The Perfect Run

For a second, none of the Psychos dared to move.

Instead, they looked at the surreal scene before them. That of an adorable rabbit plushie standing right outside the room, surrounded by blood and corpses. Ryan never told Len much about this unholy abomination, and so, these fools didn’t expect to awaken it. The seal had been broken, and hell set loose.

The plushie noticed the Black Elixir in Big Fat Adam’s hands, and looked at it with curiosity.

Don’t do it.

The plushie playfully glanced at Ryan.

Don’t do it!

And then, the worst came to pass.

The plushie noticed Little Sarah, bound on the table. Its ears raised up in interest, and it uttered cursed words, “Child detected!”

Finally realizing the danger, Psyshock launched his wire tentacles at the plushie, while Ghoul unleashed an ice shard volley. The possessed toy leapt into the air with unnatural agility, its eyes turning red. A laser blast hit Psypsy and vaporized his brain, the rabbit bouncing off walls to dodge attacks.

Realizing the danger of Ryan dying in the crossfire, Hannifat Lecter turned towards his captive with the Black Elixir bottle raised. “No escape!” he snarled angrily, intent on corrupting the time-traveler.

In a sudden but inevitable betrayal, Sarin unleashed a blast of compressed air at her boss. The attack threw Adam against a wall, shattered the bottle, and splattered him with black ooze. The vicious cannibal let out a scream of agony, as the Black Elixir ate through his reinforced skin and consumed him whole.

Call it Karma.

“Sarin, you traitor!” Ghoul raised his hands to freeze everyone in the room, too dim to realize it would kill Ryan and make him restart. Before Mr. Dem Bones could do anything though, the plushie bounced against his chest like a cannonball. The cryokinetic tripped on Adam’s leg and fell onto his boss’ lap, the black ooze immediately latching on to him as well. Soon, the scene looked like two birds desperately trying to escape an oil spill, and failing.

“Let’s hug!” the plushie abandoned everything to leap on the table and lovingly hug Sarah. The little girl’s gagging muffled her screams of fear and confusion. “We’ll be together, forever and ever!”

“What the fuck?” Sarin looked at the scene in shock, before getting her priorities straight. Using weak but focused vibrations, she disabled Ryan’s bindings one by one.

“AH!” Ryan gasped for air after spitting out the apple in his mouth. “That was close.”

“It’s not over yet,” Sarin warned, as the Black Elixir finished consuming its two victims. Somehow though, it didn’t collapse into nothingness like in the previous loop. Ryan quickly understood why. Ghoul couldn’t die, but the Black Elixir devoured its hosts.

A paradox.

And somehow, the situation allowed the Black Elixir to stabilize in the shape of a colossal, monstrous blob of dark goo; an oily shoggoth. Its victims’ eyes and mouth floated on the surface, the lips moving to form words. “You…” it said, the alien voice belonging to neither of its ‘hosts.’ “You… you open the gate… send me back… back to the Black…”

Sarin raised her hands to blast the creature, but Ryan stopped her by standing up between the ooze and her. He had an idea.

Look for the stars in the night sky...

“How about this?” Ryan told the shoggoth. “You help me, and I help you.”

If the creature was sentient and needed help, then perhaps it understood the concept of reciprocity.

The goo fluctuated and wriggled, but much to Hazmat Girl’s surprise, didn’t make a move to attack. It didn’t even try to assimilate Ryan, perhaps because it needed him alive and functional. “Help... how?” the ooze asked with a confused voice.

Ryan glanced at the corridor outside the room, glimpsing some movement on the other end. Psyshock must have summoned his thralls. “Helping me live through this would be a start?”

“Wait, you aren’t offing yourself?” Sarin asked, a bit surprised.

“Not yet,” Ryan replied. This run was doomed from the start, but it also provided a unique opportunity. “I’m all for assisted suicide, but only in moderation.”

“Alright…” The shoggoth slithered out of the room, Psyshock’s thralls immediately opening fire at the alien abomination. Bullets hit the creature without damaging it, and it quickly devoured them like it did with the Psychos.

“Man, you tamed a giant slime,” Sarin said, astonished.

“A shoggoth,” Ryan replied, before glancing at the other abomination in the room.

Pop!

the room. While the original kept hugging Sarah by the neck, the clone pulled out a switchblade and cut her bindings. The poor girl immediately removed her gagging and took a deep breath, like Ryan before

asked her, the little girl

are you?” she asked in a panic. “Where are we? How do you

Ryan could answer, the second plushie removed its switchblade to grab Sarah’s hand instead. “Let’s play together!” it said,

told the critter, before trying

She was all strange, and these guys…

Adam wanted to throw them at the base’s defenses,” Sarin said, before observing the plushies more closely. “Do they multiply

at Sarin

Ryan pleaded by protecting Hazmat Girl with his body, neither of the critters dropping their murderous attitude. “She’s thirteen too, in her head! Let’s save the other preteens first, then

down, speaking in unison, “Let’s

not going to Disneyland,” Ryan said, cracking his knucklebones. “We’re

don’t understand what’s going on

the shoggoth had cleaned up of life. All the thralls, and even the plushie’s previous victims, had been consumed by the

help you pro bono, jackass,” she replied gruffly. “Do you have

a cure on myself,” Ryan admitted. “But I think

She crossed her arms, disappointed, but not surprised.

grass-eating time-traveler. One should sound a little more

to skewer you on sight, so Adam kept

a leak or mutiny, which served Ryan fine. If he could get rid of Psyshock, nobody else in the Meta-Gang

what’s the plan, Quicksave?” Sarin asked, as the two plushies both took Sarah by one hand and tried to lead her towards the slaughter. The little girl was still too cowed to follow through

the children and Shortie, then we’re

froze a second. “What, the

Since the plushie had already entered its duplication phase, the run was ruined beyond repairs, but the courier would have

of Bliss in the infirmary. Mongrel can’t sleep without that

you stay with the plushies until Uncle Ryan comes back with your mom. You don’t leave them, but you don’t

the plushies

her lower lip, exactly like Len.

Ryan walked outside the room

different Elixir. Mutated animals

then. The Meta-Gang must have unlocked the next area while he slept, but it did them no good; Ryan could hear screams and gunfire coming from the next room, as thralls tasked with exploring the bunker

the ground, alongside the occasional tools. Since most were bloodied, Ryan assumed they were what remained of the plushie’s victims after it made its way to the cell. The thralls must

on the ground for a weapon to use. Eventually, he settled on a bloodied hammer, elegant

hub for the next corridor. “I thought the two of you were

we’ve got good power synergy.” Hazmat Girl suddenly considered the implications of his question. “How

looked up ‘jobber’ in the dictionary, your picture would

in response. A witty sidekick, she

I still signed on.” Miss Chernobyl shook her head in annoyance. “What you said,

he remained wary of her presence. He still remembered her

words did seem to spook her though. “Guess I lost all hope of a cure then, but sheesh, burn the

Frank the Mad walked in on them from the other side of the corridor. The colossus kept his body down to move inside the narrow space, the tentacled shadow of Psypsy slithering behind him. Ryan hastily hid his hammer behind his back,

him,” Psyshock ordered, pointing a tentacle at Ryan. He didn’t even pay attention to

“Yes, Mr. Vice-President.”

“Agent Frank,” he said, pointing a finger at Psyshock with his free hand while keeping the hammer hidden

to flinch in confusion, while Psyshock and Sarin were too confused to

bluff, now fully roleplaying. “This man is a commie sympathizer who murdered the POTUS! And he killed Kennedy too! The bullet bent,

suffer from delusions, but he wasn’t entirely stupid either. “I know we brought you to Guantanamo

actor’s talent. “He set me up in an attempt to silence me! And when I convinced the President of the truth during the interrogation, he murdered him!

is nonsense!” Psyshock said, though he didn’t dare attack Ryan directly. Perhaps reading Len’s memories taught him that he shouldn’t engage the courier without backup. “Frank, he’s trying to divide us. Don’t listen

Sarin said, finally understanding Ryan’s ploy. She pointed a finger at Psyshock, who hadn’t expected

you to the winds,” Psyshock threatened her, “you will

Sarin’s lies had weakened

Ryan said, freezing

resumed, Psypsy held a bloody hammer in