Down the Rabbit Hole (Stuck On You)

Chapter 38: Unknown Heart

The next day, Luca took me to go see Hayden. I loved and hated seeing him at the same time; it made me happy being around him, but at the same time, it made me sad that he wasn't awake. I watched the dance rehearsals and even danced a little before Luca took me back to his house. Jason and I watched a movie while Luca cooked dinner. Luca cooked all food I ate for a week straight. I think it was to make sure that I was eating, but I wasn't complaining; Luca made amazing food. I'd gained my weight back and actually started looking out for the baby. If this was the last thing that Hayden would ever give me, I would cherish it always. I owed him that much. My dad stayed with me until I was stable, which Luca attributed a lot to. After my dad left, I was surprisingly fine. Luca kept me too busy to think about anything else. Jason was there for me too, but not as much as Luca. It was like he made it a point to be around me at all times. I didn't mind it; I liked the company.

Hayden had been in a coma for four months with me visiting him almost every day. It did get easier. I'd accepted the fact that Hayden wasn't waking up anytime soon. I'd also accepted the fact that I was six months pregnant. Luca would take me to my doctor's appointments with me which helped a lot. It kept me from feeling so vulnerable and lonely. I went all that time without celebrating any birthdays or holidays. I watched as everyone else moved on with their lives. I couldn't. I'd decided to keep the baby, but I hadn't told anyone yet. My dad kept up the payments for the apartment and I quit my job. I was going to keep the apartment exactly the way it was. All of my clothes were at Luca's house, but I was saving the apartment for whenever Hayden woke up. I wasn't going to touch a thing. I wanted everything to be exactly as he left it when he got home... if he got home.

I'd come back from a walk and closed the door behind me. I didn't see Luca or Jason anywhere so I went looking for them. I'd entered the living room just in time to see Jason and Luca trail off to Luca's room. I couldn't help myself. Once the door closed, I tip toed over to the door and pressed my ear against it.

"You can't do this to him. Hitting on his girlfriend, his pregnant girlfriend while he's in a coma? Come on man, from the first time Hayden saw her; he was in love with her. He loves her. And your plan is to, what, derail her?" I heard Jason say.

"No! Look, I'm aware of all of that, but what if Hayden doesn't wake up? Then Jo will be alone; really alone. And pushing all of her friends away the way that she is, she won't be able to handle it. I'm just going to be here for her, no matter what she decides. I just want to keep her from spiraling," Luca argued. Jason sighed as he took a beat.

"This is low, Luca," Jason said. "You like her... I would even go as far to say that you love her," Jason said. Luca didn't say anything.

"I can't help that," he said softly. I'd heard enough. I tip-toed away and up the stairs to my room. I sat criss-cross on the bed and subconsciously rubbed my hand over my stomach. I had a nice baby bump going. At seven months, I thought I would show a little more. There was a knock on my door.

in," I said. It was

your walk?"

restless right now," I answered honestly. I couldn't help their recent conversation ringing through

will be ready in a little bit," he said, before he sat on the bed next to me. I nodded and looked at my

whisper. It was more of a realization than

he said, trying to comfort me. I finally looked at

I

here for you too," he tried to cover.

talking to Jason," I admitted quietly. I covered my stomach with my arms and looked at him as I

sighed and looked at my feet...

you really feel about

my feelings," he said. He was right. I looked at him confused. I had to

and walked until he was standing directly in front

might never happen. I wanted him to kiss me. "Hayden's been in a comma for five months. I am seven months pregnant. Hayden is your best friend... and I'm his girlfriend; whether he's in a comma or not. You know that... and I know that," I said out loud mostly to put my brain back on track. "And Luca, I'm keeping the baby. This little