Shackled (The Lord Series) by Amy T

365. Olivia - Fear II

Upon seeing me, he quickly stands. "Olivia." He sounds hoarse. In other circumstances, I would have cared about his well-being, but all I can think about is that a baby is growing in my belly, a baby that he put inside me. "Don't," I warn him that I don't want him anywhere near me. Mose's shoulders slump forward. "How?" is all I want to know.

"Cocoa. Dd-vine po-pp-power," he struggles to explain. "M-mmade yyo-you w-well."

It takes me several moments to remember the night we had hot cocoa together. I trusted him so much, and he betrayed me in the worst way possible.

I feel so... violated.

He modified my body without consulting me first.

"You mean...you used your divine powers to give me tubes?" Mose nods, letting me know I got it right. "I can get pregnant...again?"

"Yes," Mose rasps.

Anger surges through my veins. "How fucking dare you make decisions that affect me!? I fucking loved you with all my heart, I opened myself to you body and soul, and this is how you repay me? By knocking me up with a bastard that I never wanted in the first place? God only knows what...else you did to me." I wanted to say another thing entirely, but he's not worth it. "I wish Mose, the real Mose, would return. He would have never done something like this to me."

Mose presses his lips together, and I go to the room that was supposed to be for the child we were supposed to adopt somewhere in the future, but not now, when I'm still not ready.

Rueben spent about a week taking down the nursery and putting it back together in the cabin. When the others offered to help him, he refused, saying it was his responsibility to prepare the Lair for our family. The nursery is like being pulled out of my dreams. It's everything I would have wanted for Spencer or the child we would have eventually adopted in the next few years.

I close the door behind me and walk up to the crib, where I fall to my knees, bury my face in my hands, and start to cry. My whole body shakes. In other circumstances, I would have been ecstatic to be pregnant, but not when my body is so fucking weak. I can't fail another baby.

My arms wrap around my stomach, trying to protect the little life growing inside me. I might want an abortion for selfish reasons, but I can't help but start loving the baby.

What am I going to do now? How will I survive the following months?

want to protect him or her while promising that everything will be alright and that I'm here, but that would be lying. Tears keep streaming from my eyes. I feel like I can't breathe, that I'll never

He picks me up from the floor and sits in the armchair with me on his lap. I bury my face in the crook of his neck, sobbing against his skin. His hand wraps around

hate seeing you like

"Then help me."

to explain what I want, because I have made my wishes clear more

to be pregnant

that I was much happier when I could not get pregnant naturally, but I would be

wouldn't understand," I

a warm home and five men

my head. Ansel gently cleans my face with the hem of his T-shirt. "We could adopt, just

it. "Give me one good reason why you want to abort

bottom lip, knowing no matter what I say, no

is quiet for several minutes, probably thinking about how to convince me to keep the baby. The truth

after everything you went through. Some traumas and scars never fade away." He has no idea how right he is about this. "It is also normal to mourn someone's death for many years, even for a lifetime. Queen Victoria never got past her husband's death. But you are not her, and life gave you another chance to be happy. It is up to you if you take it or not, but if you tell me with all sincerity that you hate the baby and you never want to have children, I will support you. We both know that is not the case because you are the one who mentioned adoption

"I want to be happy, but being pregnant will only make me

he adds, "Blow up the

my head before finally deciding to tell him the truth. "It's because of me. I failed Spencer, and it will

frowns. "I don't

into labor prematurely. Spencer didn't make it because my body couldn't carry him full term. What if the same

will be different. We will go

want to believe him because I don't think I can kill the baby or let anyone else harm him. It's been a while since I've been so conflicted. "What happens when the Blight reaches us? I am supposed to fight for humanity. If I'm pregnant, how will I do that?"

You are not alone.

Ansel is right.

never realized this until now. While I accepted them as mine, I still plan things as if I were alone

I am not alone.