Chapter-50. Failing again

[Ezra]

~It had been years since I thought about you until I did. But I am in my mind more often lately. With your thoughts that echo and scream so loud, I feel their reverberations in my heart.~

~She reminds me of you and she reminds me of you in ways I do not wish to be reminded. I hate myself for I am falling again, failing again and feeling again and I don't like it.~

I shut the journal, licking the saltiness off my lips.

Taking a deep breath, I concentrated on the burn in my chest that had turned even more bitter and excruciating. But my mind felt lighter than before. A lot less chaotic.

Although it took me the entire night to write two worthless, senseless, crappiest paragraphs of literature in my journal. And I wasn't even counting all the sentences I struck off, scribbled away. The unfinished sentences and the discarded ones that were now in the dustbin closed in the crumpled papers.

I had sent Asher and Raven everything Nesryn had gathered so far from the Virgo pack and the mortal realm.

Asher had seen the message, but didn't reply. Typical Asher, even his texts were cold, but his text space always felt warm, and it was not because of the fluffy black kitten in his profile picture.

It's something I can't explain. His mere presence and cold thoughtfulness were like irreplaceable support for me.

Meanwhile, Raven hadn't even seen the message yet. I think I knew why he hadn't checked his phone. His concentration was entirely on Xanthea right now. He seemed to have gotten into another insecurity game with Asher.

When we were young, Raven consistently wanted whatever possessions or toys Asher had, but once Raven acquired them, he lost interest and wanted something else that had caught Asher's attention.

Maybe it was because our father always favored Asher more, because he was born to be the perfect demon Alpha. From his demon wolf, to his crown demonic abilities. Asher was our father's pride, so he always had his complete attention. Raven might not realize it, much less accept it, but he always craved our father's attention until he understood that nothing he did could replace Asher in our father's eyes.

So he stopped and defied our father and took a completely different route, making a completely unique identity of his own. He became a healer and then a number one alchemist.

When I look at Raven, I see his power, his hard-work and his strengths.

I wouldn't tell him, but he inspires me to keep striving and marching forward.

I peered at the leaves in his profile picture.

I wonder when he'll see that he doesn't have to beat Asher at anything. He was already winning in ways Asher never could.

But I knew there was nothing I could do to stop his insecurities. He wanted to possess Xanthea, and that was badgering me more than it should have.

And now, because of this sick game, she is going to Helxton.

Annoyance and anger merged into a throbbing pain in my head.

Tossing the journal on the couch, I got to my feet and then mounted a hoverboard.

Riding the hoverboard, I left my office and entered the elevator.

Contemplating Cedric's number on my phone for the entire way from my office to the car parking, I finally called him, riding the hoverboard out of the elevator.

"Yo, what's up Ezbro! To what do I have the honor of receiving your call?" Cedric said from the other side of the phone. "Especially so early in the morn? All good?"

I was about to disconnect the call when I stopped.

"Hello?" Cedric sounded confused.

"Who is it, Cedric?" A girl's moanful voice came from the other side of the phone.

I took the phone away from myself with a wince. Seriously?

"Shh! It's an important call, keep it low..." Cedric told the girl.

were clearly not

there? Hmm. Strange. Maybe he called by

The girl panted

about to

said, clearing

a little more excited.

"What are you doing?"

"Uh... one-night-stand?"

did I

"It's morning, Cedric!"

"One-morning-stand?"

stared at the phone,

assassination branch of Helxton,

year late to congratulate me on my admission, but I'll

I lifted my brows.

to ask what you need to go through college nowadays? Like what devices and apps do you need in your studies and all? Especially if you are... taking...

Leave something for me, bro. Otherwise, how else am I

I took his name in

kinda laptop. You know that one which is a laptop but can turn into a tablet and has a stylus pen attached to it so you can type and write. Whatever suits you. Your company's latest model, bro. It works as smooth as butter. And there's this Helxton app where I keep a record of

you need if you are to join the

you

wanna," I

Cedric said, and the voices turned into faint murmurs. Cedric responded after a while. "Ok... soooo you'll need a healing partner, diagnostic magical instruments, what else? Uh... an alive skeleton and... Helxton

tech

the rest," I

do you need

need this stuff? Raven would know where to get a living skeleton better than me. I don't even want her to go to Helxton! What is

something?"

***

penthouse to the delicious aroma of his

watered. Asher's cooking was

you want coffee or not?" I heard Raven's voice

can make

Raven squinted his eyes.

devil! You're just like him! He, too, can't eat or drink stuff others make for him. As you might have noticed, his house had not a single house help. Normal people wouldn't believe that the Alpha of the Prime Infernal pack does

is a lifestyle I have chosen. I can live however I want. I don't

the strain building between the two of

to eat or drink

there has been an

I looked at Xanthea.

was because he knew there was nothing in the mortal realm that

oversized shirt. Standing by the kitchen island, she nervously clenched the hem of Asher's shirt, her fingers fidgeting with the fabric. "Problem?" Raven scoffed, and I averted

at Raven, who met

Asher liked doing his work himself and there was nothing more

remained silent, which clearly pissed Raven off even

am talking to you, you fucker!

there, Raven," I said, walking closer to

snapped towards me. Her tensed eyes softened and she let out a subtle sigh, as

questions what we do and how we live. Don't ruin the taste of such a delicious breakfast. I hope you made extra, Asher, because I am starving," I said, walking around the island. "And Raven, damn what a fragrance. It's been so long since I had the coffee you made. Can you

still like it strong?"

like you make

stood in between them, helping both of them in turns, passing them

but

couldn't help but notice the scratch marks on Asher's shirtless body and Raven's revealed torso. They sure as hell had a hell of

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