One More Chance by Jaycelle Rodriguez

Chapter 106: Self-reconstruction

~~~On my own, I've tried to make the best of it alone. I've done everything I can to ease the pain, but only you can stop the rain. I just can't live without you, I missed everything around you. Just when I thought I was over you and just when I thought I could stand on my own. Oh, baby, those memories come crashing through and I just can't go on without you. It's just no good without you~~~

-Air Supply-

"Maybe you're just confused."

"No." I shook my head. "No, Jack, I'm not confused. It's true, I realized that I still love Luke, but I can't be with him."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't be with him. I don't want to go back with him. There were a lot of things that have already happened and I've come a long way just to go back to the past, besides, I'd be a fool if I let David go."

"But you're gonna be unfair with him."

"And how can I be unfair with him if I love him?"

"Sam, you're still married and you also have feelings for your husband."

"I know, but as you said, we can file another divorce papers."

"Alright, but what about you? It's been almost five years of you trying to forget your feelings but you failed. Don't you think you're gonna be unfair to yourself? And how would you explain to David all that has happened, especially the realization you had right now? How would you tell him that while you tell him you love him, deep in your heart, you knew you're still in love with Luke?"

I couldn't help the bitter laugh that escaped my lips as I realized those were also the questions in my head that I just couldn't voice out.

"I don't know." I shrugged, hugging my knees again. "Honestly, I still don't know how to tell him. I don't know where to start. I don't even know if he would believe me or would be disappointed."

"Then you should tell him. You wouldn't know the answer if you don't try to tell him."

A long, deep sigh escaped my lips as I turned to her.

"Yeah, you're right." I nodded. "If there's one thing I'm sure of at this moment, it is that I don't want to lose him and I won't let him go."

She didn't say anything. The only thing I heard was her deep sigh and we fell into silence. She just opened her mouth again after a few minutes.

"So does that mean, you've already forgiven him?"

"No!" My head snapped at her and shook my head with a bitter smile playing on my lips. "I still love him, but that doesn't mean I've already forgiven him."

"Okay, but who would you choose between the two? How would you deal with Luke or David? Does Luke know about your unchanged feelings?"

as much as I can until we have finally settled the divorce papers. I will try to act as if nothing has happened and that I never knew that

"Alright---"

first question, of course, I'll choose David. I will always

when are you going to

"I mean, maybe when I finally got the courage or maybe when I've

visit me that night. I already took a few shots of my brother's strongest brandy before coming to bed, so I could instantly fall asleep, but to my disappointment, it only made me dizzy. It didn't even get me drunk, for heaven sake. Yes, it numbed my body, but the part that I wanted to feel numb

and almost making me lose my sanity. I wanted to sleep. I really wanted to sleep so at

was shocked to know that I hadn't really gotten over the past. I thought I had already moved on. I thought I had already buried the pain. I thought the wound was already healed and dried, but no, I just covered it with a bandage and when that bandage accidentally removed

the white ceiling with my eyes still wide open until seven in the morning. I was already feeling sober from the alcohol I drank last night, but still, I couldn't sleep. -What am I going to do now?

I let out a deep, long,

of the curtain that I hadn't closed properly last night.

echoed through the four corners of my room as she began

right when I felt the warmth of the sunlight on my skin and my eyes were dazzled by the sudden increased in light in the room. "Mom, don't open the

you? Are you sick?" She asked and after a few seconds, I felt her hand on my forehead. "No, mom, I'm fine. I'm just so sleepy. Let me

drunk last night that you can't get

course, not. I just want to take a day off." Part of

I heard her sigh. "Anyway, Luke is

a beat

he wanted

rose a little, but then I realized my sudden reaction that made my mother gasp. I lowered the blanket to my chest and looked

can't really talk to

for a few seconds with a slight frown on her forehead.

not!" My voice came

"Did you have misunderstanding---"

want to talk to him

him

my eyes as I nodded. Pretending to sleep again

him you're still

"Thanks, mom."

now covering my head and she didn't notice

***

at home for the past three days. Well, thank God my parents had a week vacation in Hawai and they took my daughter with them, so I just stayed in my

talk to him no matter how hard he tried, so

boredom already

decided to

come with me to the mall