Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

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04 So

105. A note

The bright light coming through my window makes me open my eyes. Instead of getting up

immediately, I just stay in bed for a while as I rub my belly and feel my baby move inside me.

I look at the calendar on my bedside table and realize that today I just hit the sixth–month

milestone. It’s scary to have a baby. The whole journey is filled with uncertainty. I always make

sure to thank God each time I pass a milestone with my baby, knowing not all babies get to be

born.

After saying a small thank–you prayer, I get up and move downstairs. I could always shower later,

but right now I am hungry. With everything that happened yesterday, I forgot to eat.

Thinking about yesterday brings me to what happened with Rowan. I still can’t believe that I let

him kiss me or that I actually enjoyed it.

It bugs me so much that I wanted more. I wanted him to deepen the kiss. I wanted him to take it

further. I can blame it on the hormones, but we all know that I’d be lying to myself.

Rowan hurt me so much. The fact that I wanted him yesterday makes me hate myself just a little

bit. I promised myself to move on, yet there I was making out with him in my living room.

I want to believe that Rowan has changed, but I just can’t. Even if, by some miracle, he has, don’t

you think it’s a little too late for us? Too much has already happened for us to make something out

of the mess he created.

Taking out the ingredients for breakfast, I get to work. No matter what I try, I still can’t stop

thinking about the

why the hell did this kiss

fucking get it,

groan in frustration, wishing I could erase

startles me so

holding.

you scared the living day lights out of me,” I say with my hand pressing hard on

beating heart.

thought you heard us, given Gunner and Noah didn’t really get inside

turn to said boys to find them munching on the

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okay, I was just a little

from his face. “Are you

was a lie, but he didn’t

different thing.

are you making for breakfast, mom?”

fry up” I

the air. “I love fry–ups; it’s like having all

food at

him. So happy that he is happy. I’m hoping that one day Emma will see the error of

done?” Noah asks.

and I’ll be done. Why don’t you go wait in the

I finish up?”

at the same time, before rushing to

from me and proceeds to clean

should have given you more time to yourself. It’s

that they wanted

was a bad cook. He just

mine.

have finished cooking and brought some over anyway, so it’s not

get

are you holding up, all

He pauses. “I feel relieved that now everyone knows about Gunner. He’s

dirty secret.

was born. I didn’t mind it being just the two of us, but I

a family. Gunner deserves to know his

eyes, Travis and Kate weren’t people worth knowing, but they’d treated Noah well, so

for Gunner

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resentment towards them. They were no longer