364. Olivia - Fear I

*You are pregnant.*

My pulse roars in my ears.

*You are pregnant.*

My stomach turns to knots.

*You. Are. Pregnant.*

My head spins.

The doctor makes no sense. How can I be pregnant? "You have to be mistaken," I say when he doesn't answer my initial question.

I only came to the hospital because the guys forced me. I tried to explain that it's only a stupid cold and I'd stop coughing once I get better, but they refused to listen. Jasper even insisted I was having another case of pneumonia. When my chest started hurting, Jasper was even more convinced he was right.

When I mentioned to the doctor that not only my chest bothered me, but also my stomach, he decided to perform an ultrasound. It was then that I asked if my men could be present because if something was seriously wrong with me, I wanted them to be with me to support me.

My men stand close to the bed I'm on, looking just as confused as I am except Mose. He looks composed, with a subtle hint of happiness.

"Look at the monitor," the doctor says. "Judging from the size of the fetus, I would say you are about three months long."

I only do as he asks because I know it's impossible for me to have a baby. My gaze falls on the tiny shape on the monitor. There's no doubt that a new life is growing inside me. Tears prickle my eyes. How is this possible? What am I going to do when my body rejects the baby? When I hold his tiny body in my arms and watch him slowly die, I will die at the same time as him.

I refuse to

is possible. Yet, nothing comes to mind, no matter how hard I try to think. For years, no matter how many times men used me, I never got pregnant, clear evidence that the Bitch did remove my tubes. A few months with my men

stomach is flat, the only sign of my pregnancy is my heavy breasts. I don't even have

Spencer and how I would place my hands on my stomach each time he moved. What a joyous time that was, not like now, when...

only my chest but my entire

am pregnant. But I don't want the baby.

to cough

finishes the ultrasound and wipes the gel from my abdomen. He ignores the scars on my body-thank fuck, because I don't have the energy to make up some lie about what happened to me. At least the word whore carved on my abdomen by my father

the first to snap out of the initial shock.

glances at him. "Are you the

is Mose who

same time. What did Mose do to me? How was he able to get me pregnant? Did

an abortion. I can't..." I choke on my words. Spencer's little body appears in front of my eyes once more. All the anguish, all the desperation, all the sorrow I felt back then returns in full force, burying me under a mountain of grief. "Please. I can't." The bonds between all of us hurt. They can't possibly want this baby knowing what I went through, knowing that the only thing that kept me sane was the drugs Carlos or Jason had given me. Not that they drugged me out of the goodness of their hearts, but because they wanted me docile while terrible

"We'll never let anyone

tries to soothe my fear but

offer me a water bottle, but I knock it out of his hand. "Don't come near

calls out for a

need to get out

has a bad temper, I don't think he would help me either. I rip off the hospital bracelet and get out of bed.

about this when you

then! I don't need permission from anyone to leave the hospital or to get an

Deymar-" the doctor calls me, and I

me that," I snap at

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