Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

58. His hearing

Ava

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Have you ever felt like you’re just living through the motions? Like nothing and no one around you

is real? I googled it. G****e said it was a form of dissociating. It happens especially with adults who had childhood traumas. It’s a coping mechanism where the person separates him or herself from what’s hurting or causing them stress.

After I read that, I realized that maybe Letty was right. Maybe I did need help. Professional help. Maybe I should start seeing a therapist. I know I have issues. Deep seated traumas that I haven’t been able to work through.

Sighing, I stand up and start pacing the room. My mind was racing and no matter what, I couldn’t settle down. I’ve pushed everyone away since that time when everyone was at my house. I’ve refused to take calls or talk to anyone.

I just wanted to be left alone. To process everything on my own. Sometimes I feel the weight of everything falling on me and it’s just hard. It becomes too much to handle some times and I’m left feeling hollow and empty inside.

My phones rings, cutting through the silent space. I check the caller Id, it was Brian calling. I know why. Today is Ethan’s trial and he wanted me to come and testify against him. Just like I couldn’t press charges, I also couldn’t testify. (3)

I’m not condoning what Ethan did. He did some pretty messed up things, but I just can’t bring myself to put a nail on his coffin. Every time I’ve thought about going ahead and pressing charges or testifying, every good moment we’ve shared comes to my mind and I immediately withdraw from the thoughts.

Ethan, the Ethan I knew, was good to me. He made me feel good, and not just S**ually. He brought out a side of me I never knew and taught to me embrace it. That’s why his betrayal hurts so much. 1

With Rowan, I always knew he didn’t like me. Even when we were younger, he tolerated me because I was Emma and Travis‘ sister. Yes he hurt me and it broke my heart, but deep down I always knew it was to be expected. His hate for me, no matter how painful wasn’t new.

When it comes to Ethan though, it’s painful because I never expected he would hurt me. I thought we were on the same page. I thought that he felt the same way. I thought his feelings and actions towards me weren’t tainted. It hurt because it turned out to be a lie. It hurt because I never saw it

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I should have though. Everyone in my life, except Noah, has hurt me. I was now even doubting

Letty and my new found parents. How do I know they don’t have ulterior motives? How do I know

they won’t hurt me or betray me? How do I know they’re not just playing me?

The fucking questions never leave me and it was driving me insane.

Tired of pacing and driving myself crazy, I take a hat, sunglasses, my car keys and then I leave. I

start driving not really sure where I was going.

I don’t know how I end up at the court house, but it’s only after I park my car that I realize where I

1. look at my hat and sunglasses and

all along.

damn crazy” I tell myself as I put my

the building. I was giving myself time to back out. I don’t though, instead I walk through the

to see him

and wrong doings from leaking to the media.

of damage that would do to their company image. Thought a part of me tells

that for

until I get to

open the door. Thank goodness it doesn’t make a

was here.

furthest seat. I fix my

is okay before silencing

as Chief Officer Brian gives

lawyer. My parents were right behind him. On

was on the left

side had more people. Some of the cops were

hate Ethan though, and Rowan is the kind who

enemies

setting, I realize that I was seated on

2/4

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how does your client plead against the charges by the police department?”

who seems to be in

in his lawyer’s ears

he says in

then, you may continue” she says and Brian

to talking. He tells the courtroom how Ethan came here a few months back. That they got his transfer papers to their station. He didn’t see anything wrong and he never questioned anything because of the transfer. It all seemed in order so they just took him. He also seemed to know what he was doing so

Then Travis and finally Letty. Travis didn’t say much. He only talked about Ethan’s friendship with Letty. Letty talked about the role he played in my life and how

Not missing

takes a break and then comes back after a

need to prolong this hearing given the accused has

levelled

Howell, for the case leveled against you, you’re going to receive

police officer, two years for kidnapping, two years for falsifying documents and fifteen years for

gavel and stands

my heart at hearing his sentence.

time. 2

at Ethan one more time before slipping out the door.

tear makes its way down my cheek. I honestly didn’t know what

think I wouldn’t be able to recognize you, Ava?”