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04 So

  1. A note

The bright light coming through my window makes me open my eyes. Instead of getting up

immediately, I just stay in bed for a while as I rub my belly and feel my baby move inside me.

I look at the calendar on my bedside table and realize that today I just hit the sixth–month

milestone. It’s scary to have a baby. The whole journey is filled with uncertainty. I always make

sure to thank God each time I pass a milestone with my baby, knowing not all babies get to be

born.

After saying a small thank–you prayer, I get up and move downstairs. I could always shower later,

but right now I am hungry. With everything that happened yesterday, I forgot to eat.

Thinking about yesterday brings me to what happened with Rowan. I still can’t believe that I let

him kiss me or that I actually enjoyed it.

It bugs me so much that I wanted more. I wanted him to deepen the kiss. I wanted him to take it

further. I can blame it on the hormones, but we all know that I’d be lying to myself.

Rowan hurt me so much. The fact that I wanted him yesterday makes me hate myself just a little

bit. I promised myself to move on, yet there I was making out with him in my living room.

I want to believe that Rowan has changed, but I just can’t. Even if, by some miracle, he has, don’t

you think it’s a little too late for us? Too much has already happened for us to make something out

of the mess he created.

Taking out the ingredients for breakfast, I get to work. No matter what I try, I still can’t stop

thinking about the

the hell did this kiss

don’t fucking get

frustration, wishing I could erase the

Calvin’s voice startles me so much that

holding.

living day lights out of me,” I say

beating heart.

given Gunner and Noah didn’t really get

munching on the cookies

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+15 BONUS

I was just a little bit lost

slips from his face. “Are you still thinking about what happened yesterday with

It was a lie, but he didn’t need to know that I was

different thing.

for breakfast, mom?”

fry up”

fist up in the air. “I love fry–ups; it’s like having

food at once.”

that one day Emma will see the error of her ways

done?” Noah asks.

few more minutes, and I’ll be done. Why don’t you go

I finish up?”

they say at the same time,

to clean up the mess I’d

breakfast when we should have given you more time to yourself. It’s just that

they

It’s not that Calvin was a bad cook. He just didn’t make it like I did. Their word,

mine.

I would have finished cooking and brought some over anyway, so it’s not a big

I get back to frying the

up, all things considered?”

He pauses. “I feel relieved that now everyone

hidden away like a dirty secret. After my grandfather died, I

it being just the two of us, but I knew it was unfair to him

his mother had a family. Gunner deserves to

eyes, Travis and Kate weren’t people worth knowing, but they’d treated Noah well, so

for Gunner to be

+15 BONUS

no longer part of

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