The Luna and her Quadruplet Pups by Jane Above Story

Jane

Two months later

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Paisley, Parker, Riley and Ryder, happy birthday to you!” A jumble of singing voices, both young and old, struggle to fit all four of the pups’ names into the traditional song, and the group soon devolves into giggles. This is always how birthdays have gone with my babies, and this year the list of names is even longer now that Paisley is with us – not that they seem to mind. They’re surrounded by friends, decorations and presents, about to dig into a scrumptious cake shaped like their favorite cartoon character.

The quadruplets are beaming, kneeling up on their chairs to lean over the swiftly melting candles and counting, “One, two, three!” At once they blow out the flames, waving their precious heads back and forth to make sure they get all five. Looking at them now, it’s hard to believe how much has changed in so short a time. A couple of months ago I wasn’t sure if l would ever see them again, and now they’re safe home in the Dark Moon territory in the house where I raised Parker, Ryder and Riley.

Life is finally back to normal, and I’m back to struggling with my work-life balance and lamenting how fast time flies as my pups grow up right before my eyes. My business was in good hands with my CFO while I was away, and La Louve had a record breaking quarter with all the press resulting from our adventures in the Cité de la Wuit. If you’d asked me to describe my ideal future a year ago it would have been exactly this – my pups finally together, my business thriving, and freedom from the shackles of all the secrets and lies I wove to escape Ethan so many years ago.

I even have a new baby on the way to soothe the sting of seeing my first four children grow up and need me less and less. True, they’ve needed a lot of love and support to heal from the trauma of their ordeal in the Southern Isles, but I know these days are fleeting. The more time that passes, the more they’re going to set out and forge their own paths in the world. l can already”updated by jobnib.com” see it happening, as they move further away from toddlerhood and into true childhood – they even start school this year. I’m proud of course – what mother wouldn’t be? But l’d be lying if I said part of me didn’t wish they’d stay this tiny and adorable forever.

Still -I finally have everything I’ve dreamed about for so long. So I should be happy, shouldn’t 1? It shouldn’t be a struggle just to get out of bed in the morning when I know that the day awaiting me will be nothing but bright. It shouldn’t feel so bitter and empty to mark these incredible milestones with my family. It shouldn’t be so unfulfilling to do the work I’m so passionate about.

Yet it is.

I suppose at the end of the day it’s impossible to feel any kind of joy or happiness when your heart has been completely decimated. Sometimes I wonder if there’s anything still beating in my chest, or if there’s just a black hole swirling behind my ribs where my heart used to be. I feel like a hollow shell, a shadow of my former self.

Of course, feeling so despondent just makes me feel guilty. Shouldn’t my pups be enough for me? Why does Ethan still have so much power over me after all this time? Why in the Goddess’s name did I let down my guard with him, knowing what he was capable of? Why did I trust him, buy into his lies?

He truly did get the perfect revenge on me for my crimes – slowly plying and massaging my walls down until I finally felt safe enough to be vulnerable with him, then smashing me to pieces when I was most exposed.

to nothing, and even though I was on the lookout for such tricks, I still

I’ll never forgive myself.

ensure they aren’t faking sleep as I stand in the doorway of their bedroom, watching over them. “He didn’t even call. l mean I know he doesn’t want anything to do with

” I mean it doesn’t make sense – it didn’t at the time and it doesn’t now. Ethan loved Paisley more than anything in the

actor I remind her. “He’s a true chameleon, it’s what makes him such a skilled abuser. He puts on such a good

was.” She insists. “That was not a man distraught over some evil plot falling apart. That was a man

cares about the pups’ wellbeing, not to mention how bad it would have been for his reputation to fail, I just think he hates me more than he loves them” I reason.

since that horrible day in the hospital, only communicating with his Beta and assistants during the moving process. However Eric’s new role as King of the Southern Isles now means that my best friend

that none of it had been

also asked after you and the pups so much that it’s pretty hard to

to ensure l was suffering enough.” l bite. “And you’re sure

legally married really saved

know, l’m just making sure.” I

Linda asks then, a smile in her

small relief. I’m ready to be done with morning sickness and miscarriage worries. “Though it does feel remarkably like l’m repeating history here. It’s less scary this time around because I know if l can handle quads on my own l can do anything, I just don’t know

love

love. That might be how we explain making babies to pups, but l’m painfully aware that no love was involved

not four this time” Linda adds, and I can practically see her expression