The Cum Contest:2

Devon gasped, grabbed one of the giant diner menus, and promptly popped it up in front of herself. The other three women ignored her, nodding along like this was normal conversation. "Some women cum like that," I said. I got three glares in response. I was pretty sure I could feel Devon's eyes burning me through the menu, as well.

"They don't," Kelly said, firmly.

"Porn is not an accurate portrayal of the female orgasm," Abby said.

"Sorry dude," Megan said.

"Can we please not talk about this in public?" Devon said through her menu.

"Women don't make noises like that," Kelly said, "We don't scream out 'I'm cumming!' or 'fuck me!' or anything like that."

"Or do the whole yes-yes-yes-yes thing," Megan said, "That's just weird."

"Some women make noise when they cum," I said. Again, I don't know how I ended up arguing for the actuality of porn. It would have been easier to defend the existence of Bigfoot. But there I was. "Do you make noise during sex, TJ?" Kelly asked, sipping her coffee. As if this was the kind of thing people asked each other all the time.

"I mean, I might grunt or gasp some," I said.

"Exactly," Kelly said, "So why do you think it's different for women? Do you honestly believe your penis has magical sound-making powers?"

"If it did you would tell us right?" Megan asked. "Because that would be awesome."

is decidedly unlikely," Abby

asked. Her hands gripped

It's all pretend. But women make noise

faking it,"

said. I looked at the other women for

probably faking

be the first woman to

me a knowing nod. Her tight, golden ringlets bounced

Shawn gets here," I said, "He'll take my side, you'll

ex, my boyfriend isn't coming," Megan said with a wicked grin. "He

being outnumbered at these breakfasts, but now I was completely on my own. And the

know a woman's orgasm if it slapped them in the

my argument of last

Kelly said, "This is exactly the point I've been trying to make all

can prove it," I

"If it involves watching

Megan said, "We should try it

a little test," I said, "To prove I'm

Abby asked, unable to

fucking you,"

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