A Lifetime With You by Athrhteera

Chapter 41

Alena

My mind wandered as I placed my hand on my stomach, feeling it empty. It had been a week since giving birth to my beautiful angel baby-he was tiny, yet he was perfect. Too perfect. The doctors considered my condition as a late stillbirth as I was at twenty-eight weeks. Stillbirths were not common but it could happen, I just didn't expect it to happen to me. Matteo and I were very thorough in taking care of my health, ensuring we were providing the best for Marco. We went extra lengths to deliver a healthy baby boy; we wanted nothing more than Marco to come into our lives, bringing the joy we had expected. Every time I touched my stomach, I wished I had felt him. Everything happened too fast.

I

As I sat at the balcony, staring down at the view in front of me, it didn't help one bit to take my mind off of Marco. Matteo and I used to sit here together, enjoying the beautiful view as we talked about our future; where we had included Marco but today, it was just me. No husband. No baby. Just me.

Despite receiving supports from our family, I couldn't help but continue to blame myself. The guilt was gut-wrenching, there were a lot of 'what-ifs' in my mind, making me imagine what might happen or what might have happened if things were different. If I still had my baby with me right now.

A knock on the glass window broke me from my thoughts, causing me to slowly turn and find my husband standing there with a small box.

"Hi," he said, his lips slightly curved up into a smile.

"Can I join you?"

It was nice of him to ask, making sure he wasn't invading my personal space. During times like these, I wanted him near me as much as possible instead of being alone but at the same time, I knew he needed time to process this, too. We were grieving in our own ways. I nodded, matching his smile.

Matteo slowly took his time as he went by to sit beside me, maintaining the slight distance between us.

He was afraid. Yet, he tried.

"I just got back from the office," he cleared his throat. "Brought home quite a lot of flowers. You can come downstairs later if

feel like it."

Teel

you

People were being thoughtful, wanting to show their sympathy. Not much was helpful if they gave flowers, it could only remind me of the loss of my beautiful Marco but they tried, they sent their condolences. I was grateful. "Did you eat?" I asked, looking away.

He continued to stare at me without answering my question; leaving

me to turn and meet his eyes, a frown had appeared.

08:33 Wed, Oct 23 GY.

Chapter 41' "Mama

I had

said you haven't ate anything today. I bought your favourite pasta and I thought we could eat together-"

t him off before he could finish talking, "I'm not hungry.

not hungry, Matteo."

"You haven't eaten anything."

"I don't feel hungry."

are hungry. You didn't even finish your meal

can't you just

tone of my voice was a bit harsh until

been this way ever since we lost Marco and no matter how hard he tried to

again. He ignored his own feelings for the sake

had saw the tears forming in his eyes yet he looked away to hide them, making me feel more guilty. My

How could I

out, "I know you need time to process all of this but you can't keep pushing me away. You're grieving but what about me? I'm

as if it

and I had

cheeks. "Matteo.

for you. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say?" He stood up, taking a few steps away from me as he turned around. Instantly, our eyes met. "He was my son, too." I kept quiet, not

much I want to hold him in my arms, every single night. God knows how much I imagine the three of

blame

my

fault,"

He frowned, "What?"

fault he

makes you say that? None

of each other without breaking our eye contact-I could feel the softness in his gaze yet I knew mine were nowhere near as soft, they were burning with fire. I was holding myself back from screaming and tearing everything

Wed, Oct 23

08.33 Wed,

Chapter 41

I could. Yet, I held everything

сло

that. I knew I was hurting and breaking his heart by pushing him away; I just couldn't stop myself from putting the blame

of many people, Matteo was the

well. It

face, staring into my

straight into his

me alone,"

"No."

"No?"

No. 1

I'm not going anywhere,"

I knew better than to let him be anywhere near me-all of this was only going to cause further arguments in the future.

stopped loving him but because I knew deep inside of

as much as I tried to push him away, I

He cared about me.

how

did was ignored his

trail behind me. I could hear him calling out my name a few times but I didn't understand what was going on with myself as I hurried down the stairs, reaching down to the bouquet of flowers on the kitchen island. "Alena?" Mama called out, stepping in

J

them on the

grabbed a hold of my arms, pulling me

want them out!" I shouted, pointing at the

baby. It's

"Get away