Down the Rabbit Hole (Stuck On You)

Chapter 39: Due Date

I was eight months pregnant. Hayden had been in a coma for six months. I refused to pull the plug on him. My dad made sure that they wouldn't pull the plug on him. When I reached my due date, I was still pregnant. My dad came back for the birth, but it didn't happen.

"Are you sure that I'm nine months?" I asked my OBGYN. She nodded.

"I'm positive. You're baby is just late. We can induce labor," she suggested. I shook my head.

"No. If she's not ready, I don't want to force her," I said.

"Are you sure?" Luca asked me. He still went to my doctor's appointments with me because I didn't want to go by myself. I nodded.

"Let her comes when she wants," I said. "I'm only a few days late anyway. I'm going to go see Hayden," I said. I saw Luca's face twitch slightly as he tried to keep the look of disappointment and guilt off of his face. I ignored it as the doctor wiped the gel off of my stomach. I got a picture of my baby before I went to the hospital to see Hayden. I went in alone. I just talked to him.

"Hayden, our baby is going to come any day now; our little girl. I want you to be there with me in the delivery room... please wake up," I said softly. His heart monitor started beeping erratically. Doctors and nurses rushed in with machines and medicines. They pushed me aside and started working on him.

"What's happening?" I asked, scared.

orders. He continued barking orders to nurses and other doctors as I was led out of the room. I looked in through the window as tears streaked my face. Heart failure? I thought he was stable. None of this was making any sense. Suddenly everything was moving slowly. As I peered into the window, I found myself screaming and banging my fists against the glass. This couldn't be happening. I prayed that this wasn't happening. I hoped that any minute now I would wake up to realize that this was all just a terrible nightmare. But it didn't happen...

Hayden Grayson McCormick. That was the time that a piece of my heart died. I watched as they stopped working on him. They rolled the machines out and closed the curtains, blocking my view of them bagging him. I screamed and fussed and kicked. I went into full blown hysteria. I felt arms go around me, trying to calm me down. I was still sobbing uncontrollably but I'd stopped screaming. I crumbled. My heart felt like it was about

happening. I needed to wake up. I clung to Luca's arm as I cried. He pushed my hair away from my

I refused to open my eyes. I kept

don't want to hear it right now, but you'll be okay. You and your little girl will be okay," Luca said softly. I didn't want to hear

my hair out of my face. Hayden... Hayden was the first thing on my mind. I eased my body back down to the bed. I wish I could've curled up in the fetal position, but I was already carrying someone who was doing that. I put a hand on my stomach when I felt a kick. Since my baby was full term, her kicks really paced a punch. I let out a breath and closed my eyes. It hurt. She kicked again and again. I let out a

asked. I

starting to hurt," I said, ignoring the real reason

to start making arrangements for the funeral," he said softly. I swallowed the lump that started forming in

don't want to hear

we can do about it. There was nothing we could do about it," Jason

this baby out of me and go to sleep and never wake up," I said. He started

alive," he said. I sighed and went back to my bed. I paced again and ran my fingers through my hair before I closed my eyes, my tears falling as I did so. "Then why don't I feel that way? Why do I feel so empty? Why do I feel

the world. You will have a baby soon, and you'll have someone new to love; that baby. And eventually, you'll move on. You just have to hang in there for now," he said.

miserable until you do," he