more trouble, unless the nerd asks me too.”

“Moi?” Ryan asked, switching between his native tongue and French.

“You gave me my life back, jackass,” she replied. “I owe you a debt I can’t ever repay. Whatever you want from me, you’ll get it. But I’ll still punch you in the arm if you push your luck.”

“Would you submit to a trial?” Leo Hargraves asked.

“Yeah... yeah, I guess I would.” Bianca let out a cloud of smoke from her nostrils. “Will I?”

“Your crimes are nowhere near as severe as Adam or Psyshock, and you helped us a great deal,” Sunshine replied with wisdom. “I believe in second chances. Your captured teammates will be treated the same.”

“Only Geniuses with our resources and combined expertise can make this cure work though, sir,” Stitch pointed out. “We will need support to expand it across Europe.”

“Nidhogg’s?” Shroud asked.

“Dynamis’?” Ryan replied jokingly. “Get the best privatized healthcare in the world? Which isn’t saying much.”

His transparent teammate grumbled, as if a pigeon had assaulted his windshield. “They already have the infrastructure, Ryan, but none of the ethics required.”

“We could work with Enrique Manada, but not the rest of his family,” Leo Hargraves replied. “There is still time to think about the future. Let us first cure the Meta-Gang members in captivity, and see if the treatment sticks.”

Ryan left his allies to debate how to mass-produce the cure to sit behind the mess’ bar counter. Mr. Wave gave him a purple cocktail, with a tasteful blue drinking straw. “What is this?” the courier asked.

“This is the Virgin Wavemojito,” Mr. Wave pitched the cocktail. “Mr. Wave can make people drunk on non-alcoholic beverages.”

Ryan took a sip, closing his eyes in pleasure as the taste washed over his mouth. Such a perfect mix of grape juice, honey, and so many secret things! His idol’s exquisite tastes didn’t stop at fashion. “Delicious.”

“Mr. Wave only accepts the best,” the Genome replied, a hand on the counter. “The sun told Mr. Wave that you wanted to talk to him?”

“Yes, I did.” The noise of their allies’ debate drowned Ryan’s voice, as he dropped the bomb without warning. “I’m a time-traveler.”

The courier expected questions, but Mr. Wave was too good for that. “One cannot travel through time. Time waits for Mr. Wave, but only after he counts to infinity. And when Mr. Wave kills time, it stays dead.”

“Obviously,” Ryan replied. “Do you remember the day we met? You saved me from an explosion.”

The superhero joined his hands. “Mr. Wave has had that pleasure, yes.”

Ryan said, as he sipped the cocktail. “I lost count afterward. Sometimes I tripped, sometimes I dived down. You couldn’t save me all the time, but you always at least tried. When I die, I often remember the

silence, his wavelength head lacking

woke up,” Ryan continued his tale. “Sitting at my bedside, as if

Mr. Wave had seen you earlier, you

always tried to help me in any way you could. At one point, you even toured all of Italy’s

is no lightspeed. Light travels at Mr. Wave’s pace.” The colorful Genome’s voice turned from amused to

the courier admitted. “You know the five stages of grief? I think I was stuck at the depression part for… thirty years? At least twenty. Took me a stay in Monaco to reach acceptance

has discussed this with Simon. You saved

of hell, and… well, when I tried to think of one, you were the first that came to mind.

“Mr. Wave can imagine.”

off his chest. “I want to say thank you. You inspired me in my darkest moments, and I owe you my life more than

of you. I’ve been keeping up with your adventures when I could, and

made the courier’s head perk up.

plane while making a delivery,” Mr. Wave

Or at least Ryan hoped so, as he played with his drinking straw. He didn't fully remember that particular run, truth be told. “I thought the

one out of four usually dies before the mission is done. Leo still feels guilty about not being there to save the Costa family from Augustus,

“When everything goes to shit, the only way to go on is to laugh off

else feels down.” The living wavelength glanced at the Carnival, and most specifically at Bianca. “The challenges are different when you move from one-man shows to

my fill of one-man shows. I love the

solitude

knew about the

he said. “I keep the real stuff secret,

Canada when I get elected president of the free world

you do, Ryan,

voice echoed through the mess’ loudspeaker. “We’re approaching Italy’s coasts,”

his seat and leaving

raised an index at Ryan, like one of those ‘Uncle Sam wants

He wouldn’t.

through the submarine’s metal corridors, making its way to the exit. No sooner did he open his phone, than he

Ryan, are

have reached the Mediterranean

princess.

relief, my knight. Is everything going

My mission was a

That makes one of

PlushieTamer: What happened?

when

I tried, but I couldn’t. He

down Ryan’s spine, as he realized what had

PlushieTamer: Where are you?

with Narcinia

miss

you so much too :( I’ll be there

want you,

PlushieTamer: I’m coming.

Alchemo in the corridor. “Sending nudes again, meatbag?” he

“How did you—”

thought process, you hormonal hominid,” the Genius replied with annoyance.

“Go ahead, Father Brain.”

in an intangible Flux state. Your gaseous groupie confirmed it. Now, with this information in mind, I believe I can refine the Chronoradio mechanism which the Underdiver developed to

could send more than one

“Yes.”

courier couldn’t keep his excitement

guarantee it.” Ryan didn’t hide his disappointment at the answer, causing Alchemo to shrug. “The more mindmaps are sent back, the harder the computations. Even my boundless

would have hoped for more, but this still changed

and then using her stored brainmaps to help their allies remember. This, however, significantly delayed the assault on Mechron’s bunker. Big Fat Adam sent captured denizens of Rust Town to their demise in his attempt to unlock Mechron’s bunker, and a day lost meant dozens of

Ryan could bring more people, then a team

Sunshine? Even if he received his future self’s memories, the Living Sun would be hours away from New Rome, and each minute lost

already active though, and a safer bet. It would also end his assassination campaign

two to three spots available. Having Bianca onboard would make

need to think about this,” the time-traveler said. “Can

can,” Alchemo replied arrogantly. “Brain matter is no longer mandatory, though I

with a

“Your funeral.”

stars shone brightly in

the observatory spot, sitting at the tower’s edge. He glanced in the coast’s

cats were afraid of water, Atom Kitten?” Ryan said, sitting next to

admitted. “I never even left Italy, and now I moved halfway through the world and

we will go to Australia. Then you can call yourself Atom

fathom how much I regret choosing that nickname,” the young man replied, his beautiful blue eyes examining Ryan carefully.

Or the past, if you look

Genomes’ words, and then reacted with denial. “I don’t

pretty quickly in a previous loop, but this current iteration hadn’t bonded much with Ryan. “Then