The Perfect Run

For a second, none of the Psychos dared to move.

Instead, they looked at the surreal scene before them. That of an adorable rabbit plushie standing right outside the room, surrounded by blood and corpses. Ryan never told Len much about this unholy abomination, and so, these fools didn’t expect to awaken it. The seal had been broken, and hell set loose.

The plushie noticed the Black Elixir in Big Fat Adam’s hands, and looked at it with curiosity.

Don’t do it.

The plushie playfully glanced at Ryan.

Don’t do it!

And then, the worst came to pass.

The plushie noticed Little Sarah, bound on the table. Its ears raised up in interest, and it uttered cursed words, “Child detected!”

Finally realizing the danger, Psyshock launched his wire tentacles at the plushie, while Ghoul unleashed an ice shard volley. The possessed toy leapt into the air with unnatural agility, its eyes turning red. A laser blast hit Psypsy and vaporized his brain, the rabbit bouncing off walls to dodge attacks.

Realizing the danger of Ryan dying in the crossfire, Hannifat Lecter turned towards his captive with the Black Elixir bottle raised. “No escape!” he snarled angrily, intent on corrupting the time-traveler.

In a sudden but inevitable betrayal, Sarin unleashed a blast of compressed air at her boss. The attack threw Adam against a wall, shattered the bottle, and splattered him with black ooze. The vicious cannibal let out a scream of agony, as the Black Elixir ate through his reinforced skin and consumed him whole.

Call it Karma.

“Sarin, you traitor!” Ghoul raised his hands to freeze everyone in the room, too dim to realize it would kill Ryan and make him restart. Before Mr. Dem Bones could do anything though, the plushie bounced against his chest like a cannonball. The cryokinetic tripped on Adam’s leg and fell onto his boss’ lap, the black ooze immediately latching on to him as well. Soon, the scene looked like two birds desperately trying to escape an oil spill, and failing.

“Let’s hug!” the plushie abandoned everything to leap on the table and lovingly hug Sarah. The little girl’s gagging muffled her screams of fear and confusion. “We’ll be together, forever and ever!”

“What the fuck?” Sarin looked at the scene in shock, before getting her priorities straight. Using weak but focused vibrations, she disabled Ryan’s bindings one by one.

“AH!” Ryan gasped for air after spitting out the apple in his mouth. “That was close.”

“It’s not over yet,” Sarin warned, as the Black Elixir finished consuming its two victims. Somehow though, it didn’t collapse into nothingness like in the previous loop. Ryan quickly understood why. Ghoul couldn’t die, but the Black Elixir devoured its hosts.

A paradox.

And somehow, the situation allowed the Black Elixir to stabilize in the shape of a colossal, monstrous blob of dark goo; an oily shoggoth. Its victims’ eyes and mouth floated on the surface, the lips moving to form words. “You…” it said, the alien voice belonging to neither of its ‘hosts.’ “You… you open the gate… send me back… back to the Black…”

Sarin raised her hands to blast the creature, but Ryan stopped her by standing up between the ooze and her. He had an idea.

Look for the stars in the night sky...

“How about this?” Ryan told the shoggoth. “You help me, and I help you.”

If the creature was sentient and needed help, then perhaps it understood the concept of reciprocity.

The goo fluctuated and wriggled, but much to Hazmat Girl’s surprise, didn’t make a move to attack. It didn’t even try to assimilate Ryan, perhaps because it needed him alive and functional. “Help... how?” the ooze asked with a confused voice.

Ryan glanced at the corridor outside the room, glimpsing some movement on the other end. Psyshock must have summoned his thralls. “Helping me live through this would be a start?”

“Wait, you aren’t offing yourself?” Sarin asked, a bit surprised.

“Not yet,” Ryan replied. This run was doomed from the start, but it also provided a unique opportunity. “I’m all for assisted suicide, but only in moderation.”

“Alright…” The shoggoth slithered out of the room, Psyshock’s thralls immediately opening fire at the alien abomination. Bullets hit the creature without damaging it, and it quickly devoured them like it did with the Psychos.

“Man, you tamed a giant slime,” Sarin said, astonished.

“A shoggoth,” Ryan replied, before glancing at the other abomination in the room.

Pop!

original kept hugging Sarah by the neck, the clone pulled out a

courier asked her, the little girl backing away in fear and

asked in a panic. “Where are we? How do you know my

the second plushie removed its switchblade to grab Sarah’s hand instead. “Let’s play together!” it said,

trying to reassure Sarah. “I’m your mom’s

and these guys… they took

said, before observing the plushies more closely. “Do they multiply or something? Come

two rabbits looked at

by protecting Hazmat Girl with his body, neither of the critters dropping their murderous attitude. “She’s thirteen too, in her head! Let’s save the other preteens first,

plushies calmed down, speaking in unison, “Let’s go

Disneyland,” Ryan said, cracking his knucklebones. “We’re already

understand what’s going on anymore,”

room, which the shoggoth had cleaned up of life. All the thralls, and even the

pro bono, jackass,” she replied gruffly. “Do you have a cure? Can you make me human

Ryan admitted. “But I think I have the resources to make

She crossed her arms, disappointed, but not surprised.

he’s a sociopathic cannibal, and I’m a friendly, grass-eating time-traveler. One should sound a little more trustworthy than the other. Who else knows

skewer you on sight, so

to avoid a leak or mutiny, which served Ryan fine. If he could get rid of Psyshock,

both took Sarah by one hand and tried to lead her towards the slaughter. The little girl was still too

children and Shortie, then we’re

froze a second. “What,

of the Meta outside the base, and his current allies inside, Ryan had a once in many lifetimes opportunity. Since the plushie had already entered its duplication phase, the run was ruined beyond repairs, but the courier would have the opportunity to study Mechron’s tech up close. “I

Sarin deadpanned, but went along anyway. “I think Psyshock keeps a batch of Bliss in the infirmary. Mongrel can’t sleep without that

take some eye medicine then.” If Psyshock was mostly made of brain tissues, then drugs should paralyze him like Enrique’s toxin. “Sarah, you stay with the plushies until Uncle Ryan comes back with your mom. You don’t leave them, but you don’t listen to what they

outside!” the plushies replied,

anxiously bit her lower lip, exactly like Len. Adorable! “You’re leaving

else who isn’t.” Ryan walked outside the room and into the

a different Elixir. Mutated animals floated in three

the one where he died fighting Hannifat Lecter in a previous run, though one of the blast doors was closed back then. The Meta-Gang must have unlocked the next area

bloodied, Ryan assumed they were what remained of the plushie’s victims

the ground for a weapon

as they left the central hub for the next

mofo, it’s just Adam always pairs us up because we’ve got good power

up ‘jobber’ in the dictionary, your picture

the bird in response. A witty

but I still signed on.” Miss

Which was why he

lost all hope of a cure

Mad walked in on them from the other side of the corridor. The colossus kept his body down to move inside the narrow space, the tentacled shadow

capture him,” Psyshock ordered, pointing a tentacle at Ryan. He didn’t

“Yes, Mr. Vice-President.”

pointing a finger at Psyshock with his

in confusion, while Psyshock and Sarin were too confused to say a

CIA!” Quicksave continued to bluff, now fully roleplaying. “This man is a commie sympathizer who murdered the POTUS! And

said, regaining his composure. He might suffer from delusions, but he wasn’t entirely stupid either. “I know we brought you to Guantanamo for a waterboarding session, and you’re going back in there! You’re the communist

in an attempt to silence me! And when I convinced the

him that he shouldn’t engage the

is telling the truth, Frank,” Sarin said, finally understanding Ryan’s ploy. She pointed a finger at Psyshock, who hadn’t expected her betrayal. “I swear it, Psyshock

are done, I will disperse you to the winds,” Psyshock threatened her,

Sarin’s lies had weakened his resolve. “Do you

Ryan said,

resumed, Psypsy held a bloody hammer in