Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

96. I won’t stop trying

Rowan.

My feet hit the pavement as I run. I usually run in the morning, but today I decided otherwise It was around seven in the evening, and I needed this run.

I speed up, feeling my muscles burn. I wanted to outrun my guilt. Wanted to outrun my heartache.

I wanted to outrun my fucking foolishness.

The guilt of how much I had hurt Ava was eating me alive. Destroying me from the inside out. I

haven’t been able to face her since I discovered my feelings for her.

I look at myself in the mirror, and all I see is a despicable human being. I am disgusted by my

actions. Disgusted by all that I did to her.

I thought I was a good man. The kind that loves fiercely. I was always proud of myself for holding on to my love for Emma. I thought it meant that my feelings for her were true. What I didn’t

realize was that while doing that, I was hurting the woman I actually loved.

“Fuck!” I curse myself and the world.

How the hell did I get here?

I push myself harder as I run past the gas station a few miles from my house. I don’t have time to slow down because once I do, my demons will be back to haunt me. To taunt me with all my

mistakes.

Every time I close my eyes, I see her face from many months ago, before she asked for a divorce. I

don’t even remember what I said to 1 it it hurt her pretty badly. I remember her eyes shutting down in pain as she told me she hated me. I scoffed. Not knowing that I would one day crave the

love she used to have for me.

I messed up big time. Now everything is fucked up and I don’t know how to fix it.

My phone rings, and I am pulled from my drowning thoughts.

“Hello,” I answer without checking the caller’s ID. My breaths coming in hard and fast.

“Dad, it’s me!” Noah shouts in excitement.

on the phone, but I haven’t been by

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buddy. How are

rm super excited,”

even though part of me thinks that I will

you in such a

my lifeline because

my best friend Gunner?”

“Yeah”

and I wanted to cheer him up, so I talked to mom and she agreed. We’re going to an amusement park tomorrow. Mom, me, Gunner and

having another man near her was driving me insane. I know I said she deserves better, but I

my voice taking a hard

he says after realizing that I wasn’t as excited for

T

begin my walk back home. My insides burned from envy. What if she chose this man? What if they were in a relationship? What if she fell in

got pissed at myself for

is it?” I

town,” he replies.

“Yes. Absolutely,” I lie.

then,” his voice is incredulous. “I’ll talk to you later.

around tomorrow, in case you wanted

too, buddy,” I said, hanging

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of calming my thoughts. It was wasted because, on top of all the stress,

later. The cold air had done nothing to cool my frayed nerves. I wanted to storm to Ava’s place and claim her. I wanted to tell her she can’t go out with this Calvin guy I

someone here to see you,” my butler

it?”

I turn around to face her. Fuck! I didn’t have

I help you, Emma?” I feel it as

but her beauty had deemed in my

for her, but there

she asks instead

want to be rude, but I didn’t have time

you’re here, Emma. I have a lot

Her face losing its color. “I’m here because of us. I want us

relationship.”

radiating from me. She flinches, but I don’t

shit.

is no ‘us‘ Emma. Don’t you understand that?” I

hands fisted

to leave. Doesn’t she understand that being near her irritates

it’s like I can’t

true. I love you, and you love me. It’s always been