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04 So

  1. A note

The bright light coming through my window makes me open my eyes. Instead of getting up

immediately, I just stay in bed for a while as I rub my belly and feel my baby move inside me.

I look at the calendar on my bedside table and realize that today I just hit the sixth–month

milestone. It’s scary to have a baby. The whole journey is filled with uncertainty. I always make

sure to thank God each time I pass a milestone with my baby, knowing not all babies get to be

born.

After saying a small thank–you prayer, I get up and move downstairs. I could always shower later,

but right now I am hungry. With everything that happened yesterday, I forgot to eat.

Thinking about yesterday brings me to what happened with Rowan. I still can’t believe that I let

him kiss me or that I actually enjoyed it.

It bugs me so much that I wanted more. I wanted him to deepen the kiss. I wanted him to take it

further. I can blame it on the hormones, but we all know that I’d be lying to myself.

Rowan hurt me so much. The fact that I wanted him yesterday makes me hate myself just a little

bit. I promised myself to move on, yet there I was making out with him in my living room.

I want to believe that Rowan has changed, but I just can’t. Even if, by some miracle, he has, don’t

you think it’s a little too late for us? Too much has already happened for us to make something out

of the mess he created.

Taking out the ingredients for breakfast, I get to work. No matter what I try, I still can’t stop

thinking about the

did this kiss affect me

don’t fucking

groan in frustration, wishing I could erase the feel of his lips on

Calvin’s voice startles me so

holding.

you scared the living day lights out of me,” I say with my hand pressing

beating heart.

given Gunner

boys to find them munching on the cookies

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+15 BONUS

I was just a little

“Are you still thinking about what happened yesterday

head. It was a lie, but he didn’t need to know that

different thing.

are you making for

fry up”

air. “I love fry–ups; it’s like having

food at once.”

that he is happy. I’m hoping that one day Emma will see

done?” Noah

more minutes, and I’ll be done. Why don’t

I finish up?”

they say at the same time, before rushing

to clean up the mess I’d made.

breakfast when we should have given you more time to yourself. It’s just that

that they

bad cook.

mine.

some

I get back to frying

are you holding up, all things considered?” I ask

“I feel relieved that now everyone knows about Gunner.

hidden away like a dirty secret. After my

being just the two of

had a family. Gunner

weren’t people worth knowing, but they’d treated Noah

safe for Gunner to be around

+15 BONUS

really let go of my resentment towards them. They were no longer part of my life,

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