Chapter 176 Ava: Attending the Rites

Odd? How so?

Selene's soft whine catches Kellan's attention. "We'll be there soon. Will she be okay?"

It doesn't seem that he realizes the dog is not actually a dog. "She's fine."

I thought I had all my memory, but when I try to think back, everything is fuzzy. Even my own name doesn't come to mind.

My head aches at the thought of trying to unravel that. What kind of memories? From becoming a dog?

Not exactly. My past life. My identity. Many things… Things I thought I remembered. Vanessa's words sound familiar, but I cannot access the memories. It feels important.

That just sounds… Yeah. She's right. It's odd.

How long have they been missing?

Silence.

Then, I don't know. Forever.

Leaning down, I rub at Selene's head. It'll be okay. I'm sure we'll figure it out. But we both know my promise is hollow. I have no way of keeping it.

Selene whines again, resting her head on her paws as she stays beneath my chair. Ava, am I a detriment to you?

Of course not. My denial is swift and from the heart. But… I think we might make bad decisions together.

Her mood plummets; I can feel it in the back of my head. Like Lucas and his wolf, as children.

Scratching behind her ears in gentle consolation, my heart is buoyed when she leans against my touch. You have given me much strength by being here. We'll figure it out together.

Together, she confirms, but that insecure edge to her words is still there.

* * *

have my knees so weak, my walk resembles the wobbling of a

it to the pack lands as twilight hits. The entire place

No lights on.

No people.

of life at

we make it to a large field deep in the forest, filled with people. Some are in wolf form. A few are

to drive; everyone else used four paws to

see so many

hadn't wanted to bring her, but

she whispers, slinking out of the car with her

usually struts about with confidence, tail high and head erect… But I feel the same

Like I don't belong.

Filled with shame.

and my heart sinks. Lucas hadn't mentioned that

the silence, save for the occasional mourning keen. There

bodies surrounding the pyres, the entire clearing bathed

rests on the small of my back,

Jericho, who stares grimly ahead, his jaw clenched. Even his weathered face, marked by countless scars, can't hide the sorrow etched into his

down on my chest until

of my blind demand for independence. How many of these deaths are on my

All of them.

Every single one.

madman, but it bleeds for the dead. For the families left behind.

eyes, but I blink them back. I have no right to cry, not when my actions have caused so much pain.

but I can see the cracks in his armor. The way his eyes shine with unshed tears. The

my voice barely audible over the

looks down at me, his

everything. For being so selfish. For not thinking about how my choices would

His face. In how his lips curve down

You didn't cause this. We were too arrogant in the safety

in my heart, I

I hadn't been at that party, those vampires

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