Chapter 125

Harper

"It would be so much easier if I still didn't feel like shit!"

I throw myself onto my bed as Sadie paces back and forth as if that's going to help the trauma of the day. Why can't things be easier?

I do love him. I do. I just feel betrayed. Hurt.

And exhausted, quite honestly, I could nap for ten days and probably still not feel rested.

Maybe it's the fact that I was so sick and jumped right back into school, the trauma of my mom finding us, or feeling guilty over not telling my parents about the love of my life.

Wow, take your pick.

"He's an asshole,’ she finally says. "Let him sweat it out a bit."

“Would you?"

I ask. "Let Ryan sweat it out?

Or would you communicate?

Hear him out?

Be mature?

I don't even know what I want to do. One minute, I want to run Easton over, the next I want to hold him and never let go.

He's mine, Sadie. Mine. I love him. I just...I don't understand this side of him. The one that's still holding back, the one that's afraid.”

She sighs. “Love is scary, babe. No matter how young or old you are.

It has no prejudices, it is what it is. One day, it cuts you so deep you think you might bleed out, the next day you wonder how you ever lived without that feeling.

and you live in it because on those good days, the really good fucking days, you can't imagine waking up without

one more second without that person holding your hand

yeah, while this all sucks, I know if you really love each other, you'll get through it, fight for it, and come

hands. “He's

I burst into tears again. "I'm

missed school when I was sick, and I feel so much pressure over finals and getting

feel like a true crime story ready

stop myself. Sadie tilts her head. "Blake seemed extra friendly today.

"He was

my partner in gym. I let him because honestly everyone else was pairing up while I was throwing a pity party and he just

"Was he nice?"

Blake, I mean, since

was. We had

it at least distracted

still think something's

"Yeah."

my finger on it. "Maybe. I don't know. Either way, it was a horrible day and I hate that I can't talk to

"Blake?"

say, then rush to my laptop and open

sounds at my

"Hey, beautiful, mind

Sadie on the

"Nope, wait, you're friends with the devil.“ He rolls

knew, blah, blah, blah, you all want to murder me, who runs the world, girls, but for real...he did nothing wrong

on you. Besides, if

my eyes. "Thanks,

“Anytime.”

room, leaving me alone with my laptop and all my

take a deep breath and get

And then I type.

we need to

I miss you. I don't want to break up, I just need some time...but I also need

got so complicated so fast, but... can't text you, so I at least thought I could email and let you know that no matter what, right now, in this moment, you're still

And I'm still yours.

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