The Perfect Run

“This is the Berlin Wall,” Ryan said, as he stood between his troops and a blast door, “the last frontier between western civilization, and complete annihilation.”

He glanced at his minions, all ready to die for their country, and because they had little choice. Sarin kept her arms crossed, carrying herself with dignity in this dark hour. Darkling lurked in a corner, still sore about its nickname. Alchemo grunted, eager to see the mission done. The rest of the cannon fodder, Gemini, the Reptilian, and Ink Machine waited anxiously; knowing that as red shirts, their odds of survival were slim.

The Land, Mosquito, and a few others remained above ground to protect the Junkyard. Rakshasa had the critical task of appeasing their ever-numerous rabbit overlords, before their numbers reached critical mass; a doomed task, unfortunately. As for Incognito, Ryan had sent him to Dynamis, to lay the groundwork for the run’s final operation.

The last member of the crack team soon showed up, holding a black briefcase. “It’s here, Mr. President,” Frank declared, as he presented the holy item to his dark master. “The Nuclear Football. It came with the mail.”

Ryan held his breath, as he touched the soft leather with anticipation. He had been careful to order it through a complex route, so the sender wouldn’t learn her client’s identity, but his efforts had paid off. At long last, the courier’s diabolical plan had reached fruition.

“What’s that, Boss?” Sarin asked, a bit confused. “A secret weapon?”

“The only one that matters.”

Ryan stopped time, and when it resumed, his clothes had fallen on the floor except for the boxers. His display of manliness was welcomed with surprise and shock. “Oh my…” Ink Machine said, a bit surprised.

“Not again, you exhibitionist!” Alchemo complained. “If you lead us to battle naked, I’m taking the door!”

“Eh,” Sarin said, as she glanced at Ryan’s boxers. “I’ve seen bigger weapons of mass destruction.”

The president ignored the masses, as he slowly opened the briefcase and gazed upon the dark power within.

Wardrobe’s presidential costume.

Unlike his previous clothes, it was pure black and red; this time, there would be no more playing around. This suit was unlike anything Ryan’s foes had faced before: unrelenting, merciless, uncompromising.

Ryan slowly and silently put it on before his troops, to establish his stylish dominance over them.

The dark pants first, because it was cold in the bunker. They fit his body curves perfectly, and oozed villainous sex appeal.

Then he put on the black leather boots, to stomp protesters’ faces. With skull-themed socks.

A cashmere red shirt and black suit, Karl Lagerfeld style. Because when you embraced the dark side, you dressed German.

A strong and powerful necktie, to represent his authoritarian, unflinching leadership.

Velvet gloves, to choke his minions when they talked back.

A black jacket, that would flow with the wind when he looked threatening atop rooftops.

A red and silver mask covered most of his head, except for the eyes, so that his evil gaze may terrify children.

And finally, a savage bowler hat, to show he meant business.

No light. No hope. Only one word.

“Perfect,” Ryan said, deepening his voice to sound more intimidating.

His men remained too intimidated to say anything, except for the idiot of the group. “I don’t find it anything special,” the Reptilian said. “And I think it’s a bit too edg—”

In response, Ryan choked him with one hand.

It had taken him years to master this move, but the sudden lack of air and blood brought the Reptilian to his knees. The mook attempted to grab the president’s arm with his hands, but the lawful authority only strengthened his grip around his victim’s throat.

“I find your lack of taste disturbing,” Ryan said, his tone promising only death.

“I’m… I’m sorry…” the Reptilian managed to sputter, his reptilian face turning purple.

“I’m sorry who, handbag?”

“I’m sorry… Mr. President…”

Ryan released the protester, and let him gasp for breath. He glanced at the other Psychos, who all straightened up. Frank carefully grabbed the president’s old clothes and put them in the briefcase.

“Alright then, mooks, listen up,” Ryan addressed his troops, as he put his trusty coil gun around his belt, and the Fisty Brothers on top of his velvet gloves. “Our goal is to reach the base’s mainframe thanks to a shortcut, and allow our brain-dead friend to hook up with it.”

“I’m not—”

“Are you questioning my authority?” Ryan asked Alchemo. “Because I respect freedom of speech.”

The Genius glanced at the Reptilian, who had barely recovered from the choking. “Two years,” Alchemo said, “and it’s still the same nonsense.”

“I love democracy.” Ryan promptly continued with his explanations. “Your job is to make sure he reaches his destination. Frank and Darkling will force a path forward, and we’ll follow suit.”

The steel giant immediately made a salute, having put the briefcase aside. “Yes, Mr. President.”

No answer from his back-up though.

“Darkling? Darkling?” Ryan glanced at his favorite ball of black goo. “Darkling, are you giving me the silent treatment?”

“... my name not Darkling...” the slime answered unconvincingly, its countless eyes looking away.

“Then what is it?” the president asked smugly.

“... not Darkling.”

Alright, Not-Darkling it was.

in, I would deliver a speech, but let’s be honest, a Psycho’s life is nasty, brutish, and short.” Ryan put his hands on his

wouldn’t repeat, from Psyshock going to the past, Sarin acting as a guard, or Darkling using Ghoul as a vessel at the right time. Nor could the courier expect the plushie to play along

had started looping, this run would be

expected to face heavy resistance. Big Fat Adam had lost most of his men reaching the mainframe, after all, which meant

Ryan hadn’t gotten this far without taking risks, and Len needed

and raised his coil gun, “Sarin, be a dear

a vibrator...” His second-in-command raised her hands, and blasted the steel door away with a

was immediately welcomed with

broken door, the courier glimpsed a squadron of cyclopean androids, each firing rays

bull-rushing the robot squadron. The giant crushed anything in his path, his body absorbing the machines’ metal

Ryan and Alchemo remained at

All hell broke loose.

to dodge a bullet, as the walls opened to reveal twin miniguns on each side. A

the rest of the group, Ryan froze time and shot both weapons with his coil gun. Thankfully,

with the Reptilian tackling any tin can approaching her too closely. Ink Machine leaped around the room and used her liquid form to seep inside a robot and take

pulled her weight. While appearing like an ethereal woman of shining light at first glance, Ryan had realized the truth upon closer examination: her tentacled shadow was the real her, and the shining

increased in luminosity. Two robots moved their pitch-black shadows in such a way, that they seemed

nature of her power and figure out a counter. They had also realized that

Worst of all, the way they moved, avoiding friendly fire, and coordinating almost perfectly… they

intelligence had identified Alchemo as a key target; perhaps because Ryan and the others focused

the medic!” Ryan shouted while pointing at Alchemo, the shoggoth immediately switching from attacking robots to protecting the Genius. The ooze swirled around Alchemo like a barrier without touching him, stopping any laser from coming his

focused on Ryan. Five robots unleashed a

He leaped out of the lasers’ way in the

his bowler hat the moment time resumed, infuriating him. Ryan angrily retaliated by shooting down the machines holding Gemini with

hallway took the shape of a large dome, with the ceiling layered with holographic projections representing the solar system. Ryan noticed a red point in orbit

holes opened all over the dome. Eye-shaped drones flew through, and opened fire

illusory sun turning supernova and unleashing a blinding light. Blast doors on the walls opened and

Darkling formed a wall to protect Alchemo, Frank rampaged through the ground-bound machines, his metal body shrugging off lasers easily enough. Unfortunately, his

courier eventually resorted to stopping time, both to push his second-in-command out of a bullet’s

with greater numbers. Eight robots grabbed the

cyclopean machines had cornered Ink Machine, and incinerated her with sustained laser beams. The liquid Psycho

had only avoided death so far

at his left once he had a brief respite, near a junction between the dome’s wall and the floor. “The structural weakness should be

all the same. Her gauntlets vibrated, and she started targeting the spot

defensive wall around her, Alchemo, Ryan, and the Reptilian. Only Frank was left out, but he clearly didn’t need help. Eventually, Hazmat Girl blew a wide hole in the

path to the

now in full general mode, barked orders. “Reptilian, with us!” he ordered, while Sarin leaped into the hole. “Frank, Darkling, cover

potato sack before jumping into the void. Frank and Darkling moved to cover

humanoid bodies, some with their organs floating in colored liquid; while they had human features, the creatures’ limbs were

A Genome research lab.

the vats with what Ryan guessed to be

going next?” Sarin asked, pointing at two blast doors.

Ryan instead glanced at a key point in the gallery’s right steel wall, right behind a green vat. If they collapsed it, they would gain direct access

wall rusted at an accelerated rate while Ryan raised his

Reptilian shouted, his hands on the ground. Apparently, his enhanced senses allowed him to notice

end. “Braindead, behind me,” Ryan said, pushing the Genius closer

would rather avoid that,

to mimic a choking motion, and the

steely spider legs, with two mechanical hands at the front. Crimson liquid swirled inside the vat, as an energy bolt raced through the substance; Ryan could see a tiny crimson spot

immediately rushed at the robot, but never reached his target. The machine pointed a hand at

capable of applying force to

reminded Ryan of a mosquito being crushed by a flyswatter, the mangled body falling on the ground when the killerbot stopped

the thing had turned its attention towards Ryan,

current position and firing a shot. The coil gun’s projectile bounced off the strange glass protecting

can you touch yourself with that power?” Ryan taunted the machine, which answered by trying to slam him against a wall. Only the courier’s use of time-stop and enhanced timing allowed him

ripping out steel panels

mindless machine. The courier might as well be speaking to a wall, so

it would disrupt its telekinesis; the courier couldn’t afford smashing the glass container in close combat, or he might risk being drenched in Elixir. The arm fell off when time resumed, but the robot instantly retaliated by

Wardrobe’s costume had been fashioned for war, and

with Alchemo. The courier tried to follow, but the machine attempted to grind him into paste with

moment to slither through the ceiling’s hole, and fell directly

machine with its black ooze, its mere proximity negating the machine’s telekinesis like Alphonse Manada’s radiation.

appétit, my dark friend!” Ryan said as he fled into the tunnel, leaving his pet

head. A red forcefield shielded the central, biomechanical brain, which Alchemo desperately attempted to bypass. Sarin, meanwhile, struggled to hit the turrets

Sarin, as he reloaded his coil gun and opened fire at a turret. A projectile went through the machine and caused it to

leaped at it. Then, he started riding it like a bull, forcefully aiming it at the other weapons in the room. A hail of bullets flew across the room once time resumed, but the

Ryan provided suppressing fire, the Chernobyl cosplayer released her gas at the metal pedestal holding the giant brain; part of it rusted, and caused the forcefield to

his syringe-fingers and connecting to the alien machinery. Blue lightning raced

that Ryan had seized deactivated, much to his disappointment.

turrets as if expecting them to open

admin privileges and

gunfire,” Ryan said,

but the information gathered on the defenses

rooms, from the recreational area to the holographic observatory. Frank had piled up a hill of robots at the center, which somewhat obscured the camera’s vision of the room. Other screens showed underground labs, a futuristic armory, and