Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

58. His hearing

Ava

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Have you ever felt like you’re just living through the motions? Like nothing and no one around you

is real? I googled it. G****e said it was a form of dissociating. It happens especially with adults who had childhood traumas. It’s a coping mechanism where the person separates him or herself from what’s hurting or causing them stress.

After I read that, I realized that maybe Letty was right. Maybe I did need help. Professional help. Maybe I should start seeing a therapist. I know I have issues. Deep seated traumas that I haven’t been able to work through.

Sighing, I stand up and start pacing the room. My mind was racing and no matter what, I couldn’t settle down. I’ve pushed everyone away since that time when everyone was at my house. I’ve refused to take calls or talk to anyone.

I just wanted to be left alone. To process everything on my own. Sometimes I feel the weight of everything falling on me and it’s just hard. It becomes too much to handle some times and I’m left feeling hollow and empty inside.

My phones rings, cutting through the silent space. I check the caller Id, it was Brian calling. I know why. Today is Ethan’s trial and he wanted me to come and testify against him. Just like I couldn’t press charges, I also couldn’t testify. (3)

I’m not condoning what Ethan did. He did some pretty messed up things, but I just can’t bring myself to put a nail on his coffin. Every time I’ve thought about going ahead and pressing charges or testifying, every good moment we’ve shared comes to my mind and I immediately withdraw from the thoughts.

Ethan, the Ethan I knew, was good to me. He made me feel good, and not just S**ually. He brought out a side of me I never knew and taught to me embrace it. That’s why his betrayal hurts so much. 1

With Rowan, I always knew he didn’t like me. Even when we were younger, he tolerated me because I was Emma and Travis‘ sister. Yes he hurt me and it broke my heart, but deep down I always knew it was to be expected. His hate for me, no matter how painful wasn’t new.

When it comes to Ethan though, it’s painful because I never expected he would hurt me. I thought we were on the same page. I thought that he felt the same way. I thought his feelings and actions towards me weren’t tainted. It hurt because it turned out to be a lie. It hurt because I never saw it

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I should have though. Everyone in my life, except Noah, has hurt me. I was now even doubting

Letty and my new found parents. How do I know they don’t have ulterior motives? How do I know

they won’t hurt me or betray me? How do I know they’re not just playing me?

The fucking questions never leave me and it was driving me insane.

Tired of pacing and driving myself crazy, I take a hat, sunglasses, my car keys and then I leave. I

start driving not really sure where I was going.

I don’t know how I end up at the court house, but it’s only after I park my car that I realize where I

1. and frown. Maybe subconsciously this is where I was

all along.

myself as I put my

car and walk slowly towards the building. I was giving myself time to back out. I don’t though, instead

here to see him

Theo managed to keep his hearing and wrong doings

their company image. Thought a part of me

that for

numbers until I get to the one that

goodness it doesn’t

was here.

take the furthest seat. I fix my disguise, just to make

is okay before silencing

Officer Brian gives

My parents were right behind him. On

on the left

had more people. Some of the cops

I didn’t expect him here. He did hate Ethan though,

enemies crash

setting, I realize that I was seated on

2/4

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plead against the charges by the police department?” the

seems to be in her sixties asks.

whispers in his lawyer’s ears before

he says in

may continue” she says and Brian

didn’t see anything wrong and he never questioned anything because of the transfer. It all

Letty. Travis didn’t say much. He only talked about Ethan’s friendship with Letty. Letty

missing

has testified the judge takes a break and then comes back

no need to prolong this hearing given the accused has already pleaded guilty

levelled

you, you’re going

years for kidnapping, two years for falsifying documents and fifteen years for murder attempt with

hits her gavel

at hearing his sentence. Twenty one years

time. 2

Ethan one

tear makes its way down my cheek. I honestly didn’t know what to

really think I wouldn’t be able to recognize