Letting My Brother's Best Friend Take My V-Card

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JOSH - PRESENT DAY

The daycare parking lot was half-empty by the time I pulled up, late as usual. The setting sun cast long shadows over the playground, and I could see a few lingering toddlers wobbling around as teachers corralled them toward their waiting parents.

Asha's little face brightened when she spotted me through the window. She pressed her chubby hands against the glass, her tiny nose scrunching up in excitement. Guilt stabbed through me. She deserved better than a father who was constantly distracted, constantly exhausted, constantly angry at the world.

I barely managed a smile as I stepped inside. Miss Worth- Vivien-was kneeling beside Asha, helping her into her little pink sneakers. The sight of her made my jaw tighten. She looked up, and the moment our eyes met, something in my chest twisted. Hazel eyes, soft but assessing, framed by a cascade of dark curls.

Nothing about her reminded me of Laura. That's what made it worse.

"Daddy!" Asha's little legs carried her forward in an unsteady run, her arms outstretched. I bent down, scooping her up before she could trip over her own feet. She buried her face in my neck, her warm breath tickling my skin.

"Hey, baby girl," I murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. She smelled like baby shampoo and finger paint.

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Vivien straightened, brushing her hands against her skirt. "Rough day?" she asked, her voice careful.

I exhaled sharply. "Something like that."

not pushing. "Asha had a good day.

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when I noticed it. The tear in Asha's little white shirt, right near

than I intended, and Asha flinched slightly in my

she said quickly. "She got a little tangled up

arms. "Snack, Daddy?" she asked, rubbing her tired eyes with a

getting 'tangled up' at all," I snapped. "Isn't someone supposed to be watching her? For the money I am paying that

!

watch her. It's

being an asshole. I knew it wasn't fair. But I was pissed at the universe, at myself, at

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288 /urers.

hesitated like she wanted to say something, but then she just sighed. "Drive

into her car seat as she

into bed, I sat on the couch, staring at

flashed

Since the moment I realized how wrong it felt, how much it felt like a betrayal. Since I palmed

myself in getting Laura into the rehabilitation program in Germany. It had been eight months now, and the last update from the doctors had been predictable -be patient, we'll let you know if anything changes. Doctor-speak for: Stop asking every

1.

my wife was gone in every way that mattered, pissed that my daughter might never know her mother, pissed that I

woman.