Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

96. I won’t stop trying

Rowan.

My feet hit the pavement as I run. I usually run in the morning, but today I decided otherwise It was around seven in the evening, and I needed this run.

I speed up, feeling my muscles burn. I wanted to outrun my guilt. Wanted to outrun my heartache.

I wanted to outrun my fucking foolishness.

The guilt of how much I had hurt Ava was eating me alive. Destroying me from the inside out. I

haven’t been able to face her since I discovered my feelings for her.

I look at myself in the mirror, and all I see is a despicable human being. I am disgusted by my

actions. Disgusted by all that I did to her.

I thought I was a good man. The kind that loves fiercely. I was always proud of myself for holding on to my love for Emma. I thought it meant that my feelings for her were true. What I didn’t

realize was that while doing that, I was hurting the woman I actually loved.

“Fuck!” I curse myself and the world.

How the hell did I get here?

I push myself harder as I run past the gas station a few miles from my house. I don’t have time to slow down because once I do, my demons will be back to haunt me. To taunt me with all my

mistakes.

Every time I close my eyes, I see her face from many months ago, before she asked for a divorce. I

don’t even remember what I said to 1 it it hurt her pretty badly. I remember her eyes shutting down in pain as she told me she hated me. I scoffed. Not knowing that I would one day crave the

love she used to have for me.

I messed up big time. Now everything is fucked up and I don’t know how to fix it.

My phone rings, and I am pulled from my drowning thoughts.

“Hello,” I answer without checking the caller’s ID. My breaths coming in hard and fast.

“Dad, it’s me!” Noah shouts in excitement.

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How are

good rm super excited,”

though part of me thinks that

you in such a good mood?” I

Right now, he was my lifeline because

my best friend

“Yeah”

cheer him up, so I talked to mom and she agreed.

was driving me insane. I know I said she deserves better, but I honestly don’t

right?” I ask, my voice taking a

dad? You don’t sound fine,” he says

T

if she chose this man? What if they were in a relationship? What

the more I got pissed at myself

I

he

“Yes. Absolutely,” I lie.

“I’ll talk to you later. Just wanted

you wanted

said, hanging up the

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come out tonight in the hopes of calming my thoughts. It was wasted because, on top of all the stress, I was

storm to Ava’s place and claim her.

you,” my butler

is it?” I

swear as I turn around to face her. Fuck!

help you, Emma?” I feel it as Rodgers,

study her features. She was beautiful, yes, but her beauty had

but there was nothing.

are you, Ro?” she asks instead of answering

want to be rude, but I didn’t have time for

here, Emma. I have a lot of things

here because of us. I want us to talk about

relationship.”

down. I feel coldness radiating from me. She

shit.

you understand that?” I ask her

hands fisted at my

Doesn’t she

have changed and it’s like I can’t stand being around

I love you, and you love me. It’s always been that way.