Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

96. I won’t stop trying

Rowan.

My feet hit the pavement as I run. I usually run in the morning, but today I decided otherwise It was around seven in the evening, and I needed this run.

I speed up, feeling my muscles burn. I wanted to outrun my guilt. Wanted to outrun my heartache.

I wanted to outrun my fucking foolishness.

The guilt of how much I had hurt Ava was eating me alive. Destroying me from the inside out. I

haven’t been able to face her since I discovered my feelings for her.

I look at myself in the mirror, and all I see is a despicable human being. I am disgusted by my

actions. Disgusted by all that I did to her.

I thought I was a good man. The kind that loves fiercely. I was always proud of myself for holding on to my love for Emma. I thought it meant that my feelings for her were true. What I didn’t

realize was that while doing that, I was hurting the woman I actually loved.

“Fuck!” I curse myself and the world.

How the hell did I get here?

I push myself harder as I run past the gas station a few miles from my house. I don’t have time to slow down because once I do, my demons will be back to haunt me. To taunt me with all my

mistakes.

Every time I close my eyes, I see her face from many months ago, before she asked for a divorce. I

don’t even remember what I said to 1 it it hurt her pretty badly. I remember her eyes shutting down in pain as she told me she hated me. I scoffed. Not knowing that I would one day crave the

love she used to have for me.

I messed up big time. Now everything is fucked up and I don’t know how to fix it.

My phone rings, and I am pulled from my drowning thoughts.

“Hello,” I answer without checking the caller’s ID. My breaths coming in hard and fast.

“Dad, it’s me!” Noah shouts in excitement.

haven’t been by to see him. Not when

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How

super excited,” he

the best of me, even though part of me thinks that I will regret

What’s got you in such

to him brought a sense of peace. Right now, he was my lifeline because I felt like I was drowning. Like I was

best friend

“Yeah”

happened, and I wanted to cheer him up, so I talked to mom and she agreed. We’re going to an amusement park tomorrow. Mom, me,

another man near her was driving me insane.

my

sound fine,” he says after realizing that I wasn’t as

T

chose this man? What if they were

the more I got pissed at myself

is it?” I ask him

in the next town,” he replies. “Are

“Yes. Absolutely,” I lie.

incredulous. “I’ll talk to you later. Just wanted to let

wanted

I said, hanging up the

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I’d come out tonight in the hopes of calming my thoughts. It was wasted because, on top of all the stress, I was now

I wanted to storm to Ava’s place and claim her. I wanted to tell her

Woods, there is someone here to see you,” my butler informs me the moment I step

is it?”

swear as I turn around to face her.

can I help you, Emma?” I feel it as Rodgers, my

beautiful, yes, but her beauty

for her, but there was nothing. The place that

are you, Ro?” she asks instead of answering

rude, but I didn’t have

I have a lot of things

because

relationship.”

shouts down. I feel coldness radiating from me. She flinches,

shit.

no ‘us‘ Emma. Don’t you understand that?” I

fisted

she understand that being

like I

you love me. It’s always been that