Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

37. Having a breakdown

The warm light on my faces wakes me up. At first I’m confused as to how I ended up in my room, but then the heavy hand around my waist brings the memories of what happened back.

I start to internally panic so much so that I’m afraid I’ll wake Ethan up. I didn’t want him up now. Not when I was having a nervous breakdown. Not while my head was a mess. As slowly as I can, I

get up and leave the bed.

He turns and murmurs something in his sleep, but he doesn’t wake up. I heave a sigh of relief even as I put some clothes on and pick up my phone from the dresser.

Tip toing to the door, I wince a little when I open it and it creeks. I look back, my heart in my

mouth. I’m immediately thankful when I see Ethan still in bed.

The sheets were down to his waist, exposing his very well defined abs and an arm was thrown

over his face. Swallowing loudly, I leave the room.

I walk down my stairs feeling like I was doing the walk of shame even though I was in my own

house. The soreness between my legs, a testament of how Ethan took his job at remedying my

pain seriously.

The moment I get the kitchen I let loose. All the panic and anxiety I tried stifling in my room

rushes through me like an Avalanche.

“Call down, people have S** all the time” I try telling myself but instead of calming down it only

increases the pace of my wildly beating heart.

I start pacing the tiled floors. Still unable to believe that I had S** with another man. I always

thought that the only man who would ever touch me or see me naked is Rowan. Here we are

though, not only did I let Ethan kiss me, but I also allowed him into my bed.

Tired of pacing, I sit on the kitchen stool. My feet tapping nervously on the floor. What am I

supposed to do now? How am I supposed to act? I didn’t know what the protocol after these type of

things happened is.

Am I supposed to make him breakfast? Would he even want breakfast? Is it something that will

happen again or is it a one nightstand?

I place a hand on my beating heart. I felt like my chest was going to explode. I’ve never done

something like this before. Even if I hadn’t been in love with Rowan, I always believed that I would

+15 BONUS

currently not strong.

“You don’t have to love someone to have S** with them…you just have to be attracted to them” A

voice whispers.

I want to argue with it but my phone vibrating stops me. I unlock it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

I read the simple message, wondering who could have sent it. That is until I lift my eyes and see it’s from Rowan. I’m shocked and then angry. 4

He has no right at all to send me that stupid message. Not when he has never wished me a happy birthday during our marriage and especially not after the disgusting things he said to me.

I stand up and go back to pacing. I mean why now? Why now when we are divorced? Why today of

all day? A few hours after I have slept with another man.

I don’t think it’s fair to compare two men S**ually, but Ethan thoroughly fucked me. Simple and clear. There was passion and heat, something that lacked with Rowan Ethan took me in positions I didn’t even know were possible. I loved that but I also hated it because it proved how stale my

S** life with Rowan was.

The only time Rowan ever took me like that was the first time we had S** and it was only because he thought he was sleeping with Emma, the love of his fucking life.

I always wanted it to be like that between us. Always thought that something was missing. It wasn’t bad, but I just wanted more.

Now after my night with Ethan I realize what has been missing between Rowan and I was the passion. I also realize that it had been missing because I wasn’t who he had wanted

I push the pain that tries to resurface away. I didn’t want to think that Rowan was holding back even when we were having S** simply because he’d wanted another woman instead.

myself from the turmoil of what was happening inside me.

find more text wishing me a happy birthday. They were from Travis, Letty, mother

make a mental note to

now? What did they wish

the same voice

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Such a simple

How can I forgive them when they broke me? How am I supposed to let it all go when they didn’t let

who got blamed was me. I was the one that was called names, the one that

only one that got the emotional and verbal abuses. I took all of it. I took the blame even though I

it, the more I got angry. I can feel the angry tears trying to fall and this time I don’t want to push them

being the bigger person. I lost just as much as

broke. No one wanted to see how I was breaking or how I struggled. It was

working? How come I had to break for them

feel a dam explode inside me. All the pain that I have been holding back. All the pain I’ve been pushing down I can’t contain it anymore.

mouth is animalistic even to my own ears. It reverberates off the walls, echoing my torment. I lash out, my fist colliding with any

within my soul. My fragile heart was breaking all over again.

deep continues to surface

Rowan for what he put

I turn

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He looks at me in shock. The

barstools.

on my knees in surrender, not caring if I hurt myself

What’s physical pain compared to an

hate him. I gave him my all. He took and took and I continued to let him. He left me with nothing

all these weights I’m carrying are getting heavy” I

I see that I was trying to hold on to something that wasn’t supposed to stand? That I was living in a waste land that they banished me

around me. “Let it all go, let the pain go, Ava. It’s the only way” he says

flesh as I cry my heart out and I

a

hold me as the remnants of my past, my unhealed scars, lay scattered on the floor A physical manifestation of the emotional turmoil

me apart as I breakdown and all

and utterly drained. He gently picks me up bridal style and leads me

me

had deemed me guilty of my past sins, I think I’ve already paid enough for those mistakes. It was time to leave the past where it belonged. It was time to

come out of the shadows

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37. Having a breakdown

first I’m confused as to how

my waist brings the memories of

much so that I’m afraid I’ll wake Ethan up. I didn’t want him up now. Not when I was having a nervous breakdown. Not while my head was a

up and leave the

in his sleep, but he doesn’t wake up. I heave a sigh of

and pick up my phone from

open it and it

I

sheets were down to his waist, exposing his

Swallowing loudly, I leave

of shame even though I was in my own. house. The soreness between my legs, a testament of

pain seriously.

the kitchen I let loose. All the

through me like an

down, people have S** all the time” I try telling myself but instead of calming down it

pace of

pacing the tiled floors. Still unable to believe that I had S** with another man. I always thought that the only man who would ever touch me or

only did I let Ethan kiss me, but I also allowed

on the kitchen stool. My feet tapping nervously on the floor. What am 1 supposed to do now? How am I supposed to act? I didn’t know what the

I supposed to make him breakfast? Would he even want breakfast? Is it something that will happen again or is

chest was going to explode. I’ve never done something like this before. Even if I hadn’t been in love with Rowan,

+15 BONUS

currently not strong.

to have S** with them…you

voice whispers.

argue with it but my phone vibrating stops me. I unlock

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

read the simple message, wondering who could have sent it. That is until I

I’m shocked and then

right at all to send me that stupid message. Not when

during our marriage and especially not after the disgusting things

go back to pacing. I mean why now? Why now when we are

A few hours after

men S**ually, but

heat, something that lacked with Rowan. Ethan took

but I also hated it because it proved

with

that was the first time we had S** and it