Someone shoves on my shoulder, making me groan as I drag my heavy eyelids open. I jolt away from Merikh's face that is far too close for comfort, an annoying grin on his face. My brows pull together and I frown at him, reaching up and shoving his face away. "He's alive," He pronounces to the empty room and I roll my eyes.

"What do you want?" I ask him, and he shrugs, just moseying his way around the room.

"Can't a guy check in on his baby brother?" He asks, and I scoff.

"You came to just check on me?" I ask him and he nods.

"Actually, yes, I did," He says sticking his hands in his pockets. "I knew you weren't going to die on us, but three days of sleep does seem excessive and everyone was convinced you just needed the rest. Me? Not so much."

"I am healing a broken leg and other injuries." I remind him, wincing when my hand begins to tingle and burn. "Ugh," I grunt, lifting the freshly bandage limb.

"How is it feeling?" He asks, finally looking serious.

"Partially numb and partially painful." I shrug, noticing a difference in length.

Panic rises in my chest as I swallow roughly and lift both arms. The unmistakable size difference hits me hard as I grow teary-eyed and unable to breathe. The healer had mentioned the possibility of amputation, but I figured they would give me the time to heal first. "Kyra tried to stop the healer, if it makes you feel any better. She insisted we wake you up to speak with you about it."

I scoff, shaking my head before I drop my arms and slam my head back into the pillow.

"Might have been nice to have a say in it." I mutter, and he frowns before he walks over and takes a seat on the bed.

"Hayes, Kyra did try to wake you up, but there was already an infection setting in and you were out because of it... It was my call to move forward." He frowns and I can see the guilt and the lie on his face. "It was Kyra." I say softly.

"No, it was me." He insists, and I give him a look, which makes him glance away and exhale.

"I am not stupid, Merikh and no amount of time can make me forget how you look when you try to protect someone else."

"She was against it at first..." He sighs and shakes his head. "But when you wouldn't wake up, that's when she panicked. She hasn't slept since you went to bed, between Tiago and her worry for you..." "She made the right call." I whisper, looking at where my hand used to be, a dull ache in my chest as I try to weigh the emotional toll this will all have.

"She did," He agrees, but he keeps his eyes trained on me as if looking for something more. I roll my eyes and sigh.

"What?" I ask and he shrugs.

now. Until the time comes that I have processed what I

a curse and a blessing at times of war where young child have to learn to understand the meaning of life and death." "You can't shield them from everything that happens, Merikh." I give him a half

that statement is," he mumbles, lifting his hand and rubbing the back of his neck. Merikh looks exhausted as he drops his hand down to

brow arching up as he looks at me and the corners of his mouth

am struggling."

could you not be? This war took many lives, but a lot of good came from it too. Alliances, and the ability to work

nods along,

standing up as he paces away. "We lost so many more than you know, Hayes. In the two years you

chuckle dryly, licking

anger have

all along. One thing

is when he is angry he must

tits

infor

He had been holding this too long, understanding of my hurt and self loathing for too long. Now

I was doing nothing?" I ask, knowingly stoking the flames of

it. But you had duties too. You walked away from them because you were heartbroken." He says, his voice calm, but I can see the anger behind his

about being heartbroken." I whisper, closing my eyes tightly before opening them again. "In a way it was, but that was

but Hayes, you disappeared within yourself and then reemerged when you found your new

and I were all we had, and then Colette

left because I

died because

needed

to be a

or any of I your future

the one person I was meant to protect? Merikh, she didn't just die, she suffered horribly in the most

my cheeks and I wipe at

nub of

hate so much taking over. Only this time I don't hate it

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