The Perfect Run

“This is the Berlin Wall,” Ryan said, as he stood between his troops and a blast door, “the last frontier between western civilization, and complete annihilation.”

He glanced at his minions, all ready to die for their country, and because they had little choice. Sarin kept her arms crossed, carrying herself with dignity in this dark hour. Darkling lurked in a corner, still sore about its nickname. Alchemo grunted, eager to see the mission done. The rest of the cannon fodder, Gemini, the Reptilian, and Ink Machine waited anxiously; knowing that as red shirts, their odds of survival were slim.

The Land, Mosquito, and a few others remained above ground to protect the Junkyard. Rakshasa had the critical task of appeasing their ever-numerous rabbit overlords, before their numbers reached critical mass; a doomed task, unfortunately. As for Incognito, Ryan had sent him to Dynamis, to lay the groundwork for the run’s final operation.

The last member of the crack team soon showed up, holding a black briefcase. “It’s here, Mr. President,” Frank declared, as he presented the holy item to his dark master. “The Nuclear Football. It came with the mail.”

Ryan held his breath, as he touched the soft leather with anticipation. He had been careful to order it through a complex route, so the sender wouldn’t learn her client’s identity, but his efforts had paid off. At long last, the courier’s diabolical plan had reached fruition.

“What’s that, Boss?” Sarin asked, a bit confused. “A secret weapon?”

“The only one that matters.”

Ryan stopped time, and when it resumed, his clothes had fallen on the floor except for the boxers. His display of manliness was welcomed with surprise and shock. “Oh my…” Ink Machine said, a bit surprised.

“Not again, you exhibitionist!” Alchemo complained. “If you lead us to battle naked, I’m taking the door!”

“Eh,” Sarin said, as she glanced at Ryan’s boxers. “I’ve seen bigger weapons of mass destruction.”

The president ignored the masses, as he slowly opened the briefcase and gazed upon the dark power within.

Wardrobe’s presidential costume.

Unlike his previous clothes, it was pure black and red; this time, there would be no more playing around. This suit was unlike anything Ryan’s foes had faced before: unrelenting, merciless, uncompromising.

Ryan slowly and silently put it on before his troops, to establish his stylish dominance over them.

The dark pants first, because it was cold in the bunker. They fit his body curves perfectly, and oozed villainous sex appeal.

Then he put on the black leather boots, to stomp protesters’ faces. With skull-themed socks.

A cashmere red shirt and black suit, Karl Lagerfeld style. Because when you embraced the dark side, you dressed German.

A strong and powerful necktie, to represent his authoritarian, unflinching leadership.

Velvet gloves, to choke his minions when they talked back.

A black jacket, that would flow with the wind when he looked threatening atop rooftops.

A red and silver mask covered most of his head, except for the eyes, so that his evil gaze may terrify children.

And finally, a savage bowler hat, to show he meant business.

No light. No hope. Only one word.

“Perfect,” Ryan said, deepening his voice to sound more intimidating.

His men remained too intimidated to say anything, except for the idiot of the group. “I don’t find it anything special,” the Reptilian said. “And I think it’s a bit too edg—”

In response, Ryan choked him with one hand.

It had taken him years to master this move, but the sudden lack of air and blood brought the Reptilian to his knees. The mook attempted to grab the president’s arm with his hands, but the lawful authority only strengthened his grip around his victim’s throat.

“I find your lack of taste disturbing,” Ryan said, his tone promising only death.

“I’m… I’m sorry…” the Reptilian managed to sputter, his reptilian face turning purple.

“I’m sorry who, handbag?”

“I’m sorry… Mr. President…”

Ryan released the protester, and let him gasp for breath. He glanced at the other Psychos, who all straightened up. Frank carefully grabbed the president’s old clothes and put them in the briefcase.

“Alright then, mooks, listen up,” Ryan addressed his troops, as he put his trusty coil gun around his belt, and the Fisty Brothers on top of his velvet gloves. “Our goal is to reach the base’s mainframe thanks to a shortcut, and allow our brain-dead friend to hook up with it.”

“I’m not—”

“Are you questioning my authority?” Ryan asked Alchemo. “Because I respect freedom of speech.”

The Genius glanced at the Reptilian, who had barely recovered from the choking. “Two years,” Alchemo said, “and it’s still the same nonsense.”

“I love democracy.” Ryan promptly continued with his explanations. “Your job is to make sure he reaches his destination. Frank and Darkling will force a path forward, and we’ll follow suit.”

The steel giant immediately made a salute, having put the briefcase aside. “Yes, Mr. President.”

No answer from his back-up though.

“Darkling? Darkling?” Ryan glanced at his favorite ball of black goo. “Darkling, are you giving me the silent treatment?”

“... my name not Darkling...” the slime answered unconvincingly, its countless eyes looking away.

“Then what is it?” the president asked smugly.

“... not Darkling.”

Alright, Not-Darkling it was.

I would deliver a speech, but let’s be honest, a Psycho’s life is nasty, brutish, and short.”

circumstances that made it possible wouldn’t repeat, from Psyshock going to the past, Sarin acting as a guard, or Darkling using Ghoul as a vessel at the right time. Nor could the courier expect the plushie to play along and

the first time since Ryan had started looping, this run would be a one-shot.

the mainframe, after all, which meant that the things

this far without taking risks, and

stepped aside and raised his coil gun, “Sarin, be a dear and

day, I’ll show you a vibrator...” His second-in-command raised her hands, and blasted the steel door away with

was immediately welcomed with a hail of laser

grabbed Sarin, and pushed her out of the way before a stray ray could hit her. On the other side of the broken door, the courier

before bull-rushing the robot squadron. The giant crushed anything in his path, his body absorbing the machines’ metal

remained at their formation’s center, with

All hell broke loose.

bullet, as the walls opened to reveal twin miniguns on each side. A volley hit Ink Machine by surprise, but her liquid body caused the projectiles to pass through her

rest of the group, Ryan froze time and shot both weapons with his coil gun. Thankfully, the projectiles were

too closely. Ink Machine leaped around the room and used her liquid form to seep inside

truth upon closer examination: her tentacled shadow was the real her, and the shining woman a mere illusion. And that shadow could

the corridor’s lights suddenly increased in luminosity. Two robots moved their pitch-black shadows in such

nature of her power and figure

could learn. Worst of all, the way they moved, avoiding friendly fire,

a key target; perhaps because Ryan and the others focused on protecting the

at Alchemo, the shoggoth immediately switching from attacking robots to protecting the Genius. The ooze swirled around Alchemo like a

focused on Ryan. Five robots unleashed a volley of

opened my mouth?” Ryan taunted them while he activated his power. He leaped out of the

made a hole in his bowler hat the moment time resumed, infuriating him. Ryan angrily retaliated by shooting down the machines holding Gemini with his coil gun, freeing the Psycho.

next door. The new room beyond the hallway took the shape of a large dome, with

and opened fire at the group with submachine guns. Darkling immediately reshaped itself into a slimy barrier, shielding the entire group

Blast doors on the walls opened and more cyclopean androids

his metal body shrugging off lasers easily enough. Unfortunately, his

both to push his second-in-command out of a bullet’s path

rest of the group didn’t fare any better. Cyclopean robots were trying the same ‘shadow grab’ tactic their predecessors used on Gemini, except this time with greater numbers. Eight robots grabbed the Psycho’s shadow from all sides, and then started dismembering her. Gemini’s light body flickered out and collapsed in

and incinerated her with sustained laser beams. The liquid Psycho dissipated into colored steam, her

avoided death so far by staying

respite, near a junction between the dome’s

started targeting the

a defensive wall around her, Alchemo, Ryan, and the Reptilian. Only Frank was left out, but he clearly didn’t need help. Eventually, Hazmat Girl blew a wide hole

to the

now in full general mode, barked orders. “Reptilian, with us!” he ordered, while Sarin leaped into the

void. Frank and Darkling moved to cover the hole behind them,

glass containers. Each of them contained half-formed humanoid bodies, some with their organs floating in colored liquid; while they had human features, the creatures’ limbs were unnaturally

A Genome research lab.

what Ryan guessed to be Elixirs. The Reptilian, in particular, could barely restrain himself from

going next?” Sarin asked, pointing at two

Ryan instead glanced at a key point in the gallery’s right steel wall, right behind a green vat. If they

Ryan raised his eyes at the hole above his head. Thankfully, Darkling had wisely sealed the

to notice slight vibrations. “I sense something coming from the left. A robot, bigger than the

Ryan

would rather avoid that,

raised his hand to mimic a choking motion,

later, and a three meters-tall machine walked through. The creature looked like a vat on six steely spider legs, with two mechanical hands at the front. Crimson liquid swirled inside the vat, as an energy bolt raced through the substance; Ryan could see a tiny crimson spot at the center, a speck-sized portal leading to

robot, but never reached his target. The machine pointed

a telekinetic Genome. A true telekinetic, capable of

of

had turned its attention towards Ryan, raising a steel hand in his

the air, immediately moving away from his current position and firing

power?” Ryan taunted the machine, which answered by trying to slam him against a wall. Only the courier’s use of time-stop and enhanced timing allowed him to

by telekinetically ripping out steel panels from the walls,

machine. The courier might as well be speaking to a wall,

Fisty. He hoped it would disrupt its telekinesis; the courier couldn’t afford smashing the glass container in close combat,

been fashioned for war,

melted a tunnel and escaped inside with Alchemo. The courier tried to follow, but the machine attempted to grind him into paste with its remaining

that moment to slither through the ceiling’s hole, and fell directly on top

mere proximity negating the machine’s telekinesis like Alphonse Manada’s radiation. The shoggoth dissolved the Red Elixir inside the vat, absorbing the liquid and the

fled into the tunnel, leaving his pet

head. A red forcefield shielded the central, biomechanical brain, which Alchemo

turrets, help our brainy friend,” Ryan told Sarin, as he reloaded his coil gun and opened fire at a turret. A projectile went through the machine and caused it to

started riding it like a bull, forcefully aiming it at the other weapons in the room. A hail of bullets flew across

Chernobyl cosplayer released her gas at the metal pedestal holding the giant brain; part of it rusted, and caused the forcefield to short-out. Alchemo immediately used the opportunity to climb

his syringe-fingers and connecting to the alien machinery. Blue lightning raced

one that Ryan had seized deactivated, much to

over?” Sarin asked, glancing at the turrets as if expecting them

changing the admin privileges and ID credentials, so

Ryan said, “so I would call

redshirts, but the information gathered on the defenses would

the mainframe showed videos of the bunker’s rooms, from the recreational area to the holographic observatory. Frank had piled up a hill of robots at the center, which somewhat obscured the camera’s vision of the room. Other screens showed underground labs, a futuristic armory, and a