The Luna and her Quadruplet Pups by Jane Above Story

Jane

As I walk through the sterile halls of the hospital, my mind whirls with thought. Grief and despair are closing in fast, but l’m trying to hold onto my anger instead. Fury will keep me going enough to get through the difficult days ahead. If I let myself feel this – if l succumb to this agony, I might never recover.

How am l going to tell the pups? l know they don’t have any idea how much things have changed between Ethan and I, but this still isn’t going to be a fun conversation. After all, I did tell them that Daddy and I would be taking them home, it’s not going to be easy to walk that back. They were upset about the idea of being separated from Ethan even before the kidnapping, and now they need as much love and stability as possible.

I don’t want to break their hearts, and telling them the truth about why we’re going home alone would do exactly that. I can’t beat for them to know that Ethan doesn’t want them, especially not after everything they’ve been through. That leaves me only two options.

Either I can say that Ethan and I discussed it and agreed this would be best,or l can take the blame, and tell then that I decided to take them away despite their father’s protests.

However the more I think about it, the more l realize the first option isn’t truly viable. If this was some amicable custody agreement, the pups would expect to be able to say goodbye to their father, to still visit him on occasion. It would imply shared custody… and that’s impossible. In truth, the only path forward to protect them from Ethan’s rejection, is to make myself the bad guy. They know our history now, they understand I might have reason to take them away and cut off contact – or at least as much as any child can comprehend such things.

The metaphorical knife that Ethan drove into my heart when he rejected me slides even deeper as I realize what I must do. I want to feel sorry for myself – as if it wasn’t bad enough that my mate tossed me out like yesterday’s trash, now l’m going to have to lie to my babies, to tell them a story that will probably make them hate me.

My stomach roils, and I detour into the nearest restroom to vomit, wondering how I’ll ever survive this.

How can it be that living without Ethan feels so impossible now, after I got along without him for so long? Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. I think stubbornly.

If I start crying now I won’t stop, and then the pups will know something is wrong. My wolf is howling non-stop in my head, and despite that fact that l’ve been wishing for nothing but the ability to be a parent to my babies again for nearly a month, right now I wish I had the freedom to curl up into a little ball and weep.

Instead I flush the toilet, rinse my mouth and wash my hands, then stalk from the restroom with my head held high. I find the pups in the hospital’s waiting area, gathered around Linda as she reads one of the picture books scattered over the coffee tables. They look up when l enter, and before I can say a word they’ve leapt from their chairs and are charging my legs. “

Mommy!!”

I kneel down to meet them, pulling their beloved little bodies into my arms and squeezing them so tightly that they’re soon complaining. “Mommy l can’ breathe!” Riley exclaims in exasperation.

Having them in my arms – willingly or not- fills me with pure warmth, and I feel my broken heart flicker with life. “I’m sorry angels.” l apologize after a moment, releasing them, “I’m just happy to see you.

instructs me, cuddling closer. “I likes

in a whisper, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Can you squeeze me back just as tight, until l can’t even feel my limbs

the others, who are only too eager to get in on the game. “Is that tight

shake my head. Tighter, I

four begin applying so much pressure that I actually do begin to struggle for breath- but that might have just been

hoarsely, kissing them again. “Are you ready to go

They exclaim in

their backs as I

on the very next plane out of

around and pumping their tiny fists in

soon? Linda asks, standing

I confirm, trying to keep the emotion

ready to be released?” She inquires,

annoyed by a perfectly reasonable

naturally have been listening to every word, freeze. “Daddy’s not

the five of us so we can get home as soon as possible. I’m not sure how much longer he’ll be

in confusion. “You’re not going to stay to see him through the

Linda has no idea what’s just happened, and unlike the pups, she knows exactly how attached Ethan and I became on this journey. It makes sense that she’s confused. At the same time, I wish l could tell her to put a sock in

look

c******g her head to the side, trying

the pups onto the

I tell them that we’re going to the Dark Moon pack and that Ethan won’t ever be joining us, they’ll undoubtedly try to

take

l can think better of it, “now hurry and get ready, the car will be here