Chapter-50. Failing again

[Ezra]

~It had been years since I thought about you until I did. But I am in my mind more often lately. With your thoughts that echo and scream so loud, I feel their reverberations in my heart.~

~She reminds me of you and she reminds me of you in ways I do not wish to be reminded. I hate myself for I am falling again, failing again and feeling again and I don't like it.~

I shut the journal, licking the saltiness off my lips.

Taking a deep breath, I concentrated on the burn in my chest that had turned even more bitter and excruciating. But my mind felt lighter than before. A lot less chaotic.

Although it took me the entire night to write two worthless, senseless, crappiest paragraphs of literature in my journal. And I wasn't even counting all the sentences I struck off, scribbled away. The unfinished sentences and the discarded ones that were now in the dustbin closed in the crumpled papers.

I had sent Asher and Raven everything Nesryn had gathered so far from the Virgo pack and the mortal realm.

Asher had seen the message, but didn't reply. Typical Asher, even his texts were cold, but his text space always felt warm, and it was not because of the fluffy black kitten in his profile picture.

It's something I can't explain. His mere presence and cold thoughtfulness were like irreplaceable support for me.

Meanwhile, Raven hadn't even seen the message yet. I think I knew why he hadn't checked his phone. His concentration was entirely on Xanthea right now. He seemed to have gotten into another insecurity game with Asher.

When we were young, Raven consistently wanted whatever possessions or toys Asher had, but once Raven acquired them, he lost interest and wanted something else that had caught Asher's attention.

Maybe it was because our father always favored Asher more, because he was born to be the perfect demon Alpha. From his demon wolf, to his crown demonic abilities. Asher was our father's pride, so he always had his complete attention. Raven might not realize it, much less accept it, but he always craved our father's attention until he understood that nothing he did could replace Asher in our father's eyes.

So he stopped and defied our father and took a completely different route, making a completely unique identity of his own. He became a healer and then a number one alchemist.

When I look at Raven, I see his power, his hard-work and his strengths.

I wouldn't tell him, but he inspires me to keep striving and marching forward.

I peered at the leaves in his profile picture.

I wonder when he'll see that he doesn't have to beat Asher at anything. He was already winning in ways Asher never could.

But I knew there was nothing I could do to stop his insecurities. He wanted to possess Xanthea, and that was badgering me more than it should have.

And now, because of this sick game, she is going to Helxton.

Annoyance and anger merged into a throbbing pain in my head.

Tossing the journal on the couch, I got to my feet and then mounted a hoverboard.

Riding the hoverboard, I left my office and entered the elevator.

Contemplating Cedric's number on my phone for the entire way from my office to the car parking, I finally called him, riding the hoverboard out of the elevator.

"Yo, what's up Ezbro! To what do I have the honor of receiving your call?" Cedric said from the other side of the phone. "Especially so early in the morn? All good?"

I was about to disconnect the call when I stopped.

"Hello?" Cedric sounded confused.

"Who is it, Cedric?" A girl's moanful voice came from the other side of the phone.

I took the phone away from myself with a wince. Seriously?

"Shh! It's an important call, keep it low..." Cedric told the girl.

were clearly not keeping

Hmm. Strange. Maybe

hang up!" The

about to hang

I said, clearing my

Cedric said, a

"What are you doing?"

"Uh... one-night-stand?"

did I even

"It's morning, Cedric!"

"One-morning-stand?"

at

you're in the assassination branch of Helxton, right?" I

my admission, but I'll take it. A year

I lifted my brows.

I wanted to ask what you need to go through college nowadays? Like what devices and apps do you need in your studies and all? Especially if you are... taking... a

department? Now ya wanna be an assassin? Leave something for me, bro. Otherwise, how else am I supposed to kill you and your

his name in a threatening

Alright. I mostly use this flip-flop kinda laptop. You know that one which is a laptop but can turn into a tablet and has a stylus pen attached to it so you can type and write. Whatever suits you. Your company's latest model, bro. It works as smooth as butter. And there's this Helxton app where I keep a record of my syllabus, exams, assignments and stuff. Aaannnddd... a smartphone? I mean, that's a must for

you need if you are to join the

don't you ask,

don't wanna,"

That's kind of a lucky coincidence. I am with someone from the healing department. Just wait a sec," Cedric said, and the voices turned into faint murmurs. Cedric responded after a while. "Ok... soooo you'll need a healing partner, diagnostic magical instruments, what else? Uh... an alive skeleton and... Helxton

the tech

the rest," I

why do you need all this stuff?" Cedric

don't know," I cut the call. "Seriously? Why do I need this stuff? Raven would know where to get a living skeleton better than me. I don't even want her to go to Helxton! What

Do you need something?"

***

penthouse to the delicious aroma

Asher's cooking was

not?" I heard

make it..."

Raven squinted his eyes.

make for him. As you might have noticed, his house had not a single house help. Normal people wouldn't believe

This is a lifestyle I have chosen. I can live however I want. I don't see why you always have a problem with it," Asher said

the two of them as I walked

food. Like Raven said, Asher had always been reluctant to eat or drink items prepared by others. He didn't even eat outside food, not even

there has

I looked at Xanthea.

the tea Xanthea made. Maybe it was because he knew there was nothing in the mortal realm that

wearing nothing but Asher's oversized shirt. Standing by the kitchen island, she nervously clenched the hem of Asher's shirt, her fingers fidgeting with the fabric. "Problem?" Raven scoffed, and I

who

liked doing his work himself and there was

which clearly pissed Raven off even

am talking to you, you fucker! Reply!"

I said, walking

head snapped towards me. Her tensed eyes softened and she let out a subtle sigh, as though she was relieved to see

ruin the taste of such a delicious breakfast. I hope you made extra, Asher, because I am starving," I said, walking around the island. "And Raven, damn what a fragrance. It's been so long since I had the coffee you made.

still like it

like you make it," I

in between them, helping both of them in turns, passing them

cooking, but I loved

notice the scratch marks on Asher's shirtless body and

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