Maid for the Mafia by Jaylee

Then I Name You

**ROMANY**

Mickey gazes back at me warily, shoulders bunched and forearms flexing rapidfire in time with the tick of his jaw. It's almost as if he's stuttered there, frozen in place and torn between the *want* to reach for me and the *need* to let me go. He isn't convinced that I'm being sincere and I have no way to prove it to him.

I'm not stupid enough to believe that a simple *I love you* will fix this, in fact, I'm pretty sure that *those* are the words that would ultimately send him spiraling away. At least, they would if I said them *now.*

A glint of light slivers through the sunroof and slices across his face for a moment and suddenly, I see him like he was that afternoon behind the waterfall. Naked, perfect, and with eyes like emerald fire.

That vision flashes before me and I can almost hear the sounds of the crashing water behind us and feel the pull of his hands on my skin... *God... he could have been mine then too.* His words from that day ring between my ears, and I find myself so close to tears that I can't even try to fight them, but neither do they fall.

*

"You have to know... There is very little that I wouldn't do, just to have you. I'd give you anything. All you have to do is name it."..........*

*Then I name you, Mickey. I want you.*

*But of course... it's way too late.*

saw in me back then, must not have been enough for him to truly want me, or he would have tried to find a way. I mean sure, stalking is a crime, and some might argue that I got lucky, but after getting to know Mickey, I know better. Had he just made an effort to befriend me, he might have been able to fill the void back then. I wouldn't have felt so

alternate possibilities and as I try to recall what I felt like to be me when I was eighteen, all I can feel is the giant hole in my heart that was created with

or watched. When I come up empty I am disappointed. Not just because it would've been cool to mentally place Mickey somewhere in my past, but

word and it was all

the fool who

bitch who had no real idea of what went on around her. Going from class to class just like anybody else, completely out of tune with the world

That just really

immersed in her studies that she didn't really see anything beyond her text books, but that's not how I was.

had been. Until

he speaks again. "Doll, you didn't even know me. You never even knew I was there..." Mickey tosses the words so carelessly that I almost believe he's unaffected, but then he squints down at

two fingers, I bring them to my lips and try not to think about the day he wanted to take me to the

and I blame

can't wait until he wakes up in the morning and finds me gone.* "Romany," Mickey prompts me. "I really

be."

for a quick look in his direction, but when I do, I see the irritation in his eyes. He's looking at me as if he wants to shove me out onto

night and watched a little more intently, you would have seen I wasn't happy