Untouchable by Marii Solaria

Chapter 23 – This Isn’t Me

“I’m interested in people’s darker side, the ones that aren’t easy and well–balanced.“–Noomi Rapace.

Darien

Everything feels wrong.

I cannot think straight. I’m walking on a ledge of peril, dangerously swaying from side–to–side. Desperate not to fall and regain control of myself.

The darkness coils around my delicate neck like a predator eyeing my vulnerability lustfully. It wants to maim. It wants to destroy. It wants to break me apart and twist my mind until there is nothing left. My fingers, raw from the endless battles against the vivacious blackness, continue to pull to set myself free.

This has been an endless battle for days. Some days are worse than others. My body moves on its own accord and my mouth spews venom daily. This isn’t me. It shouldn’t be me! The cloak of darkness over my eyes obscures the reality in front of me, and it leaks into every artery and vein.

I’m a puppet to an unknown master.

I hate being controlled. It’s the one thing I’d never allow to happen to me. I refuse to let anyone dictate what I do and don’t do–I’m a grown man capable of making my own decisions. But now, I failed my internal promise.

Gaining my sense of awareness is like bobbing for an apple in a vast ocean. It’s almost impossible, but some days I find the apple. It’s when I’m cognizant of the nasty glares from my friends. Their detestation stings my heart like an angry wasp because I made them that way. With the horrible words that fly out of my mouth to my distasteful actions, and unconcealed disrespect to all I stand for. Including ignoring my dutic

as the Deltal trainer, blowing my friends off from our quality time, and going as far as insulting them. I know their secrets and shames, and my words land on the most exposed of targets.

How could I do this? Am I truly this despicable? I want to scream this is not me! Why would I put years of friendship in jeopardy without warning? My heart weeps whenever Jacqueline snarls at me, Abigail shakes her head in shame, Sapphire ignores me, or Galen throwing me against the wall in fury at my actions.

His punches hurt.

I wanted to fall to my knees, but I couldn’t. I wanted to cry and beg for forgiveness, but I couldn’t. Remember that apple? As a symbol of my awareness, it gets washed away by the dark ocean. It takes and pulls me into its perilous depths, deeper until no light can penetrate through. Then, I revert to becoming the nastiest asshole that the Moon Goddess would be ashamed of.

And it all happens by her touch. Her honeyed words. Her claims of love. Her lust for my body intertwining with hers. Those nimble, perfectly manicured fingers once full of soft touches are tainted with tickles of what I can describe as, evil.

As Odessa sleeps soundly next to me in bed, heavy darkness perfuses out of her flesh. Invisible, but felt. It holds her like a baby in a carriage, fusing with her spirit. It’s slowly affecting me. Her presence is affecting me. Or has it already? This isn’t the woman I fell in love with.

That vile part of me emerges when Odessa is near. Something has happened to her, I’m sure. But why Is she

embracing it? My mate has become a different person, and it scares me. Sometimes when we’re making love is when I catch the changes in her eyes.

Glittering hazel flashing to a vermilion red.

I thought I was imagining things because the color disappears quickly. Looking back, I should’ve taken that as a red flag of something sinister happening.

And that’s not the worst part. It’s how I’ve been acting toward Kiya. And how my words cut her the deepest. She’ll never trust me again after this! She’s my best friend and I’m hurting her the worst.

“It’s not you. It’s because of Odessa.” I hear Sirius‘ voice like the distant wind. Ever since this ‘infliction‘ I haven’t been able to connect with him as easily. We’re separated by a forced, impenetrable wall that I couldn’t break. “She has betrayed you.”

Odessa–from the strands of her luscious hair to the tips of her toes. Flaws and

to be touched by her own, but her heart is as cold as ice. A warm body with the ember of lust humming underneath her apricot flesh houses an unattainable heart

became a fool.

turn her heart away from the Alpha. No matter the time or dedication I put for her; from our moments we shared in bed, to the dates I took her out on the past month, to wiping her tears away–her heart belonged to another. It

she love

is lost.” Sirius perked up with hope. “Ariel has not forsaken us.

connect with her despite this

“It took a lot of trying, but we made it work. Our connections are short–lived, but it’s better than nothing. We’re going to get out of this,

but she’s yours. So really, she loves

your.

us both.” Sirius chuckles. “It isn’t at the end of the world. Odessa is a lost cause, but we aren’t! I admit, part of me

even know what’s

devil, and for what? To become the apple of the Alpha’s eye when an idiot with two

This land

choked the hell out of the both of us not too long ago. I admit Alpha Neron can defending

f*cking scary when

caused. Can’t say Odessa will follow the same path. The woman threw herself in a pool full

her

I don’t appreciate how she discarded you like the first piece of sliced bread! Would a true mate do this? If Odessa loved you, she

game. We must stop this,

help us! You’re lucid enough to hold a decent conversation. We must find her!”

1

dressed as quietly as possible was hard since every ruffle sounds as loud as a f*cking alarm! With haste, I exited my room and searched for

pungent aroma of food permeated through the air, awakening my stomach. F*ck, I should grab something to eat

is near mine. The plan is to knock on her door, beg for her forgiveness, and tell her what’s happening. But by the grace of the Moon Goddess, she exited her room dressed in a black suspender skirt with a clean, white

turned her head. Her facial expression dissolves from curiosity to utter disgust.

How much damage

hell do you want?” She snaps.

toward her. Desperately, I wanted to take her hands in my own, but when i reached out, she flinched. “Something is wrong with me and I don’t know what it is. And I need your

trick?” My friend retorts with a scowl. “You expect me to fall for this act when you’ve done nothing

Sirius says. “Try harder.”

soothing my palpitating heart. The hatred on her face is painful; it takes a lot to make Kiya hate someone. She has a naturally pure and benevolent heart. And I could have damaged it with actions

no reason to trust me, but please, hear me out. Just

battles between ignoring and listening to me. I

23. This bant Me

with arms crossed.

“Three minutes.”

feelings. I’m repulsed and saddened that I wasn’t strong enough to stop hurting my friends. Kiya’s face was a rainbow of emotions

it.” She whispers. “This makes more sense

what do you mean?”

frighteningly stiff from her touch, trapping me between a rock and a hard place. When she k*ssed my ch*ek, the dark haze fell over my eyes again and I’m drowning in the ocean of darkness again. Sirius‘ voice has faded into silence. There’s a distant cackle at my weakness around my psyche, growing louder as I sank. “I missed you.