Chapter 257

Chapter 257

My love,

I can't believe we're at letter 300 already. My hand is cramping and my handwriting has seen better days.

But all it does is just put everything into perspective. You'll be gone long time. Too long for my heart. I can't persuade it that I will be fine while you're in Florence.

Have I ever talked to you about my nightmares? I have nightmares sometimes. I guess you know that already, since they plague you,

too.

But I just want to tell you what they're about, Before I met you, mos nights, I dreamed about the accident. It was like I was trapped there, in that split second, forever. I hear my mom's voice warning me. I smell gasoline. I feel the crunch of metal all around me.

And the worst part? In the nightmare, I have time to move. Time to stop it. But I don't. I just hold on to the wheel, frozen. And she

dies because of it.

Because of me.

I know you know what that feels like, the smell, the guilt that doesn't make sense but clings to you anyway. Maybe that's why I recognized you before I even knew your name. Maybe pain knows pain.

When I met you, though, my nightmares changed. It wasn't about the crash anymore. It was about you. Nightmares where you

looked at me and saw everything broken inside me.

Nightmares where you turned away. Nightmares where I couldn't reach you no matter how hard I tried. Nightmares where you were the one in the car, beside

me.

survive. Nightmares, terrible nightmares where lost you,

I woke up drenched in sweat, convinced I'd failed you somehow, even though you were miles

that's all I was meant to do,

and by extension, I failed my father

of my life alone, whispered about when my dad and Aiden would

Christmas or whatever.

I would never

started trusting me. You leaned on me. You said you loved me. And somewhere

a white picket

kids? I hope you do. You'd make beautiful ones. If they look like you, I hope they do. I hope they

to you every night. Eating dinner at a messy table. Sitting next to you on the couch, our kids playing around us, but not bothering us, because

at you makes me

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Chapter 257

other like crazy. Fighting sometimes, because we're stubborn, but always coming

1. is.

ones we came from. One where love isn't earned. One where

you think of me as your home. If you ever doubt where you belong, know that you are mine, even when you are

away.

Zaid

set the letter down slowly, my fingers brushing the pages as if they could carry his voice to my ears. The soft breeze blows

He thinks about it, like, really thinks about it.

staring out at the busy street from the little cafe table where I'm sitting. I've thought about it before. What my kids might look like. I disagree with

look like him. Dark eyes and messy hair. I want them to have his capacity to love and to be free in it.

imagine Zaid, chasing after them, laughing in that way he used

me.

secret," Noah says from beside me, taking a sip

pick his brain. "When are you going to ask

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