Chapter 257
Chapter 257
My love,
I can't believe we're at letter 300 already. My hand is cramping and my handwriting has seen better days.
But all it does is just put everything into perspective. You'll be gone long time. Too long for my heart. I can't persuade it that I will be fine while you're in Florence.
Have I ever talked to you about my nightmares? I have nightmares sometimes. I guess you know that already, since they plague you,
too.
But I just want to tell you what they're about, Before I met you, mos nights, I dreamed about the accident. It was like I was trapped there, in that split second, forever. I hear my mom's voice warning me. I smell gasoline. I feel the crunch of metal all around me.
And the worst part? In the nightmare, I have time to move. Time to stop it. But I don't. I just hold on to the wheel, frozen. And she
dies because of it.
Because of me.
I know you know what that feels like, the smell, the guilt that doesn't make sense but clings to you anyway. Maybe that's why I recognized you before I even knew your name. Maybe pain knows pain.
When I met you, though, my nightmares changed. It wasn't about the crash anymore. It was about you. Nightmares where you
looked at me and saw everything broken inside me.
Nightmares where you turned away. Nightmares where I couldn't reach you no matter how hard I tried. Nightmares where you were the one in the car, beside
me.
that didn't survive. Nightmares, terrible
were nights I woke up drenched in sweat, convinced I'd failed you somehow,
I was meant to do, to fail the people
mother, and by extension, I failed my father and my
life alone, whispered about
Christmas or whatever.
thought I would
me. You said you loved me. And somewhere along the line, my nightmares
house with a white picket fence. About kids running around the backyard,
even want kids? I hope you do. You'd make beautiful ones. If they
about coming home to you every night. Eating dinner at a messy table. Sitting next to you on the couch, our kids playing around us, but not bothering us, because
you makes
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Chapter 257
sometimes, because we're stubborn, but
1. is.
can do that, Alina. We can build a family that's different from the ones we came from.
as your home. If you ever doubt where you belong, know that you are mine, even when you are half a
away.
Zaid
brushing the pages as if they could carry his voice to my ears. The soft breeze blows through my hair, and I close my eyes and
him, half me. He thinks about it, like, really thinks about it.
my lip, staring out at the busy street from the little cafe table where I'm sitting. I've thought about it
our kids to look like him. Dark eyes and messy hair. I want them to have his capacity to love and to be free in it. With a contented sigh, I lean back in
Zaid, chasing after them, laughing in
me.
secret," Noah says
and look at him, deciding to pick his brain. "When are
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