A Lifetime With You by Athrhteera

Chapter 41

Alena

My mind wandered as I placed my hand on my stomach, feeling it empty. It had been a week since giving birth to my beautiful angel baby-he was tiny, yet he was perfect. Too perfect. The doctors considered my condition as a late stillbirth as I was at twenty-eight weeks. Stillbirths were not common but it could happen, I just didn't expect it to happen to me. Matteo and I were very thorough in taking care of my health, ensuring we were providing the best for Marco. We went extra lengths to deliver a healthy baby boy; we wanted nothing more than Marco to come into our lives, bringing the joy we had expected. Every time I touched my stomach, I wished I had felt him. Everything happened too fast.

I

As I sat at the balcony, staring down at the view in front of me, it didn't help one bit to take my mind off of Marco. Matteo and I used to sit here together, enjoying the beautiful view as we talked about our future; where we had included Marco but today, it was just me. No husband. No baby. Just me.

Despite receiving supports from our family, I couldn't help but continue to blame myself. The guilt was gut-wrenching, there were a lot of 'what-ifs' in my mind, making me imagine what might happen or what might have happened if things were different. If I still had my baby with me right now.

A knock on the glass window broke me from my thoughts, causing me to slowly turn and find my husband standing there with a small box.

"Hi," he said, his lips slightly curved up into a smile.

"Can I join you?"

It was nice of him to ask, making sure he wasn't invading my personal space. During times like these, I wanted him near me as much as possible instead of being alone but at the same time, I knew he needed time to process this, too. We were grieving in our own ways. I nodded, matching his smile.

Matteo slowly took his time as he went by to sit beside me, maintaining the slight distance between us.

He was afraid. Yet, he tried.

"I just got back from the office," he cleared his throat. "Brought home quite a lot of flowers. You can come downstairs later if

feel like it."

Teel

you

People were being thoughtful, wanting to show their sympathy. Not much was helpful if they gave flowers, it could only remind me of the loss of my beautiful Marco but they tried, they sent their condolences. I was grateful. "Did you eat?" I asked, looking away.

He continued to stare at me without answering my question; leaving

me to turn and meet his eyes, a frown had appeared.

08:33 Wed, Oct 23 GY.

Chapter 41' "Mama

I had

said you haven't ate anything today. I bought your favourite pasta and I thought we could eat together-"

t him off before he could finish talking, "I'm not hungry.

not hungry, Matteo."

"You haven't eaten anything."

"I don't feel hungry."

are hungry. You didn't even finish

you just let me

bit harsh until he leaned back, making me shut my mouth. Our

how hard he tried to support me, I kept

he tried again and again. He ignored his own feelings for the

in his eyes yet he looked away to hide them, making me feel more guilty. My heart wanted to reach out to him, let him hold me in

How could I

you need time to process all of this but you can't keep pushing me away. You're

as if it was being

much and I had let them fall down

cheeks. "Matteo.

me anywhere near you. You won't let me help you. You won't even let me be there for you. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say?" He stood up, taking a few steps

this to happen. God knows how much I want to hold him in my arms, every single night.

need to blame me.

my

fault,"

He frowned, "What?"

my fault he

say that? None of this

of each other without breaking our eye contact-I could feel the softness in his gaze yet I knew mine were nowhere near as soft, they were burning with fire. I was holding myself

Wed, Oct

08.33 Wed,

Chapter 41

long as I

сло

grab my hand but I managed to push him away, ignoring his second attempt after that. I knew I was hurting and breaking his heart by pushing him away; I just couldn't stop

was the one who

as well. It wasn't just my loss

my face, staring into my

straight into his

alone," I

"No."

"No?"

No. 1

I'm not going anywhere,"

him be anywhere near me-all of this was only going to cause further arguments in the future. It was best for us to

that. Not because I had stopped loving him but because I knew deep inside of me,

much as I tried to push him away, I

He cared about me.

how much he

did was ignored

understand what was going on with myself as I hurried down the stairs, reaching down to the bouquet of flowers on the

J

bouquets and threw them on the ground, causing a mess. I picked them up, throwing

arms, pulling

I want them

It's

"Get away