Broken Bond by C.J. Primer

31

CALLUM

The tip of my pencil moves against the page in quick, sure, strokes as a Nine Inch Nails song blasts through my earbuds, a heavy guitar rift drilling into my skull. The eyes I’m currently drawing are etched into my memory; surrounded in a fan of long, dark lashes and brimming with sadness. I wish I’d never seen that sorrowful look in her eyes. I wish even more that I wasn’t the one who put it there. And I wish I wasn’t stuck in a masochistic loop of drawing her eyes like this over and over again, forcing myself to confront the cruel consequences of my actions.

Sketching used to be my escape. Now, it’s my penance.

I’m so in the zone that I’ve tuned out everything around me- I don’t even realize someone is knocking on my apartment door until the pounding grows more insistent, rattling the door on its hinges and causing pples to form in my water glass beside me. yank out one of my earbuds, jerking my ead up to stare warily in the direction of the oor.

Whoever’s banging their fist against the >ther side clearly isn’t going away, and my nind immediately conjures up the worst- case scenario of who it could be. Fuckface has been blowing up my phone since I got back into town. I’m sure he’s figured out by now that I never put in a good word for Spence with our alpha before leaving, and he’s no doubt pissed about me failing to follow orders like a good little soldier. I wish I could avoid the guy forever like the plague he is, but he always seems to find a way to track me down.

I have half a mind to keep ignoring the knocking at my door, hoping he’ll just go away, and I even go so far as to pick up my earbud and start to slip it back into my ear. Before I do, though, I hear a voice call out that stops me in my tracks.

Her voice.

“Callum? I know you’re in there.”

My breath catches, my pulse skyrocketing.

I tear my other earbud out, tossing them both onto the side table and shooting to my feet. My sketchbook and pencil clatter to the floor, but I hardly even notice until I’m stumbling over them, nearly tripping over my feet in my haste to get to my apartment door. I can’t get it open fast enough; my heart pounds at a chaotic rhythm as I fumble with the lock, nearly tearing the door from its hinges when I finally get it open.

The girl on the other side looks like a goddamn angel descended from heaven and dropped on my doorstep. Her light blue sundress contrasts with her glowing bronze skin, her dark hair swept back in a casual ponytail and her face makeup free. I swear Nessa has never looked more beautiful than she does right now standing in front of me, brown eyes wide and puffy lips slightly parted on a sharp intake of breath when our gazes meet.

She’s here.

I don’t know why or what it means, but I’m not about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Stunned into silence, I step aside and gesture for her to come in, her sweet floral and cherry scent assaulting my senses as she glides past me into my apartment.

I kick the door closed, my eyes glued to Nessa as she wanders further inside, then spins around to face me.

“I thought you might want this back,” she says, and only then do I realize that she’s got my sketchbook clutched to her chest, grasping it so tightly that her knuckles are white.

“You can keep it,” I mutter, shoving my hands into the pockets of my low-hanging sweats and striding toward her with jerky steps. “There’s plenty more where that came from.”

She arches a perfectly sculpted brow. “How many more?”

I shrug, gesturing to the stack of sketchbooks on the small table beside the recliner. “Take your pick.”

Nessa eyes the stack with curiosity, shuffling closer and running her fingers along the spines. “Are all the drawings like these ones?” she asks, depositing the book she carried in on the top of the stack and tapping the cover with a silver-painted fingernail.

I swipe a hand over my chin, eyes roaming over her form appreciatively before meeting her own again. I probably shouldn’t be checking her out right now, but fuck, I can’t help myself. She’s gorgeous. “I told you before that you were my muse.”

reaction, sidestepping to peer up at the array of drawings taped to the wall instead. ” I need to know, Callum,” Nessa murmurs, her back turned to me. She suddenly spins around, her eyes blazing with fierce determination as they lock with mine. “No, I deserve to know. After putting me through hell, the least you can do is tell me the real reason why

a

quick strides until she’s close enough to touch. She stares up at me in demand, pressing a

of her contact. Her eyes flare in desperation and she folds her arms over her chest protectively. “Don’t you think I deserve to

and pulling her closer. “Not enough?!” I scoff angrily, hating her insinuation.

out of my grasp, stepping back with fresh tears shining in her eyes. “Then why, Callum? Why’d you leave me?!”

again, wrapping my arms around Nessa and yanking her into my chest. She doesn’t resist or struggle; instead, her body melts into mine, every soft curve of her meeting every hard edge of

her head. “So fucking sorry. I should’ve stayed. I know

I have her in my arms, though,

hold her for another minute or two before she starts to wriggle away. Reluctantly, I relinquish my grip, my fingertips trailing down her arms until I take her hands in mine. Then they slip away.

I say, my shoulders. slumping in defeat. “You deserve to

going to

so wide,

truth

truth feels like a death sentence. I can’t see a life worth living without the

face and fighting against my frayed nerves. It’s time to man up and tell her, even if that means

up beyond repair, so what’s one more nail in my coffin?

right in. Nessa’s eyes stay trained on me as I recount the same story I told Chase, and even though it’s a special kind of torture to see her reaction play out on her face, I don’t look away. I watch as she takes it all in, and when I get to the part about how I killed the woman from Boulder with my bare hands, she sucks in a sharp gasp of alarm. Still, she

to that dinner at my parents ‘house, Troy reminded me of what I’d done,” I grind out, my throat tightening. ” He reminded me that it could happen again, to you, and I just… fuck, I knew I couldn’t put you at

pause hangs between us as she

why you left,” Nessa

swallowing past the lump in my throat. “I decided that night that I had to. It was the only way to make sure that what happened to her wouldn’t happen to you. I’d never fucking forgive myself if I lost control with you like that.”

lower lip between her teeth, wringing her hands in her

head. “It killed me to walk away

to protect

stares at me with wide eyes while I absently trace a fingertip over the little heart she tattooed on my wrist. “Do you get it now? Why we can’t

again. I watch as she goes back and forth, practically seeing the wheels in her head spinning. I lean forward to rest my elbows on my knees, burying my face in my hands as I listen to her footsteps

chest and her eyes rounded in sincerity. “You’d never hurt

my arms. She falls into them, fisting my

she whimpers, her

and bleed, and I just wish I knew how to fix it. How to make it better. “I still do, Ness,” I admit, feeling the thump of her heartbeat against my body, matching the steady thrum of

face with both hands, angling it up to mine and staring deeply into her eyes. “I love you, but I’m a fucking

my hands with her own and

That doesn’t make you a monster. I

idealism. Her way of seeing the good in everyone. I don’t deserve it.

down to press my forehead against hers. “You’re too good, you know that?” I grumble, sweeping the pad of my thumb over her lower lip. I sigh, my