Untouchable by Marii Solaria

Chapter 23 – This Isn’t Me

“I’m interested in people’s darker side, the ones that aren’t easy and well–balanced.“–Noomi Rapace.

Darien

Everything feels wrong.

I cannot think straight. I’m walking on a ledge of peril, dangerously swaying from side–to–side. Desperate not to fall and regain control of myself.

The darkness coils around my delicate neck like a predator eyeing my vulnerability lustfully. It wants to maim. It wants to destroy. It wants to break me apart and twist my mind until there is nothing left. My fingers, raw from the endless battles against the vivacious blackness, continue to pull to set myself free.

This has been an endless battle for days. Some days are worse than others. My body moves on its own accord and my mouth spews venom daily. This isn’t me. It shouldn’t be me! The cloak of darkness over my eyes obscures the reality in front of me, and it leaks into every artery and vein.

I’m a puppet to an unknown master.

I hate being controlled. It’s the one thing I’d never allow to happen to me. I refuse to let anyone dictate what I do and don’t do–I’m a grown man capable of making my own decisions. But now, I failed my internal promise.

Gaining my sense of awareness is like bobbing for an apple in a vast ocean. It’s almost impossible, but some days I find the apple. It’s when I’m cognizant of the nasty glares from my friends. Their detestation stings my heart like an angry wasp because I made them that way. With the horrible words that fly out of my mouth to my distasteful actions, and unconcealed disrespect to all I stand for. Including ignoring my dutic

as the Deltal trainer, blowing my friends off from our quality time, and going as far as insulting them. I know their secrets and shames, and my words land on the most exposed of targets.

How could I do this? Am I truly this despicable? I want to scream this is not me! Why would I put years of friendship in jeopardy without warning? My heart weeps whenever Jacqueline snarls at me, Abigail shakes her head in shame, Sapphire ignores me, or Galen throwing me against the wall in fury at my actions.

His punches hurt.

I wanted to fall to my knees, but I couldn’t. I wanted to cry and beg for forgiveness, but I couldn’t. Remember that apple? As a symbol of my awareness, it gets washed away by the dark ocean. It takes and pulls me into its perilous depths, deeper until no light can penetrate through. Then, I revert to becoming the nastiest asshole that the Moon Goddess would be ashamed of.

And it all happens by her touch. Her honeyed words. Her claims of love. Her lust for my body intertwining with hers. Those nimble, perfectly manicured fingers once full of soft touches are tainted with tickles of what I can describe as, evil.

As Odessa sleeps soundly next to me in bed, heavy darkness perfuses out of her flesh. Invisible, but felt. It holds her like a baby in a carriage, fusing with her spirit. It’s slowly affecting me. Her presence is affecting me. Or has it already? This isn’t the woman I fell in love with.

That vile part of me emerges when Odessa is near. Something has happened to her, I’m sure. But why Is she

embracing it? My mate has become a different person, and it scares me. Sometimes when we’re making love is when I catch the changes in her eyes.

Glittering hazel flashing to a vermilion red.

I thought I was imagining things because the color disappears quickly. Looking back, I should’ve taken that as a red flag of something sinister happening.

And that’s not the worst part. It’s how I’ve been acting toward Kiya. And how my words cut her the deepest. She’ll never trust me again after this! She’s my best friend and I’m hurting her the worst.

“It’s not you. It’s because of Odessa.” I hear Sirius‘ voice like the distant wind. Ever since this ‘infliction‘ I haven’t been able to connect with him as easily. We’re separated by a forced, impenetrable wall that I couldn’t break. “She has betrayed you.”

be. I love Odessa–from the strands of her luscious hair to the tips of her toes. Flaws and all. But lately, I’ve seen her true side. At how she pines for the man who’ll never love her as

wants to be touched by her own, but her heart is as cold as ice. A warm body with the ember

is blind, and I became a fool. I

heart away from the Alpha. No matter the time or dedication I put for her; from our moments we shared in bed, to the dates I took her out on the past month, to wiping her tears away–her heart belonged to another. It always has. The Moon Goddess must have made a mistake with binding us

she love me

is lost.” Sirius perked up with hope. “Ariel has not forsaken us.

her despite this shit

we made it work. Our connections are short–lived, but it’s better

us, but she’s

your.

come as a package deal! She has no choice but to love us both.” Sirius chuckles. “It isn’t at the end of the world. Odessa is a lost

what’s happening with me.”

the devil, and for what? To become the apple of the Alpha’s eye when an idiot

– This

the both of us not too long ago.

scary

he realized how much she means to him. He’s redeeming himself for the hurt he caused. Can’t say Odessa will follow the same path. The woman threw herself in a

insult her like that!”

in it. I don’t appreciate how she discarded you like the first piece of sliced bread! Would a true mate do this? If Odessa loved you, she wouldn’t put you through

just the chess piece in this game. We

You’re lucid enough to hold a decent conversation. We must

1

my body, I snatched my shirt and pants off my bedroom floor. Getting dressed as quietly as possible was

from all corners. The pungent aroma of food permeated

near mine. The plan is to knock on her door, beg for her forgiveness, and tell her what’s happening. But by the grace of the Moon Goddess, she exited her room dressed in a black suspender skirt with a clean, white shirt and canvas shoes with

disgust. My heart plunged into despair to have my best friend look at me with anything other

much damage have

you

own, but when i reached out, she flinched. “Something is wrong with me and I don’t know what it is.

me to fall for this act when you’ve done nothing but degrade and insult me along

Sirius says. “Try harder.”

hatred on her face is painful; it takes a lot to make Kiya hate someone. She has a naturally pure and

you have no reason to trust me, but please, hear me out. Just give me this chance to explain what’s been going

The struggle is ever–so–present on her face as she battles between ignoring and listening to me. I wait with bated breath,

23. This bant Me

arms crossed.

“Three minutes.”

and my true feelings. I’m repulsed and saddened that I wasn’t strong enough to stop hurting my friends. Kiya’s face was a rainbow of emotions as she listened to what I believe to be, a wild story. After a

She whispers. “This makes more sense

so confused. “Kiki, what do

When she k*ssed my ch*ek, the dark haze fell over my eyes again and I’m drowning in the ocean of