The Perfect Run

Ryan had had many awkward elevator moments in his life, but this one trumped them all.

“Is your life always like this?” Hazmat Girl asked Ryan, as they climbed multiple floors towards the bunker’s recreational area. They shared their lift with four plushies out for blood, with Sarin wisely looking away from the fluffy abominations.

“Do you know where they put my A-bomb?” the handsome courier answered with another question, holding a laser gun in one hand and a Bliss inhaler in the other.

Sarin looked at him in embarrassed silence, and then focused back on the elevator’s doors. Come to think of it, this run was a complete inversion of Ryan’s suicide run. Instead of fighting his way inside Mechron’s bunker, he murdered his way out. The circle was complete.

As the elevator doors opened and revealed a well-lit atrium, the group faced a scene of utter devastation. Frank had reached the recreational areas first, and gone on a rampage that eclipsed even Ryan’s suicide run.

The giant fought a dozen Dynamis thralls firing at him with laser weapons, none capable of harming the enraged Psycho. Psyshock stood at the other end of the atrium, desperately trying to figure a way out of this mess, while other members of the Meta-Gang had taken cover wherever they could.

“Frank, calm yourself!” Mosquito shouted, fearfully hiding behind a broken pool table with Rakshasa. The tigerlike Psycho had summoned hordes of gremlins, with the tiny creatures trying to climb on Frank’s back. “You’re going to bring down the whole place on us!”

“I knew McCarthy didn’t go far enough!” Frank shouted, before grabbing a Street Fighters arcade game and throwing it at the thralls. The projectile immediately killed three people in a devastating impact. “The red menace contaminated our precious bodily fluids!”

“No, not Capcom!” Ryan protested at the horrifying sight. He couldn’t care less about the pool table or the bar, but destroying an arcade game? It was sacrilege!

Sarin, the uncultured bore, had the exact opposite reaction. “Argh, the pool table! Frank, what the hell, we’ve only got one of those!”

“Sarin?” Rakshasa glanced back at Hazmat Girl and her partner. “What are you doing with the prisoner? What the hell is going on?”

“President Adam is dead, and we’re taking over,” Ryan explained, laser gun raised. “Democratically.”

“Let’s play!” the plushies said, before rushing into the melee. The gremlins assaulting Frank immediately recognized the fluffy creatures and fled in terror at their approach. Unfortunately for them, the possessed toys seemed to find as much joy in chasing them as attacking humans.

A woman made of ink, which Ryan recognized as Ink Machine, peeked over a bar counter’s ruins. “Adam’s dead?”

“They are the enemy!” Psyshock shouted, running out of cannon fodder to throw at Frank. “Mosquito, Ink Machine, get out of your hiding hole and capture them!”

“You betrayed democracy!” Frank snarled back.

“Choose your side, guys,” Sarin said, raising her hands at Psyshock to blast him. “We’ve got Frank and the juice. Get in line.”

Psypsy immediately realized the danger of a mutiny. “Only I have the Elixir connection!” he snarled, before lowering himself to avoid Frank throwing one of his thralls at him. “You will run out of knockoffs without me!”

“And you’ll run out of life first!” Sarin made a terrible wordplay as she blasted the brainjacker. He dodged the attack with a leap, the compressed air hitting a wall and causing the bunker to shake.

When the Psychos present hesitated, Ryan pointed at his boxers and threatened to unleash his ultimate weapon. “Don’t force me to flash you. You shall not survive.”

After a short glance at each other, Mosquito and Rakshasa immediately left their hideout... and charged at Psyshock, much to his anger. “Traitors!”

“Sorry, Psyshock, but I would rather be on your bad side than Frank’s!” Mosquito apologized before lunging at the brainjacker, while Rakshasa tackled a thrall. Inky Winky emerged from her hiding hole too and wisely joined the winning side. “At least we can kill you!”

Thank goodness, it wasn’t loyalty that bound the Meta-Gang together.

Raising a tentacle, Psyshock managed to throw Mosquito off him and fled out of the room. Leaving his minions to take care of the remaining mooks, Ryan immediately gave pursuit. After escaping the atrium, Psyshock reached a corridor with reinforced glass windows on both sides, shattering one and jumping through the hole.

The hangars below the junkyard were no more peaceful than the atrium, for the Black Elixir had managed to invade them; perhaps another elevator connected the lower levels to this floor. The creature rampaged in the hangar holding the Meta’s submarine with the technicians fleeing in panic. The giant slime had grown with each victim, now reaching five meters across in size.

Most importantly, Ryan noticed his Plymouth Fury near the submarine, its engine removed from the husk. “Shortie?” The courier muttered to himself, remembering that Psyshock sent Len to work among the thralls. Yet only the screams of the enslaved answered him.

Ryan glanced at the other hangar within reach, the one where Psyshock had fled. The nerve squid was making a desperate dash towards Mechron’s scorpion mech.

laser weapon. A light ray hit the Psycho when time resumed, blowing a hole in his brain.

to the bunker’s entrance. Acid Rain had climbed down inside alongside two hound drones. “I knew we

before firing at her with his gun. Even though she couldn’t summon her poisonous downpour underground, Acid Rain still had sharp reflexes and managed to dodge the attack by diving to the side. She

landed inside the mech’s hangar a few meters below. Two thralls guarding the area immediately fell upon him like a pack of hyenas; the blisters

enthralled since he arrived in New Rome? Every hour wasted on a run increased his

as early as possible in his Perfect Run, Ryan regretfully opened fire back, though non-lethally. His weapon’s rays hit the addicts’ hands, forcing them to

jump into the hangar above him, only to take a blast of compressed air for her trouble. The powerful attack threw the teleporter through the glass window, and

area, and quickly blasted the hound drones before they could retaliate. “Get Psyshock, I’ve got your back!”

he charged after Psyshock’s newest host. A thrall with a laser rifle attempted to intercept him, but the courier’s backup

intended to use it against

mech and stand in Ryan’s way. The courier

Len.

she wielded a small drill in her hands. Her

off, Cesare,” the brainjacker warned, as Len put her drill against her left

he said, raising his laser gun raised at Psyshock. The bastard immediately had Len move in the line of

will always remember,” Psypsy taunted him. “Whenever you look at her from now on, you will see that moment flashing back

right. The memory would

couldn’t look

felt sick in his stomach, for he never raised his hand against Len

and quickly hit her multiple times in the carotid and aorta. It was a highly dangerous technique, with a strong chance of

the brain, causing unconsciousness and making her drop the drill. Ryan carefully caught his best friend with his

Psyshock used the opportunity to launch a tentacle straight

froze time for two seconds. Leaving Len on the ground, he rose up and prepared

I’ve been in this city for months, and yet you have never managed to possess me.” Ryan dodged the tentacle when time resumed, grabbed it with his free hand, and quickly pulled the metal squid

a tentacled whip, but the time-traveler

it…” Ryan quickly closed the gap and applied the inhaler to

dose of Bliss

thrashed around in panic, but as Enrique guessed, his mutated body made him especially vulnerable to brain-altering chemicals. Psyshock gasped and wriggled on the

get up again, and then focused on Len. Thankfully, his friend

Ryan sat at his friend’s side, holding her close to his chest. The battle raged around them, plushies escaping

He always did.

Ryan’s side eventually won the Meta-Gang’s civil war. Though one-sided

squid, but they were no match for the terrible host assembled before them. Unfortunately, while Ryan reined in the violence whenever he could, neither the plushies nor the Meta showed any mercy. Even if they were brainwashed tools, anyone fighting back was fair game. Only the Black Elixir had shown some restraint,

mutants when a giant monstrous slime looked more merciful

the end, once the dust

Psychos, orphaned children, plushies, and one slimy abomination. Though Psyshock did

true enemy.” Frank the Mad nodded to himself, never losing sight of what mattered.

the unlimited emergency powers that come with it. Powers that I promise to give up

the winning side or outright surrendered. Ryan recognized most of them, from

new minions,

the plushies, they had each bonded to an orphan, keeping watch over them like jealous pets. They had also enslaved Rakshasa’s gremlins, forcing them to fawn over the children by whipping them with harvested intestines. Ryan had the Psycho summoner teleport more creatures as an offering to their plushie overlords, which seemed to satisfy their

pecking

run. Unfortunately, it seemed a few people disagreed with

my scaled friend? The

“The Reptilian.”

the Illuminati? “I assure you that this is a democracy: one man, one vote.” Ryan put a hand on his chest. “I

can’t be president,” Frank agreed, Sarin flipping

settle this.” The courier glanced at the audience.

wiser Psychos imitated them as

courier asked the Reptilian once he had secured an