The Perfect Run

“This is the Berlin Wall,” Ryan said, as he stood between his troops and a blast door, “the last frontier between western civilization, and complete annihilation.”

He glanced at his minions, all ready to die for their country, and because they had little choice. Sarin kept her arms crossed, carrying herself with dignity in this dark hour. Darkling lurked in a corner, still sore about its nickname. Alchemo grunted, eager to see the mission done. The rest of the cannon fodder, Gemini, the Reptilian, and Ink Machine waited anxiously; knowing that as red shirts, their odds of survival were slim.

The Land, Mosquito, and a few others remained above ground to protect the Junkyard. Rakshasa had the critical task of appeasing their ever-numerous rabbit overlords, before their numbers reached critical mass; a doomed task, unfortunately. As for Incognito, Ryan had sent him to Dynamis, to lay the groundwork for the run’s final operation.

The last member of the crack team soon showed up, holding a black briefcase. “It’s here, Mr. President,” Frank declared, as he presented the holy item to his dark master. “The Nuclear Football. It came with the mail.”

Ryan held his breath, as he touched the soft leather with anticipation. He had been careful to order it through a complex route, so the sender wouldn’t learn her client’s identity, but his efforts had paid off. At long last, the courier’s diabolical plan had reached fruition.

“What’s that, Boss?” Sarin asked, a bit confused. “A secret weapon?”

“The only one that matters.”

Ryan stopped time, and when it resumed, his clothes had fallen on the floor except for the boxers. His display of manliness was welcomed with surprise and shock. “Oh my…” Ink Machine said, a bit surprised.

“Not again, you exhibitionist!” Alchemo complained. “If you lead us to battle naked, I’m taking the door!”

“Eh,” Sarin said, as she glanced at Ryan’s boxers. “I’ve seen bigger weapons of mass destruction.”

The president ignored the masses, as he slowly opened the briefcase and gazed upon the dark power within.

Wardrobe’s presidential costume.

Unlike his previous clothes, it was pure black and red; this time, there would be no more playing around. This suit was unlike anything Ryan’s foes had faced before: unrelenting, merciless, uncompromising.

Ryan slowly and silently put it on before his troops, to establish his stylish dominance over them.

The dark pants first, because it was cold in the bunker. They fit his body curves perfectly, and oozed villainous sex appeal.

Then he put on the black leather boots, to stomp protesters’ faces. With skull-themed socks.

A cashmere red shirt and black suit, Karl Lagerfeld style. Because when you embraced the dark side, you dressed German.

A strong and powerful necktie, to represent his authoritarian, unflinching leadership.

Velvet gloves, to choke his minions when they talked back.

A black jacket, that would flow with the wind when he looked threatening atop rooftops.

A red and silver mask covered most of his head, except for the eyes, so that his evil gaze may terrify children.

And finally, a savage bowler hat, to show he meant business.

No light. No hope. Only one word.

“Perfect,” Ryan said, deepening his voice to sound more intimidating.

His men remained too intimidated to say anything, except for the idiot of the group. “I don’t find it anything special,” the Reptilian said. “And I think it’s a bit too edg—”

In response, Ryan choked him with one hand.

It had taken him years to master this move, but the sudden lack of air and blood brought the Reptilian to his knees. The mook attempted to grab the president’s arm with his hands, but the lawful authority only strengthened his grip around his victim’s throat.

“I find your lack of taste disturbing,” Ryan said, his tone promising only death.

“I’m… I’m sorry…” the Reptilian managed to sputter, his reptilian face turning purple.

“I’m sorry who, handbag?”

“I’m sorry… Mr. President…”

Ryan released the protester, and let him gasp for breath. He glanced at the other Psychos, who all straightened up. Frank carefully grabbed the president’s old clothes and put them in the briefcase.

“Alright then, mooks, listen up,” Ryan addressed his troops, as he put his trusty coil gun around his belt, and the Fisty Brothers on top of his velvet gloves. “Our goal is to reach the base’s mainframe thanks to a shortcut, and allow our brain-dead friend to hook up with it.”

“I’m not—”

“Are you questioning my authority?” Ryan asked Alchemo. “Because I respect freedom of speech.”

The Genius glanced at the Reptilian, who had barely recovered from the choking. “Two years,” Alchemo said, “and it’s still the same nonsense.”

“I love democracy.” Ryan promptly continued with his explanations. “Your job is to make sure he reaches his destination. Frank and Darkling will force a path forward, and we’ll follow suit.”

The steel giant immediately made a salute, having put the briefcase aside. “Yes, Mr. President.”

No answer from his back-up though.

“Darkling? Darkling?” Ryan glanced at his favorite ball of black goo. “Darkling, are you giving me the silent treatment?”

“... my name not Darkling...” the slime answered unconvincingly, its countless eyes looking away.

“Then what is it?” the president asked smugly.

“... not Darkling.”

Alright, Not-Darkling it was.

a Psycho’s life is nasty, brutish, and short.” Ryan put his hands on his waist, Darth Vader style. “Our fists and guns will do

made it possible wouldn’t repeat, from Psyshock going to the past, Sarin acting as a guard, or

had started looping, this run would be

of his men reaching the mainframe, after all, which meant that the things on the other side could kill

Ryan hadn’t gotten this far without taking risks,

the president stepped aside and raised his coil gun, “Sarin, be a dear and use

show you a vibrator...” His second-in-command raised her hands, and blasted the

immediately welcomed with a hail of

other side of the broken door, the courier glimpsed a squadron of cyclopean androids, each firing rays from their

The giant crushed anything in his path, his body absorbing the machines’

the group followed. Ryan and Alchemo remained at their formation’s center, with the

All hell broke loose.

the walls opened to reveal twin miniguns on each side. A volley hit Ink Machine

with his coil gun. Thankfully,

robots with shockwaves, with the Reptilian tackling any tin can approaching her too closely. Ink Machine leaped around the room and used her liquid

Ryan had realized the truth upon closer examination: her tentacled shadow

moved their

as the robots’ shadows restrained Gemini’s own. It had only taken the machines a few minutes to guess the nature of her power and figure out a

Worst of all, the way they moved, avoiding friendly fire, and coordinating almost perfectly… they weren’t individual units,

had identified Alchemo as a key target; perhaps because Ryan and the others focused on

at Alchemo, the shoggoth immediately switching from attacking robots to protecting the Genius. The ooze swirled around Alchemo like a

they focused on Ryan. Five robots unleashed

leader until I opened my mouth?” Ryan taunted them while he activated his power. He leaped out of the lasers’ way in

retaliated by shooting down the machines holding Gemini

opposition, Frank resumed his rampage and smashed through the next door. The new room beyond the hallway took the shape of a large dome, with the ceiling layered with holographic projections representing the solar system. Ryan noticed a red point in orbit

over the dome. Eye-shaped drones flew through, and opened fire at the group with submachine guns. Darkling immediately reshaped itself into a slimy barrier, shielding the entire group from

light. Blast doors on the walls opened and more cyclopean androids walked through, an unrelenting tide of

Frank rampaged through the ground-bound machines, his metal body shrugging off lasers easily enough. Unfortunately, his lack of range prevented

second-in-command out of a bullet’s path and

‘shadow grab’ tactic their predecessors used on Gemini, except this time with greater numbers. Eight robots grabbed

sustained laser beams. The liquid Psycho dissipated into colored steam, her body unable to stand

Reptilian had only avoided death so

at his left once he had a brief respite, near a junction between the dome’s wall and the floor. “The structural weakness should be here,

Her gauntlets vibrated, and she started targeting the spot with shockwaves. Cracks slowly began

Sarin, but Darkling formed a defensive wall around her, Alchemo, Ryan, and the Reptilian. Only Frank was left out, but he clearly didn’t need help. Eventually, Hazmat Girl blew a wide

to

he ordered, while Sarin leaped into the hole. “Frank, Darkling,

before jumping into the void. Frank and Darkling moved to cover the hole behind them, snatching any eye-drone attempting to follow through. The

Each of them contained half-formed humanoid bodies, some with their organs floating in colored liquid; while they had human features, the creatures’ limbs were unnaturally long, and part of their faces had

A Genome research lab.

walls filled the vats with what Ryan guessed to be Elixirs. The Reptilian, in particular, could barely restrain himself from

asked, pointing at two

point in the gallery’s right steel wall, right behind a green vat. If they collapsed it, they would gain direct access to

The wall rusted at an accelerated rate while Ryan raised his eyes

The Reptilian shouted, his hands on the ground. Apparently, his enhanced senses allowed him to notice

“Braindead, behind me,” Ryan said, pushing the Genius closer to Sarin. “Reptilian, hold the line. It’s time to die for your

avoid that,

to mimic a choking motion, and the mook rediscovered

with two mechanical hands at the front. Crimson liquid swirled inside the vat, as an

reached his target. The machine pointed a hand at the Psycho, and a crimson glow

A true telekinetic, capable of applying force to anything with

such force, it flattened the Psycho. The scene reminded Ryan of a mosquito being crushed by a flyswatter,

towards

the moment he sensed pressure in the air, immediately moving away from his current position and firing a shot. The coil gun’s projectile bounced off the strange glass protecting the red substance, much to the time-traveler's

you touch yourself with that power?” Ryan taunted the machine, which answered by trying to slam him against a wall. Only the courier’s use of

out steel panels from the walls,

fun to banter with a mindless machine. The courier might as well be speaking to a wall, so he focused on avoiding

machine’s left arm at the joints, snapping it in half with Fisty. He hoped it would disrupt its telekinesis; the courier couldn’t afford smashing the glass container in close combat, or he might risk being drenched in Elixir. The arm fell off when time

war, and didn’t rupture from

into paste with its remaining arm. Though the time-traveler managed to activate his time-stop and

through the ceiling’s hole, and fell directly on

eldritch horror swallowed the machine with its black ooze, its mere proximity negating the machine’s telekinesis like Alphonse Manada’s radiation. The shoggoth dissolved the Red Elixir inside the

Ryan said as he fled into the tunnel, leaving his pet shoggoth to

room, crimson lights and screens flickering above his head. A red forcefield shielded the central, biomechanical brain,

he reloaded his coil gun and opened fire at a turret. A projectile went through the machine

it. Then, he started riding it like a bull, forcefully aiming it at the other weapons in the room. A hail of bullets flew across

metal pedestal holding the giant brain; part of it rusted, and caused the forcefield to short-out. Alchemo immediately used the opportunity to

nailing it with his syringe-fingers and connecting to the alien machinery. Blue lightning raced through Alchemo’s exposed brain, his

then, the turrets abruptly stopped firing a single shot. The one that Ryan had

glancing at the turrets as if expecting

privileges and ID credentials, so it registers us

Ryan said, “so I would call this operation

but the information gathered on the defenses would serve him

screens around the mainframe showed videos of the bunker’s rooms, from the recreational area to the holographic observatory. Frank had piled up a hill of robots at the center, which somewhat obscured the camera’s vision of the room. Other screens showed underground labs, a futuristic armory,