Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

96. I won’t stop trying

Rowan.

My feet hit the pavement as I run. I usually run in the morning, but today I decided otherwise It was around seven in the evening, and I needed this run.

I speed up, feeling my muscles burn. I wanted to outrun my guilt. Wanted to outrun my heartache.

I wanted to outrun my fucking foolishness.

The guilt of how much I had hurt Ava was eating me alive. Destroying me from the inside out. I

haven’t been able to face her since I discovered my feelings for her.

I look at myself in the mirror, and all I see is a despicable human being. I am disgusted by my

actions. Disgusted by all that I did to her.

I thought I was a good man. The kind that loves fiercely. I was always proud of myself for holding on to my love for Emma. I thought it meant that my feelings for her were true. What I didn’t

realize was that while doing that, I was hurting the woman I actually loved.

“Fuck!” I curse myself and the world.

How the hell did I get here?

I push myself harder as I run past the gas station a few miles from my house. I don’t have time to slow down because once I do, my demons will be back to haunt me. To taunt me with all my

mistakes.

Every time I close my eyes, I see her face from many months ago, before she asked for a divorce. I

don’t even remember what I said to 1 it it hurt her pretty badly. I remember her eyes shutting down in pain as she told me she hated me. I scoffed. Not knowing that I would one day crave the

love she used to have for me.

I messed up big time. Now everything is fucked up and I don’t know how to fix it.

My phone rings, and I am pulled from my drowning thoughts.

“Hello,” I answer without checking the caller’s ID. My breaths coming in hard and fast.

“Dad, it’s me!” Noah shouts in excitement.

I haven’t been by to see

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How are

good rm super excited,”

best of me, even though part of me

got you in such a

brought a sense of peace. Right now, he was my lifeline because I felt like I was drowning.

remember my best friend

“Yeah”

she agreed. We’re

her was driving me insane. I know I said she

right?” I ask, my voice taking a hard

don’t sound fine,” he says after realizing that

T

home. My insides burned from envy. What if she chose this man? What if they were in a

the possibilities, the more I got pissed at myself for

I ask

he replies. “Are you okay,

“Yes. Absolutely,” I lie.

his voice is incredulous. “I’ll talk to you later. Just wanted to let you know that

around tomorrow, in case you wanted to see me. Bye dad,

too, buddy,” I said,

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come out tonight in the hopes of calming my thoughts. It was wasted because, on top of all the stress, I

done nothing to cool my frayed nerves. I wanted to storm to Ava’s place and claim her.

here to see you,” my butler informs me the moment I step

is it?” I

swear as I turn around to face her. Fuck! I didn’t have the

you, Emma?” I feel

features. She was beautiful, yes, but her beauty had deemed in my eyes. I

used to have for her, but there was nothing. The

Ro?” she asks instead of answering my

rude, but

you’re here, Emma. I have a lot of things on my

face losing its color. “I’m here because of us. I want us to talk about

relationship.”

radiating from me.

shit.

There is no ‘us‘ Emma. Don’t you understand that?” I ask her in

hands fisted at my

to leave. Doesn’t she understand that being near her irritates me?

changed and it’s like I

me. It’s always been