The Alpha Chose Me by Missy Elliottxo

I didn't want to get up. I could hear the shower running so I knew Jake was awake. I didn't get to sleep till late because my mind wouldn't shut off. I had all the time in the world to think.

No distractions. Nothing to focus on other than my thoughts. Everything running around in my head over and over again.

Could I have done something different? Was I to blame for the loss of our child?

I woke up sad, I already knew today wasn't going to be a good day. I didn't want to be sad, I wanted to push past this and move on, but I couldn't. I couldn't stop the guilt. The constant reminder that I wasn't pregnant anymore.

"Morning baby. I made you coffee". He nodded towards my bedside drawer.

There he was. Wet from the shower, a towel hung around his waist. He only wanted to be there for me, to look after me and yet every fiber in my body wanted to push him away.

was the only way through. But I promised I wouldn't shut him out. I promised myself I'd lean on him whenever I needed to. I

yet I still wanted to do it alone

"Leah are you okay?".

I spoke. "I want to push you away

okay to feel sad, it's okay to cry, to be angry, to scream through the pain. But I won't sit back and

to go like this. I wanted to wake up positive, be productive, go out for breakfast with my friends. I wanted today to be the start of something fresh. I would never forget but a line had

wasn't that

did it have to happen to me,

I don't have an answer to