Letting My Brother's Best Friend Take My V-Card

NEW BEGINNING

JOSH

PRESENT DAY

The hospital halls were too bright. The fluorescent lights buzzed overhead as I carried Asha in her car seat, her little rainbow blanket draped over her. She babbled softly, clutching her stuffed elephant, blissfully unaware of the heaviness weighing

on me.

I nodded to the nurses at the palliative long-term care wing as I entered. They gave me small, sympathetic smiles-the kind that cut deeper because they reminded me that this was my reality. This was Laura's reality. Room 308. Laura's room.

I hesitated at the door, glancing down at Asha. "Okay, baby girl," 1 whispered, more to myself than to her. "Let's go see Mommy."

I pushed the door open and stepped into the room. It didn't look like a hospital room anymore, not really. Jess, Luke, and I had spent hours transforming it into something that felt more like home.

Laura's favorite colors-soft greens and blues-adorned the walls in subtle touches, from the curtains to the throw pillows on the small couch in the corner. Her easel stood by the window, angled just so to catch the natural light. The painting she'd been working on before the accident sat there, unfinished but beautiful-a hazy sunset over a calm ocean. 0.00%

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14:33

NEW BEGINNING

the playlist Laura used to paint to-instrumentals, mellow beats, and the occasional old-school love song. Photos of Asha lined

and braided, and her face still

out. She squirmed in my arms, her tiny fingers

My chest ached as I watched them together-my daughter, full of life, and Laura, frozen in this unending

elbows on my knees. The words I'd been rehearsing in my head felt heavy, like they were stuck in my

I'm sorry. For everything. For not being enough to keep you safe. For not knowing

love you," I continued, my voice breaking. "More than you'll ever know. But I... I need time.

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NEW HER

now, I'm not doing a very good job

steady myself. "I promise I'll be back for you. I swear, Laura. I

against her hand. "I promise to be the best father I can for Asha. I'll do everything I can to make sure she knows how amazing you are.

breath. "I'll pull myself together, Laura. For you. For Asha. And when I do, I'll come

lingering there as if I could somehow transfer all my

her mother, her tiny hand clutching Laura's shirt. I gently picked her up, cradling her

stood there for a moment, looking down at Laura, trying to memorize every detail of her face, the way the light played across her

love you," I whispered one last time,

of the room,

didn't dare look back.

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