Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

96. I won’t stop trying

Rowan.

My feet hit the pavement as I run. I usually run in the morning, but today I decided otherwise It was around seven in the evening, and I needed this run.

I speed up, feeling my muscles burn. I wanted to outrun my guilt. Wanted to outrun my heartache.

I wanted to outrun my fucking foolishness.

The guilt of how much I had hurt Ava was eating me alive. Destroying me from the inside out. I

haven’t been able to face her since I discovered my feelings for her.

I look at myself in the mirror, and all I see is a despicable human being. I am disgusted by my

actions. Disgusted by all that I did to her.

I thought I was a good man. The kind that loves fiercely. I was always proud of myself for holding on to my love for Emma. I thought it meant that my feelings for her were true. What I didn’t

realize was that while doing that, I was hurting the woman I actually loved.

“Fuck!” I curse myself and the world.

How the hell did I get here?

I push myself harder as I run past the gas station a few miles from my house. I don’t have time to slow down because once I do, my demons will be back to haunt me. To taunt me with all my

mistakes.

Every time I close my eyes, I see her face from many months ago, before she asked for a divorce. I

don’t even remember what I said to 1 it it hurt her pretty badly. I remember her eyes shutting down in pain as she told me she hated me. I scoffed. Not knowing that I would one day crave the

love she used to have for me.

I messed up big time. Now everything is fucked up and I don’t know how to fix it.

My phone rings, and I am pulled from my drowning thoughts.

“Hello,” I answer without checking the caller’s ID. My breaths coming in hard and fast.

“Dad, it’s me!” Noah shouts in excitement.

haven’t been by to see him. Not when seeing him means

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buddy. How

excited,” he all but

even though part of me

got you in such

a sense of peace. Right now, he was my lifeline because I felt like I was drowning. Like I was

remember my best friend

“Yeah”

mom and she agreed. We’re going

thought of having another man near her was driving me insane. I know I said she deserves better, but I honestly don’t think I can

right?” I ask, my voice taking a hard

you okay, dad? You don’t sound fine,” he says after realizing that I wasn’t as excited for him as

T

envy. What if she chose this man? What if they were in a relationship?

got pissed at myself for

is it?” I ask

the next town,” he replies. “Are you okay,

“Yes. Absolutely,” I lie.

to you later. Just wanted to let you know that I

in case you wanted to see

too, buddy,” I said,

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thoughts. It was wasted because, on

The cold air had done nothing to cool my frayed nerves. I wanted to storm to Ava’s place and claim her. I wanted

you,” my butler informs me the

it?” I

around to face her. Fuck! I didn’t

help you, Emma?” I feel it as Rodgers,

She was beautiful, yes, but her beauty had

I used to have for her, but there was nothing. The place that once housed them was completely

you, Ro?” she asks instead of answering my

but

I have a lot of things on

face losing its color. “I’m here because

relationship.”

shouts down. I feel coldness radiating from me. She

shit.

Don’t you understand that?” I ask her in

hands fisted at

to leave. Doesn’t she understand that being near her irritates me?

changed and it’s like I can’t stand being

love you, and you love me. It’s always been that way.