The Perfect Run

“This is the Berlin Wall,” Ryan said, as he stood between his troops and a blast door, “the last frontier between western civilization, and complete annihilation.”

He glanced at his minions, all ready to die for their country, and because they had little choice. Sarin kept her arms crossed, carrying herself with dignity in this dark hour. Darkling lurked in a corner, still sore about its nickname. Alchemo grunted, eager to see the mission done. The rest of the cannon fodder, Gemini, the Reptilian, and Ink Machine waited anxiously; knowing that as red shirts, their odds of survival were slim.

The Land, Mosquito, and a few others remained above ground to protect the Junkyard. Rakshasa had the critical task of appeasing their ever-numerous rabbit overlords, before their numbers reached critical mass; a doomed task, unfortunately. As for Incognito, Ryan had sent him to Dynamis, to lay the groundwork for the run’s final operation.

The last member of the crack team soon showed up, holding a black briefcase. “It’s here, Mr. President,” Frank declared, as he presented the holy item to his dark master. “The Nuclear Football. It came with the mail.”

Ryan held his breath, as he touched the soft leather with anticipation. He had been careful to order it through a complex route, so the sender wouldn’t learn her client’s identity, but his efforts had paid off. At long last, the courier’s diabolical plan had reached fruition.

“What’s that, Boss?” Sarin asked, a bit confused. “A secret weapon?”

“The only one that matters.”

Ryan stopped time, and when it resumed, his clothes had fallen on the floor except for the boxers. His display of manliness was welcomed with surprise and shock. “Oh my…” Ink Machine said, a bit surprised.

“Not again, you exhibitionist!” Alchemo complained. “If you lead us to battle naked, I’m taking the door!”

“Eh,” Sarin said, as she glanced at Ryan’s boxers. “I’ve seen bigger weapons of mass destruction.”

The president ignored the masses, as he slowly opened the briefcase and gazed upon the dark power within.

Wardrobe’s presidential costume.

Unlike his previous clothes, it was pure black and red; this time, there would be no more playing around. This suit was unlike anything Ryan’s foes had faced before: unrelenting, merciless, uncompromising.

Ryan slowly and silently put it on before his troops, to establish his stylish dominance over them.

The dark pants first, because it was cold in the bunker. They fit his body curves perfectly, and oozed villainous sex appeal.

Then he put on the black leather boots, to stomp protesters’ faces. With skull-themed socks.

A cashmere red shirt and black suit, Karl Lagerfeld style. Because when you embraced the dark side, you dressed German.

A strong and powerful necktie, to represent his authoritarian, unflinching leadership.

Velvet gloves, to choke his minions when they talked back.

A black jacket, that would flow with the wind when he looked threatening atop rooftops.

A red and silver mask covered most of his head, except for the eyes, so that his evil gaze may terrify children.

And finally, a savage bowler hat, to show he meant business.

No light. No hope. Only one word.

“Perfect,” Ryan said, deepening his voice to sound more intimidating.

His men remained too intimidated to say anything, except for the idiot of the group. “I don’t find it anything special,” the Reptilian said. “And I think it’s a bit too edg—”

In response, Ryan choked him with one hand.

It had taken him years to master this move, but the sudden lack of air and blood brought the Reptilian to his knees. The mook attempted to grab the president’s arm with his hands, but the lawful authority only strengthened his grip around his victim’s throat.

“I find your lack of taste disturbing,” Ryan said, his tone promising only death.

“I’m… I’m sorry…” the Reptilian managed to sputter, his reptilian face turning purple.

“I’m sorry who, handbag?”

“I’m sorry… Mr. President…”

Ryan released the protester, and let him gasp for breath. He glanced at the other Psychos, who all straightened up. Frank carefully grabbed the president’s old clothes and put them in the briefcase.

“Alright then, mooks, listen up,” Ryan addressed his troops, as he put his trusty coil gun around his belt, and the Fisty Brothers on top of his velvet gloves. “Our goal is to reach the base’s mainframe thanks to a shortcut, and allow our brain-dead friend to hook up with it.”

“I’m not—”

“Are you questioning my authority?” Ryan asked Alchemo. “Because I respect freedom of speech.”

The Genius glanced at the Reptilian, who had barely recovered from the choking. “Two years,” Alchemo said, “and it’s still the same nonsense.”

“I love democracy.” Ryan promptly continued with his explanations. “Your job is to make sure he reaches his destination. Frank and Darkling will force a path forward, and we’ll follow suit.”

The steel giant immediately made a salute, having put the briefcase aside. “Yes, Mr. President.”

No answer from his back-up though.

“Darkling? Darkling?” Ryan glanced at his favorite ball of black goo. “Darkling, are you giving me the silent treatment?”

“... my name not Darkling...” the slime answered unconvincingly, its countless eyes looking away.

“Then what is it?” the president asked smugly.

“... not Darkling.”

Alright, Not-Darkling it was.

nasty, brutish, and short.” Ryan put his hands on his waist, Darth Vader style. “Our

feel a little anxious about this operation. Many of the circumstances that made it possible wouldn’t repeat, from Psyshock going to the past, Sarin acting as a guard, or Darkling using Ghoul as a vessel at the right time. Nor could the courier expect the plushie to play along and stick

time since Ryan had started looping, this run would be

expected to face heavy resistance. Big Fat Adam had lost most of his men reaching the mainframe, after all, which meant that the things on the other side could kill

Ryan hadn’t gotten this far without taking risks, and Len needed

aside and raised his coil gun, “Sarin, be a dear and use

show you a vibrator...” His second-in-command raised her hands, and blasted the steel

immediately welcomed with a hail

pushed her out of the way before a stray ray could hit her. On the other side of the broken door, the courier glimpsed a squadron of cyclopean androids, each firing rays from their single eye. They had

as time resumed, before bull-rushing the robot squadron. The giant crushed anything in his path, his body

remained at their formation’s center, with the Psychos forming an escort around the

All hell broke loose.

as the walls opened to reveal twin miniguns on each side. A volley hit Ink Machine by

they could hit the rest of the group, Ryan froze time and shot both weapons with his coil gun. Thankfully, the projectiles were powerful enough to perforate the turrets, blowing large holes

Machine leaped around the room and used her liquid form to seep inside a robot and

examination: her tentacled shadow was the real

robots moved their pitch-black shadows in such a way, that they seemed to grab

as the robots’ shadows restrained Gemini’s own. It had only taken the machines a few minutes to guess the nature of her power and figure out a counter. They had also realized that Frank could absorb metal on touch, and switched from trying to

the way they moved, avoiding friendly fire, and coordinating almost perfectly… they weren’t individual units, but a

a key target;

at Alchemo, the shoggoth immediately switching from attacking robots to protecting the Genius. The ooze swirled around Alchemo like

Ryan. Five robots unleashed

the leader until I opened my mouth?” Ryan taunted them while he activated his power. He leaped out of the lasers’ way in the frozen time, before smashing the sixth robot’s chest in with Fisty. “Haven’t you looked at my

infuriating him. Ryan angrily retaliated by shooting down the machines holding Gemini with his coil gun, freeing the Psycho. Her shadow quickly tore the remaining

through the next door. The new room beyond the hallway took the shape of a large dome, with the ceiling layered with holographic projections representing

beautiful spectacle, as small holes opened all over the dome. Eye-shaped drones flew through, and opened fire

supernova and unleashing a blinding light. Blast doors on the walls opened and more cyclopean androids walked through,

ground-bound machines, his metal body shrugging off lasers easily enough. Unfortunately, his lack of

his second-in-command out of a bullet’s

‘shadow grab’ tactic their predecessors used on Gemini, except this time with greater numbers. Eight robots grabbed the Psycho’s shadow from all sides, and

other cyclopean machines had cornered Ink Machine, and incinerated her with sustained laser beams. The liquid Psycho dissipated into colored steam, her body unable to stand the

avoided death so far by staying

pointed at his left once he had a brief respite, near a junction between the

started targeting the spot with shockwaves. Cracks

to stop Sarin, but Darkling formed a defensive wall around her, Alchemo, Ryan, and the Reptilian. Only Frank was left out, but he clearly didn’t need

path to

us!” he ordered, while Sarin leaped into the hole. “Frank, Darkling, cover our

Frank and Darkling moved to cover the hole behind them, snatching any eye-drone attempting to follow through. The two titans remained

contained half-formed humanoid bodies, some with their organs floating in colored liquid; while they had human features, the

A Genome research lab.

on the walls filled the vats with what Ryan guessed to be Elixirs. The Reptilian, in particular, could barely restrain himself from drinking their

we going next?” Sarin asked, pointing at two blast doors. “Left or

gallery’s right steel wall, right behind a green vat. If they collapsed it, they would gain

rusted at an accelerated rate while Ryan raised his eyes at the hole above his head. Thankfully, Darkling had wisely sealed

enhanced senses allowed him to notice slight vibrations.

behind me,” Ryan said, pushing the Genius closer to

avoid that, Mr.

mimic a choking motion, and

at the front. Crimson liquid swirled inside the vat,

immediately rushed at the robot, but never reached his target. The machine pointed a hand at the Psycho, and a crimson glow lifted

true telekinetic, capable of applying

Ryan of a mosquito being crushed by a flyswatter, the mangled

towards

pressure in the air, immediately moving away from his current position and firing a shot. The coil gun’s projectile bounced off the strange glass protecting the red substance, much to

yourself with that power?” Ryan taunted the machine, which answered by trying to slam him against a wall. Only the courier’s use of time-stop and enhanced timing allowed him to avoid the Reptilian’s fate. “I

ripping out steel panels from the

banter with a mindless machine. The courier might as well be speaking to a wall, so he focused on avoiding the

hoped it would disrupt its telekinesis; the courier couldn’t afford smashing the glass container in close combat, or he might

war,

the machine attempted to grind him into paste with its remaining arm. Though the time-traveler managed to activate his time-stop and move away each time the creature started applying force around him, the robot blocked

Darkling chose that moment to slither through the ceiling’s hole, and fell directly on top

its black ooze, its mere proximity negating the machine’s telekinesis like Alphonse

fled into the tunnel, leaving his pet shoggoth

made his way into the bunker’s command room, crimson lights and screens flickering above his head. A red forcefield shielded the central, biomechanical brain, which Alchemo desperately attempted

of the turrets, help our brainy friend,” Ryan told Sarin, as he reloaded his coil gun and

power, Ryan reached a gatling turret and leaped at it. Then, he started riding it like a bull, forcefully aiming it at the other

gas at the metal pedestal holding the giant brain; part of it rusted, and caused the forcefield to short-out. Alchemo

previous loop, the Genius intertwined with the giant brain, nailing it with his syringe-fingers and connecting to the alien machinery. Blue lightning raced through Alchemo’s exposed brain, his

Ryan had seized deactivated, much

Sarin asked, glancing at the turrets as if

lukewarm. “I’m changing the admin privileges and ID credentials, so it registers

said, “so I would call this

might have lost a few redshirts, but the information gathered on the defenses would serve him

had piled up a hill of robots at the center, which somewhat obscured the camera’s vision of the room. Other