The Cum Contest:2

Devon gasped, grabbed one of the giant diner menus, and promptly popped it up in front of herself. The other three women ignored her, nodding along like this was normal conversation. "Some women cum like that," I said. I got three glares in response. I was pretty sure I could feel Devon's eyes burning me through the menu, as well.

"They don't," Kelly said, firmly.

"Porn is not an accurate portrayal of the female orgasm," Abby said.

"Sorry dude," Megan said.

"Can we please not talk about this in public?" Devon said through her menu.

"Women don't make noises like that," Kelly said, "We don't scream out 'I'm cumming!' or 'fuck me!' or anything like that."

"Or do the whole yes-yes-yes-yes thing," Megan said, "That's just weird."

"Some women make noise when they cum," I said. Again, I don't know how I ended up arguing for the actuality of porn. It would have been easier to defend the existence of Bigfoot. But there I was. "Do you make noise during sex, TJ?" Kelly asked, sipping her coffee. As if this was the kind of thing people asked each other all the time.

"I mean, I might grunt or gasp some," I said.

"Exactly," Kelly said, "So why do you think it's different for women? Do you honestly believe your penis has magical sound-making powers?"

"If it did you would tell us right?" Megan asked. "Because that would be awesome."

is decidedly

know, this stuff?" Devon asked. Her hands

"Porn is fake. It's all pretend. But women make noise

faking

I said. I looked at the other women for

probably faking it?"

fit the evidence being presented," Abby said, "Nor would she be the first woman to falsify her pleasure in order to accomplish the cessation

her menu to give me a knowing nod. Her tight, golden ringlets

gets here," I said, "He'll take my side,

your ex, my boyfriend isn't coming," Megan said with a wicked grin. "He got caught up in

already used to being outnumbered at these breakfasts, but now I was completely on

wouldn't know a woman's orgasm if it slapped them

during sex," I repeated, but even I could hear the whine in my voice. It was my argument of last resort, so I clung tight. Even

is exactly the point I've

prove

it involves watching porn, it won't

Megan said, "We should try it and

do a little test," I

Abby asked, unable

not all fucking you," Kelly said

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