Tangled

106 Ava: Training (III)

Getting home is like a reward.

35

Every damn day, I stagger through that front door and fall face first on the couch. Lisa takes the recliner, saying she prefers to curl up and face the pain in a fetal position. I like to stretch out. It works.

Kellan has tactfully avoided mentioning how we look since the first day he brought us home and made a small misstep, getting verbally eviscerated by Lisa.

He’s in the kitchen now, ordering food from somewhere. I don’t care where. As long as it’s edible and I can eat it without having to care about table

manners.

Lisa usually complains when Kellan orders something without input from either of us, but she’s too absorbed in napping her pain away to care, either.

My phone buzzes on the table next to the couch, startling me out of my exhausted daze. I grab it, my muscles protesting the movement, and see Clayton’s name on the screen.

106 Ava: Training (I)

[Clayton: Just checking in. Hope you had a good day. Let me know if you need anything.]

He’s been so thoughtful, texting instead of calling ever since that first day when I could barely string two words together without yawning.

He seems to understand that I need space now. It’s nothing like when I was at the Aspen pack and his

desire to take me as a mate was clear between us.

I’ll take it at face value for now, because I can’t handle thinking much deeper than that.

[Ava: Training was brutal as always but I’m hanging in there. Hope you’re doing well too.]

I hit send and toss the phone back onto the coffee table with a sigh. Guilt twists in my stomach, an all too familiar sensation these days. I’m texting Clayton, though I asked Lucas for space. Maybe I should text Lucas, too.

After a minute, I grab my phone, driven by those complicated emotions stirring within me.

[Ava: Hope everything’s going okay for you! I’m doing great here. Kellan’s been taking good care of us. Lisa

lover it here 1

2/9

106 Ava: Training (1)

Okay, that’s not quite a lie. She does like it–the little bit of it she’s seen.

Every interaction with Clayton or Lucas feels loaded with complicated emotions and things left unsaid. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to face either of them without this knot of uncertainty and longing tangling me up inside.

A cramp seizes my belly and I wince, shifting on the couch to try to find a more comfortable position. But there’s no escaping the pain.

It’s an ache that grows in time, gripping my insides, twisting them around, squeezing with each shallow

breath I take.

I press my hand against my abdomen, as if that will help the relentless onslaught of pain. But it does nothing.

I turn to my other side. Still no relief. It’s futile. The pain is inescapable, pulsing through my body with a cruel insistence. It’s as if my very bones are being twisted, my muscles knotted and strained to the point of breaking.

Tears prick at the corners of my eyes, but I blink them

15:24

3/9

Ava Training

It comes

God, it hurts.

as if I could somehow contain the agony. My fingers dig into

sweep me

the soft give of the cushions beneath me, the distant sounds of Kellan puttering around in the kitchen. Gradually, the cramps

couch.

is the only thing that ever takes care of it.

always feels like hours, but it

minutes.

it’s gone. It shouldn’t come back for

while.

at me again. God, I’m so tired. I’m not usually this exhausted after training, but some

is

15:24

4/9

Training (1)

of hurting, tired of doubting myself, tired of missing Lucas and Clayton and Selene. I just want to sleep and forget about all of it for a little while. Maybe when I wake up, things will seem a little bit

easier to

exhaustion. Just a quick nap before dinner. Just

***

I can’t open my eyes. Or

know what they’re saying.

dark, and I slip back into blissful sleep.

***

wakes me the second time.

and roaring through my

veins.

can’t scream. I can’t see.

Everything hurts.

victim

15.24

burning at

once.

torn asunder.

but that somewhere isn’t here. Or there. Or anywhere.

Where am 17

feel myself. I’m only sensation.

website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the

What is it?

Who am 17

I am pain.

cool surrounds

Water.

It’s everywhere.

I can’t breathe.

I’m drowning

for air, only to fill with

Training

It hurts.

feel my body, but it moves without conscious

a flailing, violent

escape, but there is none.

Only the deep.

Only the pain.

***

but there’s

No air.