189 The truth of her birth III Miriam .
Its been two weeks since I came back to the Moon Temple with an empty womb and a heart heavier than Id ever known .
The stillness of the temple at all times which used to ground me in such a way I couldnt understand , broken occasionally only by the soft rustling of robes or the distant chant of prayers had now become a prison to me .
I was the secret , trapped in a prison and the only people who knew were my wet pillow each night and my conscience .
I couldnt believe I was a mom well a half mom actually but that experience changed my life in ways I never expected .
Each day felt heavier than the last my belly was still round and protruded .
I was still too tired from carrying another human for nine months and still forced to get on with my life like nothing just happened .
Of course , no one noticed since I returned in Spring and we were always at our busiest at this time of the year because a lot of special flowers , herbs and seeds are found at this time .
I simply went out of my way and kept myself away from unnecessary interactions .
Except for Terra my bosom friend , Mother Liora and the other priestesses who were Mother Lioras closest friends no one else knew .
For instance , at the morning Assembly today when I was asked to lead the e prayers , had recited a ritual prayer instead of the prayers designed to kickstart our day .
Superior Priestess Dianas eyes had narrowed on me as she assessed me from head to toe .
Miriam , she called out coldly .
You look … different .
Sluggish in your movements , forgetful and fat .
Is there something you wish to share ? My breath caught in my throat , my heart pounding in panic as I tugged at my uniform , stretching the already stretched fabric .
The pregnancy had made me add a lot of weight on my hips and chest .
Although the midwife had prepared a special routine for me to follow to lose the baby fat , she had told me it was a gradual process .
Everyone was staring at me in the hall , especially Jemimah who had a smirk on her face .
Miriam ? she called out impatiently again .
15 189 The truth of her birth Im sorry , Mother ! I muttered .
I didnt ask for an apology , she responded , her voice was filled with frustration .
T simply want an explanation as to why youre looking out of place from all the girls in the temple .
Your uniform is too tight , your face is round and are those dark circles I see around your your eyes ? I opened my mouth , looking for an explanation but no words came out .
Before the silence could become suspicious , Mother Liora intervened .
The little self discovery trip I sent her on must have been harder on her than I thought , she said giving me a reassuring glance .
Its not uncommon for children to go outside this pack and come back looking the same .
Think of all the overly processed food and all … Mother Liora said .
turned to something else but
I lay on my bed staring
baby wasnt inside me anymore , but my body
was still soft and rounded and my muscles still ached with the strain of carrying a child that was no longer there
side , clutching my blanket tightly and cried myself to sleep
days that followed ,
were the cruellest
instinctively move to cradle the bump that was no longer
I bend to pick something
first just like how it had done
still swollen painfully and hard as stone and still leaking milk
herbs the midwife had given me
morning , I would pad my breast with several clothes to hide the milk
the pain would be unbearable and I would have to sneak back to my room
became an expert at hiding my
only to sit
were the worst
duties , my womb would squeeze in pain and I would gnash my teeth , clamping down
month , I started hearing baby
birth !!! 10 when the sound of
was filled with
of my room , searching the hall for the
, I met Priestess Tania
hand ; she must have seen the wild desperation in them
with you dear ? Its
baby ! I murmured ,
need to get
, Priestess Tania exhaled , looking sideways to make sure there was no one in the hallway
dragged me to my room and a moment later , she came back with Mother Liora and
women tried to calm my racing heart and the endless cries that were ringing in my ears until I eventually
the next morning , I saw Mother Liora sitting at the edge of my bed ,
murmured
fine ! I nodded giving
doing here ? She avoided
guilty but if you keep this up ,
excuses I can
it not to go beyond that ? I drew
mother ? You were roaming the hallway last
priestess
medications the midwife recommended ? I nodded hanging my head
must try
cannot understand how it is with you but you
long and Im not sure how long
… I lowered my
Ill do better .
reached out , placing a hand on my
been through a great deal , child
I understand that .
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