Chapter 257

Chapter 257

My love,

I can't believe we're at letter 300 already. My hand is cramping and my handwriting has seen better days.

But all it does is just put everything into perspective. You'll be gone long time. Too long for my heart. I can't persuade it that I will be fine while you're in Florence.

Have I ever talked to you about my nightmares? I have nightmares sometimes. I guess you know that already, since they plague you,

too.

But I just want to tell you what they're about, Before I met you, mos nights, I dreamed about the accident. It was like I was trapped there, in that split second, forever. I hear my mom's voice warning me. I smell gasoline. I feel the crunch of metal all around me.

And the worst part? In the nightmare, I have time to move. Time to stop it. But I don't. I just hold on to the wheel, frozen. And she

dies because of it.

Because of me.

I know you know what that feels like, the smell, the guilt that doesn't make sense but clings to you anyway. Maybe that's why I recognized you before I even knew your name. Maybe pain knows pain.

When I met you, though, my nightmares changed. It wasn't about the crash anymore. It was about you. Nightmares where you

looked at me and saw everything broken inside me.

Nightmares where you turned away. Nightmares where I couldn't reach you no matter how hard I tried. Nightmares where you were the one in the car, beside

me.

one that didn't survive. Nightmares, terrible nightmares

drenched in sweat, convinced I'd failed you somehow, even though

all I was meant to do, to fail

and by extension, I failed my father and

would live the rest of my life alone, whispered about when my dad and

Christmas or whatever.

thought I would never be happy

me. You leaned on me. You said you loved me. And somewhere along the line, my

a white picket fence. About kids

want kids? I hope you do. You'd make beautiful ones. If

messy table. Sitting next to you on the couch, our kids

at you

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Chapter 257

Fighting sometimes, because we're stubborn, but always coming back

1. is.

do that, Alina. We can build a family that's different from the ones we came from. One where love isn't earned. One where it's home.

think of me as your home. If you ever doubt where you belong, know that you are mine, even when you

away.

Zaid

down slowly, my fingers brushing the pages as if they could carry his voice to my ears. The soft breeze blows

the smile that blooms across my face. Kids with Zaid. Half him, half me. He thinks about it, like,

chew on my lip, staring out at the busy street from the little cafe table where I'm sitting. I've thought about it before. What my kids might look like. I disagree with

him. Dark eyes and messy hair. I want them to have his capacity to love and to be free in it. With a contented sigh, I lean back in my chair and imagine their little

in that way he

me.

secret," Noah says from beside me, taking

and look at him, deciding to pick his brain. "When are you going

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