Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

5. Shoot out

Nothing about the day spelled disaster. The sun was shining and everything seemed to be well in place as I drove down the familiar streets.

The chapel was fully packed when we arrived. Almost everyone had come to pay their last respects.

I surveyed the place and was satisfied to see everything was in place. None of the others had been much help when it came to the burial preparation. I was the one that was left to shoulder the weight of everything.

I didn’t complain though. I took it as a chance for me to reciprocate what he’d done for me. After all, he had fed me, clothed me and put a room over my head.

The service was about to begin and most people were already seated. I decided to sit on the opposite side. It didn’t feel right sitting with the rest. It especially didn’t feel right sitting next to Emma.

“Mom, why are we sitting here…shouldn’t we sit next to grandma?” Noah asks, pointing at where the others were.

Of course we were getting weird looks but I didn’t care. After all, it wasn’t a secret that I wasn’t wholly accepted by the family after everything that happened.

“Most people are already seated. I don’t want us to cause a fracas” I lie.

He looks like he doesn’t believe me but choses to let it go. The father arrives and the sermon begins just as I feel someone sit next to me.

I tense. I would know his presence and cologne anywhere. I don’t know what he was doing seated here. He should be with his precious Emma. In fact I would prefer if he were there.

Damn I sound bitter. Which I was. Bitter, angry and hurt.

“Dad” Noah whisper yells, which causes a few people to turn and look at us.

I glower at them making them turn back around.

I sit between the two

breathe a sigh of relief. Thank goodness for small miracles. I wouldn’t have

to switch seats with him. The moment we do, I feel the

question is how will you leave it? Will you have made a difference? Changed it and touched the lives of those that you met along the way? Or will you

will attend my burial? Will those around me even care? Whom am I kidding?

I hold myself back. Living under the perfect shadow that was Emma nailed in the fact that I can never be good enough for anyone. I wasn’t as beautiful as she was. S**y as she was. Smart as she was. Loved as she was. I wasn’t perfect as Emma was. I was

now when we’re older, I’m still in her shadow. No one sees my pain or suffering. It’s all about Emma. Her pain is bigger than mine. Her happiness is a priority over mine. She always

pulls me out of

the service was

okay?” his deep

look at him but I’ll have to

my shoulders I stand up, without looking at him. I know it seems rude but I just can’t look at him. Not when the memory of him staring lovingly at Emma is still

Noah,

outside we’re bombarded by a crowd of people wanting to give us

father yet and I was already

you’ve finally decided to show your face” Emma’s bitter

to face her. Her face was blotchy and her eyes were

want to face

Emma. Can we

so that I’m the only one that can hear

all those years ago but no more. I plan to take everything back, including the man that was meant

my sister but doesn’t say anything. I’m

she doesn’t have to take anything back because none of them were mine to begin with. The family she’s talking about worships the ground she walks one. And Rowan? Rowan was and still

that wanted to drown me, I lead Noah to the place that would be father’s final resting

They’re huddled together. Looking at them and me you would

the preacher says as

is completely buried. Mother’s wails are the loudest as she begs for father to come back to her. Emma and

brings tears to my eyes. I hate seeing him in pain. I wipe my tears away. I need to be strong for him.

accept them mindlessly. It was like I was there but wasn’t at the same

there is pa and ma” he drags