Shackled (The Lord Series) by Amy T

365. Olivia - Fear II

Upon seeing me, he quickly stands. "Olivia." He sounds hoarse. In other circumstances, I would have cared about his well-being, but all I can think about is that a baby is growing in my belly, a baby that he put inside me. "Don't," I warn him that I don't want him anywhere near me. Mose's shoulders slump forward. "How?" is all I want to know.

"Cocoa. Dd-vine po-pp-power," he struggles to explain. "M-mmade yyo-you w-well."

It takes me several moments to remember the night we had hot cocoa together. I trusted him so much, and he betrayed me in the worst way possible.

I feel so... violated.

He modified my body without consulting me first.

"You mean...you used your divine powers to give me tubes?" Mose nods, letting me know I got it right. "I can get pregnant...again?"

"Yes," Mose rasps.

Anger surges through my veins. "How fucking dare you make decisions that affect me!? I fucking loved you with all my heart, I opened myself to you body and soul, and this is how you repay me? By knocking me up with a bastard that I never wanted in the first place? God only knows what...else you did to me." I wanted to say another thing entirely, but he's not worth it. "I wish Mose, the real Mose, would return. He would have never done something like this to me."

Mose presses his lips together, and I go to the room that was supposed to be for the child we were supposed to adopt somewhere in the future, but not now, when I'm still not ready.

Rueben spent about a week taking down the nursery and putting it back together in the cabin. When the others offered to help him, he refused, saying it was his responsibility to prepare the Lair for our family. The nursery is like being pulled out of my dreams. It's everything I would have wanted for Spencer or the child we would have eventually adopted in the next few years.

I close the door behind me and walk up to the crib, where I fall to my knees, bury my face in my hands, and start to cry. My whole body shakes. In other circumstances, I would have been ecstatic to be pregnant, but not when my body is so fucking weak. I can't fail another baby.

My arms wrap around my stomach, trying to protect the little life growing inside me. I might want an abortion for selfish reasons, but I can't help but start loving the baby.

What am I going to do now? How will I survive the following months?

while promising that everything will be alright and that I'm here, but that would be lying. Tears keep streaming from my eyes. I feel like I can't breathe, that I'll never truly be happy no matter what

He picks me up from the floor and sits in the armchair with me on his lap. I bury my face in the crook of his neck, sobbing against

seeing you like this,"

"Then help me."

because I have made

so terrible to be pregnant with our

moment, I contemplate saying how much I hate the baby, that I was

wouldn't understand," I

deserve a warm home and five men willing to do everything for you. More than anything, you deserve a loving family,

face with the hem of his T-shirt.

reason why you want

matter what I say, no one will understand. "I can't."

baby. The truth is that no

with which you love someone makes me believe that you not only want the baby but that you already love him. I know you are scared, it is only natural to feel like this after everything you went through. Some traumas and scars never fade away." He has no idea how right he is about this. "It is also normal to mourn someone's death for many years, even for a lifetime. Queen Victoria never got past her husband's death. But you are not her, and life gave you another chance to be happy. It is up to you if you take it or not, but if you tell me with all sincerity that you hate the baby and you never want to have children, I will support you. We both know that is

he is so right. "I want to be happy, but being

safe?" Before I reply, he adds, "Blow up the entire city and then move to some remote

finally deciding to tell him the truth. "It's because of me. I failed Spencer, and it will

"I

into labor prematurely. Spencer didn't make it because my body couldn't carry him full term. What if the same happens

does, it will be different. We will go to Hell and back if it's for you and the

harm him. It's been a while since I've been so conflicted. "What happens when the Blight reaches us? I am supposed to fight for humanity. If I'm pregnant, how will I do that?" Ansel keeps stroking my skin with his thumb. "The Apocalypse can be years away, or we can

You are not alone.

Ansel is right.

I had never realized this until now. While I accepted them as mine, I still plan things as if I

I am not alone.