Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

96. I won’t stop trying

Rowan.

My feet hit the pavement as I run. I usually run in the morning, but today I decided otherwise It was around seven in the evening, and I needed this run.

I speed up, feeling my muscles burn. I wanted to outrun my guilt. Wanted to outrun my heartache.

I wanted to outrun my fucking foolishness.

The guilt of how much I had hurt Ava was eating me alive. Destroying me from the inside out. I

haven’t been able to face her since I discovered my feelings for her.

I look at myself in the mirror, and all I see is a despicable human being. I am disgusted by my

actions. Disgusted by all that I did to her.

I thought I was a good man. The kind that loves fiercely. I was always proud of myself for holding on to my love for Emma. I thought it meant that my feelings for her were true. What I didn’t

realize was that while doing that, I was hurting the woman I actually loved.

“Fuck!” I curse myself and the world.

How the hell did I get here?

I push myself harder as I run past the gas station a few miles from my house. I don’t have time to slow down because once I do, my demons will be back to haunt me. To taunt me with all my

mistakes.

Every time I close my eyes, I see her face from many months ago, before she asked for a divorce. I

don’t even remember what I said to 1 it it hurt her pretty badly. I remember her eyes shutting down in pain as she told me she hated me. I scoffed. Not knowing that I would one day crave the

love she used to have for me.

I messed up big time. Now everything is fucked up and I don’t know how to fix it.

My phone rings, and I am pulled from my drowning thoughts.

“Hello,” I answer without checking the caller’s ID. My breaths coming in hard and fast.

“Dad, it’s me!” Noah shouts in excitement.

on the phone, but I haven’t been by to see him.

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buddy. How

rm super excited,” he all

of me, even though part of me thinks that I

in such a

brought a sense of peace. Right now, he was my lifeline because I felt

remember my best friend Gunner?” he

“Yeah”

wanted to cheer him up, so I talked to mom and she agreed. We’re going to an amusement park tomorrow. Mom,

driving me insane. I know I said

I ask, my voice taking a hard

fine,” he says after realizing that I wasn’t as excited for

T

walk back home. My insides burned from envy. What if she chose this man? What if they were in a relationship? What if she fell

the possibilities, the more I got pissed at myself

I

next town,” he

“Yes. Absolutely,” I lie.

his voice is incredulous. “I’ll talk to you later. Just wanted to let

in case you wanted

I said, hanging up

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It was wasted because, on top of all the stress, I was now

later. The cold air had done nothing to cool my frayed nerves. I wanted to storm to Ava’s place and claim her. I wanted to tell her she

see you,” my butler informs me the moment I step into

it?”

to face her. Fuck! I didn’t have the time

help you, Emma?” I feel it as

features. She was beautiful, yes, but her beauty had

but there was nothing. The place

are you, Ro?” she asks

to be rude, but I didn’t have time for

you’re here, Emma. I have a

Her face losing its color. “I’m here because of us. I want

relationship.”

shouts down. I feel coldness radiating from me. She flinches, but I don’t give

shit.

There is no ‘us‘ Emma. Don’t you understand that?” I ask

hands fisted

leave. Doesn’t she understand that being near her irritates

changed and it’s like I

you, and you love me. It’s always been