Chapter 117

Harper

Panic is the first thing I feel the moment my alarm goes off, waking me for school. My brain is buzzing with all the things I need to do as the semester wraps up. I’m about to start finals and I'm so behind on studying. I've been spending all my time with Easton when I should have my face planted in a book. God, I'm so worried about those tests. If I don’t ace them, my parents will kill me, and colleges won't be impressed. My parents don't have the funds to pay for school for both my brother and me, so we have to rely on scholarships. Scholarships that require a certain grade point average. An average that is easier to maintain when you're not spending twenty—four—seven with your sexy boyfriend. At least there hasn't been any drama for the last month. We had an easy, fun-filled Thanksgiving break that didn't involve any spray painting or nasty posts from WHGOSSIP. Things have actually been—dare I say—quiet. So, I don't know why, while I lay in bed, my stomach is churning. Why I feel this knot in my chest. Why my blanket feels far too warm. I kick it off and the cool air in my bedroom hits my skin, making me realize how badly I’m sweating. There’s a pool under my back. More on my neck. The room is spinning and my mouth is watering. Oh no. I fly out of bed and run across the hall to the bathroom. Fortunately, I get up before Ryan, so I don't have to bust in while he’s in the shower. I rush over to the toilet and everything in my stomach comes up. It hurts—the pain in my chest, the ache in the pit of my gut, the burning in my throat as I retch. And then I hear, “Got too fucked up with Easton last night? '

My brother is standing in the doorway, laughing at me. “Screw you, '

I say, flushing the toilet and going over to the sink to brush my teeth. I swear I closed the bathroom door, but maybe I d forgotten. Regardless, he’s an asshole. “Dude, you've heard me puke my brains out plenty of mornings after I've gotten fucked up with your boyfriend. '

“I didn’t get fucked up. '

I didn't. Really. Two beers and a hit of his joint, I can’t call that fucked up. But, man, it messed with my stomach, which is funny because I didn't feel all that buzzed when I went to bed last night. I drop some toothpaste on my toothbrush and scrub my teeth, getting the awful taste out of my mouth. Once I spit, I look at Ryan and say, “Close the door, I need to shower. '

“Lightweight, '

he jokes. I give him the finger, but it’s too late, he’s already gone, and I quickly strip and get under the warm water, trying to relax. But even the heat can’t take away this feeling inside me. This heaviness in my chest. The uneasiness in my stomach. I finish washing my hair and body and I get dressed, twisting my hair into a bun, not bothering with makeup. Ryan drives us to school and as I’m walking through the main entrance, Sadie’s the first person I see. I loop my arm around hers, resting my face on her shoulder. “Ugh. '

“Babe, what's wrong? '

“No. '

I pause. “I mean, I got sick this morning, but I don’t think I'm sick, sick. I’m just stressed AF. '

She pulls me into an empty nook by her locker, giving us privacy from the other students in the hallway. “Talk to me, what's going on? '

eating

I know exactly how it feels. Maybe if you talk about it and let

Sadie. If I don’t ace these finals, I’ m not going to get a scholarship, and then what? No college for me? Or student loans and a mountain of debt for the rest of my life? And where am I going to go? Where is Easton going?

that’s

the best grades and you're going to kill your finals. If you need to take a few Easton—free days, then do it. Bust out

to different states. Ones that will be far from each other.

We'll probably be plane rides away from one another and then what? I can't afford a plane ticket, never mind buying one

can afford

"Sadie ... '

not the

says. “But you can’t stress about this now. Graduation is months away and

falling even deeper in love with

me. “Oh,

if it

seconds, and then, “That's not an option. I don’t even want you thinking

“Harper? '

I release Sadie, finding him standing only a few

him. He glances at Sadie, and then back at me.

waiting for me to grab it, and when I don't, he reaches for my waist and pulls me against him. “What

“No. '

my arms around his neck. “I was just having a shitty morning, but I'm fine now.

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