The Perfect Run

Ryan picked up two ladies in Rust Town, with a skeletal zombie chained to his car hood.

“Seriously?” Ryan asked his girlfriend with skeptical eyes. While Fortuna came to the mission with her sensual, white-latex catsuit, Livia brought a pair of jeans and a blue hoodie. “I’m not letting you in.”

“I’m sorry, it’s the only practical clothing I could grab in an hour,” Livia apologized. Ryan’s loops began while she was having a girl’s day out with Fortuna, and although it allowed the two to slip away from the Augusti undetected in spite of Geist’s sudden disappearance, it didn’t give them enough time to find the perfect outfit. “But it’s cotton!”

“Passable,” Ryan replied with a shrug, before reluctantly letting them in. The courier had come fully prepared, with the Fisty Brothers gauntlets and two submachine guns waiting on the front seat. He had even gotten the bowler hat out of storage, ready for war, and convinced Paulie to hand over his secret weapon.

It was amazing how much one could achieve in an hour with the perfect timing and little traffic.

Ryan would rather have more time to prepare, but they couldn’t wait any longer. Big Fat Adam was about to throw his captives into the meat-grinder any second now.

“Livy, you should have told me,” Fortuna said as she and Livia climbed at the back. “I had a back-up suit!”

“I know, but…” Her best friend responded with an awkward smile. “I find it a little indecent...”

“I-it’s not indecent, it’s gawking!” Fortuna complained with a blush, as Ryan drove through the district’s desolate streets. “And is that a real skeleton on the car hood?”

“Help!” Ghoul suddenly screamed at the car’s front, startling Fortuna. The Psycho had lost both his legs and hands, leaving only the head and rib cage chained below the windshield. “Help me, he’s mad! He’s mad!”

“Shush, my little astronaut,” Ryan said with a soft, gentle tone. It made the undead Psycho cower in fear. “Living people are talking.”

“Don’t worry, he deserves it,” Livia explained to Fortuna, before glancing at her boyfriend. “Felix and the others will arrive a few minutes after us.”

“Good, I can make a great first impression then.” Ryan smashed the accelerator, and aimed straight for the Junkyard. Ghoul screamed, as the district’s toxic wind battered his naked eyes.

“Felix is coming too?” Fortuna asked at the back, eminently curious. Since she acted as Livia’s bodyguard and trusted her best friend absolutely, she must have come without asking many questions. “He’s coming back to us?”

“No,” Livia replied, “but Ryan convinced him to make an effort and keep in touch.”

“You did?” Lucky Girl glanced at the handsome driver with renewed respect. “You know, I was about to say Livia was too good for you, but I take it back!”

“Thank you, thank you,” Ryan said, as he noticed the trash walls of the Junkyard appearing in the distance. “Where is my payment?”

“The ammo?” Fortuna gave Ryan a handful of pointed, arrow-shaped bullets. Ryan grabbed a gun while the Plymouth Fury drove by itself. “You’re in luck, the gunshop had some in stock! What did you need these bullets for?”

“Whale hunting,” Ryan replied, as he loaded the ammo in his gun and showcased it to his girlfriend. “Sixteen rounds, 9mm. It can quickly fire round after round without pause.”

“Hard question.” Livia gave him a playfullook. “Does it ever jam?”

“Never, nor does it overheat. It can keep pumping out rounds all night long.” Ryan gently caressed the tip of the barrel. “Though I often need help with the safety catch.”

“Good, I have a firm but gentle handle on these things,” his girlfriend said with a coy voice, as she grabbed the Fisty Brothers and put them on. “I could help with the... fingerwork.”

“Be gentle though,” Ryan warned, as he put his weapon inside his trench coat, right between the sleeping Plushie and the Bliss inhaler. “The barrel is one of a kind and the trigger is very sensitive. One wrong move, and it’ll fire too soon.”

“Are you talking about weapons or something else?” Fortuna asked, as red as a tomato.

“I have Paulie’s rocket launcher below your seat, if you want to try a heavier caliber,” Ryan said innocently. “I hope you’re open to new experiences, because your target is a she.”

Before Fortuna could protest, Len’s voice came out of the Chronoradio. “I’m in position, Riri.”

“What about Henriette and Eugène-Henry?” Ryan asked back, as they came into view of the Junkyard. Hills of trash and stacks of cars overshadowed a fence, shielded by the Reptilian and Gemini. Both observed the car approaching in confusion, while Ghoul screamed in terror.

“At the orphanage with Sarah.”

Perfect.

“Ghoul?!” The Reptilian shouted upon recognizing his teammate, his reptilian eyes widening in terror.

In response, Ryan opened his window and pointed a finger at the US government’s secret lizardman master. “Witness me!”

Gemini’s light body instantly vanished in a flash of light, while the Reptilian narrowly managed to leap out of the way before the crazed driver could hit him. Ryan’s car smashed through the fence at full speed.

scavenging in the area. Mongrel glanced at the intruders

in previous loops, the sight filled Ryan with compassion. Mongrel truly didn’t deserve being turned into an animal, and the courier

the trash walls and

bunker’s entrance. The driver sensed the heavy gaze of

tower and the tunnel leading to the bunker, he noticed two shadows flying in the skies above. Two would-be heroes,

protect the tunnel’s entrance. “Thieves!” the former snarled as she drew knives. Much like Mongrel

he veered his car to the left. “Shoot the other

car’s door mid-motion and leaped out of it, Paulie’s rocket launcher in hand.

face painted on the tip flew straight at her. She immediately teleported above a trash wall as an acid drizzle started raining down from the toxic clouds above. It helped little, for

his wings and rushed at the Plymouth Fury with a fist raised. He only noticed the shadow above him all too late, a black and white angel of death

leaped from his glass surfboard,

“FLYING PRESS!”

swatter, and buried him alive beneath pounds of

was far more gracious, as his glass surfboard landed in the middle of the courtyard. Ryan parked his Plymouth Fury right next to it, stepping out of the car alongside Livia with grace

presence, tossing the empty rocket launcher away. Livia handed her best friend a

sis, I always wondered how a team-up would go,” Atom Cat replied, before noticing Mongrel leaping into view atop a trash wall. The maddened Psycho

lethal force,” Ryan said.

I’ve got this,” he replied before grabbing empty tin cans from the trash walls, turning them into bombs, and tossing them at Mongrel. His projectiles and the Psycho’s hit each

to collapse on itself and cast a rain of debris on Fortuna, the and Mosquito. Felix’s eyes immediately widened in panic, as he realized his screw-up. “Sis!” he shouted

too close to dodge. She looked

rushed to her rescue, before noticing

the living lottery ticket, carrying her above

Ryan should have known

here, Quicksave,” Shroud declared as he became visible, holding a blushing Fortuna in his arms bridal style. And her power didn’t even need

“Thanks,” he said to Mathias, before

less refined. “Felix, you screw-up, you almost dirtied my clothes!” she complained, shouting so loudly that Shroud

him, he doesn’t like being wet,” Ryan replied, as he and Livia moved into the shaking tunnel. Before he abandoned the surface, the courier gave the

scenario honed through multiple repetitions, built upon information he had collected over many

yet he immediately noticed something utterly new. Something he never imagined would happen,

His Plymouth Fury…

Fury hadn’t taken

sign,” Ryan muttered to himself with religious

if we do our part right, it will make it through the day

Perfect Run confirmed!

attempting to collapse them. The duo quickly reached the bunker’s black door entrance and faced a

you take the righ—” Ryan asked his girlfriend, before

regained consciousness, the couple was walking through the blast

teasing him by caressing the

complained, as the tunnel collapsed behind

as they entered the metal corridor leading to the bunker’s

windows to the hangars beyond, and at Psyshock’s thralls toiling on Mechron’s mech and submarine. He noticed Len’s armored head peeking over the waters

Romano?” Livia asked, suddenly interested. “I love

Ryan said, as Len suddenly emerged from the waters and attacked the thralls with her bubble rifle. “The

said, as they entered the bunker’s recreational area. Much like in Ryan’s suicide run, six Psychos occupied the room. Sarin, the liquid Ink Machine, and the faceless Incognito played pool alongside the sickly white,

newcomers. She didn’t say a word, and for a brief instant, the courier worried that the transfer hadn’t

had agreed on a secret code to test

the toilet,” Ryan said, before clocking his submachine gun. “I repeat, the fart is in

out a

these guys, Sarin?” Ink Machine asked, falsely reassured by her teammate’s casualness. “They’re

Bianca replied, before suddenly pointing her vibrating gauntlets at both Ink Machine and Rakshasa. She blasted them both by surprise, turning

other Psychos. Though he was careful not to kill any of them, he didn’t even manage to wound them. Incognito dived behind the pool table for

from behind the

his submachine

to the faceless Psycho, before turning his submachine gun at the bar counter. “We

before spitting a stream of acid

his mask as he froze time and dodged. Her name was…

courier had nicknamed her Fuckface on his first suicide run and never bothered to look deeper afterward. Pale Guy too, now that he thought of it. They hadn’t survived their group’s civil war either during his

hair. Before the Psycho could retaliate with

matter, nerd?” Bianca asked, as she started targeting Pale Guy. The Psycho dodged her blast, but Livia exploited the opportunity