A Lifetime With You by Athrhteera

Chapter 41

Alena

My mind wandered as I placed my hand on my stomach, feeling it empty. It had been a week since giving birth to my beautiful angel baby-he was tiny, yet he was perfect. Too perfect. The doctors considered my condition as a late stillbirth as I was at twenty-eight weeks. Stillbirths were not common but it could happen, I just didn't expect it to happen to me. Matteo and I were very thorough in taking care of my health, ensuring we were providing the best for Marco. We went extra lengths to deliver a healthy baby boy; we wanted nothing more than Marco to come into our lives, bringing the joy we had expected. Every time I touched my stomach, I wished I had felt him. Everything happened too fast.

I

As I sat at the balcony, staring down at the view in front of me, it didn't help one bit to take my mind off of Marco. Matteo and I used to sit here together, enjoying the beautiful view as we talked about our future; where we had included Marco but today, it was just me. No husband. No baby. Just me.

Despite receiving supports from our family, I couldn't help but continue to blame myself. The guilt was gut-wrenching, there were a lot of 'what-ifs' in my mind, making me imagine what might happen or what might have happened if things were different. If I still had my baby with me right now.

A knock on the glass window broke me from my thoughts, causing me to slowly turn and find my husband standing there with a small box.

"Hi," he said, his lips slightly curved up into a smile.

"Can I join you?"

It was nice of him to ask, making sure he wasn't invading my personal space. During times like these, I wanted him near me as much as possible instead of being alone but at the same time, I knew he needed time to process this, too. We were grieving in our own ways. I nodded, matching his smile.

Matteo slowly took his time as he went by to sit beside me, maintaining the slight distance between us.

He was afraid. Yet, he tried.

"I just got back from the office," he cleared his throat. "Brought home quite a lot of flowers. You can come downstairs later if

feel like it."

Teel

you

People were being thoughtful, wanting to show their sympathy. Not much was helpful if they gave flowers, it could only remind me of the loss of my beautiful Marco but they tried, they sent their condolences. I was grateful. "Did you eat?" I asked, looking away.

He continued to stare at me without answering my question; leaving

me to turn and meet his eyes, a frown had appeared.

08:33 Wed, Oct 23 GY.

Chapter 41' "Mama

I had

said you haven't ate anything today. I bought your favourite pasta and I thought we could eat together-"

t him off before he could finish talking, "I'm not hungry.

not hungry, Matteo."

"You haven't eaten anything."

"I don't feel hungry."

You didn't even finish your meal

"Why can't you just let

tone of my voice was a bit harsh until he leaned

since we lost Marco and no matter how hard he tried to support

tried again and again. He ignored his own feelings for the sake

swore to myself I had saw the tears forming in his eyes yet he looked away to hide them, making me feel more guilty. My heart wanted to reach out to him, let him hold me in his arms and appreciate his comfort

understand myself either. How could I

all of this but

felt as if it was being crushed

and I had let

cheeks. "Matteo.

won't let me anywhere near you. You won't let me help you. You won't even let me be there for you. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say?" He stood up, taking a few steps away from me

God knows how much I want to hold him in my arms, every

need to blame me. I

my

fault,"

He frowned, "What?"

fault he

None of this is your fault,

up, taking a few steps towards him. We were standing in front of each other without breaking our eye contact-I could feel the softness in his gaze yet I knew mine were nowhere near as soft, they were burning with fire. I was holding myself back from screaming and tearing everything apart. I

Wed, Oct 23

08.33 Wed,

Chapter 41

I could. Yet, I held

сло

to grab my hand but I managed to push him away, ignoring his second attempt after that. I knew I was hurting and breaking his

many people, Matteo was the one who understood

right, it was his son as well. It wasn't just my loss

face, staring into my eyes. "Look at

looked straight into his

me alone," I

"No."

"No?"

No. 1

I'm not going anywhere,"

knew better than to let him be anywhere near me-all of this was only going to cause

stopped loving him but because I

I tried to push him away, I knew I always needed him here with

He cared about me.

showed me how much he

I did was ignored his

hear him calling out my name a few times but I didn't understand what was going on with myself as I hurried down the stairs, reaching down to the bouquet of flowers on the kitchen island. "Alena?" Mama called out, stepping in

J

and threw them on the ground, causing a mess. I

my arms, pulling me close as Mama

these out of the house! I want them out!" I

It's okay, calm

"Get away