The Luna and her Quadruplet Pups by Jane Above Story

Jane

As I walk through the sterile halls of the hospital, my mind whirls with thought. Grief and despair are closing in fast, but l’m trying to hold onto my anger instead. Fury will keep me going enough to get through the difficult days ahead. If I let myself feel this – if l succumb to this agony, I might never recover.

How am l going to tell the pups? l know they don’t have any idea how much things have changed between Ethan and I, but this still isn’t going to be a fun conversation. After all, I did tell them that Daddy and I would be taking them home, it’s not going to be easy to walk that back. They were upset about the idea of being separated from Ethan even before the kidnapping, and now they need as much love and stability as possible.

I don’t want to break their hearts, and telling them the truth about why we’re going home alone would do exactly that. I can’t beat for them to know that Ethan doesn’t want them, especially not after everything they’ve been through. That leaves me only two options.

Either I can say that Ethan and I discussed it and agreed this would be best,or l can take the blame, and tell then that I decided to take them away despite their father’s protests.

However the more I think about it, the more l realize the first option isn’t truly viable. If this was some amicable custody agreement, the pups would expect to be able to say goodbye to their father, to still visit him on occasion. It would imply shared custody… and that’s impossible. In truth, the only path forward to protect them from Ethan’s rejection, is to make myself the bad guy. They know our history now, they understand I might have reason to take them away and cut off contact – or at least as much as any child can comprehend such things.

The metaphorical knife that Ethan drove into my heart when he rejected me slides even deeper as I realize what I must do. I want to feel sorry for myself – as if it wasn’t bad enough that my mate tossed me out like yesterday’s trash, now l’m going to have to lie to my babies, to tell them a story that will probably make them hate me.

My stomach roils, and I detour into the nearest restroom to vomit, wondering how I’ll ever survive this.

How can it be that living without Ethan feels so impossible now, after I got along without him for so long? Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. I think stubbornly.

If I start crying now I won’t stop, and then the pups will know something is wrong. My wolf is howling non-stop in my head, and despite that fact that l’ve been wishing for nothing but the ability to be a parent to my babies again for nearly a month, right now I wish I had the freedom to curl up into a little ball and weep.

Instead I flush the toilet, rinse my mouth and wash my hands, then stalk from the restroom with my head held high. I find the pups in the hospital’s waiting area, gathered around Linda as she reads one of the picture books scattered over the coffee tables. They look up when l enter, and before I can say a word they’ve leapt from their chairs and are charging my legs. “

Mommy!!”

I kneel down to meet them, pulling their beloved little bodies into my arms and squeezing them so tightly that they’re soon complaining. “Mommy l can’ breathe!” Riley exclaims in exasperation.

Having them in my arms – willingly or not- fills me with pure warmth, and I feel my broken heart flicker with life. “I’m sorry angels.” l apologize after a moment, releasing them, “I’m just happy to see you.

listen to hers.” Paisley instructs me, cuddling closer. “I likes

share in a whisper, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Can you

to get in

my head. Tighter, I can still feel

actually do begin to struggle for breath- but that might have just been

announce hoarsely, kissing them again.

They exclaim

I smile, rubbing their backs as

get on the very next plane out of

cheer, dancing around and pumping their tiny fists

asks, standing from

keep the

to

by a perfectly reasonable question, I answer.

pups, who naturally have been listening to every word, freeze. “Daddy’s not coming?” Parker asks, C*g his

us so we can get home as

not going to

pups, she knows exactly how attached Ethan and I became on this journey.

simply, shooting her a pointed look to try and communicate that I’ll explain

her head to the

I pause, grappling with the right thing to do here. If I tell them home means the Dark Moon pack and that Ethan isn’t coming at all, I’Il have a quadruple tantrum on my hands the likes of which I’ve never seen. It will be impossible to get the pups onto the plane. lf, on the other hand, I wait until we reach our destination to break the news, I”ll still have a tantrum, but the hard part will be over.

tell them that we’re going to the Dark Moon pack and that Ethan won’t ever be joining us, they’ll undoubtedly try to go see him, they’ll want to convince him to come with us, to overrule me. And what then? Will he break their hearts as badly as he broke mine? Will he tell them he

take

of it, “now hurry