Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

37. Having a breakdown

The warm light on my faces wakes me up. At first I’m confused as to how I ended up in my room, but then the heavy hand around my waist brings the memories of what happened back.

I start to internally panic so much so that I’m afraid I’ll wake Ethan up. I didn’t want him up now. Not when I was having a nervous breakdown. Not while my head was a mess. As slowly as I can, I

get up and leave the bed.

He turns and murmurs something in his sleep, but he doesn’t wake up. I heave a sigh of relief even as I put some clothes on and pick up my phone from the dresser.

Tip toing to the door, I wince a little when I open it and it creeks. I look back, my heart in my

mouth. I’m immediately thankful when I see Ethan still in bed.

The sheets were down to his waist, exposing his very well defined abs and an arm was thrown

over his face. Swallowing loudly, I leave the room.

I walk down my stairs feeling like I was doing the walk of shame even though I was in my own

house. The soreness between my legs, a testament of how Ethan took his job at remedying my

pain seriously.

The moment I get the kitchen I let loose. All the panic and anxiety I tried stifling in my room

rushes through me like an Avalanche.

“Call down, people have S** all the time” I try telling myself but instead of calming down it only

increases the pace of my wildly beating heart.

I start pacing the tiled floors. Still unable to believe that I had S** with another man. I always

thought that the only man who would ever touch me or see me naked is Rowan. Here we are

though, not only did I let Ethan kiss me, but I also allowed him into my bed.

Tired of pacing, I sit on the kitchen stool. My feet tapping nervously on the floor. What am I

supposed to do now? How am I supposed to act? I didn’t know what the protocol after these type of

things happened is.

Am I supposed to make him breakfast? Would he even want breakfast? Is it something that will

happen again or is it a one nightstand?

I place a hand on my beating heart. I felt like my chest was going to explode. I’ve never done

something like this before. Even if I hadn’t been in love with Rowan, I always believed that I would

+15 BONUS

currently not strong.

“You don’t have to love someone to have S** with them…you just have to be attracted to them” A

voice whispers.

I want to argue with it but my phone vibrating stops me. I unlock it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

I read the simple message, wondering who could have sent it. That is until I lift my eyes and see it’s from Rowan. I’m shocked and then angry. 4

He has no right at all to send me that stupid message. Not when he has never wished me a happy birthday during our marriage and especially not after the disgusting things he said to me.

I stand up and go back to pacing. I mean why now? Why now when we are divorced? Why today of

all day? A few hours after I have slept with another man.

I don’t think it’s fair to compare two men S**ually, but Ethan thoroughly fucked me. Simple and clear. There was passion and heat, something that lacked with Rowan Ethan took me in positions I didn’t even know were possible. I loved that but I also hated it because it proved how stale my

S** life with Rowan was.

The only time Rowan ever took me like that was the first time we had S** and it was only because he thought he was sleeping with Emma, the love of his fucking life.

I always wanted it to be like that between us. Always thought that something was missing. It wasn’t bad, but I just wanted more.

Now after my night with Ethan I realize what has been missing between Rowan and I was the passion. I also realize that it had been missing because I wasn’t who he had wanted

I push the pain that tries to resurface away. I didn’t want to think that Rowan was holding back even when we were having S** simply because he’d wanted another woman instead.

to my phone. Just to distract myself from the turmoil of what

more text wishing me a happy birthday. They were from

make a mental note to reply to

now? What did they

the same voice

+15 BONUS

simple word yet so

forgive them when they broke me? How am

but I’m the only one who got punished. The only one who got blamed was me. I was the one that was called names, the

got the emotional and verbal abuses. I took all of it.

more I thought about it, the more I got angry. I can feel the

tired. So fucking tired of being the bigger person. I lost just as

to see how the guilt broke. No one wanted to see how I

I had to break just to keep us working? How come I had to break for them to feel good about themselves? They broke me and

pain that I have been holding back. All the pain I’ve been pushing down I can’t contain it anymore. It all comes rushing to the

my mouth is animalistic even to my own ears. It reverberates off the walls, echoing my torment. I lash out, my fist colliding with any fragile object

sound of shattering glass and splintering wood fills the air Mirroring the chaos within my soul. My fragile heart was

the anguish that had been buried deep continues

hate them I hate Rowan for what he put me

turn at

+15 BONUS

at me in

barstools.

knees in

glass. What’s physical pain

I gave him my all. He took and took and I continued to let him. He left me with nothing Ethan. I’m empty, so dark and cold. How

these weights I’m carrying are getting heavy” I

was trying to hold on to something that wasn’t supposed to stand? That I was living in a waste land that they banished me

around me. “Let it all go, let the pain go, Ava.

dig into his flesh as I cry my heart out and I transfer all that pain to

a

continues to hold me as the remnants of my past, my unhealed scars, lay scattered on the floor A physical manifestation of the emotional turmoil that had

apart as I breakdown and all

bridal style and leads me up the stairs. My eyes were beginning

me

my past sins, I think I’ve already paid enough for those mistakes. It was

come out of the shadows and live my

+15 BONUS

37. Having a breakdown

faces wakes me up. At first I’m confused as to how I ended up in

my waist brings the memories of what

him up now. Not when I was having a nervous breakdown. Not while my head was a mess.

up and leave the

and murmurs something in his sleep, but he doesn’t wake up.

and pick up my phone

when I open it and it creeks. I

I see Ethan

down to his waist, exposing his very well defined abs and an

his face. Swallowing loudly, I leave

though I was in my own. house. The soreness between my legs, a testament of how

pain seriously.

kitchen I let loose. All the panic and anxiety

through me like an

down, people have S** all the time” I try telling myself but instead of calming down

pace of my wildly

that I had S** with another man. I always thought that the only

only did I let Ethan kiss me, but I

floor. What am 1 supposed to do now? How am I supposed

him breakfast? Would he even want breakfast? Is it something that will happen again or is it a one

my beating heart. I felt like my chest was going to explode. I’ve never done something like this before. Even if I hadn’t been in love with Rowan, I

+15 BONUS

currently not strong.

to have S** with them…you just have to be attracted

voice whispers.

my

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

the simple message, wondering who could have sent it. That is

from Rowan. I’m

has no right at all to send me that stupid message. Not

not after the disgusting

to pacing. I mean why now? Why now when we

after I have slept with

compare two men S**ually, but Ethan thoroughly

passion and heat, something that lacked with Rowan. Ethan took me

were possible. I loved that but I also hated it because it proved

life with Rowan

time Rowan ever took me like that was the first time