Shackled (The Lord Series) by Amy T

224. Rueben - Doubts V

I run my fingers through my hair. "She just confessed to killing Camila in cold blood."

"Rueben, I love you, man, but sometimes you can be so stupid."

What is that supposed to mean? I take a second or two to think. Maybe more. Until it dawned on me that Olivia was trying to provoke my anger.

I let out a big sigh. "That makes two of us." I pull out a cigar. "How things change in a couple of hours."

"Levi was right, you know. We should start getting our knees ready."

I take a few puffs from my cigar. "But we still don't know for sure what happened."

"Even if she fucked the entire country out of her own volition or if she killed countless innocent people, I don't care. Not anymore."

I want to call out Tyson on his bullshit, but then I see how he looks at Olivia. "You love her."

Tyson takes his time thinking and replying. Meanwhile, he tucks Olivia into bed and sits back at his desk. "My mother changed her boyfriends more often than her socks. I never understood what love was because I never received a hug or a kind word while growing up. Then, your mother had enough grace to take me in after I ran away from home and found my way to...you guys. She was the first person to hug me. Did you know that Camila was the first to tell me, 'I love you.' It took me a while to understand what love means. Do you remember our first Christmas together?"

"Don't you?"

Tyson laughs. "It was the first time I received gifts or celebrated Christmas. It was the first time when I realized what a true family means. And I wanted that for myself. I wanted someone to love me and only me. Now I see how selfish I was." Even after so many years of living together, there are still new things that I'm learning about Tyson.

but I don't know how to love her. What is true love? I don't have a fucking clue, but I'm determined to find out." For years, Tyson hated Olivia as much as I did, and now we are talking about love. "What changed?" I

her in front of us, making her wince in pain. It felt like he was raping her, you know. And then what do I do? Shove a gun in her mouth

Tyson's words sink in as I think

whimpers in her sleep and Tyson goes to her. As soon as he holds her in his arms, she

either. I let my hate turn me into a...monster. But how do I become human

fucking disappointed with me. She would probably beat the living shit out of me for how I treated Olivia, regardless of

harmed Olivia," Tyson says. "Do you think presenting her with

because then you'll have to chop off your

"Yeah?"

that she

is right. You are a fucking

Maybe.

getting in bed,

awkward as

bed but Ansel trashed my entire room. He put horse dung

all my

Olivia is right. I am a fucking coward. Not because I didn't kill her but because I'm afraid of living. Is she the same as me? Afraid of being alive? Otherwise, why would she be so

to go to work comes, I feel like I'm on

not eating?" I ask Tyson one

I don't know how to help her. But do I want to help her? "This has to end today," I say. "Tyson, go get the bathtub ready. Olivia is going to get cleaned and then she will join us for

with big, round eyes. "You said