The Perfect Run

Ryan picked up two ladies in Rust Town, with a skeletal zombie chained to his car hood.

“Seriously?” Ryan asked his girlfriend with skeptical eyes. While Fortuna came to the mission with her sensual, white-latex catsuit, Livia brought a pair of jeans and a blue hoodie. “I’m not letting you in.”

“I’m sorry, it’s the only practical clothing I could grab in an hour,” Livia apologized. Ryan’s loops began while she was having a girl’s day out with Fortuna, and although it allowed the two to slip away from the Augusti undetected in spite of Geist’s sudden disappearance, it didn’t give them enough time to find the perfect outfit. “But it’s cotton!”

“Passable,” Ryan replied with a shrug, before reluctantly letting them in. The courier had come fully prepared, with the Fisty Brothers gauntlets and two submachine guns waiting on the front seat. He had even gotten the bowler hat out of storage, ready for war, and convinced Paulie to hand over his secret weapon.

It was amazing how much one could achieve in an hour with the perfect timing and little traffic.

Ryan would rather have more time to prepare, but they couldn’t wait any longer. Big Fat Adam was about to throw his captives into the meat-grinder any second now.

“Livy, you should have told me,” Fortuna said as she and Livia climbed at the back. “I had a back-up suit!”

“I know, but…” Her best friend responded with an awkward smile. “I find it a little indecent...”

“I-it’s not indecent, it’s gawking!” Fortuna complained with a blush, as Ryan drove through the district’s desolate streets. “And is that a real skeleton on the car hood?”

“Help!” Ghoul suddenly screamed at the car’s front, startling Fortuna. The Psycho had lost both his legs and hands, leaving only the head and rib cage chained below the windshield. “Help me, he’s mad! He’s mad!”

“Shush, my little astronaut,” Ryan said with a soft, gentle tone. It made the undead Psycho cower in fear. “Living people are talking.”

“Don’t worry, he deserves it,” Livia explained to Fortuna, before glancing at her boyfriend. “Felix and the others will arrive a few minutes after us.”

“Good, I can make a great first impression then.” Ryan smashed the accelerator, and aimed straight for the Junkyard. Ghoul screamed, as the district’s toxic wind battered his naked eyes.

“Felix is coming too?” Fortuna asked at the back, eminently curious. Since she acted as Livia’s bodyguard and trusted her best friend absolutely, she must have come without asking many questions. “He’s coming back to us?”

“No,” Livia replied, “but Ryan convinced him to make an effort and keep in touch.”

“You did?” Lucky Girl glanced at the handsome driver with renewed respect. “You know, I was about to say Livia was too good for you, but I take it back!”

“Thank you, thank you,” Ryan said, as he noticed the trash walls of the Junkyard appearing in the distance. “Where is my payment?”

“The ammo?” Fortuna gave Ryan a handful of pointed, arrow-shaped bullets. Ryan grabbed a gun while the Plymouth Fury drove by itself. “You’re in luck, the gunshop had some in stock! What did you need these bullets for?”

“Whale hunting,” Ryan replied, as he loaded the ammo in his gun and showcased it to his girlfriend. “Sixteen rounds, 9mm. It can quickly fire round after round without pause.”

“Hard question.” Livia gave him a playfullook. “Does it ever jam?”

“Never, nor does it overheat. It can keep pumping out rounds all night long.” Ryan gently caressed the tip of the barrel. “Though I often need help with the safety catch.”

“Good, I have a firm but gentle handle on these things,” his girlfriend said with a coy voice, as she grabbed the Fisty Brothers and put them on. “I could help with the... fingerwork.”

“Be gentle though,” Ryan warned, as he put his weapon inside his trench coat, right between the sleeping Plushie and the Bliss inhaler. “The barrel is one of a kind and the trigger is very sensitive. One wrong move, and it’ll fire too soon.”

“Are you talking about weapons or something else?” Fortuna asked, as red as a tomato.

“I have Paulie’s rocket launcher below your seat, if you want to try a heavier caliber,” Ryan said innocently. “I hope you’re open to new experiences, because your target is a she.”

Before Fortuna could protest, Len’s voice came out of the Chronoradio. “I’m in position, Riri.”

“What about Henriette and Eugène-Henry?” Ryan asked back, as they came into view of the Junkyard. Hills of trash and stacks of cars overshadowed a fence, shielded by the Reptilian and Gemini. Both observed the car approaching in confusion, while Ghoul screamed in terror.

“At the orphanage with Sarah.”

Perfect.

“Ghoul?!” The Reptilian shouted upon recognizing his teammate, his reptilian eyes widening in terror.

In response, Ryan opened his window and pointed a finger at the US government’s secret lizardman master. “Witness me!”

Gemini’s light body instantly vanished in a flash of light, while the Reptilian narrowly managed to leap out of the way before the crazed driver could hit him. Ryan’s car smashed through the fence at full speed.

scavenging in the area. Mongrel glanced at the intruders from atop a rusted car, his teeth sinking into a

the sight filled Ryan with compassion. Mongrel truly didn’t deserve being turned into an animal, and the courier would make

of the trash walls and disrupt ground-based

bells echoed in the Junkyard, Ryan’s group was almost in view of the bunker’s entrance. The driver sensed the heavy gaze of the Land on him, and a

tunnel leading to the bunker, he noticed two shadows flying

Junkyard, as Acid Rain and Mosquito moved to protect the tunnel’s entrance. “Thieves!” the former

courier shouted, as he veered his car to the left.

mid-motion and leaped out of it, Paulie’s rocket launcher in hand. She pressed the trigger before she even landed on

with a smiley face painted on the tip flew straight at her. She immediately teleported above a trash wall as an acid drizzle started raining down from the toxic clouds above. It helped little, for the Genius-tech missile followed and forced her to retreat; it would take minutes for the projectile to run out

a fist raised. He only noticed the shadow above him all too late, a black and white

his glass surfboard, and transformed

“FLYING PRESS!”

on Mosquito like a fly swatter, and buried him alive

the middle of the courtyard. Ryan parked his Plymouth Fury right next to it, stepping out of

rocket launcher away. Livia handed her

noticing Mongrel leaping into view atop a trash wall. The maddened Psycho summoned a fireball into

no lethal force,” Ryan said. “Stick

grabbing empty tin cans from the trash walls, turning them into bombs, and tossing them at Mongrel. His projectiles and the Psycho’s hit each other in the air, sparking a

a weakened trash wall to collapse on itself and cast a rain of debris on Fortuna, the and Mosquito. Felix’s eyes immediately widened in panic, as he realized

close to dodge. She looked at the collapsing debris with

to her rescue, before

the living lottery ticket, carrying

now, Ryan should have known

visible, holding a blushing Fortuna in his arms bridal style.

relief. “Thanks,” he said to Mathias, before focusing back on

reaction was far less refined. “Felix, you screw-up, you almost dirtied my clothes!” she complained, shouting so loudly that Shroud winced. “I will strangle you if the mutants don’t kill you

he doesn’t like being wet,” Ryan replied, as he and Livia moved into the shaking tunnel. Before he abandoned the surface, the courier gave

through multiple repetitions, built upon information he had collected over many loops, executed by allies he had gathered on his journey. After so long, it was all coming

utterly new. Something he never

His Plymouth Fury…

Plymouth Fury hadn’t taken any

holy sign,” Ryan muttered to

it will make it through the day intact,” Livia said

Perfect Run confirmed!

walls trembled, the Land attempting to collapse them. The duo quickly

you take the righ—” Ryan asked his girlfriend, before

Ryan regained consciousness, the couple was walking through the blast doors while

asked, teasing

Augusti,” Ryan complained, as the tunnel collapsed

replied with a smirk, as they entered the metal corridor leading to the bunker’s

beyond, and at Psyshock’s thralls toiling on Mechron’s mech and submarine. He noticed Len’s armored head

Romano?” Livia asked, suddenly

said, as Len suddenly emerged from the waters and attacked the thralls with her bubble

the faceless Incognito played pool alongside the sickly white, bald Pale Guy. Rakshasa played Street Fighter on the room’s arcade, while a disembodied Asian woman’s head floated behind the bar counter. Ryan remembered her name as the

before looking up at the newcomers. She didn’t say a word, and for a brief instant, the

had agreed on a secret code

fart is in the toilet,” Ryan said, before clocking his submachine gun. “I

jackass.” Bianca let out a sigh as she put her

falsely reassured by her

new management,” Bianca replied, before suddenly pointing her vibrating gauntlets at both Ink Machine and Rakshasa. She blasted them both by surprise, turning the former into a puddle

game, before opening fire at the other Psychos. Though he was careful not to kill any of them, he didn’t even manage to wound them. Incognito dived behind the

traitor!” Fuckface snarled from behind the counter.

towards the elevator, but Ryan quickly shot him in the knees with his submachine gun. The Meta-Gang member collapsed on the ground with bloodied legs, writhing

Ryan apologized to the faceless Psycho, before turning his submachine gun at

head complained, before spitting a stream of acid

frowned behind his mask as he froze

Fuckface on his first suicide run and never bothered to look deeper afterward. Pale Guy too, now that he thought of it. They hadn’t

closed the gap with Fuckface, tossed his submachine gun aside, and grabbed her by the hair. Before the Psycho could retaliate with her energy arms, the courier violently smashed her head against the bar counter with enough force to splinter it, knocking her

but Livia exploited the opportunity to flank him from another direction. Repeated attacks from multiple fronts quickly pushed him back