Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

96. I won’t stop trying

Rowan.

My feet hit the pavement as I run. I usually run in the morning, but today I decided otherwise It was around seven in the evening, and I needed this run.

I speed up, feeling my muscles burn. I wanted to outrun my guilt. Wanted to outrun my heartache.

I wanted to outrun my fucking foolishness.

The guilt of how much I had hurt Ava was eating me alive. Destroying me from the inside out. I

haven’t been able to face her since I discovered my feelings for her.

I look at myself in the mirror, and all I see is a despicable human being. I am disgusted by my

actions. Disgusted by all that I did to her.

I thought I was a good man. The kind that loves fiercely. I was always proud of myself for holding on to my love for Emma. I thought it meant that my feelings for her were true. What I didn’t

realize was that while doing that, I was hurting the woman I actually loved.

“Fuck!” I curse myself and the world.

How the hell did I get here?

I push myself harder as I run past the gas station a few miles from my house. I don’t have time to slow down because once I do, my demons will be back to haunt me. To taunt me with all my

mistakes.

Every time I close my eyes, I see her face from many months ago, before she asked for a divorce. I

don’t even remember what I said to 1 it it hurt her pretty badly. I remember her eyes shutting down in pain as she told me she hated me. I scoffed. Not knowing that I would one day crave the

love she used to have for me.

I messed up big time. Now everything is fucked up and I don’t know how to fix it.

My phone rings, and I am pulled from my drowning thoughts.

“Hello,” I answer without checking the caller’s ID. My breaths coming in hard and fast.

“Dad, it’s me!” Noah shouts in excitement.

phone, but I haven’t been by to see him. Not

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buddy. How

rm super excited,”

best of me, even though part of me

in such a good

my lifeline because I felt like I was drowning. Like I was dying from the

my best friend Gunner?” he

“Yeah”

she agreed. We’re going to an amusement park tomorrow. Mom, me, Gunner and his dad,”

jealousy take control. The thought of having another man near her was driving me insane. I know I said she deserves

my voice taking

he says after realizing that I wasn’t as excited for him as

T

back home. My insides burned from envy. What if she chose this man? What if they were in a

got pissed at myself for

I ask him

next town,” he replies.

“Yes. Absolutely,” I lie.

is incredulous. “I’ll talk to you later.

case you wanted to see me. Bye dad,

buddy,” I said,

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thoughts. It was wasted because, on top of all the stress, I

storm to Ava’s place and claim her. I wanted to tell her she can’t go out with this Calvin guy I wanted to declare my love for

is someone here to see you,” my butler informs me the moment I step

it?”

her voice interrupts us. I swear as I turn around to face her. Fuck! I didn’t have the time

I feel it

study her features. She was beautiful, yes, but her beauty had deemed

feelings I used to have for her, but there was nothing. The place that once housed them

she asks instead of

want to be rude, but I didn’t have

I have a lot of things on

because of us.

relationship.”

I feel coldness radiating from me. She flinches, but I don’t

shit.

‘us‘ Emma. Don’t you understand that?” I

hands fisted at my

her to leave. Doesn’t she understand that being near her irritates

changed and it’s like I can’t stand being around

you love me. It’s always been that way. You can’t tell me