Tangled in Moonlight: Unshifted (Ava and Lucas)

Chapter 194 Ava: Garden Visit

"Are you okay?"

Vanessa pops into my field of view with a steaming cup of what smells like hot chocolate.

Much better than coffee.

"I'm okay."

The steam from the mug assaults my face with humidity and heat, reminding me that summer is over.

The weather isn't chilly enough for hot cocoa to be a regular occurrence, and the wind is a little too warm against my skin, but the rich chocolate flavor that coats my tongue brings comfort.

It's a small thing, but it helps ground my racing thoughts as Vanessa settles beside me on the bench.

Out here, in the small garden behind the alpha lodge, there's only peace under the vast expanse of darkness and stars. Selene slumbers peacefully a few feet away, her silver fur almost glowing in the moonlight.

There are, of course, the ever-present guards stationed around us. Four of them, at least.

But at least they're giving me this time out here, instead of leaving me to my misery indoors.

"How are you holding up this week, Ava? Since we last talked… A lot seems to have changed. You look different. You sound different." Vanessa's gentle question pulls me from my thoughts.

Thinking about this past week is much better than thinking about Mom, and how quickly her life had slipped away in front of me.

I stare into the depths of my mug, as if the answers might be found swirling in the chocolate. "It's been hard," I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. "Mostly, it feels like I'm stumbling in the dark, unsure of which direction to take. And I don't like the person I see in my memories. I've been cringing at a lot of things."

Vanessa's hand rests on my arm, a reassuring touch. "Don't overthink it. Trust in those around you. We're here to support you."

Her words are meant to comfort, but they remind me of the tensions within the pack. Another distraction I grab onto gratefully. "What about Jericho? Lucas and Kellan don't seem to listen to him much, even though they seem to respect him."

It's a product of their wolf legacy, I'm afraid. It's

head, I try to puzzle through her

idiots, but pairing the word idiot

a new alpha takes over, many of the previous alpha's most trusted advisors end up retiring. New blood, loyal to the

mind reels. "That explains a lot. I wondered why all my bodyguards were retired, despite

twitch at the compliment, even though I know they can hear

for as long as I can remember, so I've never seen it

his Luna. It's a stigma he's

I grope for a word to convey my thoughts

Stupid? Absolutely

laugh and a gasp comes out of me as I glance around in

course, there are only

Lucas like that." I pause.

who's still sleeping. "They're used to it. I've said far worse to his face. But it isn't really as simple as I've made it out to be. You'll hear about it

stare at the sky again. "If that mistake changed how they think of Jericho, I'm never going to get the pack to see me as Luna material after

the first youngling with blood on your hands. Even in Jericho's day, there were idiot scuffles where several lives were taken because of a single hotheaded

over my abdomen, I refrain from pointing out that I'm twenty years old, not fifteen. But it gives me a little

a pup, Selene whispers.

spending all your time feeling bad, wondering how

me. She's just casually perched there, looking ahead of

ease a little. "Yes. Jericho keeps telling me to stop wallowing and feeling sorry for myself and start acting, but I don't…" Flapping my hands helplessly,

to do to

"Yeah."

no easy fix, Ava. You just have to move forward trying to make better choices than the day before. Apologize to those you've wronged. Take responsibility for

view after everything I've put Lucas and the

"I'm trying."

"I know."