Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

37. Having a breakdown

The warm light on my faces wakes me up. At first I’m confused as to how I ended up in my room, but then the heavy hand around my waist brings the memories of what happened back.

I start to internally panic so much so that I’m afraid I’ll wake Ethan up. I didn’t want him up now. Not when I was having a nervous breakdown. Not while my head was a mess. As slowly as I can, I

get up and leave the bed.

He turns and murmurs something in his sleep, but he doesn’t wake up. I heave a sigh of relief even as I put some clothes on and pick up my phone from the dresser.

Tip toing to the door, I wince a little when I open it and it creeks. I look back, my heart in my

mouth. I’m immediately thankful when I see Ethan still in bed.

The sheets were down to his waist, exposing his very well defined abs and an arm was thrown

over his face. Swallowing loudly, I leave the room.

I walk down my stairs feeling like I was doing the walk of shame even though I was in my own

house. The soreness between my legs, a testament of how Ethan took his job at remedying my

pain seriously.

The moment I get the kitchen I let loose. All the panic and anxiety I tried stifling in my room

rushes through me like an Avalanche.

“Call down, people have S** all the time” I try telling myself but instead of calming down it only

increases the pace of my wildly beating heart.

I start pacing the tiled floors. Still unable to believe that I had S** with another man. I always

thought that the only man who would ever touch me or see me naked is Rowan. Here we are

though, not only did I let Ethan kiss me, but I also allowed him into my bed.

Tired of pacing, I sit on the kitchen stool. My feet tapping nervously on the floor. What am I

supposed to do now? How am I supposed to act? I didn’t know what the protocol after these type of

things happened is.

Am I supposed to make him breakfast? Would he even want breakfast? Is it something that will

happen again or is it a one nightstand?

I place a hand on my beating heart. I felt like my chest was going to explode. I’ve never done

something like this before. Even if I hadn’t been in love with Rowan, I always believed that I would

+15 BONUS

currently not strong.

“You don’t have to love someone to have S** with them…you just have to be attracted to them” A

voice whispers.

I want to argue with it but my phone vibrating stops me. I unlock it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

I read the simple message, wondering who could have sent it. That is until I lift my eyes and see it’s from Rowan. I’m shocked and then angry. 4

He has no right at all to send me that stupid message. Not when he has never wished me a happy birthday during our marriage and especially not after the disgusting things he said to me.

I stand up and go back to pacing. I mean why now? Why now when we are divorced? Why today of

all day? A few hours after I have slept with another man.

I don’t think it’s fair to compare two men S**ually, but Ethan thoroughly fucked me. Simple and clear. There was passion and heat, something that lacked with Rowan Ethan took me in positions I didn’t even know were possible. I loved that but I also hated it because it proved how stale my

S** life with Rowan was.

The only time Rowan ever took me like that was the first time we had S** and it was only because he thought he was sleeping with Emma, the love of his fucking life.

I always wanted it to be like that between us. Always thought that something was missing. It wasn’t bad, but I just wanted more.

Now after my night with Ethan I realize what has been missing between Rowan and I was the passion. I also realize that it had been missing because I wasn’t who he had wanted

I push the pain that tries to resurface away. I didn’t want to think that Rowan was holding back even when we were having S** simply because he’d wanted another woman instead.

to my phone. Just to distract myself from the turmoil of

a happy birthday. They were from Travis, Letty, mother

the rest and make a mental note to reply to

Why now? What did they wish to gain from

forgiveness?” the

+15 BONUS

simple word

give it to me? How can I forgive them when they broke me? How am I supposed to

I’m the only one who got punished. The only one who got blamed was me. I was the one that was called names, the one that was looked down

verbal abuses. I took all of it. I took the blame even though I

the angry

bigger person. I lost just as much as Rowan did

wanted to see how I was breaking or how I struggled. It was

I had to break for them to feel good about themselves? They broke me and

the pain that I have been holding back. All the pain I’ve been pushing

leaves my mouth is animalistic even to my own ears. It reverberates off the

Mirroring the chaos within my soul. My fragile heart was breaking all over

passing moment, the anguish that had been buried deep continues

I hate Rowan

I turn at

+15 BONUS

there shirtless He looks at me in

barstools.

him there, I fall down on my knees in surrender,

pain compared to an emotional

left me with nothing Ethan. I’m empty, so dark and cold. How do I live like that? How do I let

I’m carrying are getting heavy” I

that wasn’t supposed to stand? That

go, let the pain go, Ava. It’s the only way”

cry my heart out and I

say a

continues to hold me as the remnants of my past, my unhealed scars, lay scattered

tear me apart as I breakdown

style and leads me up the stairs. My eyes were beginning to close as I feel a

me

guilty of my past sins, I think I’ve already paid enough for

was done hiding. It was time to come out of the shadows and live my

+15 BONUS

37. Having a breakdown

my faces wakes me up. At first I’m confused as to how I ended

hand around my waist brings the memories of what happened

much so that I’m afraid I’ll wake Ethan up. I didn’t want him up now. Not when I was having a nervous breakdown. Not while my head

and leave

and murmurs something in his sleep, but he doesn’t wake up. I heave a sigh of

I put some clothes on and pick up my

a little when I open it and it creeks.

I’m immediately thankful when I see Ethan still

waist, exposing his very well defined abs and

his face. Swallowing loudly, I

my stairs feeling like I was doing the walk of shame even though I was in my own. house.

pain seriously.

moment I get the kitchen I let loose. All

me like an

time” I try telling myself but instead of calming down

pace of my wildly

Still unable to believe that I had S** with another man. I always thought that

Ethan kiss me, but I

1 supposed to do now? How am I supposed to act? I didn’t

want breakfast? Is it something that will happen

explode. I’ve never done something like this before. Even if

+15 BONUS

currently not strong.

love someone to have S** with them…you just have to be attracted to them”

voice whispers.

argue with it but my phone vibrating stops me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

simple message, wondering who could have sent it. That is until I lift

I’m shocked and

right at all to send me that stupid message. Not when he has never wished

marriage and especially not after the disgusting things

mean why now? Why now when we are divorced?

after I have slept with another

don’t think it’s fair to compare two men S**ually, but Ethan

heat, something that

that but I also

with Rowan

was the