Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

1

04 So

105. A note

The bright light coming through my window makes me open my eyes. Instead of getting up

immediately, I just stay in bed for a while as I rub my belly and feel my baby move inside me.

I look at the calendar on my bedside table and realize that today I just hit the sixth–month

milestone. It’s scary to have a baby. The whole journey is filled with uncertainty. I always make

sure to thank God each time I pass a milestone with my baby, knowing not all babies get to be

born.

After saying a small thank–you prayer, I get up and move downstairs. I could always shower later,

but right now I am hungry. With everything that happened yesterday, I forgot to eat.

Thinking about yesterday brings me to what happened with Rowan. I still can’t believe that I let

him kiss me or that I actually enjoyed it.

It bugs me so much that I wanted more. I wanted him to deepen the kiss. I wanted him to take it

further. I can blame it on the hormones, but we all know that I’d be lying to myself.

Rowan hurt me so much. The fact that I wanted him yesterday makes me hate myself just a little

bit. I promised myself to move on, yet there I was making out with him in my living room.

I want to believe that Rowan has changed, but I just can’t. Even if, by some miracle, he has, don’t

you think it’s a little too late for us? Too much has already happened for us to make something out

of the mess he created.

Taking out the ingredients for breakfast, I get to work. No matter what I try, I still can’t stop

thinking about the

sake, why the hell did this kiss

fucking get

in frustration, wishing I could erase the feel of his

so much that I let go of the

holding.

day lights out of me,” I say with my hand pressing

beating heart.

you heard us, given Gunner and Noah didn’t really get inside

boys to find them munching on the cookies that

1/4

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just a

his face. “Are you still thinking about what happened yesterday with

head. It was a lie, but he didn’t need to know that I was

different thing.

making for

fry up”

up in the air. “I love fry–ups; it’s like

at once.”

smile at him. So happy that he is happy. I’m hoping that one day Emma will see

Noah asks. “I’m so

done. Why don’t you go wait in the

I finish up?”

same time, before rushing to

cleaning tools from me and proceeds to clean up the mess I’d made. “Sorry

when we should have given you more time to yourself.

that they wanted your

laugh at that. It’s not that Calvin was a bad cook. He just didn’t make it like I did. Their word,

mine.

cooking and brought some

I get back

all

that now everyone

like a dirty secret. After my

mind it being just the two of us, but I knew it was unfair to him

a family. Gunner deserves

Kate weren’t people worth knowing,

was safe for Gunner to be

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were no longer part of my life, so it didn’t matter what they did to me before.