Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

96. I won’t stop trying

Rowan.

My feet hit the pavement as I run. I usually run in the morning, but today I decided otherwise It was around seven in the evening, and I needed this run.

I speed up, feeling my muscles burn. I wanted to outrun my guilt. Wanted to outrun my heartache.

I wanted to outrun my fucking foolishness.

The guilt of how much I had hurt Ava was eating me alive. Destroying me from the inside out. I

haven’t been able to face her since I discovered my feelings for her.

I look at myself in the mirror, and all I see is a despicable human being. I am disgusted by my

actions. Disgusted by all that I did to her.

I thought I was a good man. The kind that loves fiercely. I was always proud of myself for holding on to my love for Emma. I thought it meant that my feelings for her were true. What I didn’t

realize was that while doing that, I was hurting the woman I actually loved.

“Fuck!” I curse myself and the world.

How the hell did I get here?

I push myself harder as I run past the gas station a few miles from my house. I don’t have time to slow down because once I do, my demons will be back to haunt me. To taunt me with all my

mistakes.

Every time I close my eyes, I see her face from many months ago, before she asked for a divorce. I

don’t even remember what I said to 1 it it hurt her pretty badly. I remember her eyes shutting down in pain as she told me she hated me. I scoffed. Not knowing that I would one day crave the

love she used to have for me.

I messed up big time. Now everything is fucked up and I don’t know how to fix it.

My phone rings, and I am pulled from my drowning thoughts.

“Hello,” I answer without checking the caller’s ID. My breaths coming in hard and fast.

“Dad, it’s me!” Noah shouts in excitement.

phone, but I haven’t been by to see him.

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buddy. How

good rm super excited,” he all

best of me, even though part of me

got you in such

brought a sense of peace. Right now, he was my lifeline because I felt like

remember my best friend

“Yeah”

I talked to mom and she agreed. We’re going to an amusement park tomorrow. Mom, me,

feel jealousy take control. The thought of having another man near her was driving me insane. I know I

I ask, my voice taking

Noah replies. “Are you okay, dad? You don’t sound fine,” he says after realizing that I wasn’t as excited for

T

chose this man? What if they were in a relationship? What

I got pissed at myself for being such an

is it?” I ask

next town,” he replies. “Are you

“Yes. Absolutely,” I lie.

talk to you

tomorrow, in case you wanted to see me. Bye

too, buddy,” I said, hanging

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walk. I’d come out tonight in the hopes of calming my thoughts. It was wasted because, on top of all the

The cold air had done nothing to cool my frayed nerves. I wanted to storm to Ava’s place and claim her. I wanted to tell her she

to see you,” my butler informs me the moment

is it?”

answer, her voice interrupts us. I swear as I turn around to face her. Fuck! I didn’t have the time or patience to deal with

I feel it as Rodgers, my

yes, but her beauty had

scorching feelings I used to have for her, but there

are you, Ro?” she asks instead of

want to be rude, but

I have a lot of things

sighs. Her face losing its color. “I’m here because of us.

relationship.”

I feel coldness radiating from me. She flinches, but

shit.

relationship? There is no ‘us‘ Emma. Don’t you

hands fisted at my

Doesn’t she understand that being near

it’s like I

you love me.