Chapter 78

Love Me, Too

I turn on my heels to look at the tree.

Half of it is decorated, and the rest of the ornaments lie in the box. I stare until my eyes burn. It would be beautiful. It would be whimsical, but all I see is the mess I've created.

Aiden's furious face flashes in my mind. Fuck, what was I doing? I'm not a cheater, I can't be. That's terrible. No one deserves that kind of betrayal. I should have ended things with him the moment I felt something for Zaid.

But even that thought doesn't sit right in my chest. Being with Zaid and not Aiden feels

wrong.

I shake my head, pressing a hand to my chest as a wave of emotion drowns me.

Does that mean I have to leave them both?

Pain lances through me.

I would have to move out. Find a job, get an apartment.

Tears prick the back of my eyes.

Zaid's dark, piercing eyes come to mind then, and my knees give out. I sink to the floor, the weight of everything crashing down on me.

Tears blur my vision, and before I know it, I'm sobbing uncontrollably. It all comes at once. The guilt, the confusion, the heartbreak.

My chest feels tight, like I can't breathe.

I think of Aiden's hurt, Zaid's intensity, and my own traitorous feelings. I think of Jake, his warmth and steadiness, and how I've tangled myself in this impossible knot.

How can I live without them?

And at the same time, how can I live with them?

I cry into my hands, letting my love for the three of them express out of me in long sobs.

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Love Me, Too

And then there's the ache of Alex's absence, and the hollow void where my dad should be

this Christmas.

It's all too much.

be putting up a tree without them. I shouldn't be smiling and laughing and moving on. I don't

my eyes, trying to stifle the sobs, but they rip through me,

opening.

me.

my face hastily and curling into myself, but my trembling hands give me

miss the girl in a ball on the floor. But it's

in two so he can piece

the tree first. The way his brows furrow and his lips part in silent awe makes my heart squeeze. But

the floor with a thud as he rushes

his voice soft

manage

cupping my tear-streaked face. "What's

What happened?"

to form words. The

pulls me into his arms without hesitation, holding me tightly as I wrap

let my face

hair,

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3.15 pm

Love Me, Too

the top of my head. "I'm

like that, but eventually, Jake shifts. He grabs my legs and wraps them around his waist. He stands as if I

his neck.

upstairs to

lap and wrapping his arms around me. His warmth surrounds me, his steady heartbeat lulling me into a

quiet.

tilts my face to look at him. His fingers brush away

nod, pressing

to talk about

throat. Do I want to talk to him about how I'm in

him

two

I shake my head.

me

that. "That

softly, a chaste press to my lips, and he settles me on

downstairs.

sit there, letting myself catch my breath and kind of feel

not all as terrible as it feels. Maybe

this deep, dark tunnel.

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