The Perfect Run

“This is the Berlin Wall,” Ryan said, as he stood between his troops and a blast door, “the last frontier between western civilization, and complete annihilation.”

He glanced at his minions, all ready to die for their country, and because they had little choice. Sarin kept her arms crossed, carrying herself with dignity in this dark hour. Darkling lurked in a corner, still sore about its nickname. Alchemo grunted, eager to see the mission done. The rest of the cannon fodder, Gemini, the Reptilian, and Ink Machine waited anxiously; knowing that as red shirts, their odds of survival were slim.

The Land, Mosquito, and a few others remained above ground to protect the Junkyard. Rakshasa had the critical task of appeasing their ever-numerous rabbit overlords, before their numbers reached critical mass; a doomed task, unfortunately. As for Incognito, Ryan had sent him to Dynamis, to lay the groundwork for the run’s final operation.

The last member of the crack team soon showed up, holding a black briefcase. “It’s here, Mr. President,” Frank declared, as he presented the holy item to his dark master. “The Nuclear Football. It came with the mail.”

Ryan held his breath, as he touched the soft leather with anticipation. He had been careful to order it through a complex route, so the sender wouldn’t learn her client’s identity, but his efforts had paid off. At long last, the courier’s diabolical plan had reached fruition.

“What’s that, Boss?” Sarin asked, a bit confused. “A secret weapon?”

“The only one that matters.”

Ryan stopped time, and when it resumed, his clothes had fallen on the floor except for the boxers. His display of manliness was welcomed with surprise and shock. “Oh my…” Ink Machine said, a bit surprised.

“Not again, you exhibitionist!” Alchemo complained. “If you lead us to battle naked, I’m taking the door!”

“Eh,” Sarin said, as she glanced at Ryan’s boxers. “I’ve seen bigger weapons of mass destruction.”

The president ignored the masses, as he slowly opened the briefcase and gazed upon the dark power within.

Wardrobe’s presidential costume.

Unlike his previous clothes, it was pure black and red; this time, there would be no more playing around. This suit was unlike anything Ryan’s foes had faced before: unrelenting, merciless, uncompromising.

Ryan slowly and silently put it on before his troops, to establish his stylish dominance over them.

The dark pants first, because it was cold in the bunker. They fit his body curves perfectly, and oozed villainous sex appeal.

Then he put on the black leather boots, to stomp protesters’ faces. With skull-themed socks.

A cashmere red shirt and black suit, Karl Lagerfeld style. Because when you embraced the dark side, you dressed German.

A strong and powerful necktie, to represent his authoritarian, unflinching leadership.

Velvet gloves, to choke his minions when they talked back.

A black jacket, that would flow with the wind when he looked threatening atop rooftops.

A red and silver mask covered most of his head, except for the eyes, so that his evil gaze may terrify children.

And finally, a savage bowler hat, to show he meant business.

No light. No hope. Only one word.

“Perfect,” Ryan said, deepening his voice to sound more intimidating.

His men remained too intimidated to say anything, except for the idiot of the group. “I don’t find it anything special,” the Reptilian said. “And I think it’s a bit too edg—”

In response, Ryan choked him with one hand.

It had taken him years to master this move, but the sudden lack of air and blood brought the Reptilian to his knees. The mook attempted to grab the president’s arm with his hands, but the lawful authority only strengthened his grip around his victim’s throat.

“I find your lack of taste disturbing,” Ryan said, his tone promising only death.

“I’m… I’m sorry…” the Reptilian managed to sputter, his reptilian face turning purple.

“I’m sorry who, handbag?”

“I’m sorry… Mr. President…”

Ryan released the protester, and let him gasp for breath. He glanced at the other Psychos, who all straightened up. Frank carefully grabbed the president’s old clothes and put them in the briefcase.

“Alright then, mooks, listen up,” Ryan addressed his troops, as he put his trusty coil gun around his belt, and the Fisty Brothers on top of his velvet gloves. “Our goal is to reach the base’s mainframe thanks to a shortcut, and allow our brain-dead friend to hook up with it.”

“I’m not—”

“Are you questioning my authority?” Ryan asked Alchemo. “Because I respect freedom of speech.”

The Genius glanced at the Reptilian, who had barely recovered from the choking. “Two years,” Alchemo said, “and it’s still the same nonsense.”

“I love democracy.” Ryan promptly continued with his explanations. “Your job is to make sure he reaches his destination. Frank and Darkling will force a path forward, and we’ll follow suit.”

The steel giant immediately made a salute, having put the briefcase aside. “Yes, Mr. President.”

No answer from his back-up though.

“Darkling? Darkling?” Ryan glanced at his favorite ball of black goo. “Darkling, are you giving me the silent treatment?”

“... my name not Darkling...” the slime answered unconvincingly, its countless eyes looking away.

“Then what is it?” the president asked smugly.

“... not Darkling.”

Alright, Not-Darkling it was.

is nasty, brutish, and short.” Ryan put his hands on his waist, Darth Vader style. “Our fists and

it possible wouldn’t repeat, from Psyshock going to the past, Sarin acting as a guard, or Darkling using Ghoul as a vessel at the right time. Nor could the courier expect the plushie to play

first time since Ryan had started looping, this

had memorized the shortcut itinerary suggested by Nora, Ryan expected to face heavy resistance. Big Fat Adam had lost most of his men reaching the mainframe, after all, which meant that the things on the other side could kill Genomes. One laser to the head, a single fluke, and this run would

hadn’t gotten this far without taking risks, and

aside and raised his coil gun, “Sarin, be a dear and use your

her hands, and

immediately welcomed with

out of the way before a stray ray could hit her. On the other side of the broken door, the courier glimpsed a squadron of cyclopean androids, each firing

squadron. The giant crushed anything in his path, his body absorbing the machines’

Alchemo remained at their formation’s center, with the Psychos forming an escort around the

All hell broke loose.

a step before he had to dodge a bullet, as the walls opened to reveal twin miniguns on each side. A

they could hit the rest of the group, Ryan froze time and shot both weapons with his coil gun. Thankfully, the projectiles

Frank by blasting away robots with shockwaves, with the Reptilian tackling any tin can approaching her too closely. Ink Machine

an ethereal woman of shining light at first glance, Ryan had realized the truth upon closer examination: her tentacled shadow was the real her, and the shining woman a mere illusion. And that shadow could kill. When it hit the

suddenly increased in luminosity. Two robots moved their pitch-black shadows in such a way, that they

few minutes to guess the nature of her power and figure out a counter. They had also realized that Frank could absorb metal on touch, and

learn. Worst of all, the way they moved, avoiding friendly fire, and coordinating almost perfectly… they weren’t individual

had identified Alchemo as a key target;

to protecting the Genius. The ooze swirled around

focused on Ryan. Five robots unleashed a volley of lasers in his

the leader until I opened my mouth?” Ryan taunted them while he activated his power. He leaped out of the lasers’ way in the frozen time, before smashing the sixth

him. Ryan angrily retaliated by shooting down the machines holding Gemini with his coil gun, freeing the Psycho. Her shadow quickly tore the remaining

room beyond the hallway took the shape of a large

dome. Eye-shaped drones flew through, and opened

illusory sun turning supernova and unleashing a blinding light. Blast

ground-bound machines, his metal body shrugging off lasers easily enough. Unfortunately, his lack of

time, both to push his second-in-command out of a bullet’s path and

any better. Cyclopean robots were trying the same ‘shadow grab’ tactic their predecessors used on Gemini, except this time with greater numbers. Eight robots grabbed the Psycho’s shadow from all sides, and then started dismembering her.

Machine, and incinerated her with sustained laser beams. The liquid Psycho dissipated into colored steam, her

Reptilian had only avoided death so far

spot!” Ryan pointed at his left once he had a brief respite, near a junction between

she started targeting the spot with shockwaves. Cracks slowly began to appear on the floor, the metal foundations floundering under the

her, Alchemo, Ryan, and the Reptilian. Only Frank

to the

he

into the void. Frank and Darkling moved to cover the hole behind them, snatching any eye-drone attempting to follow through. The two

strange, ghastly gallery of vats and glass containers. Each of them contained half-formed humanoid bodies, some with their organs floating in colored liquid; while they had human features, the creatures’ limbs were unnaturally long, and part of their

A Genome research lab.

filled the vats with what Ryan guessed to be Elixirs. The Reptilian, in particular, could barely restrain himself from drinking their

pointing at

steel wall, right behind

from her fingers. The wall rusted at an accelerated rate while Ryan raised his eyes at the hole above his head. Thankfully, Darkling had

senses allowed him to notice slight vibrations. “I sense

at the end. “Braindead, behind me,” Ryan said, pushing the Genius closer to

that, Mr. President,” the reptile

hand to mimic a choking motion, and the mook rediscovered his

meters-tall machine walked through. The creature looked like a vat on six steely spider legs, with two mechanical hands at the front.

immediately rushed at the robot, but never reached his target. The machine pointed a hand at the Psycho, and a crimson glow lifted him

true telekinetic, capable of applying force to

ceiling with such force, it flattened the Psycho. The scene reminded Ryan of a mosquito being crushed by a flyswatter, the

turned its attention towards Ryan, raising a steel hand in

current position and firing a shot. The coil gun’s projectile bounced off the

him against a wall. Only the courier’s use of time-stop and enhanced timing

out steel panels from the walls, and throwing them at

fun to banter with a mindless machine. The courier might as well be speaking to a wall, so he focused on avoiding the

courier couldn’t afford smashing the glass container

war,

had melted a tunnel and escaped inside with Alchemo. The courier tried to follow, but the machine attempted to grind him into paste with its remaining arm. Though

Darkling chose that moment to slither through the ceiling’s hole, and fell

negating the machine’s telekinesis like Alphonse Manada’s radiation. The

he fled into the tunnel, leaving his pet shoggoth to

the bunker’s command room, crimson lights and screens flickering above his head. A red forcefield shielded the central, biomechanical brain, which Alchemo desperately attempted to bypass. Sarin,

friend,” Ryan told Sarin, as he reloaded his coil gun and opened fire at a turret. A projectile went through the machine and

aiming it at the other weapons in the room. A hail of bullets flew

at the metal pedestal holding the giant brain; part of it rusted, and caused the forcefield to short-out.

his syringe-fingers and connecting to the alien

the turrets abruptly stopped firing a single shot. The one that Ryan had seized deactivated, much to his disappointment. He

it over?” Sarin asked, glancing at the turrets

admin privileges and ID credentials,

can’t hear tremors or gunfire,” Ryan said, “so I

have lost a few redshirts, but the

rooms, from the recreational area to the holographic observatory. Frank had piled up a hill of robots at the