Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

33. Drowning my pain

My phone rings for the hundredth time today. Letty’s name flashes but just like those other times,

I ignore her calls. She’s been trying to call me since yesterday.

I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to talk to her. She was still connected to the world and people I

wanted to stay away from. That left me at crossroads. 1

“Give me another” I ask the bartender immediately after my phone stops ringing.

Today was my birthday and this is how I was celebrating it. Alone in a bar, drinking some fruity kind of concoction, still hurting from Rowan’s vile words.

I’ve tried so much to push those thoughts away. I’ve tried harder to forget every word he threw at me, but it’s hard. They’re imprinted in my damn head like a fucking tattoo.

We’ve been married for years, yet it never crossed my mind that he thought of me as nothing but a slut. That he was using me as a substitute for Emma in bed. My heart has broken over and over again since that day at my house.

I should have been surprised that he chose to believe every single word Emma said but I’m not. It’s typical of him to believe everyone except the woman he has lived with for nine fucking years.

Whoever said that words hurts more than punches was right. This time I fear that Rowan might have broken me beyond repair.

“Here” the cute bartender tells me.

He looks at me in sympathy, probably knowing that I was here to drown my sorrows. He must have seen this kind of thing thousands of time.

I take the drink from him, while avoiding his eyes. I didn’t need his sympathy. What I need is a new brain. A a new heart that isn’t tainted by pain and heartbreak. A soul unmarked by Rowan’s cruelty.

If I knew this was the future that awaited me years back, I would have ran for the hills. If I knew loving Rowan would destroy me in this manner, I would have flee to another continent, hell, another planet, just to escape him.

I wish I could smack some sense into my younger self. Maybe then I could have avoided all this heart ache

+15 BONUS

stare into nothing. My mind completely lost. I wasn’t drunk yet but I was starting to feel the buzz.

going to give me that reprieve even if it’s just for a few

drink and look to the dance floor. There were people dancing. I haven’t

close my eyes and let the music take over. I start to move to the beat. Feeling my problems start to fade for a little bit. Here in this moment I could pretend that I was okay. That I wasn’t a

of numbness. I feel people come up behind me to dance, I still don’t open my

come with them, but I decline. I ignore them and

to seep into my bones, I stop, open my eyes and head to the bar. I sit down on the barstool

to ignore it, thinking it was Letty, but instead

to

my voice was a little high

telling me why Letty woke me up completely out of her mind with worry saying she hasn’t been able

her. She had

don’t want to talk to her right now” I

but it was loud all the same.

club or something?” he asks just as someone screams that the music playing was their favorite

“Sort of”

+15 BONUS

“Are you drunk?”

tipsy” I answer, though I was planning to drink myself to oblivion

you have a

out to play and I liked that. I also liked that he was concerned about how

to take a taxi”

won’t Give me ten minutes” he says

phone. Wondering why he said that. Deciding that it

the back of my mind. Today was all about forgetting and

in the seat next to mine. I look up and I’m surprised to

are you here?”

ten when we talked, don’t you remember?” he

Still unable to understand how he was here and how he