The Perfect Run

“This is the Berlin Wall,” Ryan said, as he stood between his troops and a blast door, “the last frontier between western civilization, and complete annihilation.”

He glanced at his minions, all ready to die for their country, and because they had little choice. Sarin kept her arms crossed, carrying herself with dignity in this dark hour. Darkling lurked in a corner, still sore about its nickname. Alchemo grunted, eager to see the mission done. The rest of the cannon fodder, Gemini, the Reptilian, and Ink Machine waited anxiously; knowing that as red shirts, their odds of survival were slim.

The Land, Mosquito, and a few others remained above ground to protect the Junkyard. Rakshasa had the critical task of appeasing their ever-numerous rabbit overlords, before their numbers reached critical mass; a doomed task, unfortunately. As for Incognito, Ryan had sent him to Dynamis, to lay the groundwork for the run’s final operation.

The last member of the crack team soon showed up, holding a black briefcase. “It’s here, Mr. President,” Frank declared, as he presented the holy item to his dark master. “The Nuclear Football. It came with the mail.”

Ryan held his breath, as he touched the soft leather with anticipation. He had been careful to order it through a complex route, so the sender wouldn’t learn her client’s identity, but his efforts had paid off. At long last, the courier’s diabolical plan had reached fruition.

“What’s that, Boss?” Sarin asked, a bit confused. “A secret weapon?”

“The only one that matters.”

Ryan stopped time, and when it resumed, his clothes had fallen on the floor except for the boxers. His display of manliness was welcomed with surprise and shock. “Oh my…” Ink Machine said, a bit surprised.

“Not again, you exhibitionist!” Alchemo complained. “If you lead us to battle naked, I’m taking the door!”

“Eh,” Sarin said, as she glanced at Ryan’s boxers. “I’ve seen bigger weapons of mass destruction.”

The president ignored the masses, as he slowly opened the briefcase and gazed upon the dark power within.

Wardrobe’s presidential costume.

Unlike his previous clothes, it was pure black and red; this time, there would be no more playing around. This suit was unlike anything Ryan’s foes had faced before: unrelenting, merciless, uncompromising.

Ryan slowly and silently put it on before his troops, to establish his stylish dominance over them.

The dark pants first, because it was cold in the bunker. They fit his body curves perfectly, and oozed villainous sex appeal.

Then he put on the black leather boots, to stomp protesters’ faces. With skull-themed socks.

A cashmere red shirt and black suit, Karl Lagerfeld style. Because when you embraced the dark side, you dressed German.

A strong and powerful necktie, to represent his authoritarian, unflinching leadership.

Velvet gloves, to choke his minions when they talked back.

A black jacket, that would flow with the wind when he looked threatening atop rooftops.

A red and silver mask covered most of his head, except for the eyes, so that his evil gaze may terrify children.

And finally, a savage bowler hat, to show he meant business.

No light. No hope. Only one word.

“Perfect,” Ryan said, deepening his voice to sound more intimidating.

His men remained too intimidated to say anything, except for the idiot of the group. “I don’t find it anything special,” the Reptilian said. “And I think it’s a bit too edg—”

In response, Ryan choked him with one hand.

It had taken him years to master this move, but the sudden lack of air and blood brought the Reptilian to his knees. The mook attempted to grab the president’s arm with his hands, but the lawful authority only strengthened his grip around his victim’s throat.

“I find your lack of taste disturbing,” Ryan said, his tone promising only death.

“I’m… I’m sorry…” the Reptilian managed to sputter, his reptilian face turning purple.

“I’m sorry who, handbag?”

“I’m sorry… Mr. President…”

Ryan released the protester, and let him gasp for breath. He glanced at the other Psychos, who all straightened up. Frank carefully grabbed the president’s old clothes and put them in the briefcase.

“Alright then, mooks, listen up,” Ryan addressed his troops, as he put his trusty coil gun around his belt, and the Fisty Brothers on top of his velvet gloves. “Our goal is to reach the base’s mainframe thanks to a shortcut, and allow our brain-dead friend to hook up with it.”

“I’m not—”

“Are you questioning my authority?” Ryan asked Alchemo. “Because I respect freedom of speech.”

The Genius glanced at the Reptilian, who had barely recovered from the choking. “Two years,” Alchemo said, “and it’s still the same nonsense.”

“I love democracy.” Ryan promptly continued with his explanations. “Your job is to make sure he reaches his destination. Frank and Darkling will force a path forward, and we’ll follow suit.”

The steel giant immediately made a salute, having put the briefcase aside. “Yes, Mr. President.”

No answer from his back-up though.

“Darkling? Darkling?” Ryan glanced at his favorite ball of black goo. “Darkling, are you giving me the silent treatment?”

“... my name not Darkling...” the slime answered unconvincingly, its countless eyes looking away.

“Then what is it?” the president asked smugly.

“... not Darkling.”

Alright, Not-Darkling it was.

be honest, a Psycho’s life is nasty, brutish, and short.” Ryan put his hands on his

the past, Sarin acting as a guard, or Darkling using Ghoul as a vessel at the right time. Nor could the courier expect the plushie to play along and stick to a

Ryan had started looping, this run would be a one-shot.

itinerary suggested by Nora, Ryan expected to face heavy resistance. Big Fat Adam had lost most of his men reaching the mainframe, after all, which meant that the things on the other side

this far without taking risks, and Len needed

his coil gun, “Sarin, be a dear and use

raised her hands, and

was immediately welcomed with a hail of

a stray ray could hit her. On the other side of the broken door, the courier glimpsed a squadron of cyclopean androids, each

before bull-rushing the robot squadron. The giant crushed anything in his path, his body absorbing

Ryan and Alchemo remained at their formation’s center, with the Psychos forming an escort around

All hell broke loose.

opened to reveal twin miniguns on each side. A volley hit Ink Machine by

the group, Ryan froze time and shot both weapons with his coil gun. Thankfully, the projectiles were powerful enough to perforate the turrets, blowing

approaching her too closely. Ink Machine leaped around the room and used her liquid form to seep inside a robot and take it over, using it as a

shining light at first glance, Ryan had realized the truth upon closer examination: her tentacled shadow was the real her, and the shining woman a mere

robots moved their pitch-black shadows

robots’ shadows restrained Gemini’s own. It had only taken the machines a few minutes to guess the nature of her power and figure out a counter. They had also realized that Frank

all, the way they moved, avoiding friendly fire, and coordinating almost perfectly… they weren’t individual units, but

minutes, that same intelligence had identified Alchemo as a key target; perhaps because Ryan and the others focused on protecting

Alchemo, the shoggoth immediately switching from attacking robots to protecting the Genius. The ooze swirled around Alchemo like a barrier without touching him,

Ryan. Five robots unleashed a volley of lasers in his direction, and a sixth

taunted them while he activated his power. He leaped out of the lasers’ way in the frozen time, before smashing the sixth robot’s chest in with Fisty. “Haven’t you

angrily retaliated by shooting down the machines holding Gemini

took the shape of a large dome, with the ceiling layered with holographic projections representing the solar system. Ryan noticed a red point in orbit

time to look at the beautiful spectacle, as small holes opened all over the dome. Eye-shaped drones flew through, and opened fire at the group with submachine guns. Darkling immediately reshaped itself

light. Blast doors on the walls

wall to protect Alchemo, Frank rampaged through the ground-bound machines, his metal body shrugging off lasers easily enough. Unfortunately,

his second-in-command out

trying the same ‘shadow grab’ tactic their predecessors used on Gemini, except this time with greater numbers. Eight

incinerated her with sustained laser beams. The liquid Psycho dissipated into

only avoided death so far by staying near

his left once he had a brief respite, near a junction between the dome’s wall and the floor.

and she started targeting the spot with shockwaves. Cracks slowly began to appear on the

stop Sarin, but Darkling formed a defensive wall around her, Alchemo, Ryan, and the Reptilian. Only Frank was left out, but he clearly didn’t need help. Eventually, Hazmat Girl blew a wide hole in the

to

barked orders. “Reptilian, with us!” he ordered, while Sarin leaped into the hole. “Frank, Darkling, cover

the void. Frank and Darkling moved to cover the hole behind them, snatching any eye-drone attempting

his allies landed in a strange, ghastly gallery of vats and glass containers. Each of them contained half-formed humanoid bodies, some with their organs floating in colored liquid; while they had human features, the creatures’ limbs were unnaturally long, and part of their faces had

A Genome research lab.

with what Ryan guessed to be

Sarin asked, pointing at

gallery’s right steel wall, right behind a

moved in front of a steel panel, and released colored gas from her fingers. The wall rusted at an accelerated rate while Ryan raised his eyes at the hole above

allowed him to notice slight vibrations. “I sense something

boss at the end. “Braindead, behind me,” Ryan said, pushing the Genius closer to Sarin. “Reptilian, hold the line. It’s time

would rather avoid that, Mr. President,” the reptile

a choking motion,

two mechanical hands at the front. Crimson liquid swirled inside the vat, as an energy bolt raced through the

rushed at the robot, but never reached his target. The machine pointed a hand at the Psycho, and a crimson

A true telekinetic, capable of applying force to anything with Red

the Psycho. The scene reminded Ryan of a

now, the thing had turned its attention towards

the moment he sensed pressure in the air, immediately moving away from his current position and firing a shot. The coil gun’s projectile bounced off the strange glass protecting the red substance,

machine, which answered by trying to slam him against a wall. Only the courier’s use of time-stop and enhanced timing allowed him to avoid the

ripping out steel panels

as well be speaking to a wall, so he focused on avoiding the projectiles and closing

at the joints, snapping it in half with Fisty. He hoped it would disrupt its telekinesis; the courier couldn’t afford smashing the glass container in close combat, or he might risk being drenched in Elixir. The arm fell off when time resumed, but the robot instantly retaliated by trying to impale the courier with its

had been fashioned for war, and

Ryan’s diversion, Sarin had melted a tunnel and escaped inside with Alchemo. The courier tried to follow, but the machine attempted to grind him into paste with its remaining arm. Though the time-traveler managed to activate his time-stop and move away each time the creature started applying force around him, the robot blocked the

chose that moment to slither through the ceiling’s hole,

with its black ooze, its mere proximity negating the machine’s telekinesis like Alphonse Manada’s radiation. The shoggoth dissolved the

friend!” Ryan said as he fled into the

minute later, the courier made his way into the bunker’s command room, crimson lights and screens flickering above his head. A

of the turrets, help our brainy friend,” Ryan told Sarin, as he reloaded his coil gun and opened fire at a turret. A projectile went through the machine and caused it

reached a gatling turret and leaped at it. Then, he started riding it like a bull, forcefully aiming it at the other weapons in the room. A hail of bullets flew across the room once

Ryan provided suppressing fire, the Chernobyl cosplayer released her gas at the metal pedestal holding the giant brain; part of it rusted,

connecting to the alien machinery.

one that Ryan had

turrets as

admin privileges and ID credentials, so

said, “so I would call this

few redshirts, but the information gathered on

the screens around the mainframe showed videos of the bunker’s rooms, from the recreational area to the holographic observatory. Frank had piled up a hill of robots at the center, which somewhat obscured the camera’s vision of the room. Other screens showed underground labs, a futuristic armory, and a miniature