The Cum Contest:2

Devon gasped, grabbed one of the giant diner menus, and promptly popped it up in front of herself. The other three women ignored her, nodding along like this was normal conversation. "Some women cum like that," I said. I got three glares in response. I was pretty sure I could feel Devon's eyes burning me through the menu, as well.

"They don't," Kelly said, firmly.

"Porn is not an accurate portrayal of the female orgasm," Abby said.

"Sorry dude," Megan said.

"Can we please not talk about this in public?" Devon said through her menu.

"Women don't make noises like that," Kelly said, "We don't scream out 'I'm cumming!' or 'fuck me!' or anything like that."

"Or do the whole yes-yes-yes-yes thing," Megan said, "That's just weird."

"Some women make noise when they cum," I said. Again, I don't know how I ended up arguing for the actuality of porn. It would have been easier to defend the existence of Bigfoot. But there I was. "Do you make noise during sex, TJ?" Kelly asked, sipping her coffee. As if this was the kind of thing people asked each other all the time.

"I mean, I might grunt or gasp some," I said.

"Exactly," Kelly said, "So why do you think it's different for women? Do you honestly believe your penis has magical sound-making powers?"

"If it did you would tell us right?" Megan asked. "Because that would be awesome."

is decidedly unlikely,"

you know, this stuff?" Devon asked. Her hands gripped the menu so tightly, the

I said, "Porn is fake. It's all pretend. But women make noise during sex. My ex would say all

was faking it,"

looked at the other women

mean, she was probably faking

the evidence being presented," Abby said, "Nor would she be the first woman to falsify her pleasure in order to accomplish the cessation of

knowing nod. Her tight, golden

Shawn gets here," I said, "He'll take my

Megan said with a wicked grin. "He got caught up in some weekend work

I was already used to being outnumbered at these breakfasts, but now I was completely on my own.

Kelly said, "Most men wouldn't know a woman's orgasm if it

argument of last resort, so I clung tight. Even as I slipped right over the cliff. "I know when I've made

OK, TJ," Kelly said, "This is exactly the point I've been trying to make all morning. I'm trying to

can prove

Kelly asked, "If it involves

mean, maybe it'll work," Megan said, "We should try it and

a little test,"

asked, unable to

all fucking you," Kelly

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