Untouchable by Marii Solaria

Chapter 12 – Burned Field of Innocence

“Where has my heart gone? An uneven trade for the real world. I want to go back to believing in everything and knowing nothing at all.“– Field of Innocence by Evanescence

(Content Warning: Mentions of child abuse. Reader discretion is advised.)

Neron

“I don’t know how you did it, man. Lorelai’s hormones are sucking me dry.”

“In a good way or a bad way?”

“As much as I love making love to her, I need some energy to–I don’t know–function throughout the day.”

“Ah, I feel that. When Raina was pregnant with Adonis, instead of running to her, I ended up running away from her because the obsessive need for my dick was killing me.”

Kwame and Valerian’s chatter poked the green monster within me. I haven’t spent time with my best friends lately, so while the pup trainees had their gargantuan pizza party upstairs, we came to the gym for the treadmills. My body sweated, my heart pumped, but the green haze in my mind grows thick as I continued to hear their conversation regarding their mates and families.

Am I jealous? Yes. I’m so goddamn jealous of the blessings it graced my Beta and Gamma with. Don’t get me wrong; they deserve it. They’re good men. I love my nephew Adonis to death. And I’ll be the first one to induct Kwame’s child into the pack officially once they’re horn. But, sometimes, I wish to have a smidgen of their happiness.

Deep in the night, I’d dream about what my life would have been if Kiya accepted me as her mate. I’d dream about our mating, which doesn’t hesitate to get me and Onyx riled up. I’d dream about proposing to her and slipping the biggest diamond ring on her finger while we k*ss as an engaged couple. I’d dream about our wedding with her adorned in the purest of white, making our sacred vows as husband and wife. Lifting her short stature in my arms and k*ssing her as my life depended on it. I’d dream about her belly swelling with my child and holding the bundle of joy in my arms as they take their first breath in this world.

Dreams. That’s all they were. Fleeting wishes of another future where pain and torment didn’t exist. Another future where I hadn’t rejected my mate and took her into my arms where she belonged.

And it angered me because I f*cked up a good thing.

“Yeah, you kind of did…”

“Onyx, you aren’t helping.”

“Hey, you think you’re the only one who’s suffering? I’d cut off my tail for a moment with Artemis! I want our mate as much as you do. I see your dreams, remember? How do you think I feel?”

“Right…I forgot about that. I know you’re hurting too, and I’m the reason. I want our mate so bad, but I can’t take her hating me again.”

“It’s better for us to love her from afar than to keep her close and have her hate every moment spent with us. I wish there was another way to fix this; to keep her with us.”

Chapter 12 med Field of innocence

possible. Kiya isn’t

dummy! I know there’s no other solution, but her happiness matters. But, how long will

and Kiya. Yet, Kiya can cut into my emotions

they’re also our

on my bicep. Turning my head, I met the stares of my men. “We’ve been calling

the tears that threatened to fall, I gradually decreased my speed

were asking how things are with you and Kiya,” Kwame spoke up as he maintained a

still the same,

she still hates you?” Valerian asked.

it was before, but things are slowly getting better between us. I call it a win she doesn’t feel repulsed by my presence anymore.” Deep down, however, I know she detests

My Beta smiled warmly. “I think it’s the same with Raina. She’s slowly getting used to her big

lot for her to process before she thinks about letting anyone from this

left here.”

in August and I’ll never see her

say, grabbing my towel to wipe the sweat off my

keep saying that letting her go is the

beat her

on to the past like that,” Valerian added sympathetically. “We all made stupid decisions back then, and it cost us. The only thing we

and you’re telling me to move on from the fact that I was a monster?” The memory of Kwame

her dead, and I was more than ready

fantasized about how I would spill her blood in retribution for the spilled blood and tears of my

ridding.

connections made that forced my mate into culpability reaffirmed my desire to hurt her because of the pain. Waking up without my mother’s k*sses and Nuria pranking me with a feather to the nose

apart.

I had to take it out on someone. All arrows

laughter I shared–even in my relationship with Odessa; underneath it all, I was still hurting. Still writhing, screaming for Mom and Nuria while Dad sunk in darkened pools of alcohol that only grew with every

probably, still am a monster. How can I love Kiya with the same hands that were once

mother and sister away! She

the pack falls without your mother’s guidance, it’s because of Satan’s spawn sobbing in her

for me to stop hurting her when she killed your little sister?

you ask for that bitch’s mercy, you’re saying that you’re happy

enough for it to twist my mind in agreement. That’s the day the veritable beast was born, and it solidified its existence the

That day. No matter how many times I say I love her, no matter how

I put

bom out

my Luna. We can’t ever truly mate! She deserves someone better than me! Goddamnit, Moon Goddess! What is your reason for pairing us