Shackled (The Lord Series) by Amy T

314. Olivia - Blood Lodge II

Tyson stares at me for a moment. "While this is not about me, I want you to know that I live in constant agony and fear that you will never truly forgive me. That you'll never love me again. I am sorry, Olly, for everything."

While his words are sincere, I feel angry. "You should be scared because I'll never let anyone in my heart again. You can fuck me and do whatever you want to me, but I'll never love *any* of you." I turn my attention to Mose. "Maybe I'll make an exception for you."

Mose flashes me a grin before smashing his lips against mine and kissing me roughly.

The bonds with Tyson and Ansel let me know how much my words hurt them, but I can't be as weak and stupid as I once was.

Tyson clears his throat. "Rueben is waiting for us."

Reluctantly, Mose breaks the kiss, and we get out of the car. Mose grabs my hand while Ansel and Tyson walk behind me. Rueben and Jasper are in front of the Blood Lodge. Rueben looks calmer now.

"Where are Rin and Steven?" Tyson asks.

Rueben jerks his head toward the entrance. "Already inside. We shouldn't waste any more time as we are late as it is," he mutters.

up for a night,"

my vision tunnel. This has never happened to me before, probably because of all the

feel like falling. One of the guys grabs me by the waist. Tyson.

feeling sick?" Tyson

in my chest. It's not fair that he has so much power over my feelings. But moments like this make me wonder if I should risk it and let him regain my trust. He did shitty things to me only because he thought I cheated on him. I'm not making any excuses for him, but cheating is probably the biggest trigger Tyson has. If I had been more clear about what happened the night Jason let his friends abuse me, maybe Tyson would have believed me. But all these years, I felt as if I had cheated on him. Even now, I feel the same. Maybe if I had fought harder, or been smarter, or not gone with Camila to the party.... Perhaps then I would have had that life Tyson and I always dreamed of. The guys guide me around the Blood Lodge until we enter a big room. A small dais is in the middle of it. Elderly men occupy the three seats on it. One of them is talking but my ears seem to be clogged as I don't hear a word of what he's saying. Lords sit around tables, on armchairs or semi-circular sofas. Women, who I assume

is not like I imagined it. There are no pornais waiting on their knees around the entrance. They are mingling with the Lords, talking or serving them drinks. They don't look scared or unhappy. Almost all of them have a smile on their lips. Those who are being fucked seem to enjoy it as moans coming from different parts of the room reach my ears. Pornai are well-trained to

reach a table with five empty armchairs around it.

flashes from my time in the Celestial Heaven flood my mind. Coming here was a bad idea. There's no turning back now. I have to

in his lap. "If you

hurt me initially, but I prefer them over anyone else on this planet. I might not trust them when it comes to my heart, but I trust them with my body as I know they

They are my tormentors.

the old farts want to tell us. Besides, I already survived the Catacombs." The blood drains from my face. "Lords who don't fulfill their obligations are usually sent to the Catacombs

to stay three days down there because he mistreated

to my mind. Just because I could heal them once doesn't mean I can do it