Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

96. I won’t stop trying

Rowan.

My feet hit the pavement as I run. I usually run in the morning, but today I decided otherwise It was around seven in the evening, and I needed this run.

I speed up, feeling my muscles burn. I wanted to outrun my guilt. Wanted to outrun my heartache.

I wanted to outrun my fucking foolishness.

The guilt of how much I had hurt Ava was eating me alive. Destroying me from the inside out. I

haven’t been able to face her since I discovered my feelings for her.

I look at myself in the mirror, and all I see is a despicable human being. I am disgusted by my

actions. Disgusted by all that I did to her.

I thought I was a good man. The kind that loves fiercely. I was always proud of myself for holding on to my love for Emma. I thought it meant that my feelings for her were true. What I didn’t

realize was that while doing that, I was hurting the woman I actually loved.

“Fuck!” I curse myself and the world.

How the hell did I get here?

I push myself harder as I run past the gas station a few miles from my house. I don’t have time to slow down because once I do, my demons will be back to haunt me. To taunt me with all my

mistakes.

Every time I close my eyes, I see her face from many months ago, before she asked for a divorce. I

don’t even remember what I said to 1 it it hurt her pretty badly. I remember her eyes shutting down in pain as she told me she hated me. I scoffed. Not knowing that I would one day crave the

love she used to have for me.

I messed up big time. Now everything is fucked up and I don’t know how to fix it.

My phone rings, and I am pulled from my drowning thoughts.

“Hello,” I answer without checking the caller’s ID. My breaths coming in hard and fast.

“Dad, it’s me!” Noah shouts in excitement.

phone, but I haven’t been by to see him. Not when seeing him means

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How

excited,” he

of me, even though part of me thinks that I will regret

got you in such a good mood?”

of peace. Right now, he was my lifeline because

you remember my best friend Gunner?” he

“Yeah”

things happened, and I wanted to cheer him up, so I talked to mom and she agreed.

take control. The thought of having another man near her was driving me insane. I know I said she deserves better, but I honestly

I ask, my voice taking a hard

he says after realizing that

T

burned from envy. What if she chose this man? What if they were in a relationship? What if

possibilities, the more I got pissed at myself for

it?” I

he replies. “Are

“Yes. Absolutely,” I lie.

voice is incredulous. “I’ll talk to you

case you wanted

buddy,” I said, hanging

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hopes of calming my thoughts. It was wasted because, on top of all the stress, I

to cool my frayed nerves. I wanted to storm to Ava’s place and claim her. I wanted to tell her she can’t go out with this

you,” my butler informs me the

it?”

answer, her voice interrupts us. I swear as I turn around to face her. Fuck! I didn’t have

I help you, Emma?” I feel it as Rodgers,

study her features. She was beautiful, yes, but her beauty had deemed in my eyes. I

there was nothing. The place that once housed

asks instead of answering

didn’t want to be rude, but

have a lot of

here because of

relationship.”

shouts down. I feel coldness radiating from me. She flinches, but I don’t give

shit.

you understand

hands fisted at

to leave. Doesn’t she understand that being near

have changed and it’s like I

and you love me. It’s always been that way. You can’t