The Perfect Run

For the first time in centuries, Ryan woke up at peace with himself.

Certainly, he had had good mornings in the past. Waking up next to Jasmine would remain one of his most cherished memories. But nothing could compare to this beautiful moment. His body was numb from the endorphins; the tension in his muscles had long vanished. He could have stayed in his bed all day, smiling at the ceiling.

Ryan Romano was happy.

It took a herculean effort of will to rise up and put on his presidential costume, for he still had work to do. As he dressed, the courier glanced at the hole a robot made in his bowler hat. One loop ago, the cruel sight would have triggered an epic, city-destroying rampage.

But not today.

Ryan emerged from his room smiling behind his mask, and found Frank keeping watch in front of the doors. The giant immediately welcomed him with a military salute. “Good morning, Mr. President. Nothing to report.”

Ryan smiled at the poor, deluded creature, his heart full of warmth and compassion. “Agent Frank,” he said while putting a hand on the man’s back, though he had to stand on his toes. “You are the greatest hero this nation’s ever had. You are everything an American citizen should be.”

His kind words shook the titan to the core. Frank would have cried, if he wasn’t made of metal. “Thank you, Mr. President. Everything I do is to honor my father. He died from a KFC overdose while hanging Nazis with a lasso.”

“A most American way to die. He would be so proud of you, son.”

Though Ryan would have to make sure Frank and Len never ended up in the same room. He had the intuition it would backfire.

Leaving his favorite guard to his watch, Ryan moved into the recreational area while whistling to himself. He didn’t care about the hanged gremlins dangling from the ceiling, or how Rakshasa struggled to clean up a blood puddle on the floor.

Everything just felt… right.

“Oh, you’re awake, boss?” Ryan glanced at the speaker, noticing Sarin playing pool with Mosquito. The bugman had bandages all over his shoulders and wings. “We’ve got a problem. The rabbits kept pestering the kids to play outside, and they moved into the Junkyard after killing all the gremlins.”

“They flogged me when I tried to stop them,” Mosquito complained, pointing at the bandages. “They flogged me.”

“That too.”

“It’s okay,” Ryan replied calmly. If the plushies didn’t destroy the world today, it would be something else, like an asteroid or a plague. No biggie.

Hazmat Girl didn’t look convinced. “Didn’t you stress that your rabbits shouldn’t go outside under any circumsta—”

“My dear lovely Sarin.” Ryan put his hands on his VP’s shoulders. “Everything is going to be fine. I promise you, darling.”

“Are you high?” she asked while abandoning her cue, sounding disgusted with her superior. “I know we have a juice production facility, but… what’s the saying…”

“Don’t get high on your own product. I know, I ran a drug cartel.” Which turned out great! “Sarin, I have something to say. You’re not the best sidekick I had, that would be the but I like you. I like you very much.”

Sarin pushed Ryan back and raised a vibrating fist in his direction. He had opened his heart to her, and that was how she reacted? “Okay, what’s wrong with you? You’re weirder than usual.”

“I feel like being nice today,” Ryan said, letting out a sigh of pure bliss. “No cruel joke, no sarcasm, no mean remarks. Just pure kindness.”

“Well get back to normal, you’re creeping the shit out of me.”

“I prefer him this way,” Mosquito said, immediately trying to exploit the situation. “Does that mean we get free juice today, since you’re in a good mood?”

“Of course, dear leech,” Ryan said, the bugman loudly rejoicing. “Enjoy your day off, my friends. For tomorrow, we’ll go to war.”

Manada’s ultimatum expired the day after, and while Ryan had a plan to get rid of him, it would involve a clash with Il Migliore. Perhaps even the Carnival, if the two groups already made contact during this loop.

Now that the president had secured his white house and electoral base, he would take the city by storm.

The elevator to the lower levels opened before Ryan could explain his plan to his trusty minions. Mongrel stepped out first, followed by a blonde woman with bloodshot eyes. She kept her head down and avoided others’ gazes, as if afraid of overstepping.

It took Ryan a split second to recognize Acid Rain.

Her behavior, her posture, the way she moved… everything but her appearance had changed. She gave off an entirely different vibe than the murderous madwoman the courier had grown used to. Her posture screamed meek.

“Rain?” Mosquito asked, probably expecting the violent maniac to flip out and murder them. “Rain, is that you?”

“I’m, uh… I’m Helen.” Even her voice wasn’t the same, now that she didn’t scream all the time. “That’s my real name. Helen.”

“Who let you out?” Sarin asked, pointing her hands at her.

“The Doc. He said I… that the treatment worked.” Acid Rain scratched the back of her head as everyone looked at her in shock, before smiling sheepishly at Ryan. “Sorry I tried to kill you before. I… I wasn’t thinking straight.”

Sarin lowered her gauntlets. “I’m just happy you still have all your

too,” Mongrel spoke, his voice surprising in

in his direction.

though my brain hurts when I speak.” Mongrel held his head in his hand. “I think my grey

feel like I’m waking up from a long nightmare,” Acid Rain said, smiling at Ryan. “Thanks for helping. I… I’m truly

current treatment won’t last forever, from what I gathered,” Mongrel

enhanced metabolisms meant they developed a tolerance to chemical products much quicker than normal humans. Eventually, their mutations would adapt

was the worst-case scenario, and Ryan knew he would make it right. “We have the tools to figure out a permanent solution,” he said, glancing at Mongrel. “I have the feeling we’ll need your

“I don’t wanna go back to eating rats, ya dig? Never asked for

pointed out, unsympathetic to his plight. “You were already barely better than a dog when Adam found

other Genomes, but I couldn’t get my power to work. So I figured, hey, there’s gotta be faulty

a knockoff since you believed yourself powerless,

than one Elixir. By itself, it did nothing. Much like how Casper the ghost only transformed post-mortem,

find a cure, I’m never touching an Elixir

either?” Mosquito asked Acid Rain. “You gutted our previous teleporter in a fit of

young woman shook her head, her eyes betraying her horror. “I… that wasn’t me. I…

the opportunity to interrogate her. “In your insane state, you kept rambling about how I barred the gates, and that something

as a madwoman. “Well, I don’t remember everything.

portal?” Ryan frowned behind

from the outside,

teleport, using it as a shortcut through space.” It explained why their

a deep breath. “I hear voices too. I’m not sure if it’s talking to me, or something else, but… I hear people speaking. When I look at you in

is, I have been able to open a gate to the Purple World in the past, but only with

head perked up in hope. “You could… you could go back in time with that place. I know you could. It’s… all of space and time, it all goes

though he beamed with happiness, he was careful enough

I’ve lost my family because of a… because of a mistake,” Helen said, joining her fingers and looking down. “That’s why I looked for a

drank a Violet Elixir, in spite

her head, her face turning ghastly, her fingers shaking. “I found one, but… I thought I could give it to a friend. That maybe they would luck out. But Adam... Adam caught me and... he took the Violet Elixir, and

him of a

So he… opened the bottle and...” Her

listened to her tale, and suddenly realized that Hannifat

It was a habit.

people into broken shells of their former selves, until

access the Purple World, according to Darkling, the Ultimate One would preserve causality and avoid time-paradoxes.

it made Ryan feel sorry for Acid Rain, of all people. She gathered her breath, and managed

Augusti?” Mosquito suggested. Did he rediscover an ember of humanity? “I heard

stupid jackass,” Sarin said, before returning to the pool game. She wasn’t one for emotional moments. “Anyone

at the dead gremlins dangling from the ceiling. “Also, why are there dead hanged animals above the

lucky charms,” Sarin said, as she

that moment to roll into the room, avoiding a blood puddle and immediately rushing at Acid Rain’s feet. “Hey, blondie,” the toaster greeted Helen, as it put on

in absolute confusion, and

like your bread raw, I’ve got butter,” Toasty said seductively. His game was atrocious, but then again,

don’t have arms?” Ryan pointed

Toasty replied. “When are you

“Tomorrow, my friend. Tomorrow.”

destroyed robots and

had never fought a

mooks on his devilish plan, Ryan moved

modest Genius workshop in one of the underground chambers close to the holographic dome. Ryan had disabled the cameras and microphones for privacy, which Alchemo took as a sign he did dirty things with

the room used to be an archive of some sort. A holographic projector at the chamber’s center showed a map of planet Earth, with half a dozen glowing

on the brain-copying machine. She

eyes, but not today. She looked as well-rested as Ryan himself, and her

I… I feel good. Alchemo gave me pills, and they work

If the courier learned how to reproduce his miracle drugs, he

Ryan asked, looking at this device with reverence. It had saved him from centuries of loneliness. “Now we proved it works and Psyshock won’t follow us

this loop would probably end with

Sarah, and how she had never seen

sat on the workbench. “Now we can bring more people into

in time at once. Maybe I can improve it and raise

said, quickly understanding the method’s limits. “And we’ll need to rebuild the machine and send you back each time in an

can store the memories,” Len confirmed