Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

96. I won’t stop trying

Rowan.

My feet hit the pavement as I run. I usually run in the morning, but today I decided otherwise It was around seven in the evening, and I needed this run.

I speed up, feeling my muscles burn. I wanted to outrun my guilt. Wanted to outrun my heartache.

I wanted to outrun my fucking foolishness.

The guilt of how much I had hurt Ava was eating me alive. Destroying me from the inside out. I

haven’t been able to face her since I discovered my feelings for her.

I look at myself in the mirror, and all I see is a despicable human being. I am disgusted by my

actions. Disgusted by all that I did to her.

I thought I was a good man. The kind that loves fiercely. I was always proud of myself for holding on to my love for Emma. I thought it meant that my feelings for her were true. What I didn’t

realize was that while doing that, I was hurting the woman I actually loved.

“Fuck!” I curse myself and the world.

How the hell did I get here?

I push myself harder as I run past the gas station a few miles from my house. I don’t have time to slow down because once I do, my demons will be back to haunt me. To taunt me with all my

mistakes.

Every time I close my eyes, I see her face from many months ago, before she asked for a divorce. I

don’t even remember what I said to 1 it it hurt her pretty badly. I remember her eyes shutting down in pain as she told me she hated me. I scoffed. Not knowing that I would one day crave the

love she used to have for me.

I messed up big time. Now everything is fucked up and I don’t know how to fix it.

My phone rings, and I am pulled from my drowning thoughts.

“Hello,” I answer without checking the caller’s ID. My breaths coming in hard and fast.

“Dad, it’s me!” Noah shouts in excitement.

talked on the phone, but I haven’t been by

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buddy. How

excited,” he

even though part

got you in such a

lifeline because I felt like I was drowning.

you remember my best

“Yeah”

mom and she agreed. We’re going to an amusement park tomorrow. Mom,

jealousy take control. The thought of having another man near her was driving me insane. I know I said she deserves better, but I honestly don’t think I can let her

right?” I ask, my voice taking

Noah replies. “Are you okay, dad? You don’t sound fine,” he says after realizing that I wasn’t as excited for

T

back home. My insides burned from envy. What if she chose this man? What if they were in a relationship?

pissed at myself

it?” I ask

next town,” he replies. “Are you okay,

“Yes. Absolutely,” I lie.

his voice is incredulous. “I’ll talk to you

tomorrow, in case you wanted to see me. Bye dad,

too, buddy,” I said, hanging

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my walk. I’d come out tonight in the hopes of calming my thoughts. It was wasted because, on top

I wanted to storm to Ava’s place and claim her. I wanted to tell her she can’t go out with this Calvin guy I wanted to

there is someone here to see you,” my butler

it?” I

turn around to face her. Fuck! I

you, Emma?” I feel it as Rodgers, my butler,

yes, but her beauty had deemed in

feelings I used to have for her, but there was nothing. The place that

are you, Ro?” she asks instead of answering my

but I didn’t

have a lot of things

here because of us. I want us

relationship.”

completely shouts down. I feel coldness radiating from me. She flinches, but I don’t give

shit.

you understand that?” I ask her in

fisted at

leave. Doesn’t she understand that being near

changed and it’s like I can’t

and you love me. It’s always