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04 So

  1. A note

The bright light coming through my window makes me open my eyes. Instead of getting up

immediately, I just stay in bed for a while as I rub my belly and feel my baby move inside me.

I look at the calendar on my bedside table and realize that today I just hit the sixth–month

milestone. It’s scary to have a baby. The whole journey is filled with uncertainty. I always make

sure to thank God each time I pass a milestone with my baby, knowing not all babies get to be

born.

After saying a small thank–you prayer, I get up and move downstairs. I could always shower later,

but right now I am hungry. With everything that happened yesterday, I forgot to eat.

Thinking about yesterday brings me to what happened with Rowan. I still can’t believe that I let

him kiss me or that I actually enjoyed it.

It bugs me so much that I wanted more. I wanted him to deepen the kiss. I wanted him to take it

further. I can blame it on the hormones, but we all know that I’d be lying to myself.

Rowan hurt me so much. The fact that I wanted him yesterday makes me hate myself just a little

bit. I promised myself to move on, yet there I was making out with him in my living room.

I want to believe that Rowan has changed, but I just can’t. Even if, by some miracle, he has, don’t

you think it’s a little too late for us? Too much has already happened for us to make something out

of the mess he created.

Taking out the ingredients for breakfast, I get to work. No matter what I try, I still can’t stop

thinking about the

sake, why the hell did this kiss affect

fucking get it,

wishing I could erase the feel of his lips on

startles me so much that I let go of the eggs I

holding.

you scared the living day lights out of me,”

beating heart.

you heard us, given Gunner and Noah didn’t

them munching

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a little bit lost in

“Are you still thinking

lie, but he didn’t need to know that I was thinking about

different thing.

making for

fry up”

pumps his fist up in the air.

at once.”

So happy that he is happy. I’m hoping that one day Emma will see the error of

almost done?” Noah asks. “I’m

minutes, and I’ll be done. Why don’t

I finish up?”

time, before

cleaning tools from me and proceeds to clean up the mess I’d

should have given you more time to yourself. It’s

they wanted

Calvin was a bad cook. He just didn’t

mine.

finished cooking and brought some

get back to frying

all things considered?” I ask

now everyone knows about

shouldn’t be hidden away like a dirty secret. After my grandfather

it being just the two of us,

Gunner

worth knowing, but they’d treated Noah

safe for Gunner to

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really let go of my resentment towards them. They were no longer

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