Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

96. I won’t stop trying

Rowan.

My feet hit the pavement as I run. I usually run in the morning, but today I decided otherwise It was around seven in the evening, and I needed this run.

I speed up, feeling my muscles burn. I wanted to outrun my guilt. Wanted to outrun my heartache.

I wanted to outrun my fucking foolishness.

The guilt of how much I had hurt Ava was eating me alive. Destroying me from the inside out. I

haven’t been able to face her since I discovered my feelings for her.

I look at myself in the mirror, and all I see is a despicable human being. I am disgusted by my

actions. Disgusted by all that I did to her.

I thought I was a good man. The kind that loves fiercely. I was always proud of myself for holding on to my love for Emma. I thought it meant that my feelings for her were true. What I didn’t

realize was that while doing that, I was hurting the woman I actually loved.

“Fuck!” I curse myself and the world.

How the hell did I get here?

I push myself harder as I run past the gas station a few miles from my house. I don’t have time to slow down because once I do, my demons will be back to haunt me. To taunt me with all my

mistakes.

Every time I close my eyes, I see her face from many months ago, before she asked for a divorce. I

don’t even remember what I said to 1 it it hurt her pretty badly. I remember her eyes shutting down in pain as she told me she hated me. I scoffed. Not knowing that I would one day crave the

love she used to have for me.

I messed up big time. Now everything is fucked up and I don’t know how to fix it.

My phone rings, and I am pulled from my drowning thoughts.

“Hello,” I answer without checking the caller’s ID. My breaths coming in hard and fast.

“Dad, it’s me!” Noah shouts in excitement.

but I haven’t been by to

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buddy. How

rm super excited,” he

of me, even though

you in such a good mood?” I

to him brought a sense of peace. Right now, he was my lifeline because I felt like I was drowning. Like I was

remember my best friend Gunner?”

“Yeah”

to mom and she agreed. We’re going to an amusement park

me insane. I know I said she deserves better, but I honestly

right?” I ask, my voice taking

Noah replies. “Are you okay, dad? You don’t sound fine,” he says after realizing that I wasn’t as excited for

T

What if she chose this man? What if they were in a relationship? What if she fell

I got pissed at myself for

is it?” I

he replies. “Are you

“Yes. Absolutely,” I lie.

“I’ll talk to you later. Just wanted to let

you wanted to see me. Bye

too, buddy,” I said, hanging up

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walk. I’d come out tonight in the hopes of calming my thoughts. It was wasted because, on top

nothing to cool my frayed nerves. I wanted to storm to Ava’s place and claim her. I wanted to tell her

Woods, there is someone here to see you,” my butler informs

it?”

her voice interrupts us. I swear as I turn around to face her. Fuck! I didn’t have the time or patience

help you, Emma?” I feel it

her features. She was beautiful, yes, but

but there was nothing. The place that once

are you, Ro?” she asks instead of answering

to be rude, but I

here, Emma. I have a lot of things

Her face losing its color. “I’m here because of us. I want us

relationship.”

down. I feel coldness radiating from me. She flinches, but I don’t

shit.

relationship? There is no ‘us‘ Emma. Don’t you understand that?” I ask

hands fisted

wanted her to leave. Doesn’t she understand that being near her irritates

it’s like I

you, and you love me. It’s