Jane

Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it.

A month ago I never would have dreamed of telling Ethan I love him, and we’ve been stuck in a holding pattern ever since the pups were taken – so why am l so tempted to say it now?

Do I truly feel it? Do I love Ethan? Is it just the impulse to return the sentiment out of politeness? Does he truly mean it, or is simply the afterglow of s’x? Is that why l feel so inclined to say those dangerous words?

I don’t know what to do -my feelings aren’t even the problem, it’s what admitting them would mean. If I tell Ethan l love him now, there will never be any going back. He’s already determined not to let me go, and saying”I love you” would be like a green light waving him forward. I try to get hold of myself, to drown out the encouragement of my inner wolf.

It was just the s’x .l insist in my head. I’m still coming down from the stratospheric high of Ethan’s lovemaking. I hadn’t realized how badly I needed it, needed Ethan to take control: touch me and take my pain away – if only for a moment. I’m finally sated and preening under his lavish attentions, feeling safe and secure even as the world spirals out of control.

It’s not so different from the first time we ever shared these words, when we were young and completely oblivious to the challenges we’d face in the future. l’d been reluctant then too – for very different reasons. Now I’m afraid of committing to being with a man who almost destroyed me once, even if he didn’t intend it. I know he wouldn’t hurt me on purpose, but it happened once already by accident, what if history repeats itself? I don’t think l can survive going all in and losing him again.

I’d known that much when I was l6, when my fear of admitting my feelings was because a future together seemed impossible. My inner omega had been head over heels, but I was desperately trying to hang onto reality – to protect myself.

Gazing at Ethan, it’s hard not to get carried away.

He’s so handsome, and when he looks at me the way he is now – as if l’m the most precious thing in the entire world-I want to dive into love head first. I know I’m falling too fast, I can feel myself getting pulled deeper and deeper every day. I’m constantly digging my heels in, trying not to let him sweep me off my feet, but he’s so much bigger and stronger than I am that he always succeeds.

Still, sometimes I wonder why he bothers. I know he’ll never be free to marry me. People like Ethan just don’t end up with girls like me. This relationship is bound to end in misery, and despite what people say about it being better to love and lose than not love at all – I’m fairly certain that’s only true if you actually survive the loss. Could I survive losing Ethan? Will that be the end for me?

The thought of living without Ethan is like the thought of living without oxygen. He breathes life into me with every k!ss. I need him – not want, not desire, but need. That can’t be healthy, can it? Does love always feel this way? This overpowering? This all-consuming? How does anyone manage to keep both feet on the ground with such a powerful force assailing them?

– I’ve had to be. Mom and I have to struggle for every crumb of food we put on the table, and moving through the world as an omega is rife with dangers. I guess l’ve never felt safe enough before to be silly or mischievous, but Ethan makes me feel so

me with a gnawing smirk, petting me everywhere except where I need him most. This has become his favorite game of late, even though it’s taken him absolute ages to

down towards his belt and rolling my eyes

He reasons, offering me a

what I mean.”

little wolf” Ethan teases,

you want to?”

Ethan shakes his

you think

you never do!” I

good.” He explains with a heavy sigh, I don’t want

my body against his, covering him

growls, catching my h!ps before l can start grinding them into his. He buries his face in my neck, breathing in my scent. “Goddess do I love you.” He says, his

don’t love people like me, they might fool around and have a nice little

his head up to stare into my eyes. His usually dark irises are glowing

don’t.” I object, blurting the words out

me?” Ethan intimates, a foreboding expression coming across his handsome

can’t love

next word out of my mouth isn’t going to be

perfect it takes my

l’m not good enough for him, to point out what is so glaringly obvious to me and almost everyone else we meet, but l know that will end

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