Shackled (The Lord Series) by Amy T

225. Olivia - Embracing I

Rueben kissing me shocks me to the core. I would have expected anything from him from yanking all the flesh from my bones with hot pliers to cutting me into tiny pieces and feeding me to his dog or something like that. But kissing me? When he hates me with all his being? Makes no sense.

"Why did you kiss me?"

It's a stupid question but I never claimed to be smart.

Rueben drags his thumb over my bottom lip. "I had to know if you are indeed our soulmate."

Their soulmate. Their. Soulmate. Surely, my fate can't be this cruel. Because I don't want to be with them. With any of them. And especially not with Rueben or Tyson. But when did I ever have a say in anything? Maybe that was the problem all along, that I never had a voice.

"I'm not." For once in my life, I decide for myself.

Rueben frowns. "Yeah, that would be for the best," he says before kissing me again. I try to turn my face away from him but he grabs me by my hair and...devours my lips with his. My palms come to rest on his shoulders, strong muscles flexing with each of his movements. "Fuck, you little Sluttty Nun," he groans against my lips before sucking my bottom lip. "I'm royally fucked, but if I fall, you fall with me."

I want to fall but who will catch me? Because I don't trust any of them to catch me. Maybe it's time I start to trust my instincts. But where do I even begin?

just as Rueben shoves his tongue in

bathtub is

Jasper, and Mose. Crying and hiding won't solve anything. Crying has never solved anything. If anything, it has made things even worse. And frankly, I don't think I have any more tears left. The past few days, I spent mourning mourning what my life could have been if I had never tried to answer the question, "Do hellstars have

my life and destroyed the one good thing I had in my life-*his* love for me. I still can't make myself say *his* name in my head, maybe because in

I have to love myself first before I can expect others to love me. But can I love myself when all my life I was told I'm worth nothing? When I was beaten

feels like he's claiming me. A week ago I would have accepted any scraps of

don't like the person I've

ask, *And what are you gonna

going to do about

done waiting for others to see

and

this

to try. And if I fall, I'll get up. On

are there, I thought it was the most logical option," he quickly adds when I keep quiet. Rueben stands from the sofa bed and follows Tyson and me. I walk slowly,

alone, but Camila's presence has always been with me. And