Jane

“Daddy!” The sound of my pups’ frightened voices send me jerking upright in bed, suddenly and completely awake. I rush to their bedroom, flipping on the light and finding all four children piled on one bed, tears running down their cheeks.

“Oh my loves, did you have nightmares?” I croon, immediately moving forward to comfort them.

They nod, but instead of running into my arms, they tighten their ranks. “Yes, but we don’t want you, we want Daddy!” Paisley cries.

Pain slices through me, so powerfully it steals the breath from my lungs. I feel as though I’ve been punched in the stomach. No matter how bad things are between us, I’ve always been the one my pups turn to when they’re frightened or upset. “Well Daddy isn’t here.” I say shakily.”‘So you can have me, or nothing.”

“T-then we ch-choose nothing.” Riley informs me through her sobs.

I close my eyes so they can’t see me cry, nodding as my insides harden to stone. “Please don’t be that way.

You know l love you, I don’t want you to be sad or scared, won’t you let me help?”

They stubbornly shake their heads, cuddling closer to one another. “Fine.”I sniff turning for the door. “Do you want me to leave the light on?”

They exchange glances. “Do we have to go back to sleep?”

I glance at the clock, it’s after three AM, late enough that they could probably stay up and make up for lost sleep with an extra long nap. “No, I suppose not.”

I can’t stand this. Normally I would cuddle them back to sleep and sing them lullabies, the fact that they won’t let me comfort them feels like the worst rejection, and I’m trying very hard not to fall to pieces in front of them. We head into the kitchen and I make them some warm milk, hoping they’ll get drowsy and go back to sleep, but prepared to stay up with them if they don’t. I’m exhausted myself – between the eventful evening and the baby quickly growing in my belly. It’s getting harder to keep up with my pups every day.

They sit at the table in utter silence, and I emit a belabored sigh. “Do you want to tell me what you dreamed about?”

I don’t expect them to actually share their dream with me, but after a few extended moments of silence Parker speaks up. “We were back at Daddy’s ‘partment, playing in the Iiving room. Then Eve and ‘Nita and the King came in and kidnapped us. We were locked in a cold dark room, listening to them talk about what to do with us. Eve just wanted to hurt us, but ‘Nita and the King wanted to use us to get to you and Daddy.”

“And you all dreamed the same thing?” I ask.

it wasn’t real.” I tell them

it was just my imagination in overdrive, but now I think it might have been the Goddess trying to lead me to you. I had one dream about you racing down a river, and fighting a huge snake. I had another where you were trapped underground, trying to get out. I always used to wake up

Daddy have dreams ’bout

would make me more afraid, but sometimes it’s nice to know that other people are

when I had

what kinds of stories?”

She whispers,

he was her entire world before I came along, and I was just a

a story ’bout Daddy?” Ryder asks, looking as though he’s not sure

agree, hating to think my babies might be afraid of my temper.

first Christmas

Paisley requests.

concede, delving back into

the first year we were married wasn’t very

my children. We spent the entire holiday in bed together, making love in every possible way and position Ethan could think of. “But

“Why not?” Riley asks.

enough for him. We came from different worlds in a lot of ways, and we knew they’d try to make us break up if they found out.” I explain, trying not to condemn Ethan’s mother too strongly, knowing

“That’s ‘spicable.” Parker grimaced.

stop us. He was determined for us to be together no matter what they thought. You know we actually had to get married in

did?” Riley exclaims

first Christmas, we were just kids, and I grew up without a lot of things. My mom worked really really hard, but we were poor so I never had any presents… a lot of times we didn’t even have food to eat.” Riley,

not?!” She asks, her eyes wide

impossible to change things when you don’t have any money or any way to make more.” l answer softly, wanting to make sure she understands that the privileges she’s grown up with aren’t universal. “Your Daddy knew this, so he always brought me extra food

mean you’d never had presents ‘afore?” Paisley inquires, absolutely

used to get little things in my stocking from

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