The Luna and her Quadruplet Pups by Jane Above Story

Ethan

Paisley looks confused by my announcement, but Nina sits up at attention. “What did the doctor say?”

“He said I’m finally a viable candidate for a spinal surgery that might restore my mobility.” I explain, not wanting to beat around the bush, “and save my life.”

“Ethan that’s wonderful!” Nina beams, looking as though she wants to hug me. Unfortunately for her I still have Paisley in my arms, so she doesn’t move from the couch.

I look to the sweet bundle in my arms. Her brow is furrowed in thought, and I can see the gears turning in her young mind. “Like one of my surgries, Daddy?” She asks eventually. “When they don’ know if it ‘ll actually work or not?”

Goddess how I hate that she knows to ask these questions, that her own experiences have made her more attune to the flipside of my words than a grown she-wolf. “Yes, angel.” I confirm. “There’s only a fifty percent chance it will work if I do it now. Do you know what that means?”

“Like half and half.” She nods, gnawing on her lower lip in thought and looking so much like Jane I could cry. After a moment she looks back up at me, and I know what she’s going to ask before the words leave her mouth. “What’s the other half?”

Fuck. I think miserably, did she have to inherit her mother’s brains? She’s too bloody smart for her own good. I sit down next to Nina, settling Paisley in my lap and looking at them both, though the majority of my attention stays on my daughter. My fated mate has been incredibly helpful and supportive these last few months, but she’s not the one I’m worried about.

“Basically, this is my only chance.” I confess, staring deep into her emerald eyes. “If I wait, it still might not work and I probably wouldn’t be myself anymore even if it did. And if it fails, well, I might not come home again.”

Actually, if it fails, I won’t come home again. The other option is permanent paralysis, but I’ve already decided that I would rather meet my end on the operating table, then spend the rest of my life trapped. It’s not that I want my life to be over sooner than it has to be, I just don’t want to put Paisley through the trauma of watching me go slowly mad, and I don’t want to risk harming her. If the surgery doesn’t work Il have two months left with her at best – before my sanity breaks for good. And though every day with my baby means the world to me, this is about her, not me. I want her to remember me bravely facing the end, not foaming at the mouth and snarling at her. So, if I go through with the surgery Ill include a provision to deliver euthanasia in the event of the procedure’s failure – the only question is whether I go under the knife now, or wait for better chances.

“But if you don’t have the surgery, you’ll die anyway.” Nina states softly, glancing apologetically at Paisley. I know she hates having these grown up conversations in front of a child, but I’ve put my foot down about this. I’m not going to hide the truth from Paisley, I’m not going to give her a complex about fearing death, and I’m not going to let her face the future unprepared.

“That’s right.” I confirm, squeezing my daughter a bit tighter.

Paisley pouts, right on cue. I know she both understands these concepts without fully appreciating the complexity or permanence of it

everyone does sooner or later,

possibly have to, which is why we have to make this decision together. If the surgery works then I can live a long time. I can get old and wrinkly, and growl at all your boyfriends when you start dating and walk you down the aisle at your

doesn’t work

welling in

secure now because of Nina and Matthew, and if anything happens to me you’ll always have your Mommy and your siblings.” I exhale, feeling the weight of the whole world on my shoulders as I try to make a five year old understand

for a few minutes, chewing over the idea in her mind. Tears are streaming down her cheeks now, but I don’t try to stop their flow. I know she needs to work through all these feelings on her Own. Eventually she

know

to distract me momentarily.

She answers primly. “Billy,

to tell my growling

call it dating, it isn’t real. “And how long has Billy been your

my bookbag for me

ask Nina, still

did not.” Nina smirks. “We were too busy playing surprise

strangle a protective snarl and try to make my voice even. “How about I take you to school tomorrow and I can meet

cannot run around growling at kindergarteners.”

the two have never agreed about anything. “You’re not allowed to scare off

think wryly. “Alright, alright. You Win, now go get in the bath so I can talk to

scampers off much too willingly, which makes me suspect that she has no intention of getting in the bath and every intention of eavesdropping on us. “I better hear