4. Utterly broken

Have you ever felt like your heart has been put in a mincer? That is how I feel right now looking at them. I feel like my heart has been shredded into pieces.

If I could take the useless piece of organ and throw it away then I would. Because the pain that was tearing through me was unimaginable.

I wanted to run away. To look away, but I couldn’t. My eyes were fixed on them and no matter how I wanted to avert them it was like they were glued there. To the loving scene that was playing before me.

I watch as they separate. Rowan’s eyes soften as he stares at the love of his life. I continue to watch as he cups her face in his hands. He brings her closer to him. He doesn’t kiss her, just lays his forehead against hers.

He looks peaceful. Like he’s finally home after a long time. Like he was finally whole.

‘I’ve missed you’ I read the words forming on his lips.

I don’t want to imagine what would be happening between them right now if they had met under a different circumstance. If they had met when we were still married. Would he have cheated on me?

Part of me wants to deny that thought but I can’t be sure. After all, this was Emma we were talking about. Rowan would go to hell and back for her sake.

Unable to take it anymore. I stand up and rush outside.

The moment I get outside the tears begin to fall. It fucking hurt and I didn’t know how to numb or stop the pain. But who could I blame? I was the one at fault for falling in love with a man that didn’t belong to me.

I beg whichever higher power is

is no answer

into my lungs no matter

you want a man that doesn’t

can walk your ass back to the hospital where your family is. There is nothing here for you” I wipe my tear stained eyes and put my

see me cry. I won’t give

his face.

you to understand that Rowan always belonged to Emma. Your selfishness took him away from her but now they can be together. I hope you won’t get in the way

out a

of you will have to see or put up with me

pinched in confusion. “What do

forget this day ever happened. I’ll cry myself to sleep then

by to help with burial preparations, that’s if she even wants my help. And tell

Heading towards my car. I can hear Travis calling my name but I don’t bother to turn

was with his mother. I didn’t want to deal yet with another person that

get home in record time. Being there alone just reminded me how truly alone I am. I have no one to comfort

tears start falling down my

could go back in time and change things. Maybe

about the past. Once it’s happened,

*****************************

and everyone is in turmoil. It came as shock to everyone. He was a well

was probably all loved up and in Emma’s arms right now. She has probably even moved in with him

I focus on zipping my

voice comes from behind

I kneel down so that I am on eye

it my

fishing with this

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