Letting My Brother's Best Friend Take My V-Card

JOSH PRESENT DAY

It's been a year. One whole year since I left the city where everything fell apart. Since I packed up Asha, said my goodbyes, and tried to piece together a life that didn't revolve around waiting for a miracle.

Now, I'm here, running out onto the field under the bright Texas sun, the roar of the Dallas fans echoing through the stadium. This is my life now-football, Asha, and the focus it takes to keep everything else at bay.

1

Across the field, I catch a glimpse of Luke as his team takes their positions. Defense. Of course.

We haven't spoken much. The last time was after the playoffs a few months back when his calls finally stopped coming. Jess still calls, though. Checks in on me and Asha like clockwork. I think she knows I need the tether even if I'll never admit it. But she also knows better than to bring up Laura. That's the unspoken rule. Never mention her.

The monthly updates still come. They've been piling up in my inbox for months, each subject line the same clinical phrasing. "Patient Update - Laura H." The last few emails remain unopened, sitting like lead weights in my mailbox. I can't take another one telling me there's been no change. Or worse-less brain activity, more decline. "Have hope," they say. "Miracles happen."

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14:33 <

I've stopped reading them because I've made my peace, Laura Isn't coming back, For me, she left a long time ago.

denial-Jess, Luke, even the doctors. But

waste away, month after month, becoming less and less of the vibrant woman I fell in love with. It's not my job to convince

waiting, keep hoping for something that I know deep down isn't going to happen. But it's not his wife in that bed. It's mine. It's my life that broke apart when the accident happened. And I

and his team. Ready

so often, I catch a glimpse of Luke out of the corner of my eye. He's playing like a man possessed, his hits harder than they need to be, his focus razor

a

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III

14:33

DENIAL 70919263

from the sidelines. I make a beeline for the locker room, weaving through the crowd before Luke can find me. I know he'll try. He'll want to talk, to intervene,

fucking need

pads and jersey, letting the cold metal of the bench seep into my skin as I sit down. My phone buzzes on the bench

it go

she wants. She'll ask how I'm doing, how Asha is. Did I see Luke... What was I supposed to tell my sister. l'happy she got her dream life while I didn't? I know they had their fair share of shit from the start and if I ave o adit that they are stronger and I'm taking the cowards way out

I haven't.

And I won't.

Not today.

lot where Asha's babysitter is waiting. As soon as she sees me, her little face lights up, and she starts wiggling in the sitter's arms, reaching for me.